Do you believe that old expression, "It is better to have loved and loss than never to have loved at all?" That expression always bothered me since I first heard it in childhood. It seems like such a negative view of the world and it's ability to love. Isn't it saying that this world is short on love, so be happy if you get some little crumb of love? This week I am reflecting on this topic.
Love and loss seems all around us some time. In this season of weddings, I was very saddened to learn that a wedding, which I was planning to attend, was canceled. The invitations had been sent, and I was already thinking what gift to buy for this couple and what I would wear to the event. A short time after that, I received a call from the mother of the bride tearfully telling me that the wedding was off!
I also learned this week that an old friend was moving to California. I was really saddened by this. Clara* was someone that I really connected to. Things had never been the same for Clara since she had gotten divorced from her husband. I know that moving nearer to some family members would make her feel less alone, but I sorely felt my loss. Our relationship would not be the same with her moving three thousand miles away.
This, at the same time that I had been estranged from my friend Frankie* for two months. Frankie stopped talking to me and my husband when he perceived that I did not support him as he struggled through a property-line dispute. I did not say or do what he expected me to do in the situation. As a result, he was done with me!
In the last couple of months I have been experiencing or seeing a lot of failed relationships. Gee, this love thing is not so easy. Should I just feel happy for the good times that I had with Clara and Frankie and accept that things change? Or, happy that the above-mentioned couple called off their wedding before they made a big mistake? Maybe.
But, what I really felt was a sense of loss. I felt the hurt and loss that this couple will feel as the result of their break-up. Each time we love and loose we will grapple with pessimism and trust issues. I felt the hurt and loss of time that I would have spent with Clara: doing crafts, laughing, and crying together. Face -to-face times of refreshment. There are no hugs while greeting her from my phone screen.
As far as my friendship with Frankie was concerned, it was hard not to get depressed over the loss of a close friend like Frankie. And for what? Because I didn't agree with the way he handled a dispute that he had with his neighbor? What more could I have done? I told him that I understood how he felt. I also took a lot of time to go over scripture which could support and help him toward a godly response.
A lot of love and loss occurs because we are unwilling to work on ourselves and work to maintain our relationships. We fail to appreciate the value of friends and family and take them for granted. Then, we miss them when they are gone. God is so patient with us, so we must be patient with others. God loves us with an everlasting love, so that must be our standard too.
Sometimes, like in the case of Frankie, we can not brook constructive criticism. We will break an engagement, ruin a good friendship, or reject a family member because we don't agree with something that is said to us. How foolish we are and how petty. Frequently people are telling us the truth. In my case with Frankie, I could not go along with his way of doing things. I knew it to be ungodly. As much as I loved him, I could not agree with him.
Sometimes, when we grew up in a family that did not know how to handle conflicts within their ranks or in the greater community properly, we struggle with this our whole lives. The result is broken family, friendships and conflict at work and in our neighborhood. It needn't be this way. In fact, a large swath of the Bible is concerned with teaching us new ways of living
.
What are some of these ways of living? Firstly, be self-aware. Far from the stereotype that the media plays of Christians being emotionally shut-down, the Word of God encourages us to "consider our ways." It is essential to reflect on our ways of doing things and think about the wisdom of our actions. Therefore, the Bible encourages us to have self-awareness.and to consider our thoughts and behavior very carefully. 'This is what the Lord God Almighty says," Give careful thought to your ways."-Haggai 1:7
Secondly, accountability is essential. We are to be accountable to God and one another. One of the foundations of a fulfilling relationship is accountability. In a loving relationship we need to be able to hear what others have to say about things and value their contributions to our life and well-being. We must humbly accept that we don't always see things clearly and further, that we don't know everything. "Without counsel purposes are disappointed :But in the multitude of counsellers they are established."-Proverbs 15:22
Finally, realize that people move away or pass away from this world every day. Therefore, treasure the moments that you have with people in your life. Appreciate the gift of friendship that has been given to you by God. Thank God for this gift and show appreciation. This won't heal every relationship or solve all your inter-personal problems, but it's a start!
P.S.- Good news everyone. Frankie and I have worked things out. However, my husband and Frankie have yet to patch things up. Please keep the situation in prayer. Thank you.
* the names have been changed.
Friday, June 30, 2017
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
What does your driving say about your relationship with God?
All of our actions tell a tale of who we are and what we believe. So come take a ride with me on the roads of Westchester County,N.Y. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they drive. Charlize* and Jade* attended the same Church and for convenience sake decided to car-pool. They both live in Rockland County across the bridge from their Church in Westchester. However, Charlize got more than she bargained for the first time Jade picked her up. Jade's car was cut off by another car on the highway. This is an experience that we all have, no? Charlize held on to her seat as mild-mannered Jade put her foot on the gas pedal and dodged through traffic in order to "get that driver back." She weaved in and out of traffic until she got in front of that car and then slammed her foot on the breaks, causing that driver to have to hit his brakes also! By this point, Charlize's heart was beating rapidly. "Jade what are you doing?" Charlize yelled. With an air of victory, Jade replies, "haven't you ever heard of a Bronx Brake Job?"
Then there is Jacques*. Jacques volunteered to take an aging group of ladies to a political event here in Westchester County. I thought this was very nice since a few of those ladies would not have been able to attend the event otherwise. One of the ladies is legally blind. On the highway, Jacques is unhappy with other drivers and complains out loud about how slow everyone is driving. Note to self Jacques: it can't always be everyone else, sometimes it is you! He imagines all sorts of things that aren't true, such as that other drivers are out to get him. Pretty soon he is rolling down his window and shouting "f**k y*u" to random people.
Shall I go on? Then there is Olivia*. Olivia is just about the sweetest and kindest person that I know. Until she gets behind the wheel of her car. It is then that she does not have the patience of Job! "Why won't she turn, this is a right-on-red State!" Or, "what's he waiting for, honk, honk!" All day long in Westchester County, I see people crossing double yellow lines or cutting off trucks and school buses because people did not leave enough time to get where they are going. Did you ever notice how when a traffic lane is closed that people usually don't take turns merging into the single lane? People honk when there is the slightest little traffic jam on a residential block, even if it is only 7 o'clock in the morning and your car is a few feet from someone's front door. Honking should be used for safety and not to try to rush a driver ahead of you who is only waiting for an elderly person to safely cross the street or is dealing with a construction zone. Our car radios are our business and need not be foisted upon everyone who is trying to sleep after an overnight work shift or walking past our car on the street. The decibel level of groups of cars honking and loud radio playing is unhealthy.
The way we drive tells a lot about where we are emotionally and spiritually. It tells us what we think and feel about others and must be addressed. The fruit of a godly life is seen in a person's character. When Jade takes dangerous chances putting both her life and Charlize's in danger merely to pay back another person on the highway, she shows us how fruitless the cycle of revenge is. Attending church and ministry events will not change our way of doing things until we are willing to address the false philosophy's that we are playing out. Jade is a perfect example of this because she faithfully attended every women's ministry event at Church and reads her bible everyday.
Jacques was always ready to lend a helping hand to those in need or to volunteer in his community. But, he drives too fast and does not understand how to give and take on the road. He struggles with feelings of paranoia and anger as he drives. He has dismissed his wife's complaints over the years. He even dismissed the comments of Mrs.A****** as he drove her to that political rally. Even a blind woman tried to help Jacques but he himself seemed blind to his true self.
Crossing double lines, trying to unfairly pull ahead of others are behaviors that all break either societal or moral laws. We may not even realize it but these infractions add up to create quality of life issues for all of us. Would you think twice about speeding if I told you that many parents in my community have stopped letting their children walk to school because of fear of speeding drivers? Many people commuting to work have nothing on their mind except getting to their job on time. Nothing or no body else matters. May I suggest getting up an hour earlier? Must we wonder why children are the fastest growing segment of the population struggling with obesity? Many parents are afraid to let their children play outside, so much so, that these children end up living sedentary lifestyles.
Take a few minutes and think about what your driving indicates about you. It may be time to reframe the way you think about some things. We must play fairly on the road of life. We have to share the road with other drivers. Loving our neighbor includes those on the road. Let's aim to be the kind of person that the Apostle Paul describes in his letter to the Galatian people:
*the names are changed.
Then there is Jacques*. Jacques volunteered to take an aging group of ladies to a political event here in Westchester County. I thought this was very nice since a few of those ladies would not have been able to attend the event otherwise. One of the ladies is legally blind. On the highway, Jacques is unhappy with other drivers and complains out loud about how slow everyone is driving. Note to self Jacques: it can't always be everyone else, sometimes it is you! He imagines all sorts of things that aren't true, such as that other drivers are out to get him. Pretty soon he is rolling down his window and shouting "f**k y*u" to random people.
Shall I go on? Then there is Olivia*. Olivia is just about the sweetest and kindest person that I know. Until she gets behind the wheel of her car. It is then that she does not have the patience of Job! "Why won't she turn, this is a right-on-red State!" Or, "what's he waiting for, honk, honk!" All day long in Westchester County, I see people crossing double yellow lines or cutting off trucks and school buses because people did not leave enough time to get where they are going. Did you ever notice how when a traffic lane is closed that people usually don't take turns merging into the single lane? People honk when there is the slightest little traffic jam on a residential block, even if it is only 7 o'clock in the morning and your car is a few feet from someone's front door. Honking should be used for safety and not to try to rush a driver ahead of you who is only waiting for an elderly person to safely cross the street or is dealing with a construction zone. Our car radios are our business and need not be foisted upon everyone who is trying to sleep after an overnight work shift or walking past our car on the street. The decibel level of groups of cars honking and loud radio playing is unhealthy.
The way we drive tells a lot about where we are emotionally and spiritually. It tells us what we think and feel about others and must be addressed. The fruit of a godly life is seen in a person's character. When Jade takes dangerous chances putting both her life and Charlize's in danger merely to pay back another person on the highway, she shows us how fruitless the cycle of revenge is. Attending church and ministry events will not change our way of doing things until we are willing to address the false philosophy's that we are playing out. Jade is a perfect example of this because she faithfully attended every women's ministry event at Church and reads her bible everyday.
Jacques was always ready to lend a helping hand to those in need or to volunteer in his community. But, he drives too fast and does not understand how to give and take on the road. He struggles with feelings of paranoia and anger as he drives. He has dismissed his wife's complaints over the years. He even dismissed the comments of Mrs.A****** as he drove her to that political rally. Even a blind woman tried to help Jacques but he himself seemed blind to his true self.
Crossing double lines, trying to unfairly pull ahead of others are behaviors that all break either societal or moral laws. We may not even realize it but these infractions add up to create quality of life issues for all of us. Would you think twice about speeding if I told you that many parents in my community have stopped letting their children walk to school because of fear of speeding drivers? Many people commuting to work have nothing on their mind except getting to their job on time. Nothing or no body else matters. May I suggest getting up an hour earlier? Must we wonder why children are the fastest growing segment of the population struggling with obesity? Many parents are afraid to let their children play outside, so much so, that these children end up living sedentary lifestyles.
Take a few minutes and think about what your driving indicates about you. It may be time to reframe the way you think about some things. We must play fairly on the road of life. We have to share the road with other drivers. Loving our neighbor includes those on the road. Let's aim to be the kind of person that the Apostle Paul describes in his letter to the Galatian people:
Galatians 5:22-23King James Version (KJV)
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
*the names are changed.
Monday, June 12, 2017
Jailed & Unlovable
Who are the most unlovable people in society? My first inclination would be to say anyone incarcerated. Yes, the men and women who are in prison struggle to find acceptance in their families and in their communities.
For the people who are guilty, they are in prison because they have breeched societal and moral laws. The crimes run the gamut from smaller to larger. A person can have a traffic violation, be in for domestic abuse, drug charges all the way up to serial murder. Then there are the sexual crimes of rape and pedophilia. Nowadays, there also seems to be many cases of terrorism too.
How can we handle it when a family member or a friend is incarcerated? How does the man or woman in prison handle all of it? And, what is our approach if we are Christians? These are complex and challenging questions.
When someone you love is incarcerated there is a whole panoply of emotions released such as: anger, shame, and grief. There can be a sense of justice or even relief since families often know what their loved ones have been doing. Sometimes, the separation is welcomed when there has been ongoing abuse or criminality. There can even be guilt because, although we love someone, we are also glad they are not in the home anymore or we know that they deserve the punishment.
What of the person in prison? They too go through a vast array of similar emotions. They are embarrassed and ashamed. Many of them are deeply depressed. Some prisoners know they have done wrong and earnestly repent for what they have done. Some accept responsibility for what they have done and understand that they need to pay their "debt to society." Others, do not.
Often, incarceration represents the end result of a lifetime of dysfunction. Criminals just don't happen. They have to be taught to steal or beat their wives and then practice the behavior. Many people in prison have or will be diagnosed with a psychological ailment. Frequently, the family was in denial about the mental disorder all along or even negligent in the care of such a person. Do they also bear responsibility?
In the case of Harry*, he had a father who beat him and his mother. He ended up in prison for the same offense. Long-held family notions of female ownership and anger issues have been a recipe for family dysfunction for generations. Families are enablers when they allow bad things to go on and make excuses. When Harry got arrested and convicted for beating his wife, his children disowned him. Harry was heart-broken. He was lonely and wanted to receive telephone calls, letters and visits. His children wanted to forget about Harry. They hated him. They wanted to pay him back for all the wrong that he had done to them in their childhoods. Yet, will this bring them happiness? The answer is no.
Then there is the story of Darlene.* I reached out to help a disabled and traumatized girl at a church about seven years ago. Her name was Keisha.* Keisha was originally from Oakland, California but was residing in Westchester County, N.Y. while she attended NYU (New York University). She had been given a scholarship based on economic and social needs. She had a drive and motivation to get as far away from her mother, Darlene, and her dysfunctional family as was possible. She wrote a compelling essay to NYU with her college application describing the horrific circumstances of her life. Those circumstances included having a mother in jail for Grand Theft.
Darlene had taken advantage of not just a boss, but a college buddy who gave her a job when she was in need. She used her position as an accountant to steal $30,000 from her friend and employer. A man who gave her children Christmas gifts when they had none. A man who was loved by Darlene's children, especially Keisha, like family. If that wasn't bad enough, Darlene stole her daughter's identity and ruined her credit. Keisha had succeeded in gettting 3,000 miles away from her mother when she got accepted to NYU. She thought she had finally escaped from her mother, but had she?
Biblical wisdom and a relationship with God can give us insight into what we are feeling and lead us toward healing and regeneration. Do you remember the story of Judas Iscariot? He was one of the very closest associates of Jesus Christ. It is heart-breaking to think that one so close to Jesus would actually choose to betray him. Isn't it equally heart-breaking to think of how Harry and Darlene had chosen to betray those so close to them? The story of Judas Iscariot gives us much insight into the feelings we have as human beings when we feel betrayed. 'But Jesus said to him,"Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?"-Luke 22:48. Through much prayer and supplication we can begin to develop an approach for dealing with the prisoners in our midst.
Just as Jesus advised his followers to not take revenge on those who betrayed Him, we are wise not to try to get back at people who have hurt us by hurting them back. Sometimes we wish to get our spouses or parents back for betraying us. But, we choose not to do that. This would only begin a process that will bring long-term bad results in our lives. "He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword"-Mathew 26:52. Also in the Gospel of Matthew we read in Chapter 5:39 that if someone slaps us on one cheek we are to offer the other cheek. This is an often misunderstood verse, which really intends to show us the futility of the power struggle of revenge and violence.
In the above story, both Harry's children and Keisha had a partial motivation of paying back their loved ones by withholding mercy and love. But, they also mistrusted and feared their parent. Writing or visiting a family member does not mean you condone what they have done. It also does not mean ignoring the problems. In fact, it is critically essential to deal with the true facts of your family history and dynamics. You need to tell your incarcerated family member just how you feel. Are you physically, and emotionally safe in this relationship? If the answer is no, you need to stay away from that situation. But, it does not mean that you should not come to forgiveness and acceptance of the situation that you are in.
Processing the complex emotions that you have ensures that you will truly escape the family problems that may reach into your life. For example, Keisha managed to get far away from her mother. She did not want to talk or think about her mother. She was sure that she would never make any of the mistakes that her mother Darlene had made. But, the roots of family dysfunction reach deep into our life and we must work hard to weed them out. We might not realize that what we saw occurring in our childhood homes becomes our default setting of behavior. Keisha ended up taking advantage of a nice Christian guy that she dated. She used him financially. This left him feeling betrayed. She skipped out on rent with a roommate. She ended up using my address and claiming I was her mother. I received letters and telephone calls for years from billing agencies and car companies looking for payments from Keisha.
God tells us to forgive, so, that we can be forgiven for the things that we have done. Keisha needs to both forgive her mother and receive forgiveness from those she has hurt, including God. This is the human condition. We are sinners just as much as the imprisoned men and women that we may know. Hebrews 13:3 tells us "remember the prisoners." This verse encourages us to have mercy even for those people who have hurt us and others in a most egregious way. If we as Christians do not try to teach them about God, thereby ensuring their growth and change, who will?
There is hope that someone in prison can repent and change the whole direction of their life. That hope is in God Almighty. "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Write a letter to an incarcerated relative, tell them how you feel. Ask them why they did what they did and if they are sorry for it. Tell them about Jesus. Include this passage from 1 John 1:9 which says,"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
*names have been changed.
For the people who are guilty, they are in prison because they have breeched societal and moral laws. The crimes run the gamut from smaller to larger. A person can have a traffic violation, be in for domestic abuse, drug charges all the way up to serial murder. Then there are the sexual crimes of rape and pedophilia. Nowadays, there also seems to be many cases of terrorism too.
How can we handle it when a family member or a friend is incarcerated? How does the man or woman in prison handle all of it? And, what is our approach if we are Christians? These are complex and challenging questions.
When someone you love is incarcerated there is a whole panoply of emotions released such as: anger, shame, and grief. There can be a sense of justice or even relief since families often know what their loved ones have been doing. Sometimes, the separation is welcomed when there has been ongoing abuse or criminality. There can even be guilt because, although we love someone, we are also glad they are not in the home anymore or we know that they deserve the punishment.
What of the person in prison? They too go through a vast array of similar emotions. They are embarrassed and ashamed. Many of them are deeply depressed. Some prisoners know they have done wrong and earnestly repent for what they have done. Some accept responsibility for what they have done and understand that they need to pay their "debt to society." Others, do not.
Often, incarceration represents the end result of a lifetime of dysfunction. Criminals just don't happen. They have to be taught to steal or beat their wives and then practice the behavior. Many people in prison have or will be diagnosed with a psychological ailment. Frequently, the family was in denial about the mental disorder all along or even negligent in the care of such a person. Do they also bear responsibility?
In the case of Harry*, he had a father who beat him and his mother. He ended up in prison for the same offense. Long-held family notions of female ownership and anger issues have been a recipe for family dysfunction for generations. Families are enablers when they allow bad things to go on and make excuses. When Harry got arrested and convicted for beating his wife, his children disowned him. Harry was heart-broken. He was lonely and wanted to receive telephone calls, letters and visits. His children wanted to forget about Harry. They hated him. They wanted to pay him back for all the wrong that he had done to them in their childhoods. Yet, will this bring them happiness? The answer is no.
Then there is the story of Darlene.* I reached out to help a disabled and traumatized girl at a church about seven years ago. Her name was Keisha.* Keisha was originally from Oakland, California but was residing in Westchester County, N.Y. while she attended NYU (New York University). She had been given a scholarship based on economic and social needs. She had a drive and motivation to get as far away from her mother, Darlene, and her dysfunctional family as was possible. She wrote a compelling essay to NYU with her college application describing the horrific circumstances of her life. Those circumstances included having a mother in jail for Grand Theft.
Darlene had taken advantage of not just a boss, but a college buddy who gave her a job when she was in need. She used her position as an accountant to steal $30,000 from her friend and employer. A man who gave her children Christmas gifts when they had none. A man who was loved by Darlene's children, especially Keisha, like family. If that wasn't bad enough, Darlene stole her daughter's identity and ruined her credit. Keisha had succeeded in gettting 3,000 miles away from her mother when she got accepted to NYU. She thought she had finally escaped from her mother, but had she?
Biblical wisdom and a relationship with God can give us insight into what we are feeling and lead us toward healing and regeneration. Do you remember the story of Judas Iscariot? He was one of the very closest associates of Jesus Christ. It is heart-breaking to think that one so close to Jesus would actually choose to betray him. Isn't it equally heart-breaking to think of how Harry and Darlene had chosen to betray those so close to them? The story of Judas Iscariot gives us much insight into the feelings we have as human beings when we feel betrayed. 'But Jesus said to him,"Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?"-Luke 22:48. Through much prayer and supplication we can begin to develop an approach for dealing with the prisoners in our midst.
Just as Jesus advised his followers to not take revenge on those who betrayed Him, we are wise not to try to get back at people who have hurt us by hurting them back. Sometimes we wish to get our spouses or parents back for betraying us. But, we choose not to do that. This would only begin a process that will bring long-term bad results in our lives. "He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword"-Mathew 26:52. Also in the Gospel of Matthew we read in Chapter 5:39 that if someone slaps us on one cheek we are to offer the other cheek. This is an often misunderstood verse, which really intends to show us the futility of the power struggle of revenge and violence.
In the above story, both Harry's children and Keisha had a partial motivation of paying back their loved ones by withholding mercy and love. But, they also mistrusted and feared their parent. Writing or visiting a family member does not mean you condone what they have done. It also does not mean ignoring the problems. In fact, it is critically essential to deal with the true facts of your family history and dynamics. You need to tell your incarcerated family member just how you feel. Are you physically, and emotionally safe in this relationship? If the answer is no, you need to stay away from that situation. But, it does not mean that you should not come to forgiveness and acceptance of the situation that you are in.
Processing the complex emotions that you have ensures that you will truly escape the family problems that may reach into your life. For example, Keisha managed to get far away from her mother. She did not want to talk or think about her mother. She was sure that she would never make any of the mistakes that her mother Darlene had made. But, the roots of family dysfunction reach deep into our life and we must work hard to weed them out. We might not realize that what we saw occurring in our childhood homes becomes our default setting of behavior. Keisha ended up taking advantage of a nice Christian guy that she dated. She used him financially. This left him feeling betrayed. She skipped out on rent with a roommate. She ended up using my address and claiming I was her mother. I received letters and telephone calls for years from billing agencies and car companies looking for payments from Keisha.
God tells us to forgive, so, that we can be forgiven for the things that we have done. Keisha needs to both forgive her mother and receive forgiveness from those she has hurt, including God. This is the human condition. We are sinners just as much as the imprisoned men and women that we may know. Hebrews 13:3 tells us "remember the prisoners." This verse encourages us to have mercy even for those people who have hurt us and others in a most egregious way. If we as Christians do not try to teach them about God, thereby ensuring their growth and change, who will?
There is hope that someone in prison can repent and change the whole direction of their life. That hope is in God Almighty. "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Write a letter to an incarcerated relative, tell them how you feel. Ask them why they did what they did and if they are sorry for it. Tell them about Jesus. Include this passage from 1 John 1:9 which says,"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
*names have been changed.
Monday, May 29, 2017
1 Kings 21 & Me
Reading the Bible every morning is a great way to start your day. I know that it is not easy to find time in your daily schedule to read the Bible but it is well worth it. The blessings that come from a daily reading of the Bible are clarity and direction for your life. Just the other day, we opened up the Word to 1 Kings 21 and received such blessings.
1 Kings 21 tells the story of King Ahab attempting to procure the vineyard of a local Jewish man named Naboth. The story begins when King Ahab makes a plea to buy the property that Naboth owns. He tells Naboth that his property is close to his palace and he would like to buy it for a good price and place his own garden there. Money is no object. What does Naboth want? A better than market value price? Perhaps a better vineyard somewhere else?
What ensues is a tale of human treachery and God intervention. King Ahab made an offer which was declined, but he was not willing to accept the answer that Naboth gave him. Naboth explained that he could not sell his land because the Lord gave the land to his tribe and to his people the Jews. King Ahab and his wife Jezebel did not accept this answer. Instead, they had a plan to bring him down so they could get their hands on this land which they coveted. They falsely accused him of treason and he was sentenced to death by stoning.
The King leads a powerful and privileged life, yet with all his power as the King of the Northern Kingdom of Israel he tantrums like a reality television star when he learns Naboth will not sell him his vineyard. He has not learned to be grateful for what he has and finds another man's property to be the object of his affection. It reminds me of the sort of discontent that Eve had in the Garden of Eden. "We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; "but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said 'you shall not eat it, nor touch it, lest you die.'" Genesis 3:2-3
There are many King Ahab's in Westchester County, New York and in our world. People who think the world is their oyster and you had just better get out of the way! The week that I read 1 Kings 21, I also heard that a new Westchester luxury apartment building had gone up in flames. This fire appears to be no accident. This luxury building had just celebrated its' grand opening and would be welcoming new tenants shortly. But, now, all that was on hold as police and fire officials tried to determine who was responsible for this fire. The possibilities are : disgruntled construction workers, or community members unhappy with the development project. Thoughts of King Ahab come to mind as I think of the evil of setting a building on fire.
It seems that real estate deals and business not going someone's way has been and still is justification in some people's minds for doing ungodly and evil things. Those things can run the gambit from sabotage, arson, all the way to the taking of human life, as in the case of poor Naboth. There are consequences for all such actions. We may get the thing we want initially but what will be the cost in our life or the lives of others? Let us look at what happens to King Ahab.
He gets the vineyard alright, but in one generation his family reaps the consequences of his dastardly deed. Our families reep the consequences of our poor choices. Sometimes, the family tree grows crooked because we drink, we steal or manipulate. We kill goodness in our family everyday with harsh and cruel words. If you are jealous of your neighbors' cars or swimming pool, you are setting up the next generation on the wrong path. The Bible advises us to pray for our enemies and those who harm us. So, we start with prayer and we study God's instruction book, the Bible. We try to achieve our goals through appropriate channels, such as hard work, and democratic processes. In doing so we help to ensure success of future generations. We must role-model graciousness in defeat. Furthermore, we must keep in mind that God does intervene. He is a present help in times of trouble. He also tells us that judgement is His and He will repay. So, we resist the temptation to take justice into our own hand and rest in the comfort that God is in control..
1 Kings 21 tells the story of King Ahab attempting to procure the vineyard of a local Jewish man named Naboth. The story begins when King Ahab makes a plea to buy the property that Naboth owns. He tells Naboth that his property is close to his palace and he would like to buy it for a good price and place his own garden there. Money is no object. What does Naboth want? A better than market value price? Perhaps a better vineyard somewhere else?
What ensues is a tale of human treachery and God intervention. King Ahab made an offer which was declined, but he was not willing to accept the answer that Naboth gave him. Naboth explained that he could not sell his land because the Lord gave the land to his tribe and to his people the Jews. King Ahab and his wife Jezebel did not accept this answer. Instead, they had a plan to bring him down so they could get their hands on this land which they coveted. They falsely accused him of treason and he was sentenced to death by stoning.
The King leads a powerful and privileged life, yet with all his power as the King of the Northern Kingdom of Israel he tantrums like a reality television star when he learns Naboth will not sell him his vineyard. He has not learned to be grateful for what he has and finds another man's property to be the object of his affection. It reminds me of the sort of discontent that Eve had in the Garden of Eden. "We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; "but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said 'you shall not eat it, nor touch it, lest you die.'" Genesis 3:2-3
There are many King Ahab's in Westchester County, New York and in our world. People who think the world is their oyster and you had just better get out of the way! The week that I read 1 Kings 21, I also heard that a new Westchester luxury apartment building had gone up in flames. This fire appears to be no accident. This luxury building had just celebrated its' grand opening and would be welcoming new tenants shortly. But, now, all that was on hold as police and fire officials tried to determine who was responsible for this fire. The possibilities are : disgruntled construction workers, or community members unhappy with the development project. Thoughts of King Ahab come to mind as I think of the evil of setting a building on fire.
It seems that real estate deals and business not going someone's way has been and still is justification in some people's minds for doing ungodly and evil things. Those things can run the gambit from sabotage, arson, all the way to the taking of human life, as in the case of poor Naboth. There are consequences for all such actions. We may get the thing we want initially but what will be the cost in our life or the lives of others? Let us look at what happens to King Ahab.
He gets the vineyard alright, but in one generation his family reaps the consequences of his dastardly deed. Our families reep the consequences of our poor choices. Sometimes, the family tree grows crooked because we drink, we steal or manipulate. We kill goodness in our family everyday with harsh and cruel words. If you are jealous of your neighbors' cars or swimming pool, you are setting up the next generation on the wrong path. The Bible advises us to pray for our enemies and those who harm us. So, we start with prayer and we study God's instruction book, the Bible. We try to achieve our goals through appropriate channels, such as hard work, and democratic processes. In doing so we help to ensure success of future generations. We must role-model graciousness in defeat. Furthermore, we must keep in mind that God does intervene. He is a present help in times of trouble. He also tells us that judgement is His and He will repay. So, we resist the temptation to take justice into our own hand and rest in the comfort that God is in control..
Sunday, May 21, 2017
My Amish Adventures
Many readers may wonder why I would venture to put the words, Amish and Adventure within the same context. Perhaps, the popular view of the communities of people, whose religious beliefs and lifestyle seem to be old-fashioned, would make some people think that the life of the Amish person would lack excitement. However, a closer look would tell an opposite story.
I have been fascinated as long as I can remember with Amish thoughts on the Christian walk. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the beliefs of the Amish Christian denomination, here is a brief discussion. The Amish are what are known as Anabaptists, which refers to belief in an adult baptism. The movement started in the German speaking part of Switzerland and Germany. That is why, even today, most Amish speak a dialect of German.
This sixteenth century European movement began during a time of questioning Church beliefs, known as the Protestant Reformation. The people who began this movement felt as if the reforms occurring in the newly formed Protestant denominations did not go far enough toward addressing major issues of godly living.
Some of these issues were : Christian conduct and accountability. Certain biblical verses conveyed the importance of this, such as "come out from among them and be ye separate"- 2 Corinthians 6:17. "We must obey God rather than men"- Acts 5:29. And,"Ye have heard that it was said of them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgement: But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment"-Matthew 5:21-22.
The above verses reflect why Amish people choose to live and act in a way that continues to show that they are distinct from those around them. For example, they have consistently remained seperate and modest in dress. They have also maintained an admirable lack of violence in their communities and refused military service. In addition to this, a recent killing at an Amish schoolhouse showed the world just what radical Christian forgiveness is. Not bad for a people still clothed in nineteenth century garb!
As I write this, it is the last night of a trip to Lancaster, Pennsylvania. I have visited this area many times over the years. The reasons are always the same. Seeking peace in the midst of a busy life, religious retreat and good, clean fun. My husband managed to get four days of vacation during a busy time at work. I knew these four days would give him a small reprieve from the rigors of his demanding job. I also planned this trip to coincide with a visit this month from my cousin. Cousin Jerry* is at a crossroads in his life.
Jerry had made some disasterous mistakes in the past five years. He also has been plagued with health problems, a divorce, family problems and financial disaster. Yet, in the midst of this, he also sought out God in a profound way. I was hoping that this time of wholesome good fun and godly reflection could work wonders in all our lives, but especially Jerry's. I did everything that I could to ensure this.
I booked rooms for us all at the Amishview Inn and Suites on Old Philadelphia Pike in Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania. The hotel abuts Amish farmland and all the rooms offer views of the farmers working the land in traditional ways with no modern conveniences. The trucks and cars blend together in the landscape alongside horse and buggies. Old farmhouses with no electrical wires or telephone cables are in close proximity to the suburban sprawl that makes this a rural area with a twist.
The sense of God is everywhere. When in the area, I attend the Community Bible Church of Gordonville. It is there that we attended a Wednesday night Bible Study and Prayer Time. For me it was an amazing time of reflection and fellowship with a mature group of believers. Another godly activity that we enjoyed while in the area was the Sight and Sound Theatre. The theatre was started by a dairy farmer and his wife who dared to have a godly dream. It is now, the largest Christian Musical Theatre in the United States. It is dedicated to bringing Bible stories to the stage and mentoring young Christian performers. Now playing is the story of Jonah. Christians are doing amazing things in godly entertainment, so go support these endeavors.
Since cousin Jerry had begun attending a Messianic Jewish Congregation, I also thought he would be happy to see a reproduction of the Tabernacle in the Wilderness at the Mennonite Information Center. The woman who gave us our tour of the Tabernacle had worked there for nineteen years and had obviously devoted immense amounts of time to studying the Holy Tabernacle because she was a walking encyclopedia of its' facts. What a wonderful ministry! In fact, whenever I visit the Lancaster area, I always meet many people who have quietly spent many years devoted to some Christian endeavor that uplifts those around them and points to God. There is Eby Bed and Breakfast in Gordonville, a godly place to stay while in the area. Your home-cooked farm breakfast is accompanied by a Christian song or prayer.
Then there are the Amish. Quietly tending to the land and consistently producing the fruits, vegetables and meals that feed themselves and others. While keeping their hand to the plow, they also take care of their extended families, help community members in need and are courteous to rude visitors who trample their property and ask discourteous questions. There is much fruit in their lives. We can learn a lot from them.
*Names have been changed but the stories are true.
Some of these issues were : Christian conduct and accountability. Certain biblical verses conveyed the importance of this, such as "come out from among them and be ye separate"- 2 Corinthians 6:17. "We must obey God rather than men"- Acts 5:29. And,"Ye have heard that it was said of them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgement: But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment"-Matthew 5:21-22.
The above verses reflect why Amish people choose to live and act in a way that continues to show that they are distinct from those around them. For example, they have consistently remained seperate and modest in dress. They have also maintained an admirable lack of violence in their communities and refused military service. In addition to this, a recent killing at an Amish schoolhouse showed the world just what radical Christian forgiveness is. Not bad for a people still clothed in nineteenth century garb!
As I write this, it is the last night of a trip to Lancaster, Pennsylvania. I have visited this area many times over the years. The reasons are always the same. Seeking peace in the midst of a busy life, religious retreat and good, clean fun. My husband managed to get four days of vacation during a busy time at work. I knew these four days would give him a small reprieve from the rigors of his demanding job. I also planned this trip to coincide with a visit this month from my cousin. Cousin Jerry* is at a crossroads in his life.
Jerry had made some disasterous mistakes in the past five years. He also has been plagued with health problems, a divorce, family problems and financial disaster. Yet, in the midst of this, he also sought out God in a profound way. I was hoping that this time of wholesome good fun and godly reflection could work wonders in all our lives, but especially Jerry's. I did everything that I could to ensure this.
I booked rooms for us all at the Amishview Inn and Suites on Old Philadelphia Pike in Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania. The hotel abuts Amish farmland and all the rooms offer views of the farmers working the land in traditional ways with no modern conveniences. The trucks and cars blend together in the landscape alongside horse and buggies. Old farmhouses with no electrical wires or telephone cables are in close proximity to the suburban sprawl that makes this a rural area with a twist.
The sense of God is everywhere. When in the area, I attend the Community Bible Church of Gordonville. It is there that we attended a Wednesday night Bible Study and Prayer Time. For me it was an amazing time of reflection and fellowship with a mature group of believers. Another godly activity that we enjoyed while in the area was the Sight and Sound Theatre. The theatre was started by a dairy farmer and his wife who dared to have a godly dream. It is now, the largest Christian Musical Theatre in the United States. It is dedicated to bringing Bible stories to the stage and mentoring young Christian performers. Now playing is the story of Jonah. Christians are doing amazing things in godly entertainment, so go support these endeavors.
Since cousin Jerry had begun attending a Messianic Jewish Congregation, I also thought he would be happy to see a reproduction of the Tabernacle in the Wilderness at the Mennonite Information Center. The woman who gave us our tour of the Tabernacle had worked there for nineteen years and had obviously devoted immense amounts of time to studying the Holy Tabernacle because she was a walking encyclopedia of its' facts. What a wonderful ministry! In fact, whenever I visit the Lancaster area, I always meet many people who have quietly spent many years devoted to some Christian endeavor that uplifts those around them and points to God. There is Eby Bed and Breakfast in Gordonville, a godly place to stay while in the area. Your home-cooked farm breakfast is accompanied by a Christian song or prayer.
Then there are the Amish. Quietly tending to the land and consistently producing the fruits, vegetables and meals that feed themselves and others. While keeping their hand to the plow, they also take care of their extended families, help community members in need and are courteous to rude visitors who trample their property and ask discourteous questions. There is much fruit in their lives. We can learn a lot from them.
*Names have been changed but the stories are true.
Saturday, May 13, 2017
Loving God And One Another
I. Loving God
Proverbs 18:24bKing James Version (KJV) 24b. There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
God is our creator. He knew us even before we were born. He is not a distant God that is unconcerned with our lives. Sometimes our families let us down and so we imagine that God is that way. But, His ways are higher than our ways. So, no, God is not ever going to let us down.
2Peter 1:3-7 King James Version (KJV) 3According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: 4 Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. 5 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; 6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; 7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
Proverbs 18:24bKing James Version (KJV) 24b. There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.
God is our creator. He knew us even before we were born. He is not a distant God that is unconcerned with our lives. Sometimes our families let us down and so we imagine that God is that way. But, His ways are higher than our ways. So, no, God is not ever going to let us down.
Genesis 1:27King James Version (KJV) 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
God created the natural world and He described it as "good." He is a God who connects with His creation. We are all special in God's eyes because He made us "in His image and likeness." From the beginning God's intention was to have a close relationship with us. Sin became a complicating factor when Adam and Eve chose to disobey God in the Garden of Eden. Ever since then, it became a little complicated.John 3:16King James Version (KJV) 16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
God planned a way to straighten out this big mess through the atoning death of His Son Jesus Christ. The Bible tells the story of how this all came about. The Bible tells us that no one comes to the Father except through (Jesus) the Son. Loving God first begins with developing a relationship to Jesus.1 Peter 1:15-17King James Version (KJV) 15 But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; 16 Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy. 17 And if ye call on the Father, who without respect of persons judgeth according to every man's work, pass the time of your sojourning here in fear:
As we study the Bible, we see that God sets His people apart. He encourages us to be holy as He (God) is holy. So, we try to act with character and treat people fairly. We dress modestly and treat our bodies in a way that is concordant with the knowledge that God is present. We work hard, read the Bible and attend Church on Sunday. Our leisure time is spent engaging in worthy pursuits. We pray. In these ways we are loving God.2Peter 1:3-7 King James Version (KJV) 3According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: 4 Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these ye might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust. 5 And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; 6 And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; 7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
II. Loving One Another
Loving one another properly comes after we really get to know God. When we understand godly principles for living, we can see people as God does. The way God sees people is often in opposition to what we have learned. Sometimes we have learned that we are number one and that has encouraged us to treat others with less than the respect that they deserve. We think our needs come first so we use others in selfish ways and fail to serve. We might have learned that "men are dogs" or "women are goldiggers" or a variety of other incorrect things. The Bible teaches that this is not true and so God begins to heal our lives of wrong precepts. Then we learn virtue or right character in ourselves. We increase in knowledge of the Bible and before you know it our relationships improve with our bosses, spouses, children and neighbors.
Loving one another properly comes after we really get to know God. When we understand godly principles for living, we can see people as God does. The way God sees people is often in opposition to what we have learned. Sometimes we have learned that we are number one and that has encouraged us to treat others with less than the respect that they deserve. We think our needs come first so we use others in selfish ways and fail to serve. We might have learned that "men are dogs" or "women are goldiggers" or a variety of other incorrect things. The Bible teaches that this is not true and so God begins to heal our lives of wrong precepts. Then we learn virtue or right character in ourselves. We increase in knowledge of the Bible and before you know it our relationships improve with our bosses, spouses, children and neighbors.
Thursday, May 4, 2017
The Hokey-Pokey Is Not What It's All About!
Love thy neighbor as thyself. What does that mean to you? To me, it is one of the hardest mandates that Jesus gave to us. Here is the conversation that Jesus had about this topic :
Jesus told us that loving God and loving people are what this crazy life we live is really all about. We have to get up, take a shower, make breakfast and put out the garbage, but, loving God and one another is what it's all about. We have to get our kids dressed, fed, off to school and ourselves to work but, loving God and people are what it's all about. We have to decide what we will study in school and manage our career but, loving God and people are what it's all about. That is rather dramatic isn't it?
We often choose other priorities in our life and fail to choose love as the center of it. Some people are so jaded they don't think love even really exists. Maybe they have had some bad experiences with people and can't seem to get past that. But, in the above biblical verses, Jesus tells us that everything hinges upon love. Jesus is not jaded about love at all. It is not enough to just obey God. No, it should go deeper than that. The meaning of our life is to love God. Our life begins to get better when we do this. We can dutifully do the right thing at work and secretly hate our boss. Nope, that is not the meaning of love. Or, we can go to church every Sunday while ignoring how much we hate our next door neighbor for playing basketball when we are trying to sleep, but this is not loving God or your neighbor.
The growing narcissism in our world is a direct result of the decline of belief and love of the one-true God. The belief and following of false gods, throughout the Biblical discourse, and in present times, always results in the uptick of selfishness. As a society moves farther away from a God-centric point of view, the message of service to others becomes less of a priority. Marriage becomes less of a priority, and children can seem more of an incumbrance than the blessing they are. We lose the deep truth of why honoring our parents is so important and the results are apparent. Just look at the terrible neglect of elders in nursing homes. It used to be quite common for churches, Girl Scout troops and various civic groups to visit hospitals, nursing homes and the sick in our community. I had these experiences growing up but today I see less and less churches even keeping up with the elders among their own congregation. At the heart of all these societal problems is the problem of love!
NEXT THURSDAY: Some thoughts on how to better love God and one another.
Matthew 22:36-40King James Version (KJV)
36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38 This is the first and great commandment.
39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.Jesus told us that loving God and loving people are what this crazy life we live is really all about. We have to get up, take a shower, make breakfast and put out the garbage, but, loving God and one another is what it's all about. We have to get our kids dressed, fed, off to school and ourselves to work but, loving God and people are what it's all about. We have to decide what we will study in school and manage our career but, loving God and people are what it's all about. That is rather dramatic isn't it?
We often choose other priorities in our life and fail to choose love as the center of it. Some people are so jaded they don't think love even really exists. Maybe they have had some bad experiences with people and can't seem to get past that. But, in the above biblical verses, Jesus tells us that everything hinges upon love. Jesus is not jaded about love at all. It is not enough to just obey God. No, it should go deeper than that. The meaning of our life is to love God. Our life begins to get better when we do this. We can dutifully do the right thing at work and secretly hate our boss. Nope, that is not the meaning of love. Or, we can go to church every Sunday while ignoring how much we hate our next door neighbor for playing basketball when we are trying to sleep, but this is not loving God or your neighbor.
The growing narcissism in our world is a direct result of the decline of belief and love of the one-true God. The belief and following of false gods, throughout the Biblical discourse, and in present times, always results in the uptick of selfishness. As a society moves farther away from a God-centric point of view, the message of service to others becomes less of a priority. Marriage becomes less of a priority, and children can seem more of an incumbrance than the blessing they are. We lose the deep truth of why honoring our parents is so important and the results are apparent. Just look at the terrible neglect of elders in nursing homes. It used to be quite common for churches, Girl Scout troops and various civic groups to visit hospitals, nursing homes and the sick in our community. I had these experiences growing up but today I see less and less churches even keeping up with the elders among their own congregation. At the heart of all these societal problems is the problem of love!
NEXT THURSDAY: Some thoughts on how to better love God and one another.
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
When Churches Hurt
They say, April showers bring May flowers. And, indeed, there were green shoots and swollen sheathes covering emergent buds in my garden as I ran out, on a cold and rainy April morning. I was heading to Whole Foods in White Plains, New York to have some coffee and conversation. I was really looking forward to a break from my busy week.
Contractors have just completed five weeks of work on my kitchen remodel. I spent a lot of time and energy getting this project underway. It took me a long time to finally choose flooring, wallpaper, and appliances. I purchased unique cabinet pulls from the store Anthropolgie in the Westchester Mall. I bought a handmade Italian chandelier from La Dentelliere, a store located in charming downtown Scarsdale. I also highly recommend Marble Works if you live in Westchester and are looking for a new kitchen countertop. For the past two weeks, it seems that, every spare second that I have has been spent getting my kitchen back together. I'm still not done. I couldn't find my can opener the other night when I was making dinner. My husband had to take the can of diced tomatoes to his workshop and do something to it to get it opened. I really don't want to think about that too much.
So, although I felt a little guilty abandoning my ongoing job of reorganizing and repositioning every little citrus peeler and herb stripper into my new kitchen, I thought I could really use a break for my sanity. I was due to meet Lyndsey* at Whole Foods at 10:30 am. The next two hours after that, went by very quickly. Lyndsey and I shared coffee, and many meaningful topics of importance to each of us. One such topic concerned mistreatment by local churches. Unfortunately, this is far from a unique occurrence here in Westchester County. What can we learn from these dysfunctional churches and how can they improve? Over the years, I have dealt with instances of mistreatment in churches
(so have my family, and friends). From small to large all the incidents were downright sinful.
One such story involved Pastor C******. Pastor C***** was a gifted evangelist. When Kathy* invited me to her Church I was immediately aware of that. He expertly explained the Bible, and had the right mixture of stories added in to help people relate God's Word more to their lives. As time went on, I could see some abuse of power starting to drift in. When he disagreed with a ministry leader or a congregant, he played it out during services. He even slipped in references to the problem in his sermons. He used his power in the pulpit as a "bully pulpit" to disparage and argue his case. Nothing seemed righteous about that. The Pastor had departed from the perfect conflict resolution guide, the Bible. In the Gospel of Matthew 18:15, it talks of trying to settle a matter between two people by themselves, if possible. If that does not work, Pastor C******should have brought in another Christian to mediate, etc. His personal public relations stunts from the pulpit also intimidated congregants to do or think as he did or face the same public humiliation. This was worldly justice, not godly justice.
Then there was Emily,* a Christian from Michigan, who met her husband in college and ended up moving to the Westchester area. Her husband was a successful businessman. They had the perfect Tudor house on the best street in town. But, all was not well on the inside of that perfect Tudor house on the best street in town. Emily had been in denial about her ever increasing marital problems. After giving birth to the couples third child their problems seemed to go from bad to worse. Busier than ever with the ongoing needs of her children, she felt her husband grew even more distant just when she needed him most. Her family network was in Michigan, and that long distance just added to Emily's growing sense of isolation and loneliness.
Desperate one night, she headed out to a Midweek Prayer service in town. Earlier in the week, she had seen the sign on this beautiful stone edifice advertising a Midweek Prayer Service. Need prayer? Wednesday's -at 7 pm. What she described in her experience that evening, let me know what this church was really all about. Instead of uplifting her needs through prayer, they became quite
uncomfortable with Emily as she tearfully described her marital problems. Emily felt rejected and
alone, and more depressed than ever. She had broken an unspoken rule of this church without realizing it. That rule is: let's pray for Aunt Sally's hip replacement or for Joe to get a job but let's not talk about anything too unpleasant like marital trouble, drug addiction or mental illness. There is so much wrong with that, where do I begin?
Two more examples : when Pastor D**** went to a Pastors conference he came back a changed man. It was like he caught a virus. This virus makes you change the name of your church, be all about the youth, the numbers and open a coffee bar. He also announced that his new philosophy included "not worrying so much about you if you were saved." Yes, Jesus left the whole flock of sheep to save the one lost sheep, but what Pastor D**** was suggesting did not seem to fit the full picture of the Good Shepherd. Then there was the Church of ******. When a friend heard that I was going to a church picnic there, she emailed a newspaper article to me suggesting this church is one of two cults operating in Westchester County (the other is the Rev. Moon's Church). I read how former members of that church felt pressured to give a certain amount of money weekly and how their personal lives were closely monitored and controlled. Why is it so many churches get it so wrong? The obvious answer is sin. The not so obvious answers are biblical illiteracy or interpretation errors.
Let's examine these few stories and see our first point of interest : leadership problems. To clarify, let me start by saying that Jesus is the head of our Church and all priests, pastors, and believers are under His authority. Once, the Israelites were ruled solely by God Almighty. That is, until the people demanded a King as well. The story of King Saul's corruption and abuse of power points us to the fact that it is best to be ruled by God alone. It also points to the struggle that mankind has to correctly administer the authority that is given us. King David, the next King of Israel, although flawed, chose repentance. David's story helps us to realize that our Pastors will not be perfect but the humble and
repentant among them may, "be a man after (God's) mine own heart."-1 Samuel 13:14. King Solomon's sin caused the Kingdom of Israel to be divided. From this we learn that sin by our church leaders have serious consequences.
The second point of interest in the above stories regards prayer and worship. The Bible makes it clear that we can't fake it with God Almighty. But, that doesn't stop us from trying to fake it with
God and with one another. We see this in our communities, including our churches. Sometimes we are more interested in impressing one another than we are in the truth. We are afraid people would judge us if they knew the truth about us. Or sometimes, we just want to feel superior to other people. This is not okay with God. The truth is, we need to beseech God frequently concerning the topics of marital problems, addictions and mental health problems since all communities face these issues. We need to be a comfort to those individuals and families struggling in these areas. We should examine our conscience to see if we can be more loving in these sorts of situations. Remember God answers prayers. How can we miss even one opportunity at Midweek to pray with energy and fervor concerning the real needs facing each and everyone of us?
As for Pastor D**** or Church of ******, they are examples of churches trying to make it happen all by themselves. Pastor D**** is now running his church like a business. He is following all the
trends, but I do not remember hearing him hold a prayer service before making large changes to the
church, something even a godly business owner would do. I'm not sure Pastor D**** would even
know what to do if an electromagnetic pulse destroyed his ability to post his selfies on social media.
Words of wisdom for Pastor D**** are that God will direct and that God isn't just about the youth.
God created us with free will. So, the desire to control our congregants is in opposition to our creator's plan for us. It is understandable that a church, such as Church of ******, or an individual
would want to control those around them. We see parents who are too controlling. We see this occurring in dating situations. However, this is not God's way and we need to try to get in line with His (God's) way of doing things. This is what ultimately shows the power of God. Here are some Bible verses to inspire us.
I. LEADERSHIP
*Names are changed.
Contractors have just completed five weeks of work on my kitchen remodel. I spent a lot of time and energy getting this project underway. It took me a long time to finally choose flooring, wallpaper, and appliances. I purchased unique cabinet pulls from the store Anthropolgie in the Westchester Mall. I bought a handmade Italian chandelier from La Dentelliere, a store located in charming downtown Scarsdale. I also highly recommend Marble Works if you live in Westchester and are looking for a new kitchen countertop. For the past two weeks, it seems that, every spare second that I have has been spent getting my kitchen back together. I'm still not done. I couldn't find my can opener the other night when I was making dinner. My husband had to take the can of diced tomatoes to his workshop and do something to it to get it opened. I really don't want to think about that too much.
So, although I felt a little guilty abandoning my ongoing job of reorganizing and repositioning every little citrus peeler and herb stripper into my new kitchen, I thought I could really use a break for my sanity. I was due to meet Lyndsey* at Whole Foods at 10:30 am. The next two hours after that, went by very quickly. Lyndsey and I shared coffee, and many meaningful topics of importance to each of us. One such topic concerned mistreatment by local churches. Unfortunately, this is far from a unique occurrence here in Westchester County. What can we learn from these dysfunctional churches and how can they improve? Over the years, I have dealt with instances of mistreatment in churches
(so have my family, and friends). From small to large all the incidents were downright sinful.
One such story involved Pastor C******. Pastor C***** was a gifted evangelist. When Kathy* invited me to her Church I was immediately aware of that. He expertly explained the Bible, and had the right mixture of stories added in to help people relate God's Word more to their lives. As time went on, I could see some abuse of power starting to drift in. When he disagreed with a ministry leader or a congregant, he played it out during services. He even slipped in references to the problem in his sermons. He used his power in the pulpit as a "bully pulpit" to disparage and argue his case. Nothing seemed righteous about that. The Pastor had departed from the perfect conflict resolution guide, the Bible. In the Gospel of Matthew 18:15, it talks of trying to settle a matter between two people by themselves, if possible. If that does not work, Pastor C******should have brought in another Christian to mediate, etc. His personal public relations stunts from the pulpit also intimidated congregants to do or think as he did or face the same public humiliation. This was worldly justice, not godly justice.
Then there was Emily,* a Christian from Michigan, who met her husband in college and ended up moving to the Westchester area. Her husband was a successful businessman. They had the perfect Tudor house on the best street in town. But, all was not well on the inside of that perfect Tudor house on the best street in town. Emily had been in denial about her ever increasing marital problems. After giving birth to the couples third child their problems seemed to go from bad to worse. Busier than ever with the ongoing needs of her children, she felt her husband grew even more distant just when she needed him most. Her family network was in Michigan, and that long distance just added to Emily's growing sense of isolation and loneliness.
Desperate one night, she headed out to a Midweek Prayer service in town. Earlier in the week, she had seen the sign on this beautiful stone edifice advertising a Midweek Prayer Service. Need prayer? Wednesday's -at 7 pm. What she described in her experience that evening, let me know what this church was really all about. Instead of uplifting her needs through prayer, they became quite
uncomfortable with Emily as she tearfully described her marital problems. Emily felt rejected and
alone, and more depressed than ever. She had broken an unspoken rule of this church without realizing it. That rule is: let's pray for Aunt Sally's hip replacement or for Joe to get a job but let's not talk about anything too unpleasant like marital trouble, drug addiction or mental illness. There is so much wrong with that, where do I begin?
Two more examples : when Pastor D**** went to a Pastors conference he came back a changed man. It was like he caught a virus. This virus makes you change the name of your church, be all about the youth, the numbers and open a coffee bar. He also announced that his new philosophy included "not worrying so much about you if you were saved." Yes, Jesus left the whole flock of sheep to save the one lost sheep, but what Pastor D**** was suggesting did not seem to fit the full picture of the Good Shepherd. Then there was the Church of ******. When a friend heard that I was going to a church picnic there, she emailed a newspaper article to me suggesting this church is one of two cults operating in Westchester County (the other is the Rev. Moon's Church). I read how former members of that church felt pressured to give a certain amount of money weekly and how their personal lives were closely monitored and controlled. Why is it so many churches get it so wrong? The obvious answer is sin. The not so obvious answers are biblical illiteracy or interpretation errors.
Let's examine these few stories and see our first point of interest : leadership problems. To clarify, let me start by saying that Jesus is the head of our Church and all priests, pastors, and believers are under His authority. Once, the Israelites were ruled solely by God Almighty. That is, until the people demanded a King as well. The story of King Saul's corruption and abuse of power points us to the fact that it is best to be ruled by God alone. It also points to the struggle that mankind has to correctly administer the authority that is given us. King David, the next King of Israel, although flawed, chose repentance. David's story helps us to realize that our Pastors will not be perfect but the humble and
repentant among them may, "be a man after (God's) mine own heart."-1 Samuel 13:14. King Solomon's sin caused the Kingdom of Israel to be divided. From this we learn that sin by our church leaders have serious consequences.
The second point of interest in the above stories regards prayer and worship. The Bible makes it clear that we can't fake it with God Almighty. But, that doesn't stop us from trying to fake it with
God and with one another. We see this in our communities, including our churches. Sometimes we are more interested in impressing one another than we are in the truth. We are afraid people would judge us if they knew the truth about us. Or sometimes, we just want to feel superior to other people. This is not okay with God. The truth is, we need to beseech God frequently concerning the topics of marital problems, addictions and mental health problems since all communities face these issues. We need to be a comfort to those individuals and families struggling in these areas. We should examine our conscience to see if we can be more loving in these sorts of situations. Remember God answers prayers. How can we miss even one opportunity at Midweek to pray with energy and fervor concerning the real needs facing each and everyone of us?
As for Pastor D**** or Church of ******, they are examples of churches trying to make it happen all by themselves. Pastor D**** is now running his church like a business. He is following all the
trends, but I do not remember hearing him hold a prayer service before making large changes to the
church, something even a godly business owner would do. I'm not sure Pastor D**** would even
know what to do if an electromagnetic pulse destroyed his ability to post his selfies on social media.
Words of wisdom for Pastor D**** are that God will direct and that God isn't just about the youth.
God created us with free will. So, the desire to control our congregants is in opposition to our creator's plan for us. It is understandable that a church, such as Church of ******, or an individual
would want to control those around them. We see parents who are too controlling. We see this occurring in dating situations. However, this is not God's way and we need to try to get in line with His (God's) way of doing things. This is what ultimately shows the power of God. Here are some Bible verses to inspire us.
I. LEADERSHIP
Exodus 18:21King James Version (KJV)
21 Moreover thou shalt provide out of all the people able men, such as fear God, men of truth, hating covetousness; and place such over them, to be rulers of thousands, and rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens.
1 Peter 2:9King James Version (KJV)
9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light.
II. PRAYER
James 5:16King James Version (KJV)
16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
Psalm 35:13King James Version (KJV)
13 But as for me, when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth: I humbled my soul with
fasting; and my prayer returned into mine own bosom.
fasting; and my prayer returned into mine own bosom.
III. COMPASSION
1 Samuel 23:21
21 And Saul said, Blessed be ye of the Lord; for ye have compassion on me.
1 Corinthians 13
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as a sounding brass,or a tinkling cymbal.
21 And Saul said, Blessed be ye of the Lord; for ye have compassion on me.
1 Corinthians 13
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as a sounding brass,or a tinkling cymbal.
*Names are changed.
Friday, April 14, 2017
Passover to Easter
In recent years I have chosen to include elements of the Passover Seder in my Easter celebration. I now can't imagine Easter without the matzo. There are many foods which symbolize the story of Passover but none more so than the matzo. The bread with no leavening agent could be quickly prepared and eaten as God's plan for the Jewish people was dramatically coming into fruition. If you would like to know more about Passover, read Exodus, the second book in the Bible. Exodus 12:14 tells us : Seven days you shall eat unleavened bread. On the first day you shall remove leaven from your houses. For whoever eats leavened bread from the first day until the seventh day, that person shall be cut off from Israel. Leaven throughout the Bible is symbolic of sin. As I eat the matzo, I recall 1Corinthians 5:7 which says : "Therefore purge out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump, since you truly are unleavened. For indeed Christ our Passover, was sacrificed for us."
Another Passover tradition that points to Jesus is the hiding of the matzo at the beginning of the Seder. A matzo is broken in half and a piece of it is wrapped in linen or a napkin and hidden until the end of the meal. There are many traditions and explanations concerning why this is done. But, it most definitely represents the Moshiach or Messiah to come. In essence, as the first redemption of the Jewish people is celebrated during Passover, there is another hidden redemption yet to come. This broken matzo so clearly represents Jesus being broken for us. The sinless or leaven-free bread is symbolic of our sinless Lord. The linen or cloth is like the funeral garb that Jesus wore. Further, the matzo is hidden as Jesus was hidden behind the stone. And just as Jesus was resurrected, this matzo reappears at meals end.
God had chosen the Jewish people for a very unique role in history. He had chosen them to be separate and different from those around them and to enter into a special relationship with Him. A relationship that still exists today. Being in a relationship with God gave them: rights, responsibilities and protection. That relationship would come to include circumcision, a miraculous escape from Egypt, and the gift of the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinai. As the time of Passover came for the enslaved Jews of Egypt, the long-awaited promise that God had made to Abraham, of a homeland for his people, had finally arrived.
For the past two years, I have bought matzo shmurah which is made by hand at the Lubavitch Matzoh Bakery in Brooklyn, N.Y. Shmurah is from the Hebrew word meaning watched. This Word refers to the responsibility that God gave the Jewish people to tell the story of Passover. It means that the special Passover bread is watched, throughout its entire production from crops to final production, to ensure that no chametz (leaven) is present. I find immense meaning in this. The message of the Bible is to tell the story and in doing so, we continue in it and give others a chance to know the Lord God almighty. A profound connection exists between Passover and Easter, including the fact that Jesus' last supper was a Passover Seder. Adding elements of the Passover Seder in my Easter celebration has helped me be ever mindful of how God's redemption of the Jewish people preshadowed His ultimate plan of salvation for all mankind.
Another Passover tradition that points to Jesus is the hiding of the matzo at the beginning of the Seder. A matzo is broken in half and a piece of it is wrapped in linen or a napkin and hidden until the end of the meal. There are many traditions and explanations concerning why this is done. But, it most definitely represents the Moshiach or Messiah to come. In essence, as the first redemption of the Jewish people is celebrated during Passover, there is another hidden redemption yet to come. This broken matzo so clearly represents Jesus being broken for us. The sinless or leaven-free bread is symbolic of our sinless Lord. The linen or cloth is like the funeral garb that Jesus wore. Further, the matzo is hidden as Jesus was hidden behind the stone. And just as Jesus was resurrected, this matzo reappears at meals end.
God had chosen the Jewish people for a very unique role in history. He had chosen them to be separate and different from those around them and to enter into a special relationship with Him. A relationship that still exists today. Being in a relationship with God gave them: rights, responsibilities and protection. That relationship would come to include circumcision, a miraculous escape from Egypt, and the gift of the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinai. As the time of Passover came for the enslaved Jews of Egypt, the long-awaited promise that God had made to Abraham, of a homeland for his people, had finally arrived.
For the past two years, I have bought matzo shmurah which is made by hand at the Lubavitch Matzoh Bakery in Brooklyn, N.Y. Shmurah is from the Hebrew word meaning watched. This Word refers to the responsibility that God gave the Jewish people to tell the story of Passover. It means that the special Passover bread is watched, throughout its entire production from crops to final production, to ensure that no chametz (leaven) is present. I find immense meaning in this. The message of the Bible is to tell the story and in doing so, we continue in it and give others a chance to know the Lord God almighty. A profound connection exists between Passover and Easter, including the fact that Jesus' last supper was a Passover Seder. Adding elements of the Passover Seder in my Easter celebration has helped me be ever mindful of how God's redemption of the Jewish people preshadowed His ultimate plan of salvation for all mankind.
Tuesday, April 4, 2017
Resurrection Apostasy?
A recent visit to the library with a Christian friend inspired this weeks' blog post.
In the weeks before Easter, my thoughts turn to decorating my home to celebrate this upcoming holiday. Then, I decide on a menu for the day. This menu invariably includes the traditional lamb, ham in some form, and spring vegetables such as carrots and asparagus. Somewhere in the scurry of activities there is always Easter egg decorating.
Over the years, I and my children have done everything that can possibly be done to an egg. We have dyed them with vegetables, bedazzled, decoupaged, and tried the traditional Ukrainian decorating technique with wax and stylus to create "pysanka." As a Christian, I have always been mindful to remind my children of the meaning of the holiday, emphasizing the resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as propitiation for us all. In age appropriate ways, I also made them aware of the pagan background of many of our current Easter customs.
When you decide to live the Christian life, you will begin to see the constant confrontation of pagan context to your daily life. No where is the war more prevalent than in our life celebrations. This war was again brought to mind when a Christian friend saw me peruse a book at the local library about Easter egg decorating. Perhaps not in a library voice he opinied that, "no Christian should be decorating Easter eggs or having Easter egg hunts." He also has let me know on a number of occasions that he would prefer to call it, "Ressurection Day" instead of "Easter." My first thought was here we go again, it's the holiday wars! We could equally be talking about Halloween or even the traditions of Christmas.
Of course my friend is probably correct in his assertation that the name "Easter" derives from the name of a goddess figure from German culture named Ēostre. (Although scholars have argued for centuries that a goddess by that name never existed.) My friend further correctly points out that the Easter egg itself is rooted in ancient pagan beliefs. The egg represented the rebirth of the earth in spring to many a culture who had cold and snowy winters. It was a reminder that just as the egg broke forth with new life (chick), that the earth would burst forth with the new life of spring. It goes well beyond that of course with worship of the sun and fertility practices associated with these beliefs.
When Christianity came into many of these cultures it tried to appropriate the words and symbols of the various Spring festivals to point to the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Did these Christians ever completely succeed in dispelling ancient pagan practices and beliefs? I believe the answer is no. The traditional Ukrainian Easter egg tells the story. In it you will see symbols of its' ancient religion as well as Christianity. What are some of the things that we have come to mix-in with this Christian celebration? For starters, there is a mythical gift giver called the Easter Bunny. Then chocolate, jelly beans and ham. As we approach the holiest day on the Christian calendar we find ourselves hiding eggs with gifts inside or organizing masses of hysterical children into relay teams trying to pass eggs from one to the other via a spoon. Does this seem right?
Yet, I have been hesitant to completely stop the cultural practices just described. Every year I ask myself if it is possible to have Jesus' death and resurrection as the defining core of my existence and still give a nod to prevalent cultural practices. Most people don't even know who the ancient goddess Ēostre is, let alone worship her. If the theory that there never was a goddess with that exact name is correct, what are we even arguing about? Can we as Christians just enjoy decorating eggs or our homes to celebrate the joys of the spring season for fun without compromising our walk with the Lord?
The only churches that have successfully excised all ancient pagan spring practices from their midst seem to be those who have cut themselves off from the greater culture in some huge way. Yet, the Bible tells us to "be in the world and not of it." I think we do have to work really hard to make sure that God is the center of all our celebrations. We can not afford to be naive about how what starts out as an innocent game or tradition might compromise our faith in God. So, be careful and be aware that we as Christians walk on a narrow path. The Bible is the story of people who had these very dilemmas. People who lived in cultures which were in opposition to our God. They had to say no to some things, they had to fight for their beliefs and so must we. I pray that Almighty God strengthens each and every one of us.
Next Week : Continuing thoughts on Easter.
In the weeks before Easter, my thoughts turn to decorating my home to celebrate this upcoming holiday. Then, I decide on a menu for the day. This menu invariably includes the traditional lamb, ham in some form, and spring vegetables such as carrots and asparagus. Somewhere in the scurry of activities there is always Easter egg decorating.
Over the years, I and my children have done everything that can possibly be done to an egg. We have dyed them with vegetables, bedazzled, decoupaged, and tried the traditional Ukrainian decorating technique with wax and stylus to create "pysanka." As a Christian, I have always been mindful to remind my children of the meaning of the holiday, emphasizing the resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as propitiation for us all. In age appropriate ways, I also made them aware of the pagan background of many of our current Easter customs.
When you decide to live the Christian life, you will begin to see the constant confrontation of pagan context to your daily life. No where is the war more prevalent than in our life celebrations. This war was again brought to mind when a Christian friend saw me peruse a book at the local library about Easter egg decorating. Perhaps not in a library voice he opinied that, "no Christian should be decorating Easter eggs or having Easter egg hunts." He also has let me know on a number of occasions that he would prefer to call it, "Ressurection Day" instead of "Easter." My first thought was here we go again, it's the holiday wars! We could equally be talking about Halloween or even the traditions of Christmas.
Of course my friend is probably correct in his assertation that the name "Easter" derives from the name of a goddess figure from German culture named Ēostre. (Although scholars have argued for centuries that a goddess by that name never existed.) My friend further correctly points out that the Easter egg itself is rooted in ancient pagan beliefs. The egg represented the rebirth of the earth in spring to many a culture who had cold and snowy winters. It was a reminder that just as the egg broke forth with new life (chick), that the earth would burst forth with the new life of spring. It goes well beyond that of course with worship of the sun and fertility practices associated with these beliefs.
When Christianity came into many of these cultures it tried to appropriate the words and symbols of the various Spring festivals to point to the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Did these Christians ever completely succeed in dispelling ancient pagan practices and beliefs? I believe the answer is no. The traditional Ukrainian Easter egg tells the story. In it you will see symbols of its' ancient religion as well as Christianity. What are some of the things that we have come to mix-in with this Christian celebration? For starters, there is a mythical gift giver called the Easter Bunny. Then chocolate, jelly beans and ham. As we approach the holiest day on the Christian calendar we find ourselves hiding eggs with gifts inside or organizing masses of hysterical children into relay teams trying to pass eggs from one to the other via a spoon. Does this seem right?
Yet, I have been hesitant to completely stop the cultural practices just described. Every year I ask myself if it is possible to have Jesus' death and resurrection as the defining core of my existence and still give a nod to prevalent cultural practices. Most people don't even know who the ancient goddess Ēostre is, let alone worship her. If the theory that there never was a goddess with that exact name is correct, what are we even arguing about? Can we as Christians just enjoy decorating eggs or our homes to celebrate the joys of the spring season for fun without compromising our walk with the Lord?
The only churches that have successfully excised all ancient pagan spring practices from their midst seem to be those who have cut themselves off from the greater culture in some huge way. Yet, the Bible tells us to "be in the world and not of it." I think we do have to work really hard to make sure that God is the center of all our celebrations. We can not afford to be naive about how what starts out as an innocent game or tradition might compromise our faith in God. So, be careful and be aware that we as Christians walk on a narrow path. The Bible is the story of people who had these very dilemmas. People who lived in cultures which were in opposition to our God. They had to say no to some things, they had to fight for their beliefs and so must we. I pray that Almighty God strengthens each and every one of us.
Next Week : Continuing thoughts on Easter.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)