Mish-Mash!

Mish-Mash is a Yiddish word which means mixture, a medley or even a jumble. It is related by the German roots of the Yiddish language to the German word misch of similar meaning. As a woman born and raised in New York with its’ patchwork of languages that big linguistic melting pot had to offer, I often heard that word growing up among others. You would hear Puerto Ricans, Colombians, Italians, Irish and obviously Jewish people use this word whenever something was unclear or confusing. Could there ever be enough words to adequately express the notion of life’s jumble?

That’s what this blog post is about today. It is a mish-mash of so many things. Why? I guess it is a work-through of writers block that I have had lately. Not because I have nothing to say but, because I have too much to say and it is all in a sort of Mish-Mash in my mind. There is so much going on at every level: personally, locally, nationally, internationally and then there’s the spiritual realm which permeates it all.

Let’s start with Nepal. The glacier collapse and ensuing avalanche, mudslide and flood touched so many all over the world and I have a few points of connection to this story. My husband met an Indian man named Caleb* at his summer church convention that I spoke of in previous posts. He bonded with him both professionally and spiritually. The bond began because of a shared career background in tech, and continued with the sharing of their foundational belief in God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit and the witness they shared. My husband and I love reading. We read in our individual areas of interest and we read aloud books to one another. We have just completed an old read, Black Narcissus by Rumer Godden. Thoughts of Nepal, past and present wafted through our minds. 

Then, Caleb told my husband the story of his life including his call from God to leave the tech field and to serve at a church in Nepal. There are no accidents in God’s world. My husband knew that he met Caleb for a reason and he wanted to be supportive of him in any way that he could. The two of them decided to exchange information and keep in touch. As Caleb’s dream seemed close to fruition the terrible mudslides occurred in the region that he should be traveling to. My husband reached out to talk about what had happened and what Caleb’s plans might be now. Our church has been praying for the people of Nepal and immediately took up a collection to try in a small way to show our love. There are church members there who can assist in the immediacy of the event. This natural disaster has changed everything for so many including Caleb. We continue to pray for Caleb, the relief workers, the survivors and the nation of Nepal.

In the Mish-Mash of events in my mind, I have spent a lot of time, way too much time, thinking and reading about Iran, Israel, the United States and the paradigm shift in the Middle East. It seems something is about to be born over there, but what is it? New regimes, new alliances, new business deals, war or peace? Something’s gotta give doesn’t it? I am half-way through a book about Iran. It was published from Princeton University Press but, the editor missed a few grammar and spelling errors in the English translation. Oh well, with A.I. people even at the so-called Ivy Leagues are becoming illiterate and innumerate.

The book is entitled, Iran’s Grand Strategy: A Political History by Vali Nasr. The scholarly paperback came to my attention at a BOGO sale. BOGO means, Buy One Get One free. I thought this book would be a good opportunity to refresh my knowledge concerning the historical context of the present circumstances in the Middle East. Any study of history reminds one to take heed because history has a way of catching up with us and disrupting the ordinary lives that we are trying to live. Ordinary people like a Westchester Christian Housewife maybe?

It is for this reason that I have always studied history in tandem with current events so as to not be taken unawares. Also, it is the reason that I recently took time this summer to listen to and to attend events where politicians currently running for political office were speaking. My husband and I, also decided that it is a key time to contribute to some campaigns that a Christian ought to contribute to. 

Then, as if my mind wasn’t going in a thousand directions already, I somehow got a little obsessed with the Lindsey Clancy case. For those of you not familiar with this case, it is the murder trial which just concluded in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. It concerned a mother who brutally killed her three children, 8 month old Callan, 3 year old Dawson, and 5 year old Cora. The prosecution claims that she’s a stone-cold killer and the defense says she was over-medicated with psychiatric drugs and suffering from post-partum psychosis. 

Alright, alright, I should be decorating my house for fall, and putting up a few preserves for winter. The weather geek in me wonders if conditions might be right for a Super El-Niño this year.  Look out folks the meteorological and spiritual conditions portend bad weather ahead! Anyway, did I mention laundry, shopping, cleaning, and gardening has to be done? There was just something about this case that made me want to tackle my household chores whilst carrying around and trying not to drop that ever handy phone tuned in to CourtTV.

My husband, wonders why I am not paying enough attention to him and why all that I want to talk about is the Lindsay Clancy trial. I do feel bad about that and I try to point out the spiritual implications of the case to him. He has discussed it with me, but, I am not sure what he really thinks of this Lindseymania that is currently sweeping the ladies.

 I think all of us have known women who had struggles after giving birth. I have. The first case that I remember was when I was five year old. My family took in baby Dylan* for a while. Dylan was a newborn baby. He was the fifth child in his family. I knew Julio*and Elba* were going to have a baby. Back then, I didn’t know or care about how that all happened. I was happy with the notion of a stork bringing us babies. What I did not expect is that the stork would bring the baby to our living room one day when I arrived home from first grade. 

I didn’t expect it but, I loved it. I wanted baby Dylan to be my little brother. I couldn’t wait to come home from school every day. I had no idea and I would not for some time to come why the stork brought baby Dylan to us instead of Julio and Elba. I would never know the full story but, over the years I have been able to piece together most of the story. It was because his mother Elba was struggling with postpartum depression. My guess is she could have gone full out Lindsey. All five of Julio and Elba’s children would be separated and placed into the foster care system as a result. 

Throughout the decades, there have been instances which I observed of mothers not well-adjusted after giving birth. I always thought of this as part of the spectrum of birth outcomes. Something that we must all cope with from time to time amongst our friends, family and neighbors. Also, that we should be ready to step in where necessary. That just seems like normal to me. It is no different than when a mother comes home severely anemic or with post-birth physical complications. Centuries of human culture has taught us all how to manage after giving birth and how to be a help to others after their babies are born. Could it be that in our post-modern culture that we are losing these vital standards?

Lindsey Clancy was on maternity leave from her nursing job (so a health care professional). She had a husband who was working from home, a social worker sister, a helpful mother, a registered nurse as a mother-in-law, and a nanny there to assist her. This woman had access to some of the best advanced medical care that is available and so many loving family members available to take over for her. Her health care providers suggested that she did not comply with their directives and various court testimony seemed to uncover her as untruthful concerning her true motivations. What a terrible tragedy for those three precious little ones. But, what gives? Didn’t any of these adults realize the situation had become dangerous or were they too busy positive thinking, facebooking pictures or manifesting greatness? Things are not, “all good” folks. Sometimes things are bad and we must face those circumstances with wisdom and with courage. 

Lindsey Clancy’s husband testified that he was confused because Lindsey said, that she was suicidal but, then she would be cooking and playing with the children like normal. He apparently thought that she was okay. Honestly, I find this hard to believe even Jibero Julio knew that he and his wife needed help with the children and Patrick Clancy could not see what was happening? Who thinks someone who is suicidal should be taking care of children? 

Lindsey was very, very ill. Seriously ill like Elba was ill. Ill enough that any available family member should have taken the helm until Lindsey was demonstrably healthy enough to care for those children again. Unfortunately, as in the case of Julio and Elba, there comes a time when even foster care might be necessary. Lindsey was ill to the point where even foster care would have been better. It was a bad experience for Elba’s children to be in foster care but I can say now, that at least nobody killed them. They grew up and lived their life and intergrated those experiences sort of like Job in the Bible integrated his bad experiences.

Finally, no Mish-Mash of ideas would be complete without me grappling with the meaning of the latest artificial intelligence breach. There are three stories currently making the rounds. The first reveal is that China has been possibly messing around with artificial intelligence in order to create biological pathogens. What could be worse? Are they at it again? Gee, I hope not.

The other revelation came about when a top artificial intelligence researcher resigned and wrote a missive on the dangers of A.I. technology and superintelligence. His solution: take a step back on the technology front in order to work towards finding a way of harnessing the technologies’ power better. Furthermore, he would like to see more international cooperation. I find this so laughable. Did we cooperate internationally on nuclear power? What about world hunger? Can we say that there is international consensus there? We let China work and learn in the United States and what did they do? They stole our technology and used it against us and our interests. How would Russia and Ukraine be expected to cooperate on artificial intelligence?

Even the book that I am currently reading about Iran concerns itself with the divide between the Sunni and Shiite Muslim. I could go on and use other countries and other examples of how difference makes people’s cooperation limited at best and at worse it could be a Trojan Horse for a nation. This researcher is naive or worse yet politically motivated to help effect an outcome for the upcoming United States Mid-term election. China has been caught financing opposition in the United States to A.I. technological advancement for obvious reasons, and democratic socialists like former President Obama couldn’t agree more.

Further, so many of the big names in artificial intelligence who have been making money hand over fist with it and have presented this technology as the best thing since sliced bread are suddenly opposed to it and have feigned fear of the A.I. They all are using this issue to try and make Donald Trump a lame duck president. Something vaguely stinks about this whole thing.The biggest scandal concerning A.I. may concern how the Houthis and Iran may have tried to hack into United States A.I. for the military purposes of creating more Middle Eastern Mish-Mash. Maybe, balagan, fauda or apocalypse might describe the possibilities better but at this point there is no going back as the clock ticks closer to midnight. But, fear not and choose God and next, hold on tight. Then, practice your faith and the lifestyle of being a believer and let God take care of the rest. 

Is there any uniting principles in the things that go through our mind and worry us? The things that rate second thoughts and are counted as transitional? Yes, there are spiritual threads running through all the things we see in this world and the things that we and others do. Could it explain the Mish-Mash of my mind at the moment? Yes, I think so.

Bible verses to guide:

1. Why natural disasters occur- It is always sad to me when an event occurs such as the disaster in Nepal and people do as Job’s wife suggested and curse God. God desires us to come to him and he even says, he will bring beauty for ashes to our lives. It is only natural to question but, as one’s faith develops we begin to see how faithful God is in so many daily situations. We also have so many, many wonderful experiences in the beautiful world that God has created. However, as a result of the devil’s successful temptations sin has entered the world. That changed everything. The natural laws no longer ensure perfect peace as they did in the Garden of Eden but, faith in God and the acceptance of Jesus as our Savior does. (And we know that for those who love God all things work together for Good, for those who are called according to his purpose- Romans 8:28.)

God warns humanity to repent and his way is to give plenty of time to do that. In the days of old, he sent prophets to teach, warn and re-direct.  If people insisted on sinning without repentance from time to time God’s perfect justice had to include punishment. Sometimes that punishment  would come in the form of  natural disasters. However, not every natural disaster is a result of disobedience to God. There is the natural realm with its’ physical laws. (But, if the Lord creates something new, and the ground opens its mouth and swallow them up with all that belongs to them, and they go down alive into Sheol, then you shall know that these men have despised the Lord-Numbers 16:30. Ultimately in eternity the complete understanding of these things and complete protection will occur.

2. Where is God during a natural disaster? - 

For by him all things are created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities- all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together-Colossians 1;16-17. So, God is in control and he is present in our lives. 

3. On the Middle Eastern paradigm shift- 

Persia, Cush, and Put are with them, all of them with shield and helmet-Ezekiel 38:5.

You shall fall on the mountains of Israel, you and all your hordes and the peoples who are with you. I will give you to birds of prey of every sort and to the beasts of the field to be devoured. You shall fall in the open field, for I have spoken, declares the Lord God- Ezekiel 39:4-5.

And my holy name I will make known in the midst of my people Israel, and I will not let my holy name be profaned anymore. And the nations shall know that I am the Lord, the Holy One in Israel-Ezekiel 39:7. The Bible describes many conflicts in the Middle East. There is also a time of peace that ensues before the final biblical Battle of Armageddon. At the end of days, God will be honored and he will show himself to be team Israel in that final battle.

4. Uptick of violence against children- 

Many people predicted that once abortion was legalized that a slow desensitization to the value of human life would occur. We could argue that the Lindsey Clancy case was a case in point. That would be confirmed perhaps by the copycat cases that already seem to have occurred. Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil. Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! -Isaiah 5:20

5.AI-superimtelligence- 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the leaven’s are higher than the earth,so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts-Isaiah 55:8-9. God is omnipresent. He already knows what the future holds and that includes the A.I. He is not only smarter than us but the A.I. has nothing on God Almighty. 

The Book of Job in the Bible- The life of Job bears witness to the meaning of a life in its’ entirety. The joy of family, and the loss of family that we all must endure. Financial success and financial failure. Natural disasters are also shown as part of life. Friends can help or hurt as we work through issues. This is aptly portrayed in the Book of Job. Sudden illness, pain, suffering and humiliation.The poignancy of starting over when one has lost everything is depicted in the story. That role model uplifts throughout the human story as much now as it ever has.

Job is faced with cursing God for his troubles and so are we. Will we say that we reject God because our life has reached a roadblock, a disaster or a tragedy? Will we change, act out our anger, frustration or pain? The world is full of people seeking revenge, recompense and choosing to hurt rather than to help. We see people steal rather than give, and hate rather than love. Job ultimately helps to show us the way to work through our emotions, our troubles and choose God. He acknowledges that there is one greater than he. He admits his human frailty and realizes that God, and not he, has the full picture. 

It seems to me upon reading the Book of Job that Job ultimately accepts that God defines truth. And, even with the worse befalling him he sees that God is fully right and that he in his humanity is not. That subtly speaks to the notion that we are sinners in the way we perceive and live our lives and that God is holy and righteous. 

For as the earth bringeth forth her bud, and as the garden causeth the things that are sown in it to spring forth: so the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise to spring forth before all the nations-Isaiah 61:11.

* the names have been changed to protect privacy.

The Chemo Hats

This summer I began to donate hand-sewn chemotherapy hats to a local hospital. It all started because of something that happened in my church craft class. I run a small craft group in my church once a month from September until May. We all bring bagged lunches, pray, have godly interactions and explore the world of crafts. A few of the projects that we have worked on include macrame, weaving, candle making, jewelry making, and painting with water colors. The theme is godly fellowship and simple projects.

In May, one of the ladies in my group Carly,* announced that she was about to begin treatment for a very aggressive form of cancer. She had no symptoms and doctors only discovered her cancer when she received treatment for a small fall that she recently had. It was then that the doctors discovered that she had late stage multiple myeloma. What do you do biblically speaking when life hands you this? Carly is a hard-working, dynamic woman and then this. For Carly and her husband the answer is they have shown nothing but acceptance of this situation, support for one annother and faith in God. The prognosis at this point is similar to that for pancreatic cancer.

However, the hospital gave Carly the option of trying some new and aggressive treatments which might offer better outcomes and give her a chance at a higher survival rate. The doctor told her that she might experience the loss of her hair as a medical side effect of chemotherapy and explained that the hospital had chemotherapy hats and wigs available for patients. However, when she went to the donation cart, they only had wigs and hats more appropriate for colder weather. Carly did not want to wear a wig and the hats were not weather appropriate at this time. 

In the middle of our May Craft Class, she asked the question “does anyone know where to get a chemotherapy hat?” I can’t make this stuff up. I said, “Carly, you are at a Church Craft Fellowship Meeting so, we will make you some.” That is how my benevolence began. It started with the goal of helping Carly by using the sewing skills that some of the ladies possessed. However, during that May class the idea blossomed of helping others at her treatment facility. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching-Hebrews-10:24-25.

I immediately asked anyone who had sewing skills in my class if they wished to volunteer over the summer to sew some Chemo Hats. There were three of us who volunteered to sew. In thinking out what I wanted the project to be, I know that we would need a sewing pattern and packaging for the hats. We are Christians so we also had to decide on a scripture verse to be included on that packaging. As the budget for our church craft class is zero, the ladies and I went to our craft closets and began to identify cottons and other soft fabrics that would be applicable for the two patterns that I had. 

Since I am a prolific baker of bread, I always have a big pile of plastic bags. I decided that was the right size and could double as packaging for our hats. I chose three simple sewing patterns that I printed out. One is a classic beanie style hat, one is more like a scarf wrap with elastic in the back to hold it in place and with some fabric draping behind it. The third hat has a bow on top. Next, I asked around for printable stickers. Luckily, my husband had some in his home office supply cabinet and he volunteered to print some out to my specifications. One sticker he created says, “handmade with love,” and the verse that we decided on was “Psalm 46:1- God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.” The label my husband created has the name of our church group printed on it along with the style and the size of the hat.

I had already asked the Pastor of our church for approval of the project and he assented. I also asked Carly’s husband, who is an elder of our Church, if he could speak with the hospital staff to see if they were interested in our donation. Furthermore, I wanted to check to see if the inclusion of a Bible verse would be acceptable to this hospital. When I was in New York, I doubt a hospital would allow a Bible verse on our donation unless it was a Christian hospital. I somehow knew that in the new community that my husband and I have chosen to live it would be okay and I was right. After all, I have already visited hospital settings, doctor’s offices, and even pizza parlors where bibles or bible verses were prominently featured. 

Once we worked all the kinks out of our sewing machines and sewing patterns, a small group of ladies at my church have been able to produce weekly contributions to donate to a local hospital. As the summer has progressed, I asked myself and God in prayer just how long this project would last and what it all means. I think about ways this project has blessed me. Is there meaning in trying to reach out amid the turmoil of disease or other catastrophic events? Is creating some comfort through a simple gift and showing hope in God’s promises through scripture reflection glorifying to God? Is this pleasing to you Father? 

People always ask themselves the question, “how can I help?” In our best nature, we empathize and we sympathize. We hear news of earthquakes in Venezuela, Ebola in Congo, Los Angeles wildfires and flooding in Missouri and we instantly feel a desire to pitch in and help ameliorate the damage. Should I go on? China and Taiwan, Legionnaires outbreak in NYC, increased earthquake activity in the “Ring of Fire” zone, and Super El Niňos. Yet, there is a deep inner longing within us to intervene in such cases, whether it be standing side by side with a person, carrying sandbags, fighting fires or bringing medical assistance. 

However, even in such circumstances evil does exist. The evil of looting others belongings while they are not in their homes or shops. Taking advantage of the sick and dying. People also use the fear associated with natural disasters to drum up support for their political goals no matter how stupid those goals may be.There is a philosophy that exists which says that we only ever do good  because it makes us feel good as we rail against the death machine. We are so depraved and narcisssistic that that is all that is possible. That is the jaded views of modern philosophy that brings dystopian fantasies. For me, it suggests what man is without God. We are indeed sinners and our deeds are bad at times but as we know our creator he creates a new spirit within us.Yes, where there is light, there is always darkness too. That is except in the person of God, where there is only light. That’s a good reason to stick with him.

I think about my busy summer. I wonder if my small cottage industry of producing Chemo Hats is wanted or needed since I did not receive any feedback from Carly’s husband or even the Pastor’s wife who has been helping the family meet its’ needs during this difficult time. Is my benevolence mired by my sin nature? The news has been so bad lately. Death amid family and friends, in the killing fields of the war between Russia and Ukraine. The Middle East caught it seems forever in a cycle of war that claims so many lives but at its’ core is a spiritual battle for what the truth is. My own countries struggles with freedom versus Marxism. Happy 250th birthday I guess. Am I doing this benevolence to make myself feel better? 

It does make me feel uplifted to think that my homemade hats can help bring a smile to women struggling with a horrible disease. It makes me feel more powerful and less depressed about everything happening in the world too. The things that happen in our lives can feel overwhelming at times but then, there is God. The refreshment that he brings, the truth that he brings and the ability of him to direct our hearts, minds and body to godly living. We bless others, we do that in God’s name and try to direct people to the God that we know. I think that is part of the reason we are here.

As my church friends are all caught in the vortex of Carly’s cancer treatment and don’t have much time for dealing with anything else, I still wonder if my little pebble on the lake of life is still rippling. So, I lift up my voice to God and express these thoughts and feelings. I believe the Holy Spirit inspired me to start to bless Carly and those being treated at her hospital. I wonder if we will continue to have sewists for much longer. I also wonder how long the blessing is on this project. Should this end when Carly’s treatment ends? I ask God if anyone has taken our hats to wear and if it has been a blessing or not? 

The Holy Spirit began this ministry and I realize that it doesn’t matter how many makers are involved because ultimately, if God is in this project it will touch minds and hearts with his love and message. It will continue as long as he blesses it. We are all in the midst of life’s story and it starts with God. I pray for each and every person receiving my Craft Fellowship’s homemade Chemo Hats. I ask God to help me manage this project wisely and to be a blessing to Carly and others in need. I thank you God for all the blessings that you have given me amid the hard work. I thank you for feeling like I am a part of you and all the good that this project might bring. And let us not be weary in well doing:for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not-Galatians 6:9.

God heals either in this world or the next. Choose to follow him today and begin your journey with God beside you. 

*The names are changed to ensure privacy.

Christian Housewife Reviews Disclosure Day

Spoiler Alert: this contains a summary of the movie.

So much drama surrounding this new movie. It’s all rather unsettling. What kind of experience will it be? Will it be a fun summer fantasme? Is it predictive programming to condition the public to accept a future alien invasion? Or, is Steven Spielberg possessed and inspired of the devil? Another exorcist, this time from Tennessee, suggested not seeing this movie because it could be cursed. Okay, that’s a little scary but, he’s got a point.  

Father Reehil went on to question why Steven Spielberg would make a movie that he is claiming could challenge the Christian faith. I watched interviews with Mr. Spielberg. He seemed kind of happy about the prospect of creating such doubt. He was almost euphoric. To be clear, just as I feel my little blog is my way of looking at life and trying to make sense of it, Steven Spielberg’s blockbuster movies are his way of trying to make sense of life too. Everything you hear, see on screen or read has a point of view expressed. It is up to you to reflect upon that and agree or disagree with the premises and thoughts expressed. You know where I stand. I believe in God and the Bible.

I really wanted to see this movie the first weekend that it hit the big screen but, my husband was at a week long church conference at that point. Since my husband was away, I wondered if I should wait for him to come home or instead try to see the movie with a friend?  Some of my friends are not at all interested in encouraging me to talk about aliens. The whole United States alien reveal party has made some of them a little bit uncomfortable. Instead of trying to get friends past their comfort levels, I’ll just wait for my husband to return home instead.

My husband took an eighteen hour long solo drive (one-way) towards a remote meeting place designated for the church conference. After he arrived, his first day included a seven hour long field trip highlighting elements of our church history. Wow, what a lot of traveling he has done in the past two weeks! In the week following that, he was engaged in prayer meetings, two church services a day, and hearing the presentation of church position papers on topics of morality and doctrine. There was inspiring and thought-provoking sermons by leaders in the church and a church election process to attend to. 

During this time, my husband was questioned, prayed over and annointed. He took a vow of godly living and he was eventually voted into a church office. He is not a minister but, in our church there are a certain number of people from the congregation who serve alongside the clergy for purposes of representation and perspective. This is nothing that he sought but, he felt the Holy Spirit’s movement throughout the process and the sense of purpose for him and the Church. 

Even after his long drive home, I found him energized and eager to resume his usual schedule at home. Actually, it seemed like I was more exhausted than he was. Maybe, it’s because without him in the home, I had more chores to do. I had to put out the garbage, bring recycling to the garbage dump and deal with scary sounds in the night without him. Kinda made me appreciate him.

Anyway, knowing that I was going to do a review of the movie Disclosure Day got him interested in seeing the movie too. He wanted to go the day after his return and every day thereafter. I was the one who was too tired and kept on putting off seeing the movie. Finally, four days after his return home, the time had come. I was wearing a proper cleaning frock too when my husband told me to put down the vacuum cleaner and go out to dinner and a movie with him. No cooking, that sounds appealing. However, I was in the midst of a cleaning jag. You see, next week, my husband and I will be hosting two visitors from Taiwan who will come to our church to give us updates on their life and work in that country.

I am not one of those housewives who purports to do everything. When I am busy getting ready for company, it is then that it is time to defrost, reheat leftovers or throw together a simple meal. I tell my husband to wait a minute while I change my clothes. He always makes me smile when he tells me how cute my cleaning frock is and he wonders why I need to change or put on any makeup because I look great just the way I am. Ah!

The movie seemed disjointed from the beginning. It opens with a group of quasi-governmental contractors (Wardex) with top-tier security clearance detaining and interrogating two of the main characters, Daniel and Jane. The character, Daniel Kellner apparently stole classified United States documents pertaining to aliens and is intent on releasing them to the public. Right there it was anti-climatic because the United States has recently released a huge amount of formerly classified documents on the topic and a billion of us worldwide have already dived in.

The Wardex villains somehow fumble and the couple escapes their clutches and is on the run. That, or the Gen Z fantasy of outwitting their elders with alien technology has done it. It is then that you learn that Daniel is working with another group who are exploring the alien files too. It is all a bit comedic.

Steven Spielberg seems to not be sure where he is going in this flick. It seems like he wanted it to be the conclusion in a sort of alien trilogy. The movie connects in many ways to his previous movies E.T. and Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Perhaps, he wanted this movie to be an Indiana Jones-like action fantasy piece? What if anything was he thinking about 2026 special effects? I think the movie was trying but missing all of the above targets. 

However, one mark it did hit was qualifying as being a religious commentary. Just what spiritual points it tries to make is the majority of what my review covers. There was the ubiquitous tech bro Daniel who is present in all films these days and represents some sort of anti-hero. There is Jane, the former catholic noviate who is now fornicating with the tech bro. Blah, blah, blah, anti-establishment female anti-hero. In one spiritual telling scene the ex-noviate Jane is in a spiritual battle with Noah. She remembers enough of her Catholicism to bring out a crucifix, which she digs into her hand, stigmata style to combat Noah. This is supposed to be a battle between Catholicism and some evil force. The suggestion is that Catholicism represents the Christian faith, and it is not strong enough to defeat alien technology. First, Catholicism does not represent the Christian faith and it might very well be defeated by evil. Secondly, the powers of hell will not prevail against God and the true faith path. 

Both Daniel and Jane play malcontents. They never seem happy for one moment. There is no chemistry between this couple that would hint at this actually being a love match. In fact, they appear depressed most of the time.Then there is  villain, Noah Stanton. He is played by a way-over-the-top Colin Firth. Mr. Darcy, this is not like you nor like George VI in “The King’s Speech” either. Did you lose a bet with Steven Spielberg? 

Colin Firth’s character spars with a former coworker Hugo played by Colman Domingo. Hugo presents as a wise and all-knowing character, sort of the good cop versus Noah’s bad cop. Hugo is trying to help Daniel to attain his goals of releasing the alien truth to the world versus Noah who wants to kill Daniel and everyone who is in league with him and to suppress the truth of alien contact. Some of this biblically rings a bell for me. In the Bible, the devil hints that God is holding back something and you really should know about it. Then, you will be like God.

There is an alien supernatural tool which allows you to be in two places at once. Using it comes with a physical price though. Then, there was the newscaster Margaret played very well by Emily Blunt. Part comedic, part alien possessed, she was demonically and hysterically believable. The news stories depict a current world on the brink of World War III. Then there is the aliens themselves who are presented as victims who are harshly interrogated. To Steven Spielberg and his ilk they are just misunderstood. This is hinted at when we see the alien presence in Margaret calm tensions pertaining to North Korea. Their message to us in this movie is presented as : “don’t be afraid of what you don’t know” and “listen.” Butter wouldn’t melt in their alien mouths!

We learn that Daniel and Margaret were both chosen as children to bring this message to the world. There are scenes which depict aliens presenting themselves to Daniel and Margaret as animals, such as deer, cardinals and foxes. The movie states that the aliens present themselves in forms that will be palatable to us so as not to frighten us. 

How is this for frightening: the night after my husband and I saw the movie we were relaxing on our back porch at twilight when suddenly, two small fawns run towards us. They stop and look us straight in the eyes. In the movie, you don’t want to look at the alien in any form in their eyes lest they have power over you. My husband, thinking it funny, teases “don’t look them in the eyes.” 

These cute animals, like the one in my yard, usher the children towards a house/alien vessel. Once in the alien realm, the children are given gifts of math, languages and empathy which will emerge at a pre-set time. They are prophets of aliens and not of God. The aliens are presented as an alternative to God in this movie (if you look closely enough). Who needs a relationship with God when you have this fascinating new relationship with aliens? 

The characteristics of the aliens and their influence in this story read like an occult checklist. Disguise yourself as an animal-check✔️. Possession-check✔️, be enlightened and equal to God-check✔️. It was all there except the devilish malevolence-lie❌. The devil presents himself as an angel of light. He’s here to help….he’s here to help himself to your soul. Alien messages are straight up what the anti-Christ will be telling you.

Alien fascination is palpable right now. People are looking for something to save them and they wonder if  superior alien culture could finally bring in a golden age. It is tempting just like new revelations always are, but is it the truth? No. When mankind gets stuck in a civilizational rut which we are now in, there seems to be a need to grab onto anything that promises answers. But, beware of philosophies that chisel away at your faith. There is no salvation without Jesus. There is no salvation without taking responsibilities for your sin. Follow the Ten Commandments and work the program that God has set before you. Go to God in prayer and ask for guidance and direction in your life. 

I did not find this light summertime entertainment nor the summer blockbuster that I was looking for. I wish for such moments but, I know that times of true refreshment come from God. 

“And when these things begin to come to pass, then look up, and lift up your heads; for your redemption draws nigh”-Luke 21:28

Disclosure- Part 2

A Monsignor, who was once an intelligence officer in the U.S.Military, has a Ph.D in psychology and is an exorcist for the Diocese of Washington D.C. has been chastised by the Catholic Church for doing a podcast where he posited that an explanation for alien sightings has its’ origins in demonic culture. I am glad that I’m just a housewife and so far my husband isn’t firing me for thinking exactly the same thing! Imagine that, a priest thinking demons are real. Let’s stop him from preforming exorcisms just when it seems demonic activity is increasing. Wait, didn’t Jesus perform exorcisms on numerous occasions? He also entreated his apostles to do the same in Matthew 10:8-“Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give.”

Many people of the modern era have a discomfiture with the notion of a realm beyond the one we inhabit that is not quantifiable through the scientific method. The emergence of science sought to replace belief in the divine with belief in better living through science. Problem? Humanity has and will always search for answers regarding the world, its’ creation, the problem of sickness and death, our place in this world and the purpose of our lives. Technology has certainly created improvement in people’s lives throughout history.It’s not that science does not have its’ place in the discussion, it’s just not on the throne in worship. 

Here are the facts. Even with all the technological advancement people have at their disposal they seem to be failing epically in this quest to conquer and better things. Many are struggling with depression, and anxiety. There are unhappy marriages and broken families. Science has failed to vanquish many of the miseries that exist in the world such as disease, hunger and war. Not only that but technology is adding to the world’s troubles in many ways.

As if that is not enough, in the midst of our current worldwide state the possibility of alien encounters comes to the forefront. Could there be a superior alien culture that would lead humanity to a place of wisdom, peace and prosperity? Alien theorists have suggested that possibility. However, the opposite could be true. The aliens could be a false step, like many humanity has followed. 

People have followed cult leaders to their death or to immorality. People have followed political leaders who were evil in the hopes of solving their countries problems, only to make things worse. Face it, our track record as human beings is not very good. It makes the Bible come alive to me when I have wondered why people would be so stupid as to follow the anti-Christ instead of God. Now that I think of it, it seems quite plausible. Especially with our queasiness in examining the biblical account of the spiritual realm. It is with all this in mind that I decided to examine the Biblical account of metaphysical activity a little more closely in my Disclosure Series. 

In Disclosure-Part 1, I describe the nature of God, Satan, and the physical and metaphysical world. To recap, we talked about God being good and responsible for the entirety of creation. We first encounter a talking serpent getting in the mix. There are no such things as talking serpents in God’s design so we wonder why that happened. 

However, God’s design did include a heavenly realm of beings called angels and they have abilities just as we do which can either be used for good or evil. The angels have a hierarchy akin to the hierarchy of the animal world and Satan was at the top. Satan made a free will decision to rebel against God and he created a mutiny in the angelic realm. 

Those angels who rebelled against God are called fallen angels or demons. Satan, just like all the angelic and demonic creations, have certain capabilities. One ability they possess is to operate and move between our physical world and the heavenly realm. The demons can also shape shift to a certain degree. They do that in order to deceive and tempt humanity away from having a relationship with God. Here’s an idea of what we are seeing regarding that behavior: “For false christs and false prophets will arise and perform great signs and wonders”-Matthew 24:24. Hmm, great wonders like an alien arriving in a space ship?

However, in Psalm 103:20 it says “Bless the Lord, ye his angels, that excel in strength, that do his commandments, hearkening unto the voice of his word.” The angels remaining loyal to God operate under God’s direction and for the good purposes that He intends. Could the fallen angels take on alien form perhaps? Why not, it is no more fantastical than reading the latest tranche of data that has just come out. 

Sightings over Zimbabwe, aliens in New England or Greece? Scary looking things that are nothing like us. Now the creatures seen in the Book of Revelation don’t seem out of the realm of possibility. Do you think that is a coincidence? Side bar: I really should be cleaning my house and weeding my garden but, it is hard to pull away from this alien data dump. Apparently, I am not the only one either. The amount of people reading this government website is huge!

The fantastical system of otherworldly beings in the Bible has had many people in the scientific era scrambling to find scientific answers for the phenomena described in those stories only now to attribute many of those events to aliens in our midst! Yes, that’s right some have declared that events relating to the creation, Elijah, Moses, the anti-Christ or even the rapture might have an alien connection. A number of scientists from respected institutions have even suggested that if another civilization makes contact it could rattle your and my faith! Steve Spielberg said that too in a recent interview promoting his new film.

I find it laughable that men who have reached the career heights that they have achieved, have less spiritual awareness of such things than I did as a little girl.  Why? Because the minute I read the account of the talking serpent in the Garden, I figured out his game. When mommy and daddy take care of all the business of family, we children have plenty of time to contemplate and to play our games, don’t we? We instinctively try to figure out our playmates strategies too. It seemed that Satan’s game was to shake Adam and Eve’s confidence in their foundational beliefs. He wanted to make them doubt what God told them to be true and Satan hasn’t changed one bit since then. It is quite possible that Satan and his demons and fallen angels are pulling off yet another caper with their latest alien garb. I wouldn’t put it past them.

When I was growing up, my family had two Bibles on their bookshelf which no one in my family picked up except when someone was looking to confirm a family history story as the list of ancestors was pasted right in the front of the bible before the account of Genesis. Before I started school, my mother would take me to visit a big beautiful library every week. My mother and I would pick out several children’s books to read for the upcoming week. My mother would read the books to me and guide me to try and sound out the words with phonics. I longed to make that magic leap to understanding this code that my mother seemed to possess and I did not.

With that in mind, it would only be a matter of time before I would pick up the Bibles that stood large on the third shelf of a built-in-bookcase. I had a lot of reading skills to develop and I had to grow tall enough to reach the shelf too. In the meantime, my mother did read me little children’s versions of the Bible. I was struck and knew that I desperately wanted more. My child’s mind immediately knew this was big. Much bigger than books of bunnies, sheep or stories of Dick and Jane running. I knew it was not in the same category as a nursery rhyme, fable or myth. I believe it was God in his almighty mercy that would touch my heart with his Holy Word. I felt his breadth in each page. 

Yet, when I encountered stories of the Nephilim and Anakim I wondered who and what they were. It only got weirder when these creatures married earthlings.

(Genesis 6:1-7 And it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born unto them, that the sons of God saw the daughters of men that they were fair; and they took them wives of all which they chose. And the Lord said, My spirit shall not always strive with man, for that he also is flesh: yet his days shall be an hundred and twenty years. 

There were giants in the earth in those days; and also after that, when the sons of God came in unto the daughters of men, and they bare children to them, the same became mighty men which were of old, men of renown. And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. 

And the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.) 

In my child’s mind, a sort of red flag went up immediately. Red Alert-what’s this all about?? I brought the topic up with family, friends and clergy but, it only seemed to make people uncomfortable. Was it because they did not know how to explain such topics to a child or did not think it appropriate? Or, was it because they had not delved into this part of the Bible themselves? I’ll never know but, quite early I got the feeling that parts of the Bible were off-limits for discussion. In particular, parts that had to do with supernatural, paranormal, metaphysical or inter-dimensional activity. Other-worldly and human relationships depicted in Genesis 6:1-7 sounds an awful lot like alien abduction and possible mating stories which have been brought up in alien encounter books, documentaries and even recently by former government official Matt Gaetz on a podcast. 

The Bible is full of these kind of accounts and it seemed people had lost those stories until now. Running away from the biblical accounts has not worked and it is all back with a force. It would appear that the demonic is not going away and the scientists and governments of the world are embracing it and trying to mitigate it all for you and I. They don’t really have a choice because the data has been leaking for a long time and has become common knowledge. The Bible has already been there and done that a long time ago and it even says that lots of crazy things would happen and increase in frequency until it reaches a tipping point as it did in Noah’s day. That is exactly what is happening. 

(Matthew 24:37- But as the days of Noah were, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be.) The above passage of Genesis 6:1-7 is what Matthew is referring to. It was bad, bad, bad then. Is it because the demons and humans were having a close encounter of the evil kind? Is it about to happen again?  Genesis 6, verse 8 goes on to say: But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord. Let’s try to be more like Noah in verse 9 when it says: Noah was a just man and perfect in his generations, and Noah walked with God, as opposed to those around Noah whose “heart was only evil continually. 

How will the rationalists explain all of the biblical realities that are about to unfold (1Corinthians15:51-58)? How will the fallen angels spin it this time? Talking serpents are out, what else can they pull? “The coming of the lawlessness one is by the activity of Satan with all power and false signs and wonders, and with all wicked deceptions for those who are perishing, because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. Therefore God sends them a strong delusion so that they may believe what is false, in order that all may be condemned who do not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness”-2Thessalonians2: 9-12.

Aliens are a deception. Hold fast to the truth of what Jesus said in the Bible. For example, when asked by his followers what would be a sign of the end times. He told them not to be deceived! Mass deception whether by hologram, artificial intelligence or by other means is here. Take heed, the Bible further gives us important spiritual advice when it says, “ Test everything, hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil”-1Thessalonians 5:21-22. 

Next Week: Christian Housewife reviews the movie, Disclosure Day.

Disclosure- Part 1

Everyone is talking about Disclosure. President Donald Trump has begun to release some information that has been gathered by the United States government over decades pertaining to the possibility of alien encounters. Could aliens exist? President Trump interviewed people during his first term in office pertaining to this possibility. Vice-President Vance has said that he follows the stories associated with this topic as well. The Vice-President has affirmed his desire to look into the matter before his term as Vice-President concludes. In one interview, Vance has commented that he believes the entities to be demonic. 

Then, there is the movie Disclosure Day by Steven Spielberg which weaves a tale of governments covering up the real truth about extra-terrestrials. This is not the director’s first foray into the topic of extra-terrastials. He most famously did “E.T. the Extra Terrestrial,”and “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.” Those movies seem to cast a sympathetic light on the plight of the Extra-Terrestrial and even suggest they might be superior to humans beings. His upcoming movie will probably be a blockbuster. Why? The world has long been fascinated with the story of other-worldly beings and want to know more. Every civilization has evidence of possible other-worldly events occurring throughout their history. Creation by other-worldly things? Other-worldly things controlling the universe perhaps? 

For many years, people thought it a sign of lunacy to talk about little men coming out of a space ship. It was not polite conversation at the dinner table. The exception to this was genteel conversation about well-written books in the science fiction genre or popular movies. That sensibility has slowly changed over the years. Books and groups touting alien contact began the movement towards alien normalcy. Then philosophical books, tv series, documentaries and movies began exploring the many possibilities of other-worldly beings walking among us. Academia, the media and governments of the world have all begun to normalize this topic. 

Biblically speaking the concept of other-worldly beings is woven into the entire biblical account. It is nothing new and it started from the opening chapters of the Good Book. God chose to disclose a fantastical tale there and you can count on the fact that it happens to be true. So, that is the real Disclosure. ”In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters” Genesis 1:1-2.The world was void except for him. 

There were no aliens in existence before God and if there was any truth to the phenomena of the so-called extra-terrestrial life forms, we would have to look for that story in the Bible where it would be recounted, and it is! Let’s start with the fact that God disclosed that he created two spiritual dimensions. There are candidates that have the same characteristics as these beings in the government UFO files which explain these creatures behavior and their modes of transportation. Let’s start from the beginning. Anything created was made by God and that is where our story properly begins.

What is the nature of God as described in the opening pages of Genesis? God is the original other-worldly being. He is not some scary grayish being who we have to be afraid of. The Bible teaches us that God’s purposes towards humanity are good. We can even call him Abba or Father (For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry,”Abba! Father!-Romans 8:15) As the Christian song by Chris Tomlin says, God is a “Good, Good Father”. His nature is the very definition of what it is to be good. His intentions, as recounted in the creation story, were to create a beautiful, and bountiful existence in the Garden of Eden. However, somewhere after God looked at his creation and pronounced that it was good, Genesis 1:31 “God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good.” the opposite of good manifested. This all happened within the context of creation. If God remained alone, which he was before creation, then the principle of good would be the only reality. Once the creative process began, it was only a matter of time before that creation would rebel. That is why rebellion is condemned in the Bible. Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft. 

Rebellion is another thing that has gone main-stream. Rebellion against parents, against the rich, against corporations or the government. Rebellion is not the same thing as righteousness (I feel another blog post coming on). Anyhow, rebellion if taken to its’ natural end and not corrected leads to being lead by the devil. The Devil is the new normal for many. So, it is by the time we get to chapter 3 of Genesis, that we see the embodiment of that rebellion revealed in the serpent. What is the nature of the serpent? John 8:44 gives us some insight there,”He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it.” This is a very important verse to keep in mind as we explore the so-called aliens. Just what if the aliens are, in point of fact, fallen angels who rebelled against God along with the devil? That would explain a lot. “The angels who did not stay within their own position of authority, but left their proper dwelling, he has kept in eternal chains under gloomy darkness until the judgment of the Great Day”-Jude1:6. In this scripture we see that there is judgement and punishment when we sin against God. It is a reminder to us that all created things whether they are angels, demons or humanity will have to be held accountable.

All of the paperwork that has been released to the public, some of which I have been able to go through, describes behavior which emulates the behavior of fallen angels in the Bible. They follow satan so they lie and are destructive just as the one they follow is. They can no more be your friend than the serpent in the garden of Eden could be Eve’s friend. In reading accounts of so-called alien abduction, I found no difference between them and accounts of demonic possession. The physical, psychological and sexual abuse mirrors accounts from exorcisms. Even the way these beings appear to come in and out of view reflects the way angels and demons seem to appear and disappear between our physical world and their supernatural world. The time is here when we need to know exactly what we are dealing with and what their intentions are. Ephesians 6:12-“For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

“Genesis 3:14- God speaks to the serpent and pronounces judgment on him: I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.”

NEXT WEEK: DISCLOSURE- PART 2, detailing more stories from the U.F.O. files and biblical examples of alien-type behavior plus the authority in Jesus Christ. 

Middle East Relations

My husband and I have developed a cordial relationship with a Syrian* man. He runs a local Middle Eastern restaurant. His food is an authentic slice of a small regional specialty and he does it right. As we have enjoyed his cuisine for the better part of a year the conversations that have ensued have been humorous, intelligent and uplifting. I see within this man the tradition of Middle Eastern hospitality. It is not unlike the hospitality that I saw in my own home growing up. My parents taught me to appreciate hospitality and to always extend it to others. Has a friendship begun? 

He is not the first Syrian man that I have gotten to know. There was a time when my husband and I somehow were the only non-Muslims to host some ill Syrian* children when they were visiting the United States to receive some much needed medical treatment. Many were shocked that as a Christian family we would be approved by the local Islamic center to do this. When God opens a door, he does so indeed!

Children suffering serious wartime injuries were brought to the United States for treatment by a wealthy and well-connected Middle-Eastern businessman whom I got to know better. He told me that it took him a total of five years working through numerous diplomatic, medical and governmental channels to accomplish this feat. His Islamic Center was interviewed about this story by a local newspaper. Local doctors volunteered to perform surgeries and they were now in the process of identifying host families for the children. As soon as I heard this story, I immediately called my husband at work to ask if we could offer our home. I asked him to think it over but, in the meantime I was already seeking a tutor to see if I could get some language basics. 

A quick fact about me. I have always loved languages. I love the history of them (all of them), the etymology and the process of learning basic communication whenever I travel or meet people who speak another language. This was inculcated in me as a child because my own family spoke French and Spanish as well as English. My grandfather, mother and my daughter are polyglots. My husband speaks German pretty decently too. He worked with a number of German-speaking colleagues over the years and was inspired to pursue proficiency. He always studies the Bible with his German Language Martin Luther Bible version.  He has made a few new friends who are native speakers in our new hometown and he enjoys practicing German with them.

My love of language is an extension of my enjoyment of people and the biblical role that I have in relation to others (Matthew 5:16-Let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your Heavenly Father.) When you can find a friend, it is nice to be able to understand each other a little better don’t you think? Sometimes, I get complements like when an Israeli once told me that she thought I had a good sense of the pronouncation. Or, when my husband commends me on getting one of the many nuances of German pronunciation right. I  still have a long way to go.

As of late, it has crossed my mind to invite this Syrian man to our home for a visit. Zair* worked in his father’s rug business before starting a restaurant. My husband and he started a number of interesting conversations on the topic of rugs. About a year ago, my husband and I started learning to weave. This came about because I wanted to explore weaving in order to teach some lessons about it to my church craft group. My husband, who has never done a craft in his life, did not wish me to go alone to a workshop on weaving before my surgery last summer. I tried in vain to find a woman to go with me but many of them thought it to be a difficult craft to learn and were not interested. So, my husband felt compelled to come along with me but only to look out for me. To his surprise, there were a number of excellent male weavers who drew him in. Among other things my husband has quickly learned the rudiments of weaving and has also mastered the art of making a hand knotted rug. I know that my husband would love to have an opportunity to discuss this and to show Zair the first rug that he made. 

As for me, I would love to have a conversation with someone who truly appreciated Middle Eastern rugs and to showcase some of mine. Along with a mixture of Louis XVI antiques and contemporary pieces, I have what I think is a nice array of Turkish and Persian rugs. Oh, and a contemporized version of a Berber rug. Many of my rugs are hand-knotted. When my husband and I left Westchester County New York almost five years ago, I had the fun and excitement of decorating a new home. 

I had not redecorated in a while but, I had been reading and studying more on the topic for a long time. I had always admired Middle Eastern rugs but, the time had finally come for me to purchase them. As a result of the COVID pandemic, house prices in Westchester County New York had sky-rocketed. People escaping New York City during the pandemic fled to nearby suburban locations and mine was one of them. With the huge profit that I made in the  highly overrated Westchester County market, it was time for me to go shopping. I was lucky to find an Armenian rug dealer who had the sort of antique inventory that I had dreamed of. He had a long family history in the rug trade and the expertise to help me find some special pieces.

Friendship used to be so easy. Now, it seems like the world is at war and people hate each other. What seemed natural just a few short years ago, like visiting a friend in Russia or being invited by an Iranian woman to tea is fraught with anxiety these days. Now that we have established my love of Middle Eastern cuisine and rugs, it’s time to go over some crazy Middle East Relations that I have had in the past. Do I really want to risk that again? Is it even possible for the Middle East and West to meet somewhere in the middle? 

Let’s start in University. I did a few side jobs in high school and college and one of them were tutoring fellow students. With my family proficiency in French I found it a rather easy job to tutor some first year students on the side and make some transportation funds the easy way. One of my first students was in my first year French class. She was a Zoroastrian girl from Iran. She was very quiet and sweet. Noticing that I was doing well in class, she asked me if I would consider tutoring her for a fee. I told her that she did not need to pay me since we were in class together. Instead, I suggested that we form a study group. She took me up on this offer and soon she was doing better in her studies.

She mentioned that she had a few Iranian friends who needed some help in French. She also said that they needed some more help then our study group could afford and asked me if I would be interested in doing a tutoring job for them. I couldn’t resist and it was then that I started my little side college gig. No ads necessary, just Iranian word of mouth and the business was steady. I held all of my sessions in a quiet section of our university library. Because of my multi-cultural family, I am always hyper-sensitive to cultural and religious differences and tried to make sure and navigate different groups respectfully. If I was going to be alone with a bunch of Iranian boys, I decided it had better be in a very public place. I went out of my way to made sure that I dressed and acted businesslike and professional too. 

I think it’s a rule of thumb that on any job that I have that I will make one or two friends. So, it was that Ali and Majid tried to strike up topics of conversations with me outside of the French curriculum. Being ever so wary I made them say it in French making our conversations part of their lessons. One day Majid invited me to his birthday party (in French). I was quick to say a happy birthday but, I was surprised that he invited me to his birthday party at an off campus apartment. Normally in my university days, I went to a whole lot of parties. They were usually with my girlfriends or on a date with people that I knew or part of my student club’s activities. They was no binge drinking or drugs involved as I had given my life to the Lord. Somehow Majid’s invitation was a little bit different.

He noted that I was not very quick to respond. He became very sweet and told me that he really wanted me to come to his party and that he was quite grateful that I had assisted him in his studies. He gave me credit for helping him go from merely passing the class to being within sight of a “B.” He further told me that his father was pleased and that I had gotten him out of trouble with his father.  He said,”I want you to be my special guest because of all that you have done” He told me that he would not take “no” for an answer. I was a little nervous about this party but since he really strong-armed me, I agreed to go to his party. I very seldom go against my instinct but this is one of the times that I did.

I arrived at the door of Majid’s apartment. I could see nothing of his apartment or I would have fled. I handed him a gift and he ushered me down a long hallway into a large open living space. To my horror, I was the only woman in that room. I felt I was going to die or be raped.  As Majid was trying to take my coat, I immediately told him that I was the only woman in the room and that I was not comfortable in that setting. He countered, “you are under my protection.” The men danced, there was good Middle Eastern food but, I was not hungry and I was not going to dance. Why, oh why did I not bring a date? Oh yeah, I wasn’t dating anyone at the time, that’s why. Was I stupid because I thought Majid was cute. Oh no, I thought, I’m gonna die because of a momentary crush! Yet, that night, I was indeed under Majid’s protection and nothing bad happened to me. It was clear to me that Majid, just like me, was trying the best he could to negotiate two world’s and two cultures. 

My other student Ali was not so virtuous. At the end of the school year when students have many get-togethers and parties before summer vacation, Ali invited me to lunch before he was heading back to Iran. He told me that he would like to take me to lunch in gratitude for receiving a passing grade in French class. I agreed to met him at local restaurant. At first, we had cordial discussions of summer vacation plans, next year’s coursework and other casual topics of conversations. Then, out of the blue, he propositioned me in the most crude way imaginable. I was shocked and lucky that I did not choke on my food. I said, “Ali, how can you talk to me so disrespectfully? Haven’t I always been professional?” His reply, “ all you American women are like that.” I said,”no we are not. I am a Christian and I am saving myself for marriage.” I finished my meal and I left having very little to say to Ali and he to me. Ali was negotiating two cultures as Majid had been but, one was the good Muslim and one was the bad Muslim. Ali had very little respect for the country or the people where he chose to study. To this day, Ali holds the record for saying the crudest things to me ever. (2Corinthians 6:14- Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?)

After graduating and getting my first job in New York CIty, I decided to continue studying French but in a more informal way. I began to take classes at the Lycée Français de New York. It was there that I met my next Muslim friend. This time it was a Muslim woman from Mumbai. She and her husband were both lawyers working tangentially with the United Nations. She was a Muslim woman who went against the wishes of her parents and married the man that she loved. Their road to love was fraught with problems. He was a Catholic Indian whom her parents did not approve of. Clarence was of the highest character. Virtuous in every way. Extreme in intelligence but, he was not a Muslim. Ayesha loved and respected her parents and informed me that she would not have married without her parents blessing. She studied law and went to work. All along she was not interested in anyone but Clarence.. Many years went by and these two remained committed to one another but, living apart in an unmarried state. 

In the meantime, they both had successful careers but, Ayesha’s parents knew she was getting older. Her parents finally acquiesced realizing that their daughter would indeed never marry if they did not give her permission to marry Clarence and they did not want her to be lonely in her old age. They finally gave their permission for her to marry. Some have asked why would Ayesha need her parents permission at her age? Yet, I admired and respected her love for her parents and Clarence. What an amazing love story these two had!  I even got a chance to meet Ayesha’s younger sister when she visited New York. I was invited to go on a trip upstate New York to Hechscher State Park. I had no idea how many Muslims hung out there until I went on a trip with my Muslim friend and her family. It seems that Ayeshs’s sister scandalized every Muslim at the park that day because she wore a pair of cut-off denim jeans on that hot summer day. I could easily see who was Muslim because they either gave her a disapproving glance or tried to talk to her family to tell them to correct this young Muslim girls’ attire. Note: I was dressed more Muslim than Ayesha’s sister that day. Ayesha was quite embarrassed that day. I told her that her sister was young and she was experimenting with Western garb. She wanted to fit in, she wanted to try western food and read western books too. It wasn’t like her shorts were too short, or that her arms were uncovered. She wasn’t flirting or making a spectacle of herself. From my perspective she looked comfortable, respectable and dressed to effectively cope with the hot weather but, for many that day Samina had crossed a religious line, not mine but theirs. 

Another Muslim girl I knew crossed a line. This time it was an Iranian high schools student who helped me learn some Arabic as she was fluent in both Farsi and Arabic. I hired her as a tutor but, she also agreed to work for me after school when I hosted Hamid and Zia, the two young boys that stayed with me before their medical treatment. I loved these two boys and wanted to adopt them but, the program that brought them to the United States did not want any of the children to stay in the United States after their medical treatment and that was a stipulation that the Syrian businessman had agreed to. My boys were going back to an orphanage even though I wanted to give them a better life. Their body stature and shape told me they had known starvation. Their injuries told me that they were in the midst of trouble. Zia seemed in a lot of pain but he still was always helpful to me. Some of my favorite moments with them were: seeing the glee and smiles that came on their faces when I pushed them on a swing or helped them rock on hobby horses. Or, watching them eat meals with gusto. They loved when I prepared tea for them too. They always looked forward to my husband spending time with them when he arrived home from work. My daughter was just a tyke then and completely learned their language quickly in order to get then to play the games that she wanted them to play. They always smiled at me and acquiesced to her. 

Special moments continued when I was able to assist the Syrian businessman in the children’s care. Since I was a Westchester Christian Housewife at the time, I was available to assist Fez* with managing the children during daytime events. Fez hired a bus to take all the children into New York City to a Middle Eastern restaurant and to go shopping. I went along as a class mother as I had on many of my own children’s events. Fez even complemented me on my handling of the children and compared me to a Saudi woman. Let’s make this clear, I have no idea what he meant. He thought a lot of my help and assistance and was very kind to me until one day when I went awry according to his sensibilities. 

One afternoon, Fez decided to take the whole group of visiting children to a McDonalds restaurant for a quick meal and to play in the playground. I happened to pass a television screen depicting the latest massacre of Jewish people in a synagogue and I made the mistake of showing shock and saying a word of support for the Jews. Fez immediately lite into me and starting yelling at me. He told me some terrible things about the Jews and a vein in his neck started popping out. I felt I was in some movie, where something bad happens to a woman. Even when I am afraid I will try to bring logic and my faith into the forefront of even a deeply heated argument hoping for a good outcome. In this case, Fez was having none of it. In fact, I went from being close to being a good Saudi woman to a “stupid American” who “has no culture.” Ouch. Plus, he told me he had thousands of years of history and I didn’t. I gently pointed out to Fez that I would not be talking to him if I did not have thousands of years of ancestry and culture too. Did I just arise on a shell out of the ocean or could this new country have integrated the experiences of the past into a new matrix? However, Fez was not going to let logic get in the way of his argument. I tried to stay cordial for the sake of the children and even called him about a year after the children went back to the Middle East to see how he was. The children’s hometown was again embroiled in bloodshed. I told him that I regretted not adopting the boys. He asked me not to remind him how he asked me not to adopt them for the sake of the medical exchange program. Sadly, the program ended soon anyway because people who were not connected to Fez took over regional government.* The program was unceremoniously dropped after that. 

As to their Iranian student who assisted me, as soon as she turned 18 years of age, she stopped wearing her hijab. Again, a clash of cultures. As she explained it to me, she told her mother that if she wished her to wear the hijab, she should have kept her in Iran. When she took off her hijab in my backyard one day, she asked me did she look American? She did indeed with her blue eyes and black hair. She almost looked like the black Irish!

Since all my previous experiences, I think the rift between the Middle East and the United States has only gotten worst. Should I wade into the waters of another Middle Eastern friendship or should I leave it alone? Is it even possible to bridge the huge divide that exists in our religious beliefs, culture and politics? There always comes a time when friendship grows with each Muslim person that the topic of their beliefs and mine comes up. It is inevitable that when you get to know someone and grow closer that you share your thoughts and your beliefs on a deeper level. Every single Muslim wished to share the Koran with me and I wished to share faith in Jesus Christ with them. I describe the moment when I first felt God’s presence. I talk about the direction my life has taken after I have decided to follow Jesus and the grace and mercy of Jesus. I talk about the times that I have failed to follow God and the forgiveness that is always available from the most high.

As a Christian and as an American what sort of friendships should I pursue? My husband always thinks that my conservatism naturally draws Muslim friends to me and he is probably right. There are some points of intersection that exist but, there will be limits as to how far the relationship can go too. Will we have a disagreement when a new Middle Eastern development occurs that we might see differently. If Zair comes to my house he might innocently peruse my bookshelves. He might enjoy looking at books that I have about Middle Eastern rugs but, what if he sees the book,”Hostage” by Eli Sharabi about October 7th told from the perspective of a man held hostage?

Here is one of the problems that I always run into with my Muslim friendships: can I ever truly be myself or must I watch what I say all the time? Should I take some books off my shelf, should I make sure that I take down my front door wreath before our would-be friend comes for a visit declaring,”He Is Risen” that I put up every Easter? I love the handcrafted wreath that I made in my church craft class and I keep it up until my daffodils fade and summer is on the way. I love the meaning behind it, Jesus is alive and he is present. Will I compromise my faith, will I succumb to temptation to not follow God? Will my friend feel the same way? 

What is very interesting is that while I find myself holding back on my faith at times in these circumstances I always feel my Muslim friends have always been the first one to bring up the topic of what it means to be a Christian. They want to know if I believe in many gods as the trinity makes them think I do. How can God have a son? And is Allah the same God that I believe in? Every single one of my Muslim friends in a way has forced me to do what I should and plant a seed of understanding into what the Christian faith and the road to heaven is. (2Timothy2:24-And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.) Lord, help me to be a blessing to all whom I meet.

* the names and some details have been slightly changed to protect privacy. The stories are true.

Resurrection Day Vs. Easter Bunny

I have a poster on my refrigerator door that I took out of the Dutch magazine Daphne’s Diary which pronounces “I love Cooking,” and I do. Each holiday has special meaning layered on it by the cuisine associated with that day. There is time and planning that goes into making each meal a special occasion. Then, there is the actual cooking and hospitality that must be attended to. Easter has many wonderful foods anssociated with it. There are Easter breads, lamb and ham. The classic spring vegetables are part of the meal too, such as radishes, carrots, Brussels Sprouts, and lettuce.

This year, I have decided upon lamb as my main course. My mother favored a crown of lamb with a mustard bread crumb crust and fresh kitchen herb flavoring throughout. My father loved ham as the centerpiece of the meal. I love all of the above but, I also love to change things up every year. My husband enjoys lamb lollipops so, I will marianate them in a homemade mint pesto sauce and keep some leftover to have as a dipping sauce. I will serve that on a platter with a pile of lamb sirloin steaks spiced with a blend of ground cumin, coriander, cinnamon and turmeric in the Ras el Hanout flavor style. Simple roasted vegetables will complement that. I let the oven do the work. I will also make an asparagus, Emmentaler Swiss Cheese, and ham bread pudding as a side dish. 

Dessert this year will consist of mini lemon Bundt cakes, homemade ice cream, chocolate covered cookies, individually wrapped candies placed in Easter baskets, and fruit. Cooking has been a lifelong adventure for me. Every year, I make different meals for Easter. I have many recipes to choose from so it never gets boring. I take my inspiration from around the world and have often went outside my own family traditions to add cultural and culinary interest. There have been Eastern European breads and deserts, German and French additions and South American Easter specialities. Do my recipes always come out one hundred percent authentic? Sometimes yes, and sometimes no, since every cooking technique takes time to develop. My aim is fresh, healthy and fun meals.

When it is time to serve dessert, I will offer a chose of tea or coffee. Over the years, I have received coffee carafes and tea pots as gifts. I picked up some from my travels too. I enjoy bringing them out when I have company. This would be a good opportunity to bring out my many tea pots for people to enjoy. I love all of my tea pots!

One of them is a tea pot from Uzbekistan with its’ vibrant cobalt blue and white pattern. The finish is extraordinary and the pot looks like it was made in a kiln, not commercially produced. I still remember my encounter with a group of Uzbeks at a Russian market in years past. My Russian translator stepped away for a few moments to help others in my group and I was left alone wandering a rural farmers market some distance from Moscow. 

As I looked around, I saw a collection of tea pots whose color and beauty drew my attention. I was a little nervous not knowing the language and stood at a distance admiring all the pots. The men selling them were clearly Uzbeks distinct from all the Russian faces at this farmer’s market. These pots bespoke the earth and traditions of their people. As I stared at the different sizes and patterns I realized this was the only souvenir that I really wanted to bring home and enjoy. 

I have been reading scriptures specifically associated with Easter but, upon reflection I realize the entire Bible always points to the eventual sacrifice, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ when you look really closely. Passover, which is now being celebrated by Jews around the world, describes a deliverance after a blood sacrifice from an unblemished lamb. The blood of an animal had to oft be repeated in recompense for the sins of the Jewish nation. “Your lamb shall be without blemish, a male of the first year: ye shall take it out from the sheep, or from the goats”-Exodus 12:5.

All over the world, people somehow intuited that this should be done. “I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you.”- in part, Exodus 12:13. However, an animal was not the solution but it pointed to the solution. It would point to and give understanding to the eventual blood of a sinless man being a final propitiation for sin forevermore. “By the which will we be sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all”-Hebrews 10:10.

What can I do to make this Easter special after all that Jesus did for me? Nothing. There is nothing that I can do that is anywhere near equal to what he has done. I see what Jesus has done as I read the news headlines around the world. What a mess we are, all of us, if we would only draw nearer to Jesus some of this would get better. “For by grace are ye saved through faith and that not of yourselves: its the gift of God: not of works, lest any man should boast”-Ephesians 2:8-9.

Just as I preview the meal and ready for its’ execution and try to anticipate the needs of my guests, I must also take time to think of their spiritual needs too. The people who will be sitting around the table are at different places with Jesus. There are those who don’t believe in him, there are some immature Christians who will be present and in need of guidance, as well as seasoned Christians. 

As I pull trays of perfectly cooked vegetables out of the oven, and I am satisfied that my light and airy lemon cakes will satisfy, I know that central to the event are spiritual matters. What do my guests think of Jesus and the Easter message? What questions will come up at dinner and in the next week or two when I welcome some guests for a visit?

I realize that while I put in a lot of time and energy to make sure that I am a hospitable hostess, that I have spent precious little time thinking about their spiritual needs. I am being like Martha in the story of Mary and Martha in the Bible. For a reminder of that story go to Luke 10:28-42 and John 11 and 12. Mary was more concerned with spiritual things and Martha was more concerned with the physical needs of her guests. So, after everything is cooked except the lamb dishes that I will cook after church, I decide it is time to open my bible. 

From year to year, the time of Easter brings discussions of the origin of the holiday. No, not the commeration of Jesus’ death and resurrection but the pagan origins of the term Easter and its’ background. There are many in the Christian world who would like to give up the name of Easter and instead use the expression Resurrection Day to point directly to what the meaning of this holiday is. 

Then, there are Christians who correctly point out the biblical directive not to celebrate holidays should mean we don’t have a Resurrection Day Celebration but instead have that celebration in our hearts throughout the year. It is hard to argue with any of these things since Catholics in effect did not allow people to decide if they wanted to follow Jesus or Eostre the fertility goddess whose spring holiday celebrated her arrival with eggs and bunnies. Instead, they simply overlaid the pagan practices with Christian ideas and because of that we have been living with compromise of Christian principles ever since. We have a mismosh of ancient pagan rituals mixed with Judeo-Christian beliefs. 

We have created some sort of Frankenstein monster by putting all these parts together thinking that we are creating something good but instead have compromised what God has said. It’s what we human beings do. So, I have learned to personally try and bring out different points to help people where they are in this battle between Resurrection Day VS Easter Bunny. 

We are all in a spiritual journey with God whether we know it or not. God desires that all should come to him. If we knock, he will answer but change often does not come easy and we wrestle with the principles of living a godly life. Of all the things we wrestle with, it is ludicrous to include the cult of the Easter Bunny with that. Don’t underestimate the dark forces behind this for the devil masquerades as an angel of light. “Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. For in him dwelleth all the fullness of the Godhead bodily”-Colossians 2:8-9.

I have to allow the fruits of the Holy Spirit to shine through in my hospitality and in my discussions regarding the meaning of Jesus’ life, death and resurrection. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness, and self-control”-Galatians 5:22-23.

Harley Gets A Perm

What is a home? Does a nursing home qualify? I am determined to stand by Harley* after she’s been confined to a nursing home. Her life has gone downhill lately. She has had health problems for a while but, these health problems seem to be accelerating. Plus, she recently became a widow. Harley has gone down a black hole since losing her husband of fifty-six years. How could she not? The Bible describes a marriage as two people coming together to become one. If that is true, coming apart in death is like losing a part of yourself. It’s devastating. 

The Bible also has many verses entreating us to care for those in need. That was my goal last year when Harley had a medical procedure. That procedure should have been simple but, unfortunately, it lead to a stroke. Next, there was physical therapy and improvement. However, that improvement did not last as long as I had hoped before she contracted salmonella and was hospitalized again. That was a huge setback for Harley and all the progress that she had made in physical therapy was lost. I tried to visit her weekly. I pulled out my whole Mary Poppins bag of tricks which included books, magazines and homemade food in hopes of cheering her up. 

Throughout all of Harley’s ailments her husband Shane* stood by her magnificently. He visited her every single day. He washed her clothes weekly and brought her favorite foods to the rehabilitation facility. He cared for her many needs sacrifically and showed her unconditional love. That included helping her to walk, lifting her and helping her in the bathroom when necessary. He kissed her everyday and told her that he loved her. That old US Steelworker looked like Popeye when he was young and he proved his mettle during the contest of old age. He lived every moment with gusto, love and never waivered in his faith. He died suddenly while Harley was in a nursing care facility recuperating and now she will never come home again. 

Their daughter Vanessa* doesn’t seem to much care for her mom and was always closer to her father. Throughout the years, it appears Shane encouraged this little rivalry and did nothing to bring the two closer. Spousification? Or, did Shane have inappropriate boundaries with his daughter? He made some decisions with Vanessa that he should have made with his wife and I told him so.

Some Christian families let problems fester and don’t always seek godly solutions that are explicitly pointed to in the Bible. It sometimes seems easier to follow dysfunctional family patterns rather than to do it God’s way. But, God’s way is the right way. For Vanessa I feel that would mean a study of the biblical principle of honoring a parent.  

Somehow that concept didn’t come into play for Vanessa when dealing with her mother’s current needs. Shane died suddenly less than a month ago. It was a shock to all of us, especially Harley. He was living life to the fullest and then he suddenly died. Shane and Harley’s daughter Vanessa is a female entrepreneur who runs several businesses. She is always on the phone and busy as heck. She likes it that way, it’s convenient if you know what I mean. My first impression of her was she’s… well we have a name for that in Westchester which begins with a B but, I have to keep trying to uphold a Christian standard.

People like Vanessa do not make that easy. She seems to look people over all the time and it’s pretty clear that practically nobody makes the grade. She didn’t dare do that to me, instead she just acted bored. She pulled this when we ran into each other at her parents house once. I entreated her come on over to the table and hang out with your mom and I while her dad hung out with my husband. She was presenting anti-social but, my approach was to kill her with kindness. That did not work so much. She wouldn’t die to her bad attitude. She needed Jesus but, I thought that she already had him? 

When Shane died, Vanessa was on business in Florida, she did not even come back to be with her mother who was alone in a nursing home. It was Harley who called me and I came down to comfort her as soon as I could. Our Pastor was there too. Vanessa sent some of her sons to break the news to their grandmother but, they ended up making a mess of it. They were young men not yet fully equipped to handle the situation and for the most part muddled the whole thing. Vanessa should have been there. 

Speaking of Westchester County, I know CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies, and brain surgeons who made themselves available to their mothers under such circumstances. Vanessa had no excuses. Vanessa informed everyone that she was going to set up a memorial service for him at a more convenient time for herself. She left Harley out of planning her own husband’s funeral. Harley wanted a burial, Vanessa wanted cremation. Harley wanted a traditional wake and funeral but Vanessa literally did not care. Harley was asking for her dad to be put in a suit for his cremation. Harley said, “it doesn’t matter because it’s a cremation.” Vanessa has still not allowed her mother to see her own husbands’ ashes which are currently on her farmhouse mantle place.

When Harley had a stroke last year, Shane motivated Harley to beat the odds and return home. Harley worked hard at her physical therapy and somehow managed (with Shane in her corner) to walk and talk again. Even the rehab center was amazed. Until just two days before Shane died, he still was trying to get nursing care in the home so his wife could return there. That dream was kept alive by Shane this past year throughout Harley’s many health challenges. Shane and Harley are of a generation that did not put parents in nursing homes. I don’t think Vanessa understands that. Indeed, Harley’s mom died at home in about the same shape that Harley is in. She was never put in a nursing home. 

However, all those dreams died when Shane died and Vanessa just wants to park her mom in a nursing home, give away her things and have an end to it. Harley and Shane have a large family. Yet, Harley was mostly left to suffer the loss of her husband alone. Why is she being emotionally shut down by many who are close to her? The answer lies in selfishness, lack of empathy and also distaste for the aged. Harley has a lot of feelings about everything that she is going through. The nursing home that she will now call home is not one of the worst that I have seen. They have activities and even counselors available to help Harley deal with her loss. Nevertheless, Harley is not ready to concede that she will be unable to ever return home. She still can’t even believe that her husband has passed away. 

From what I have gathered, Harley is experiencing two deaths. The death of her husband and the loss of her home all at once. That is a lot of trauma to process and it takes time and attention. So many of the people at our church and in her family are of the mindset that she should just be quiet and accept the reality of her situation. There seems to be very little sympathy for what she is feeling. I don’t agree with that.

My weekly visits to Harley have been gut-wretching as I have seen a woman lose everything in a very short amount of time. Loss of love, and loss of the place that she felt safe in. It’s now the whole new reality of living in a nursing home is beginning to set in too. From what I see there, she has no control over her daily life. There is no privacy and control over anything that she does. It is loud all the time, and the lights are always on. Plus, she is a shy person who has just been thrown together with  a group of people that she doesn’t know and is being expected to accept that.That is not easy for a naturally introverted person. I have tried to give her an outlet for the emotions that she feels and a safe place to contemplate solutions.

In so doing, I have gotten myself yet again into the whirlpool of family dysfunction. The family war seems to have headed in an unlikely direction in recent weeks as Harley thought about what she would wear and how her hair might be done for Shane’s memorial service. I have known for some time that Vanessa likes her mother in a short hairstyle and I have heard Harley’s repeated desire for a medium length permanent. 

Recently, out of the blue, Harley told me that her daughter had made arrangements for her to get a short haircut. I asked Harley did she “want to get a short haircut?” Her answer was an adamant “no.” Then, why are you getting a short haircut” I asked, wading into the warm whirlpool forming before me. Her answer was because, “I am afraid to stand up to my daughter.” A church member seemed to suggest that Harley was trying to manipulate me into taking her side. That could only occur if I am not aware that this family struggles in the area of control and passive aggressive manipulation. However, I was aware.

Here’s the bottom line for me. I believe that with all that Harley is going through why would you not let your mom get the haircut that she would like? Why is a women’s hair always a battleground? Aren’t there more important issues in the world? I offered to buy a gift certificate that is offered by the nursing home for a salon visit. Her birthday is less than a month away. She seemed to agree to it. 

However, when I returned the following week, Harley informed me that her daughter had gotten her that haircut. It looked awful. It was akin to the haircut that is given to prisoners upon entering jail. It was the haircut that she would have to wear when she attends her husband’s memorial service I thought.  I assumed that would be the end to it but, it wasn’t because Harley was not satisfied and informed me that she had made an appointment at the in-house salon to give her a permanent.

Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh goes the whirlpool. “Harley is your healthcare agency or your daughter going to pay for this?” Harley said,“I know my daughter refuses to pay for it.” I made the decision to support her in this. So, I purchased a nursing home gift certificate that is redeemable at their in-house salon. Today, was her appointment. I know her daughter will not be happy when she sees that her mom got a curly hairdo but, isn’t that almost laughable? Could this hairdo be a way that Harley is rebelling against her daughter? It’s possible but, I hope that at some point both mother and daughter can start acting like mature Christian ladies and work through these problems. God saw fit to take Vanessa’s favorite parent first and leave her to care for the one she likes least. I have seen this happen before many times. I think it is God’s way of giving everyone a chance to work things out. 

This past fall, Harley told me that she always wanted to have a Meyer lemon tree. I told her that I also always wanted to try and raise one too. These are the little things that girlfriends bond over. Unbeknownst, to her I procured two scrawny half-dead looking Meyer lemon trees after that and decided to nurse them back to health this past winter. They did well under my grow lights and seem ready for a spring revival but I am realizing that Harley is never coming home. Now, her Meyer lemon tree and mine sits outside my front door soaking in the new spring sun, growing and thriving, a vestige of Harley’s broken dreams. 

Harley just called me from the nursing home to tell me that she got her permanent done and she loves it. She feels respectable as she plans for her husband’s memorial service. I sort of think Harley will enjoy defying her daughter’s dictates too. Her daughter has finally planned a memorial service for her father. It will be in two weeks. Harley has asked me to stand beside her as she eulogizes her husband. I am sure that she is nervous about that and needs some moral support.I told her that it would be an honor to stand beside her. I believe that some in her family may not be happy about it. I will be praying for Shane’s family to find new avenues of connection in the days ahead. I pray that they could all listen more, compromise more and love one another as Jesus has loved them. Maybe then, a nursing home could qualify as a home.

* some of the names and stories are changed to protect privacy.

* the names were changed to protect privacy.