In November, the United States will elect their 45th President. This election has highlighted the problems and differences of the people who inhabit this land as well as people around the world. Our whole world is struggling with the vital philosophical questions that inform our political choices and the lives of our nations. Where did we come from, where are we going? What is a well-lived life? Just who or what we decide to base our lives upon determines the fate of our families, communities and our nations. Our planet is locked in an epic struggle between the forces of good and evil. Part of this manifests itself in the political battles that we face. Our vote is always a vote for God or against God. Whether we are casting a ballot for a school board, a local or national leader, our votes create the policies which govern our lives.
If you are a believer in God Almighty, it is vitally important that you open your eyes to the direction that your nation is taking and how your action or lack of action has influenced this all. The conditions that we are facing are a direct result of the indifference and corruption that Christians have fallen into. As Christians we are called to be salt and light for those around us. We are to be good role models and stand up for what we believe. Reflect upon these verses in Matthew 5:13-16 and contemplate what these verses mean in this context. "Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? It is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men. Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." But, for many, many decades Christians have failed to stand up for godly principles in schools, universities, the scientific arena and in government. We have done so out of fear or for reasons of personal gain. We are no different then the ancient nation of Israel who failed to follow God many times and in many ways. We have failed to "giveth light unto all that are in the house."
Just as the Israelites came into judgement for the wrong that they had done, we in the once great United States of America face similar consequences. It is way past time that Christians begin to right the direction of the United States and the world. For Americans this begins in November when believers in God Almighty must vote. We must base our votes on biblical principles of living, but first we must know them. A study of the Bible produces a variety of themes and priorities for our lives. Many Christians have lost an understanding of this and instead have interpreted away the Word of God. Many so-called Christian Churches today have very little to do with God's plan with a majority of their congregants ignorant of the "God breathed" document known as the Bible. Many Pastors have failed to direct their churches in godly living, which includes voting for the candidate most likely to uphold Christian teaching in public policy making.
In the last two United States presidential elections many Christians voted for Barack Obama or simply chose not to vote. Hilary Clinton has been an integral part of that administration and now wants to continue to guide our nation. Let us look at Hilary Clinton's priorities and the past eight years of what progressive liberal policies have brought us. The rise of worldwide Islamic violence is a direct result of the implementation of the liberal philosophy of foreign policy. Liberal views of foreign policies entail the belief that much of the troubles around the world eminate from the wrong actions of the United States and other world powers, hence the Obama apology tour of the Middle East. Further, the most progressive of the Democratic Party are staunchly anti-war even for just causes. We saw this position highlighted in the last Administration and in Hilary Clinton's current political campaign. Both these positions have resulted in the rise of ISIS, and the six year civil war in Syria. Further Clinton's tenure at the State Department has helped destabilize the governments of Yemen, Libya, and parts of Africa due to the rise of Islamic Jihad. So many rapes, torture, and murders have occurred in the name of Islam since we first elected Barack Obama it is almost overwhelming. Christians, Jews and secular humanists have been murdered all over the world in the most cruel and depraved ways. Our Facebook and Twitter comments supporting France and the three hundred school girls kidnapped from a Nigerian School did nothing to stem the tide of heinous suicide bombings or aid in the return of those young girls to their families.
The Israelis have been further marginalized by the world community lead by various Middle Eastern countries, Europe and the United States. (Genesis 12:3 referring to Israel says "I will bless those who bless you. And whoever curses you I will curse.") What of the Yazidis, the refugee problems and illegal chemical warfare? What of terror attacks against Americans? There are attacks on a continual basis at train stations, airports, workplaces or random locations in the name of Allah. Yet we fear offending Muslims by telling the truth of these trends. Hilary Clinton will let more Muslims into our country and then be surprised when more bombs explode at bar mitzvahs or marathons. Why let
Muslim refugees enter the United States or Europe when there are so many Muslim countries who can aide them and whose society they could easily integrate into? We should instead fight for the persecuted Christians and Yazidis to come to our shores. The Muslim world hates and does not tolerate Christians, Jews, Yazidis or non-religious people. They do not allow churches or synagogues in many of their countries. Proverbs 14:12, "There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death." All of the above is the result of being tied to a failed worldview that we must have the courage to overturn.
The Democratic Party hates Christians and Jews. Remember the comments of Barack Obama back in 2008 when he derisively described conservative leaning Pennsylvanians as misguided people who "cling to their Bibles and guns." Don't you get it America? He disdains the right of Americans to believe in a Judeo-Christian God and the right to bear arms. He has done everything he could to stamp these rights out. He has done a great job of that too. A recent Wikileaks exposure puts a fine point to this. Most of the media, which is blatantly anti-Christian, has not clearly reported on the latest Wikileaks story involving Hillary Clinton's campaign chairman John Podesta, communications director Jennifer Palmieri, and Center for American Progress senior fellow John Halpin. In a series of email exchanges Palmieri and Halpin made fun of Catholics, and showed disdain for evangelicals. They talk about creating groups to destabilize the Catholic Church. It is pure insanity if you are a Christian or Jew and planning to vote for Hiliary Clinton. It is like voting for Nero for president or marrying a man that you know hates you. It only makes sense if you are into this masochistic beat
yourself up philosophy of the Democratic Party. Where you should be sorry for being born.
Hilary Clinton has always been pro-abortion. Her record makes it clear that she will appoint pro-abortion, socialist/communist leaning Supreme Court Justices to help further her agenda. Our religious rights have been dangerously eroded under this past Democratic Administration. Gay marriage is the law of this land. Christians are losing businesses, academic positions as biblical thought has been labeled "hate speech." Our rights to practice our religion are diminishing everyday. This will continue seamlessly under a Hilary Clinton Presidency. Donald Trump is not a perfect person. He is not a polished and accomplished politician who has been schooled in the political methods of persuasion. He is not a lawyer. I say," yeah" to all of that. He has angered both United States political parties by daring to step out of the seemingly impenetrable trajectory of failure that both parties have us heading towards. All of a sudden you see statwart members of the Republican party teaming up with Democrats in an effort to defeat him! What does that tell you? Dear readers : everything that you conjectured is true. You know how you have always wondered why no matter who gets elected nothing ever changes?
We need a political outsider. Someone powerful enough to stand up against the entrenched power structure that is hijacking the constitution. A candidate to challenge the politically correct rhetoric and instead choose to speak the truth. He needs all our support. Against great pushback Donald Trump has says he will support pro-life policies including appointing conservative judges to the Supreme Court. He will immediately work to dismantle the legal framework that currently threatens Pastors who speak up about politics with loosing their tax-exempt status. This law, put into place by Democratic President Lyndon B. Johnson, has done so much to render United States Churches barren and ineffective in their work to be "salt and light." He has chosen Mike Pence, a devoted Christian as his running mate. This man, I am sure, is like a Queen Esther, placed in this portion for, "such a time as this." Esther 4:14. Queen Esther saved the Jewish people from annihilation. Donald Trump gives every indication of standing strongly for Israel and, he also has a more realistic view of terrorism than Hilary does. In this blog post, I have specifically chosen to focus on some issues relevant to our faith. Please reflect upon them and vote for Donald Trump this November! "But seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33.
Friday, October 14, 2016
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Forgiveness at the Supermarket
Last Wednesday was a busy day for me. One activity that predominated my schedule was my contribution to the Church's Annual Barbecue and Picnic. Just two weeks previous, the Pastor's wife had asked me if I would get together some craft projects for the children to enjoy on the day of that event. I decided on three projects: a fall garland, sewing a small heart pillow and finger knitting bracelets. While I already had a vast array of free materials at my home, I needed to make sure that I had enough needles and thread. This would be the first time that I would be attending this Churches' Annual Picnic. Hence, I really had no idea how many kids might pop in for crafts. I decided to have more supplies than might be needed rather than risk disappointing any children who wanted to participate in craft activities. Cutting out thirty mini hearts and organizing all the other materials put me behind on my home responsibilities, including food shopping. On top of that, I needed to buy some fabric to make curtains, because I am currently taking a sewing class.
Therefore, my schedule for the day included a visit to Jo-Ann's craft store, where I could buy both kids craft supplies and fabric for my project and then heading right next door to a Shoprite Supermarket. I happened to start a conversation with a lovely Christian woman while at the craft store. We conversed about sewing and then bonded over the serious problems facing believers in this day and age. I sent her a link to this blog and told her about my sewing class, hoping that we might meet again. She told me we "met by divine appointment and that we would see each other again." Time seemed to pass so quickly that before I knew it, I had skipped lunch. I had not intended to do this and indeed am like a grouchy bear when I don't eat on time. I brought my shopping bagsfrom Jo-Ann's to the car and then hurried over to Shoprite.
I had a shopping list and hoped that would expedite this chore so I could go home and get a mid-afternoon snack. The store was the size of a football field and I was getting quite a walk as I searched for all my food items. Since this was not my usual shopping venue, I did not know where everything was. As I headed toward the checkout lines, I saw it was quite crowded. I naturally searched for the shortest line as well as the line where people's carts were not so full. I decided to choose a line where a man seemed to have a full cart but actually did not. In surveying his cart, I had noticed that he had a load of Foster's beer cans rolling around the bottom of his cart and a few large chrysanthemums which filled out his cart. I quickly jumped on this line.
While I busied myself checking out the array of women's magazines and snacks lining the aisle, the man greeted me quite unexpectedly with a, " how ya doing today?" I reflexively answered that I was "fine thank you," and continued eyeing snack possibilities. He seemed to be figgiding quite a bit and so I naturally glanced over to size up the situation. I saw a middle-aged man with shorts and a sleeveless sweatshirt. The type of clothing that I assumed meant that he had been out for a jog, or that he had just finished mowing a lawn. Construction perhaps? Something did not seem right with this man and I sensed his discomfiture.
My instinct did not fail me because very shortly after that he addressed me, " you still looking really good." I looked at him more closely this time but did not recognize him. Again, my manners chirped in and I said, "thank you." He replied, " you don't know who I am, do you? Oh, if you did you would not like me." Suddenly, I realized it was Sergio F.*! He had aged quite a bit since I had last seen him about fifteen years ago. His Brazilian accent seemed much thickener than it had been but it was him. I was momentarily stunned and could say nothing. Sergio and I had some run-ins back then. His wife Jerri* and I had struck up a friendship as had our daughters. We had some good times before some unpleasantries began to occur. Jerri had a very difficult second pregnancy. The doctor had told her she needed complete bed rest for the last trimester of her pregnancy. Sergio asked his sister to come up from Brazil and lend a hand while he was at work during this difficult time. Nice, right?
One night, according to Jerri, Sergio's demanding behavior forced her to leave her sick bed. Apparently, the story was he didn't like the food that his sister had prepared for dinner that night. He
yelled at Jerri and so she got up and started to cook some Veal Marsala. She ended up at the emergency room and could have lost her baby. This shocked her, and from then on she began to tell me that she would never forgive him for this. At the time, I told her that I would have just stayed in bed and told my husband they he needed to do a drive-thru at Mc Donald's! I believed that they both had made foolish choices.
Things seemed to change in their marriage after the birth of their second child. Jerri started to believe that Sergio had a secret drinking problem. According to Jerri, he was also a crazy perfectionist who criticized her housework and child rearing practices. He always seemed to feel neglected and disrespected. Jerri was overwhelmed and tired, as she tried to balance the demands of work and family. Their many differences began to take a toll and soon they argued all the time. A few years later there was talk of divorce and sure enough, the couple separated.
My relationship with Sergio had problems both before and after this separation. One time, I had invited Sergio and Jerri to my home for a backyard barbecue. When they arrived it was obvious they had been fighting. They sat down at one of the tables next to me and a Belgian couple, Jean-Luc* and Monique*. Monique was a very beautiful woman both on the inside and on the outside, who was completely devoted to her husband. She, just as many Europeans, choose more dressy attire than the average American. This was not lost on our Brazilian visitor Sergio. In fact, there was a certain cultural nexus and agreement that he felt at the moment. He looked back and forth between Jerri and Monique several times and proceeded to grab a hold of Jerri's athletic short and began to publicly humiliate her. Chiding her for her ugly attire. Monique and her husband looked shocked and appalled. Jerri looked beaten up and passive. I couldn't believe the way Sergio treated his wife and I told him so.
Another time, an old college buddy was visiting from Brooklyn. While I usually don't even answer
the phone while I have company, this time I did. It was Jerri. She was crying and telling me how her husband and she had a fight at a Shoprite Supermarket. He had just left her and their two children there and drove off. She had no way of getting home and wondered if I could pick her up. The worst
event happened after their separation. Sergio had taken his children out for a regular scheduled visitation. When he brought the children home, he got into a fight with Jerri over the supposed dirty condition of the children. He ended up chasing her into a first floor bathroom and hitting her head against the porcelain bath tub. This resulted in a police report. Jerri asked me to accompany her to get an "order of protection" against her husband. I ended up having an ugly encounter with Sergio at Jerri's front door. I may have acted feisty and stood up to him but in reality I was afraid of this man and his temper.
The last straw for me was when Jerri called me up at almost midnight to tell me that when she came home and was straightening up her house, she noticed that the picture of me and her children which, she had placed over her mantle place, had been ripped in half and then placed back in the picture frame. Sergio had been in the house. I was really creeped out about this and perceived this to be a threatening gesture. Jerri felt the same way. I woke up my husband and told him he had to channel his inner marine and speak to this man, which he did. That was the last time that I had seen Sergio, until now. It was sort of ironic that we meet at another Shoprite store a few towns away from where he had left his wife stranded all those years ago.
Sergio said that he wanted "to apologize to me." He told me that he knows "cutting that picture was a stupid thing to do." I told him,"it was more than stupid it was creepy and threatening." He told me he "had seen me a number of times walking around, but thought that it would have been scary if he just ran up to me." I asked him if he was "sincerely apologizing?" He responded that he truly was "sorry." I told him that I forgave him and that I believed people could change. I also told him that I am not perfect and that I make mistakes too. I was happy to receive the apology and reached out my hand to shake Sergio's hand. All this was happening on the checkout line at Shoprite Supermarket. I have no idea if Sergio has changed. In fact, something he said made me think otherwise. Then there was that load of beer in his cart, which his wife thought he had a problem with. All I know is the hope that I
have in Jeaus Christ. The hope of resurrection in all its' manifestations. I know that God lovingly forgives me and that I in return must lovingly forgive others. I see in Sergio the continual struggle that we all must have with our own sin nature. Does forgiveness mean that I trust this guy? Or that I should ignore issues of safety? No, trust must be earned by the exercise of virtue. Being forgiving does not mean that we ignore our personal safety. What I do know is something fantastic happened on the checkout line at Shoprite. This meeting between Sergio and myself was by divine appointment.
Therefore, my schedule for the day included a visit to Jo-Ann's craft store, where I could buy both kids craft supplies and fabric for my project and then heading right next door to a Shoprite Supermarket. I happened to start a conversation with a lovely Christian woman while at the craft store. We conversed about sewing and then bonded over the serious problems facing believers in this day and age. I sent her a link to this blog and told her about my sewing class, hoping that we might meet again. She told me we "met by divine appointment and that we would see each other again." Time seemed to pass so quickly that before I knew it, I had skipped lunch. I had not intended to do this and indeed am like a grouchy bear when I don't eat on time. I brought my shopping bagsfrom Jo-Ann's to the car and then hurried over to Shoprite.
I had a shopping list and hoped that would expedite this chore so I could go home and get a mid-afternoon snack. The store was the size of a football field and I was getting quite a walk as I searched for all my food items. Since this was not my usual shopping venue, I did not know where everything was. As I headed toward the checkout lines, I saw it was quite crowded. I naturally searched for the shortest line as well as the line where people's carts were not so full. I decided to choose a line where a man seemed to have a full cart but actually did not. In surveying his cart, I had noticed that he had a load of Foster's beer cans rolling around the bottom of his cart and a few large chrysanthemums which filled out his cart. I quickly jumped on this line.
While I busied myself checking out the array of women's magazines and snacks lining the aisle, the man greeted me quite unexpectedly with a, " how ya doing today?" I reflexively answered that I was "fine thank you," and continued eyeing snack possibilities. He seemed to be figgiding quite a bit and so I naturally glanced over to size up the situation. I saw a middle-aged man with shorts and a sleeveless sweatshirt. The type of clothing that I assumed meant that he had been out for a jog, or that he had just finished mowing a lawn. Construction perhaps? Something did not seem right with this man and I sensed his discomfiture.
My instinct did not fail me because very shortly after that he addressed me, " you still looking really good." I looked at him more closely this time but did not recognize him. Again, my manners chirped in and I said, "thank you." He replied, " you don't know who I am, do you? Oh, if you did you would not like me." Suddenly, I realized it was Sergio F.*! He had aged quite a bit since I had last seen him about fifteen years ago. His Brazilian accent seemed much thickener than it had been but it was him. I was momentarily stunned and could say nothing. Sergio and I had some run-ins back then. His wife Jerri* and I had struck up a friendship as had our daughters. We had some good times before some unpleasantries began to occur. Jerri had a very difficult second pregnancy. The doctor had told her she needed complete bed rest for the last trimester of her pregnancy. Sergio asked his sister to come up from Brazil and lend a hand while he was at work during this difficult time. Nice, right?
One night, according to Jerri, Sergio's demanding behavior forced her to leave her sick bed. Apparently, the story was he didn't like the food that his sister had prepared for dinner that night. He
yelled at Jerri and so she got up and started to cook some Veal Marsala. She ended up at the emergency room and could have lost her baby. This shocked her, and from then on she began to tell me that she would never forgive him for this. At the time, I told her that I would have just stayed in bed and told my husband they he needed to do a drive-thru at Mc Donald's! I believed that they both had made foolish choices.
Things seemed to change in their marriage after the birth of their second child. Jerri started to believe that Sergio had a secret drinking problem. According to Jerri, he was also a crazy perfectionist who criticized her housework and child rearing practices. He always seemed to feel neglected and disrespected. Jerri was overwhelmed and tired, as she tried to balance the demands of work and family. Their many differences began to take a toll and soon they argued all the time. A few years later there was talk of divorce and sure enough, the couple separated.
My relationship with Sergio had problems both before and after this separation. One time, I had invited Sergio and Jerri to my home for a backyard barbecue. When they arrived it was obvious they had been fighting. They sat down at one of the tables next to me and a Belgian couple, Jean-Luc* and Monique*. Monique was a very beautiful woman both on the inside and on the outside, who was completely devoted to her husband. She, just as many Europeans, choose more dressy attire than the average American. This was not lost on our Brazilian visitor Sergio. In fact, there was a certain cultural nexus and agreement that he felt at the moment. He looked back and forth between Jerri and Monique several times and proceeded to grab a hold of Jerri's athletic short and began to publicly humiliate her. Chiding her for her ugly attire. Monique and her husband looked shocked and appalled. Jerri looked beaten up and passive. I couldn't believe the way Sergio treated his wife and I told him so.
Another time, an old college buddy was visiting from Brooklyn. While I usually don't even answer
the phone while I have company, this time I did. It was Jerri. She was crying and telling me how her husband and she had a fight at a Shoprite Supermarket. He had just left her and their two children there and drove off. She had no way of getting home and wondered if I could pick her up. The worst
event happened after their separation. Sergio had taken his children out for a regular scheduled visitation. When he brought the children home, he got into a fight with Jerri over the supposed dirty condition of the children. He ended up chasing her into a first floor bathroom and hitting her head against the porcelain bath tub. This resulted in a police report. Jerri asked me to accompany her to get an "order of protection" against her husband. I ended up having an ugly encounter with Sergio at Jerri's front door. I may have acted feisty and stood up to him but in reality I was afraid of this man and his temper.
The last straw for me was when Jerri called me up at almost midnight to tell me that when she came home and was straightening up her house, she noticed that the picture of me and her children which, she had placed over her mantle place, had been ripped in half and then placed back in the picture frame. Sergio had been in the house. I was really creeped out about this and perceived this to be a threatening gesture. Jerri felt the same way. I woke up my husband and told him he had to channel his inner marine and speak to this man, which he did. That was the last time that I had seen Sergio, until now. It was sort of ironic that we meet at another Shoprite store a few towns away from where he had left his wife stranded all those years ago.
Sergio said that he wanted "to apologize to me." He told me that he knows "cutting that picture was a stupid thing to do." I told him,"it was more than stupid it was creepy and threatening." He told me he "had seen me a number of times walking around, but thought that it would have been scary if he just ran up to me." I asked him if he was "sincerely apologizing?" He responded that he truly was "sorry." I told him that I forgave him and that I believed people could change. I also told him that I am not perfect and that I make mistakes too. I was happy to receive the apology and reached out my hand to shake Sergio's hand. All this was happening on the checkout line at Shoprite Supermarket. I have no idea if Sergio has changed. In fact, something he said made me think otherwise. Then there was that load of beer in his cart, which his wife thought he had a problem with. All I know is the hope that I
have in Jeaus Christ. The hope of resurrection in all its' manifestations. I know that God lovingly forgives me and that I in return must lovingly forgive others. I see in Sergio the continual struggle that we all must have with our own sin nature. Does forgiveness mean that I trust this guy? Or that I should ignore issues of safety? No, trust must be earned by the exercise of virtue. Being forgiving does not mean that we ignore our personal safety. What I do know is something fantastic happened on the checkout line at Shoprite. This meeting between Sergio and myself was by divine appointment.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
A Tale of Two Prisoners
Many former convicts or family members of people in prison come to Church to seek comfort, healing and new direction in their life. I have gotten close to some of those seeking guidance and have heard their stories. Some of these stories end in tragedy and some in miracles. It can go either way. The difference depends upon a person or family willing to face difficult circumstances and courageously doing what is right. If you are engaged in criminal activity or currently incarcerated then your life can go either way, it can end in tragedy or in a miracle but make no mistake your life hangs in the balance. My purpose today is to encourage you to choose a miracle. Let's look at a current example of what is going on in prison and see just what a miracle would look like.
This is the story of a Jewish inmate and a Muslim inmate. The Jewish man's first offense garnered him a year in prison, his second resulted in four years. He was a man struggling to find his place in this world. He was struggling with his sexual orientation and even with what it meant to be a Jew. Was he also suffering from a mental health issue? Perhaps. When he decided to check out a prison group made up of people who practiced Judaism but believed that Jesus was the Messiah, things began to fall into place for him.
The Muslim inmate had struggled with his sexuality as well, but for a very different reason. The legacy of his father's numerous affairs had left him feeling confused about how a man relates to a woman. When he converted to Islam after his first prison stint, he found all the answers about male-female relations that he was looking for. He began to imagine finishing his sentence and leaving prison and starting a whole new life. A life that would be better than the one his mother and father had created for him. Things were beginning to fall into place for him too.
Each inmate began to flourish in their new faith-based prison group. They began to be exposed to new ways of life which challenged some of their bad habits. They each learned about their sin nature and started to understand the consequences of those sins and how they had hurt themselves and others. It was almost too much to take as they counted the cost of following every wrong path which led them to prison. The fellowship in the Muslim group and Messianic Jewish group helped each man be accountable, and do the necessary work to move forward in a positive way. Soon, both of these men began to find new meaning in life. They began to get a vision for the life they could have.
The Jewish inmate flourished and soon it was time for him to be released. Things did not go so well for him as he attempted to transition back into life on the outside. He joined a traditional Jewish synagogue, but he did not find the kind of love that he had felt in his Messianic Jewish group. Being in prison marks you and he felt this. He especially felt like nobody could understand what he had been through. He felt alone and angry a lot of the time, and he did not know how to process those feelings. He was angry at a lot of things : what had happened to him, the way Jewish people were being treated by Muslims and he began to ruminate on these thoughts.
Meanwhile the Muslim man, still in prison, had his own setbacks. His appeal had failed, and his mother had passed away without him even being able to say goodbye. He was overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings that he had, and would not even listen to the voice of his Mullah. His frustration, grief and anger tripped him up and he began to behave just the way he did before he entered prison. He flew into a rage over the slightest thing, real or imagined. He refused to listen to advise. He began to think the whole world was against him, especially the Jews.
This is the story of a Jewish inmate and a Muslim inmate. The Jewish man's first offense garnered him a year in prison, his second resulted in four years. He was a man struggling to find his place in this world. He was struggling with his sexual orientation and even with what it meant to be a Jew. Was he also suffering from a mental health issue? Perhaps. When he decided to check out a prison group made up of people who practiced Judaism but believed that Jesus was the Messiah, things began to fall into place for him.
The Muslim inmate had struggled with his sexuality as well, but for a very different reason. The legacy of his father's numerous affairs had left him feeling confused about how a man relates to a woman. When he converted to Islam after his first prison stint, he found all the answers about male-female relations that he was looking for. He began to imagine finishing his sentence and leaving prison and starting a whole new life. A life that would be better than the one his mother and father had created for him. Things were beginning to fall into place for him too.
Each inmate began to flourish in their new faith-based prison group. They began to be exposed to new ways of life which challenged some of their bad habits. They each learned about their sin nature and started to understand the consequences of those sins and how they had hurt themselves and others. It was almost too much to take as they counted the cost of following every wrong path which led them to prison. The fellowship in the Muslim group and Messianic Jewish group helped each man be accountable, and do the necessary work to move forward in a positive way. Soon, both of these men began to find new meaning in life. They began to get a vision for the life they could have.
The Jewish inmate flourished and soon it was time for him to be released. Things did not go so well for him as he attempted to transition back into life on the outside. He joined a traditional Jewish synagogue, but he did not find the kind of love that he had felt in his Messianic Jewish group. Being in prison marks you and he felt this. He especially felt like nobody could understand what he had been through. He felt alone and angry a lot of the time, and he did not know how to process those feelings. He was angry at a lot of things : what had happened to him, the way Jewish people were being treated by Muslims and he began to ruminate on these thoughts.
Meanwhile the Muslim man, still in prison, had his own setbacks. His appeal had failed, and his mother had passed away without him even being able to say goodbye. He was overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings that he had, and would not even listen to the voice of his Mullah. His frustration, grief and anger tripped him up and he began to behave just the way he did before he entered prison. He flew into a rage over the slightest thing, real or imagined. He refused to listen to advise. He began to think the whole world was against him, especially the Jews.
The Jewish man tried to burn down a mosque. He purposely chose to do this when he knew that no one would be hurt, instead causing costly property damage. He chose to lash out rather than work out his thoughts and feelings. In Ephesians 4:26 it says "be angry, and do not sin." 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us that we need to make "every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." The first bible quote acknowledges that we all have the powerful emotion of anger but that we should not allow that emotion to cause us to sin. The second bible quote shows us the work that we must do to manage our feelings. We need to think before we act. Most importantly we need to decide if our actions will line up with the teachings of Jesus Christ. That takes some time and thought. Thinking things through, as the above bible quotes describe, can stop us from acting impulsively. This is a good thing and is the start of a whole new life and outcome. That is exactly why God gave us an instruction booklet called the Bible. We don't have to wonder or guess at what is right or wrong. It is all there to guide you and protect you and give you a feeling of peace even though your life and this world we live in is not perfect.
When the Muslim man heard that the Jewish man was arrested, he seethed with hatred for all Jews. He began to target members of the Messianic Jewish group in his prison taunting them, and trying to provoke fights. He used his position in the kitchen to threaten those inmates. Maybe something would happen to their food? His attitude against the Jews began to influence other Muslim guys in the kitchen to join in and pretty soon there was hostility and hatred at every meal. Suddenly all the frustration, grief and anger and weakness that he had felt lately, started to disappear and he felt strong and in control. But was this really strong and in control or was he just really going nowhere really fast? Where was the behavior going to lead him? Maybe to solitary confinement, to another crime and then an increased sentence. The Muslim man just like the Jewish man, had let his negative emotions take control of his life. Those feelings would just as surely destroy all his dreams for a new beginning as they had for the Jewish man.
This is the kind of story that repeats itself everyday in some way or another in every prison everywhere. This is not a unique story. In this case, I highlighted the story of a Muslim and a Jew, but it could be a tale of any two prisoners who face the daily choice of fighting the wrong battle. The battle is not against women, the other race, or even other religions. The battle is for our lives and what we will make of them. The battle is to have hope instead of despair. The battle is to face some things in our family or in our lives that needs to be changed and putting all our energy towards correcting that. Do I pick the wrong women, if so why and how can I change that? What will I do to earn a living if I don't deal drugs? How do I have a better relationship with my family? How do I,(add your own question)? " do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."-Romans 12:2.
Is it too late for the Jewish man and the Muslim man to change? Is it too late for you? No, Philippians 4:13 says, " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." If you are in prison for 5, 10, 20 years or life, turn your life around and develop a new meaning and a new direction for your life. Try to learn new things and be a blessing to those around you. Try to live for something larger than yourself. Jesus willingly suffered and died because he loved you. He wanted you to know that he has lived, died and had a resurrection so that you can have hope of a resurrection in your own life. It all begins by knowing that you need his forgiveness and asking him to forgive you. If you accept this gift of salvation, that Jesus has for you, it will be a miracle in your life. It will give you a new way of looking at things that have happened in your life and direct you toward new ways of living in the future. Choosing Jesus is choosing to bring a little miracle into your cell or dorm. It will grow and be an oasis or a little bit of heaven in the midst of your storms. It will bring healing with your family and possibly reconciliation. It can also create a new family of believers in prison, a body of Christ. The body of Christ can do God's work in prison. God has a good plan for you, for He says in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Pass this post along to those you think need it.
When the Muslim man heard that the Jewish man was arrested, he seethed with hatred for all Jews. He began to target members of the Messianic Jewish group in his prison taunting them, and trying to provoke fights. He used his position in the kitchen to threaten those inmates. Maybe something would happen to their food? His attitude against the Jews began to influence other Muslim guys in the kitchen to join in and pretty soon there was hostility and hatred at every meal. Suddenly all the frustration, grief and anger and weakness that he had felt lately, started to disappear and he felt strong and in control. But was this really strong and in control or was he just really going nowhere really fast? Where was the behavior going to lead him? Maybe to solitary confinement, to another crime and then an increased sentence. The Muslim man just like the Jewish man, had let his negative emotions take control of his life. Those feelings would just as surely destroy all his dreams for a new beginning as they had for the Jewish man.
This is the kind of story that repeats itself everyday in some way or another in every prison everywhere. This is not a unique story. In this case, I highlighted the story of a Muslim and a Jew, but it could be a tale of any two prisoners who face the daily choice of fighting the wrong battle. The battle is not against women, the other race, or even other religions. The battle is for our lives and what we will make of them. The battle is to have hope instead of despair. The battle is to face some things in our family or in our lives that needs to be changed and putting all our energy towards correcting that. Do I pick the wrong women, if so why and how can I change that? What will I do to earn a living if I don't deal drugs? How do I have a better relationship with my family? How do I,(add your own question)? " do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."-Romans 12:2.
Is it too late for the Jewish man and the Muslim man to change? Is it too late for you? No, Philippians 4:13 says, " I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." If you are in prison for 5, 10, 20 years or life, turn your life around and develop a new meaning and a new direction for your life. Try to learn new things and be a blessing to those around you. Try to live for something larger than yourself. Jesus willingly suffered and died because he loved you. He wanted you to know that he has lived, died and had a resurrection so that you can have hope of a resurrection in your own life. It all begins by knowing that you need his forgiveness and asking him to forgive you. If you accept this gift of salvation, that Jesus has for you, it will be a miracle in your life. It will give you a new way of looking at things that have happened in your life and direct you toward new ways of living in the future. Choosing Jesus is choosing to bring a little miracle into your cell or dorm. It will grow and be an oasis or a little bit of heaven in the midst of your storms. It will bring healing with your family and possibly reconciliation. It can also create a new family of believers in prison, a body of Christ. The body of Christ can do God's work in prison. God has a good plan for you, for He says in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Pass this post along to those you think need it.
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
What the World's Churches Mean To Me
We in the body of Christ, or Christendom, need to get off our high horse and stop talking down other denominations. The way it's going down is just not godly. This does not mean we should not seek to clarify and correct the errors that exist in the practice and keeping of Christianity but we need to begin with our own Church. Then, we need to take a fresh look at other denominations and finally, let us have more wisdom in handling problems in the family of God. I recently sat in Church and heard my Pastor bad-mouth the Amish. It seems to be open season on the Amish these days. Various television shows have proliferated whose sole purpose seems to be pulling the Amish down into the gutter. What an easy target they make too! They eschew violence so popping you one in the face when you make fun of them is not very likely. Also, chances are they aren't watching television or listening to my Pastor insult them on his podcasts.
My Pastor chose to use them as a negative example when he was trying to encourage the congregation to fulfill their biblical mandate of witnessing in the community. That is like trying to encourage one child to do their math homework by telling them not to be like their brother. Our Pastors should be more like the good Shephard (Jesus Christ) seeking the lost and returning them to the flock. See the difference? My Pastor isn't alone. Who hasn't sat at an evangelical service where the Catholics were cooked up and served for dinner? The virtue that we show whenever we as Christians deal with frustration, or challenges goes a long way to shedding light on our maturity as a believer. Be careful Church, your fruits are showing! Be careful Church lest we be compared to the "Lilliputians" those fictitious characters created by the author Jonathan Swift which immortalized the foolishness of partisanship.
The battles between denominations are legendary. The Catholics vs. the Lutherans, Luther vs. Zwingli, the Scottish Presbyterians vs. the Anglicans and the Western Church vs. the Eastern Orthodox Church. These battles continue today. The differences and distinctions that Christians have created for ourselves have resulted in five main Church families : Catholic, Protestant, Eastern, Evangelical and Pentecostal. Within those five broad categories, there are about 41,000 different Christian denominations! Is this what Jesus meant when he prayed that we all be one in Him? John 17:21 says, "that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in you; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that you sent Me." So how do you think that we are doing as a Church in following Jesus' mandate? It is very clear that we are not united in the way that the Father and Jesus are united. Further, Jesus, in the above verse lets us know that our unity will be a sign to the world and help us to validate the truth about who Jesus is. This is extremely important for all of us to reflect upon.
With that in mind I would like to share what the worlds churches mean to me. How they each have helped me learn a basic tenet of Christianity. The Catholic Church helped me to understand the holiness of God. The beauty of their Churches and the smell of incense makes me imagine the glories of heaven. ("golden bowls of incense, which are the prayers of the saints." Revelation 5:8.). I learned that God is the Creator of the Universe and us. They taught me the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The Protestant Churches were my first introduction to excellent Bible Study. Their reverence for the Word inspired me. It was Martin Luther who wanted the Bible translated into many languages to be accessible to all. The Orthodox Churches have taught me to persevere against religious persecution and to hold on strongly to my beliefs. This is a very important lesson as Christians face ever increasing trials throughout the world. The evangelicals have helped to teach me about the practical application of God's Word in daily life, i.e., to be a do'er of the Word. They also gave me an excellent example of real Christian fellowship. The Pentecostals have shown me the joy of the Lord and let us not forget the Amish. The Amish have shown me the wisdom to take the damage that the culture and school system can do seriously. So many believers in Jesus Christ have lost their children to a blatantly anti-religious education system and to ungodly culture and the Amish fought to stop that. I respect the modest way that both they and the Mennonites attire themselves. Their forgiveness and peacefulness all represent Christian moral excellence.
Most importantly, I have found people who are earnestly seeking God in every Church that I have ever been in. Even in the worst Church, I have found some faith, fellowship and love. Each of these
churches has somehow correctly pointed me to the Word of God which is the Bible. Yet, each of these churches has somehow departed from those directives in the Bible in some key areas. It is not surprising that they have done so considering that we depart from God's Word everyday because we are sinners. We bring this sin to the churches that we attend and even institutionalize that sin. Get off the self-righteous jag. We must resolve to seek God's direction, by His Holy Spirit and study of the Bible to follow Him more closely. Resolve your differences with other believers using the Word of God. If they do not listen, leave in a godly way not hurling insults. Pray for them in love and be ready to restart a conversation if they wish. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21
My Pastor chose to use them as a negative example when he was trying to encourage the congregation to fulfill their biblical mandate of witnessing in the community. That is like trying to encourage one child to do their math homework by telling them not to be like their brother. Our Pastors should be more like the good Shephard (Jesus Christ) seeking the lost and returning them to the flock. See the difference? My Pastor isn't alone. Who hasn't sat at an evangelical service where the Catholics were cooked up and served for dinner? The virtue that we show whenever we as Christians deal with frustration, or challenges goes a long way to shedding light on our maturity as a believer. Be careful Church, your fruits are showing! Be careful Church lest we be compared to the "Lilliputians" those fictitious characters created by the author Jonathan Swift which immortalized the foolishness of partisanship.
The battles between denominations are legendary. The Catholics vs. the Lutherans, Luther vs. Zwingli, the Scottish Presbyterians vs. the Anglicans and the Western Church vs. the Eastern Orthodox Church. These battles continue today. The differences and distinctions that Christians have created for ourselves have resulted in five main Church families : Catholic, Protestant, Eastern, Evangelical and Pentecostal. Within those five broad categories, there are about 41,000 different Christian denominations! Is this what Jesus meant when he prayed that we all be one in Him? John 17:21 says, "that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in you; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that you sent Me." So how do you think that we are doing as a Church in following Jesus' mandate? It is very clear that we are not united in the way that the Father and Jesus are united. Further, Jesus, in the above verse lets us know that our unity will be a sign to the world and help us to validate the truth about who Jesus is. This is extremely important for all of us to reflect upon.
With that in mind I would like to share what the worlds churches mean to me. How they each have helped me learn a basic tenet of Christianity. The Catholic Church helped me to understand the holiness of God. The beauty of their Churches and the smell of incense makes me imagine the glories of heaven. ("golden bowls of incense, which are the prayers of the saints." Revelation 5:8.). I learned that God is the Creator of the Universe and us. They taught me the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The Protestant Churches were my first introduction to excellent Bible Study. Their reverence for the Word inspired me. It was Martin Luther who wanted the Bible translated into many languages to be accessible to all. The Orthodox Churches have taught me to persevere against religious persecution and to hold on strongly to my beliefs. This is a very important lesson as Christians face ever increasing trials throughout the world. The evangelicals have helped to teach me about the practical application of God's Word in daily life, i.e., to be a do'er of the Word. They also gave me an excellent example of real Christian fellowship. The Pentecostals have shown me the joy of the Lord and let us not forget the Amish. The Amish have shown me the wisdom to take the damage that the culture and school system can do seriously. So many believers in Jesus Christ have lost their children to a blatantly anti-religious education system and to ungodly culture and the Amish fought to stop that. I respect the modest way that both they and the Mennonites attire themselves. Their forgiveness and peacefulness all represent Christian moral excellence.
Most importantly, I have found people who are earnestly seeking God in every Church that I have ever been in. Even in the worst Church, I have found some faith, fellowship and love. Each of these
churches has somehow correctly pointed me to the Word of God which is the Bible. Yet, each of these churches has somehow departed from those directives in the Bible in some key areas. It is not surprising that they have done so considering that we depart from God's Word everyday because we are sinners. We bring this sin to the churches that we attend and even institutionalize that sin. Get off the self-righteous jag. We must resolve to seek God's direction, by His Holy Spirit and study of the Bible to follow Him more closely. Resolve your differences with other believers using the Word of God. If they do not listen, leave in a godly way not hurling insults. Pray for them in love and be ready to restart a conversation if they wish. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:21
Tuesday, August 30, 2016
HONOR YOUR MOTHER-PART2
As we drove down the alleyway leading to Charlene's* mothers' condominium, I had some butterflies in the pit of my stomach. Was I butting into Charlene's family business and would she and her family end up resenting me? Would I be upsetting any routine or expectations that this 93 year old lady had? The primary reason for this visit was to access her mother's driving ability and if appropriate buy her a new car. At 93 years of age, it is truly amazing for her to have driven this many years. I was skeptical from the beginning, after all, how many 93 year olds do you know who are still driving? I calmed myself by remembering that after two years of Charlene talking to me about buying her mother a car and extending an invitation for me to join her on this trip, that I should try to be a blessing to this family. I prayed for God to use me in this situation to help and assist this family where needed. I prayed for God to mend the relational fractures that existed between mother and children, and most of all I prayed for God's guidance in determining if Martha* should still be driving at all!
Mark*, Charlene's brother, pulled his car (or rather the car he had borrowed) into Martha's driveway, parked it, and directed me through a tall wooden door which lead into a small, private outside garden. Then, just beyond a table and chair was his mother's front door. Martha, came to the door immediately. She was a sprite and courtly woman who insisted on taking me on a tour of her small home. It had a homey feeling to it. It was very neat and tidy. Was this the obsessive cleanliness that Charlene told me about over the years? To the left was the living room, to the right, a dining area and kitchen, and beyond that two bedrooms and baths. There were family photographs everywhere and I got to see adorable pictures of my friend Charlene as a child. I also saw Martha's perfectly organized craft closet and sewing area. This was the place where she had worked on the amazing and beautiful quilts which I now saw. Martha had been quite gifted at this traditional folk art and it had given her much comfort after the death of her husband. Now, she could not see well enough to do those small stitches, but still met regularly with her "quilting bee."
The talk turned to traditional family topics : updates on family members, health, travel, and finally to Martha's car. Martha drove an old, beaten-up Chevrolet. Whenever her son Mark used his mother's car, he thoughtlessly dropped food and beverage everywhere, making this car dirty as well as old. Mark had moved in with his mother following a nasty divorce, but ten years later, he had still never recovered financially, emotionally or spiritually. It is a shame really. In part one of this story, I hint at the intelligence manifested by Mark and his sister Charlene. Mark is one of the most intelligent people that I have met in a long time. That says a lot when you come from Westchester County, NY where people work very hard at manifesting all the right intellectual postures and honing any and all skills to laser-like precision. Mark could talk impressively in the topics of history, music, mathematics and science and, he was a walking dictionary. In my opinion, he was what used to be known as the "Renaissance Man," i.e. an intellectually well-rounded man. Martha told me her son stopped attending Church following his divorce. What was really holding back someone as gifted as Mark from achieving his full potential?
In the days that followed, it became very clear why I was down in Texas. It was not to visit all the musical venues associated with Austin, Texas nor was it to learn the two-step as Charlene had promised me. The first part of my purpose here was to assist Charlene in understanding and empathizing with the needs of her elderly mother. Charlene another gifted egghead had very unrealistic expectations of this trip and the needs of her mother. It was up to me to give her some basic information. Number one included assessing her mother's health. Charlene vaguely felt that her mother was experiencing some short-term memory loss. I told her that I noticed some hearing and sight problems as well. Should Martha be driving? Charlene and Mark needed to clear this with their mother's doctors and very importantly get in the car with their mother and give her a test drive. Next, I told Charlene that when you visit a 93 year old person, the focus needed to be on how you
could serve them. This might include home repairs, cooking, cleaning or driving them places that
they needed to go. Then one offers companionship and comfort. During these discussions she more
than once said how she wished her mother would just agree to enter an assisted living facility. Two
years ago, Charlene took her mother to tour several facilities and even carefully researched ways for
her mother to finance it. She was very cold in her search mission and seemingly insensitive to her mother's feelings about this. She brought those tours up several times in an effort to bully her mother even now, into entering such a facility.
Bullying seemed to be a defining attribute of this family. Never was it so clear as when I saw them all together. Was Martha the root of all this, as Charlene continually suggested, or was there another explanation? I am opting for another explanation. A variety of explanations kept playing in my mind as I tried to make sense of this family drama. I kept coming back to the same conclusion, which is that this family suffers with a variety of undiagnosed and untreated maladies, among them obsessive
compulsive disorder and attention deficit disorder. Throughout my weeklong sojourn in Austin, I saw many behaviors linked to these conditions and began to add up the facts. It appeared to me that Charlene and her brother Mark labored under many compulsions and maladaptive behaviors which they seemed powerless to control. An interesting twist in this story, is that I did not see Martha exhibit any of the monsterous characteristics that Charlene and her brother had attributed to her. Instead, it was Charlene and Mark who manifested every cruelty. It was so bad at points that I thought it bordered on elder abuse and I told them so. I was compelled to step in many times to correct the situation. I found myself telling Charlene to be more patient, I asked her to lower her voice, and I urged everyone to calm down.
I am not saying that Charlene is wrong about her mother. I was not there throughout her life and many experiences. Perhaps Martha had mellowed with age. Perhaps she tempered her behavior when visitors were present. All that I can attest to was that during my visit to Texas, this 93 year old was by far, kinder and more emotionally stable than either of her children were. My observations also were that Charlene and Mark were NOW everything they accused their mother of being : intolerant, perfectionists, self-centered, controlling and moody. Besides mental challenges, the other
unspoken challenge that exists in this family is the gulf that exists between believers and non-believers in God. Do you have a family situation which seems impossible? It might be time to look at the whole thing from a fresh perspective. It might be time to consider new explanations as I did during my week in Austin. Sometimes, we are the problem. If so, let us have the courage to face this. Do we need counseling or treatment? Do we need to humbly confess our sins to the Lord? The Bible contains many stories of parent-child dilemmas. It is not a book of perfect people with perfect relationships. Just like Martha and her children, some of those biblical families consisted of parents
who believed in God and children who did not. There are parents who made serious mistakes in role modeling godly behavior. They had to suffer the consequences of those actions. But, we need to learn from these stories and try to avoid error in our life.
Charlene promised to go to Church with her mother and myself but ended up making excuses on Sunday morning and playing her flute instead. That morning, I had an amazing time at Martha's Bible Study. It was lead by an anointed and godly 86 year old woman, named Jenny*. After Bible Study, I arranged for Jenny, Martha and I to have a candid discussion about Martha and driving. This discussion, as well as the test drive that Martha took convinced me that she is still able to drive in a
limited capacity in Austin. Yes, you are safe Austin! The sermon at Church that day, which Charlene missed, focused on broken parent and child relationships. Charlene waltzed in to pick us up at the end of that sermon, which I know that God had intended for her family. Oh, Lord, I pray that those few words that she managed to hear touched Charlene in even the smallest way and that they would lead to growth and change.
We closed the deal on a used car the day before our flight back to Westchester, N.Y. Updates from Charlene indicate that her mother is adjusting to her new car and enjoys driving it. I had time to pray and read the Bible with Martha. We talked about many things of spiritual interest to Martha and there was the easy fellowship that believers have with one another. I promised her that if something
happened to her, that I would continue to pray for her children to come to know, or in the case of
Mark, to return to the Lord. This trip had a lot of emotionally challenges for me. I had to pray continually to meet the challenges of this family drama. I also could not have done it without the support of my Christian friends in New York. Yet, if we do not bring Jesus even into the darkest places, how will they know Him? There are times that God leads us into acts of service, to help our family, friends or even a stranger. Is God leading you today?
* real stories but the names and a few details are changed.
Mark*, Charlene's brother, pulled his car (or rather the car he had borrowed) into Martha's driveway, parked it, and directed me through a tall wooden door which lead into a small, private outside garden. Then, just beyond a table and chair was his mother's front door. Martha, came to the door immediately. She was a sprite and courtly woman who insisted on taking me on a tour of her small home. It had a homey feeling to it. It was very neat and tidy. Was this the obsessive cleanliness that Charlene told me about over the years? To the left was the living room, to the right, a dining area and kitchen, and beyond that two bedrooms and baths. There were family photographs everywhere and I got to see adorable pictures of my friend Charlene as a child. I also saw Martha's perfectly organized craft closet and sewing area. This was the place where she had worked on the amazing and beautiful quilts which I now saw. Martha had been quite gifted at this traditional folk art and it had given her much comfort after the death of her husband. Now, she could not see well enough to do those small stitches, but still met regularly with her "quilting bee."
The talk turned to traditional family topics : updates on family members, health, travel, and finally to Martha's car. Martha drove an old, beaten-up Chevrolet. Whenever her son Mark used his mother's car, he thoughtlessly dropped food and beverage everywhere, making this car dirty as well as old. Mark had moved in with his mother following a nasty divorce, but ten years later, he had still never recovered financially, emotionally or spiritually. It is a shame really. In part one of this story, I hint at the intelligence manifested by Mark and his sister Charlene. Mark is one of the most intelligent people that I have met in a long time. That says a lot when you come from Westchester County, NY where people work very hard at manifesting all the right intellectual postures and honing any and all skills to laser-like precision. Mark could talk impressively in the topics of history, music, mathematics and science and, he was a walking dictionary. In my opinion, he was what used to be known as the "Renaissance Man," i.e. an intellectually well-rounded man. Martha told me her son stopped attending Church following his divorce. What was really holding back someone as gifted as Mark from achieving his full potential?
In the days that followed, it became very clear why I was down in Texas. It was not to visit all the musical venues associated with Austin, Texas nor was it to learn the two-step as Charlene had promised me. The first part of my purpose here was to assist Charlene in understanding and empathizing with the needs of her elderly mother. Charlene another gifted egghead had very unrealistic expectations of this trip and the needs of her mother. It was up to me to give her some basic information. Number one included assessing her mother's health. Charlene vaguely felt that her mother was experiencing some short-term memory loss. I told her that I noticed some hearing and sight problems as well. Should Martha be driving? Charlene and Mark needed to clear this with their mother's doctors and very importantly get in the car with their mother and give her a test drive. Next, I told Charlene that when you visit a 93 year old person, the focus needed to be on how you
could serve them. This might include home repairs, cooking, cleaning or driving them places that
they needed to go. Then one offers companionship and comfort. During these discussions she more
than once said how she wished her mother would just agree to enter an assisted living facility. Two
years ago, Charlene took her mother to tour several facilities and even carefully researched ways for
her mother to finance it. She was very cold in her search mission and seemingly insensitive to her mother's feelings about this. She brought those tours up several times in an effort to bully her mother even now, into entering such a facility.
Bullying seemed to be a defining attribute of this family. Never was it so clear as when I saw them all together. Was Martha the root of all this, as Charlene continually suggested, or was there another explanation? I am opting for another explanation. A variety of explanations kept playing in my mind as I tried to make sense of this family drama. I kept coming back to the same conclusion, which is that this family suffers with a variety of undiagnosed and untreated maladies, among them obsessive
compulsive disorder and attention deficit disorder. Throughout my weeklong sojourn in Austin, I saw many behaviors linked to these conditions and began to add up the facts. It appeared to me that Charlene and her brother Mark labored under many compulsions and maladaptive behaviors which they seemed powerless to control. An interesting twist in this story, is that I did not see Martha exhibit any of the monsterous characteristics that Charlene and her brother had attributed to her. Instead, it was Charlene and Mark who manifested every cruelty. It was so bad at points that I thought it bordered on elder abuse and I told them so. I was compelled to step in many times to correct the situation. I found myself telling Charlene to be more patient, I asked her to lower her voice, and I urged everyone to calm down.
I am not saying that Charlene is wrong about her mother. I was not there throughout her life and many experiences. Perhaps Martha had mellowed with age. Perhaps she tempered her behavior when visitors were present. All that I can attest to was that during my visit to Texas, this 93 year old was by far, kinder and more emotionally stable than either of her children were. My observations also were that Charlene and Mark were NOW everything they accused their mother of being : intolerant, perfectionists, self-centered, controlling and moody. Besides mental challenges, the other
unspoken challenge that exists in this family is the gulf that exists between believers and non-believers in God. Do you have a family situation which seems impossible? It might be time to look at the whole thing from a fresh perspective. It might be time to consider new explanations as I did during my week in Austin. Sometimes, we are the problem. If so, let us have the courage to face this. Do we need counseling or treatment? Do we need to humbly confess our sins to the Lord? The Bible contains many stories of parent-child dilemmas. It is not a book of perfect people with perfect relationships. Just like Martha and her children, some of those biblical families consisted of parents
who believed in God and children who did not. There are parents who made serious mistakes in role modeling godly behavior. They had to suffer the consequences of those actions. But, we need to learn from these stories and try to avoid error in our life.
Charlene promised to go to Church with her mother and myself but ended up making excuses on Sunday morning and playing her flute instead. That morning, I had an amazing time at Martha's Bible Study. It was lead by an anointed and godly 86 year old woman, named Jenny*. After Bible Study, I arranged for Jenny, Martha and I to have a candid discussion about Martha and driving. This discussion, as well as the test drive that Martha took convinced me that she is still able to drive in a
limited capacity in Austin. Yes, you are safe Austin! The sermon at Church that day, which Charlene missed, focused on broken parent and child relationships. Charlene waltzed in to pick us up at the end of that sermon, which I know that God had intended for her family. Oh, Lord, I pray that those few words that she managed to hear touched Charlene in even the smallest way and that they would lead to growth and change.
We closed the deal on a used car the day before our flight back to Westchester, N.Y. Updates from Charlene indicate that her mother is adjusting to her new car and enjoys driving it. I had time to pray and read the Bible with Martha. We talked about many things of spiritual interest to Martha and there was the easy fellowship that believers have with one another. I promised her that if something
happened to her, that I would continue to pray for her children to come to know, or in the case of
Mark, to return to the Lord. This trip had a lot of emotionally challenges for me. I had to pray continually to meet the challenges of this family drama. I also could not have done it without the support of my Christian friends in New York. Yet, if we do not bring Jesus even into the darkest places, how will they know Him? There are times that God leads us into acts of service, to help our family, friends or even a stranger. Is God leading you today?
* real stories but the names and a few details are changed.
Monday, August 22, 2016
HONOR YOUR MOTHER? YOU DON'T KNOW MY MOTHER! PART 1
Westchester Christian Housewife is writing from Texas this week. This is not a vacation friends. This is family life as bad as it gets. To be specific, I was asked by my friend Charlene* to come down with her on a family visit to Austin, Texas. Charlene, a musician and teacher, is originally from that vicinity and visits regularly to check-in on her 93 year old mother. She also has a brother and cousins in this area. She grew up in a southern baptist church with two parents who were committed to their faith. Charlene never felt what all her Sunday school friends felt as they came to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. In fact, she felt the OPPOSITE. She felt that there was no God, that faith in Jesus Christ was mythology and that science had most of the real answers. The rest of her answers came from her love of music. All that she did not feel about God, she felt for music.
She felt the power of music was transformative. That it had the power to heal and uplift. She began playing the flute later than most professionals do, but her commitment and ability allowed her to move ahead quickly. This effort payed off, because by the time she was ready to enter college she was able to procur a musical scholarship. Soon she could financially manage without her parents help and now she felt emancipated! Her emancipation meant living a lifestyle in complete opposition to all her parents believed and taught her. She chose to move to the Northeastern part of the United States to continue her musical education and begin her career. Read the story of the "Prodigal Son" to gain some insight into Charlene's life in Luke 15:11-32.
For those of you who have read my Blogger profile, you may have noted my love of classical music. The lifelong enjoyment of this musical genre brought me into contact with Charlene some years ago. We enjoyed time together attending classical music proformances and even shared some holiday events together. Although we bonded over our love of music, we had some big differences. One thing that has gnawed at me over the years was the hateful way that she spoke about her mother. To hear her side of it, her mother was a monster and the extreme distance between them was justified. While keeping an open mind and trying to comfort Charlene in her distress, I wondered if she could not find a way to live more peacefully with her mother and have alittle respect for the woman who brought her into the world. I also wondered what the other side of this story was.
My opportunity to hear the other side of this story occurred rather suddenly with an invitation to go down to Texas for a week on one of Charlene's regular family visits. I knew just what I was in for because I have been praying about this situation for a long time. In my prayers I asked God to help bring healing to this situation. Even when there are problems in a family, very seldom is it necessary to detach so utterly as Charlene has done. The Bible cautions us to "honor your father and mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee." It means that we may not agree with everything they say or do but that we are to treat them in a dignified and respectful manner. Not following God's directive takes us down a negative path in our own live. This was plain to see in Charlene's life.
Charlene already in her sixties continually goes over a laundry list of complaints that she has against her mother. Always concluding that this justified cutting her mother out of her life. So you see the distance that Charlene placed between her and her mother did not succeed in bringing closure to the things that had happened in her life. No, in fact she lived in a virtual post-traumatic stress disordered holding pattern. Running away, never solves our problems. We take those problems wherever we go and reenact them. So it was that Charlene brought her crazy life and problems to Westchester County, New York, as if we don't have enough problems!
One of my goals in visiting Charlene's childhood home was to see if I could get her to attend church with myself and her mother. My thinking was humanity fails constantly in family life but God does not. Hearing God's holy Word on a Sunday can plant some thoughts and direction toward family healing even in the most dire family situations. The trip started off badly as Charlene told me she
would pick me at 3:45A.M. for our ride to the airport and she didn't arrive until 45 minutes later. Did
you catch that, she told me to be ready in the middle of the night and had the nerve to keep me waiting!
There are many chapters in the book of getting to know someone and when I arrived in Texas, I knew that it was here that the plot of this book thickened. Charlene's brother Mark* picked us up at the airport and suggested we have some breakfast together before he drove us to visit their mother Martha*. The conversation immediately turned toward recounting tales of just how bad their mother was. They bonded over just how much they had suffered and they competed for the honor of just who had suffered the most. I just couldn't believe how rude they were, cutting each other off constantly in the middle of sentences or simply talking at each other or over each other. These aren't just any two siblings competing to be the center of attention either. The two of these people reminded me of the two over-educated, pompous brothers depicted in the 1990's American sitcom,"Frazier."
The award winning television show "Frazier" ran for twelve seasons. If you are not familiar with it, try to catch an episode or two when you have a chance. It will give you an inkling of just what I was dealing with down here in Texas. It is is an intellectual dual to the death between Mark and Charlene all the time. Their tongues are like sharp swords, with even innocent bystanders like myself getting a few cuts and scrapes. Proverbs 18:21 states, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue : and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." That verse so aptly describes the terrible injuries inflicted by these two siblings on one another and others in their life.
I could hardly wait to meet Charlene's mother. Was she the root of all this or is there another explanation? Stay tune next week for Part 2.
NEXT WEEK : HONOR YOUR MOTHER? YOU DON'T KNOW MY MOTHER-PART 2
Will Charlene go to Church? Will they get a car for their 93 year old mother? Will anyone in Austin be safe If they do? God's lessons on family life.
*The names are changed to keep some privacy.
She felt the power of music was transformative. That it had the power to heal and uplift. She began playing the flute later than most professionals do, but her commitment and ability allowed her to move ahead quickly. This effort payed off, because by the time she was ready to enter college she was able to procur a musical scholarship. Soon she could financially manage without her parents help and now she felt emancipated! Her emancipation meant living a lifestyle in complete opposition to all her parents believed and taught her. She chose to move to the Northeastern part of the United States to continue her musical education and begin her career. Read the story of the "Prodigal Son" to gain some insight into Charlene's life in Luke 15:11-32.
For those of you who have read my Blogger profile, you may have noted my love of classical music. The lifelong enjoyment of this musical genre brought me into contact with Charlene some years ago. We enjoyed time together attending classical music proformances and even shared some holiday events together. Although we bonded over our love of music, we had some big differences. One thing that has gnawed at me over the years was the hateful way that she spoke about her mother. To hear her side of it, her mother was a monster and the extreme distance between them was justified. While keeping an open mind and trying to comfort Charlene in her distress, I wondered if she could not find a way to live more peacefully with her mother and have alittle respect for the woman who brought her into the world. I also wondered what the other side of this story was.
My opportunity to hear the other side of this story occurred rather suddenly with an invitation to go down to Texas for a week on one of Charlene's regular family visits. I knew just what I was in for because I have been praying about this situation for a long time. In my prayers I asked God to help bring healing to this situation. Even when there are problems in a family, very seldom is it necessary to detach so utterly as Charlene has done. The Bible cautions us to "honor your father and mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee." It means that we may not agree with everything they say or do but that we are to treat them in a dignified and respectful manner. Not following God's directive takes us down a negative path in our own live. This was plain to see in Charlene's life.
Charlene already in her sixties continually goes over a laundry list of complaints that she has against her mother. Always concluding that this justified cutting her mother out of her life. So you see the distance that Charlene placed between her and her mother did not succeed in bringing closure to the things that had happened in her life. No, in fact she lived in a virtual post-traumatic stress disordered holding pattern. Running away, never solves our problems. We take those problems wherever we go and reenact them. So it was that Charlene brought her crazy life and problems to Westchester County, New York, as if we don't have enough problems!
One of my goals in visiting Charlene's childhood home was to see if I could get her to attend church with myself and her mother. My thinking was humanity fails constantly in family life but God does not. Hearing God's holy Word on a Sunday can plant some thoughts and direction toward family healing even in the most dire family situations. The trip started off badly as Charlene told me she
would pick me at 3:45A.M. for our ride to the airport and she didn't arrive until 45 minutes later. Did
you catch that, she told me to be ready in the middle of the night and had the nerve to keep me waiting!
There are many chapters in the book of getting to know someone and when I arrived in Texas, I knew that it was here that the plot of this book thickened. Charlene's brother Mark* picked us up at the airport and suggested we have some breakfast together before he drove us to visit their mother Martha*. The conversation immediately turned toward recounting tales of just how bad their mother was. They bonded over just how much they had suffered and they competed for the honor of just who had suffered the most. I just couldn't believe how rude they were, cutting each other off constantly in the middle of sentences or simply talking at each other or over each other. These aren't just any two siblings competing to be the center of attention either. The two of these people reminded me of the two over-educated, pompous brothers depicted in the 1990's American sitcom,"Frazier."
The award winning television show "Frazier" ran for twelve seasons. If you are not familiar with it, try to catch an episode or two when you have a chance. It will give you an inkling of just what I was dealing with down here in Texas. It is is an intellectual dual to the death between Mark and Charlene all the time. Their tongues are like sharp swords, with even innocent bystanders like myself getting a few cuts and scrapes. Proverbs 18:21 states, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue : and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." That verse so aptly describes the terrible injuries inflicted by these two siblings on one another and others in their life.
I could hardly wait to meet Charlene's mother. Was she the root of all this or is there another explanation? Stay tune next week for Part 2.
NEXT WEEK : HONOR YOUR MOTHER? YOU DON'T KNOW MY MOTHER-PART 2
Will Charlene go to Church? Will they get a car for their 93 year old mother? Will anyone in Austin be safe If they do? God's lessons on family life.
*The names are changed to keep some privacy.
Thursday, August 11, 2016
My Jury Duty
Throughout the world, citizen participation in the justice system can mean different things. In France, there is the "Cour d'assises" which brings citizens in for input in certain cases. When the Ukraine declared independence from the former Soviet Union, this meant drawing up a new constitution. This document declared the right of their citizens to have a trial by jury. In a different system, the South Africans, have moved away from trials by jury and instead they rely on a judge and two officials called assessors. When I received a letter from the United States government in black bold-faced print saying "JURY SUMMONS" I knew just what that meant as a citizen of the United States.
The United States Government calls its' citizens to make themselves available to join a group of twelve randomly selected individuals to listen to a civil or criminal case, study the evidence and render a verdict of guilt or innocence. Lawyers on both sides of the case will fight vigorously to present their cases, with the judge acting as the impartial coordinator of the trial. There is also another jury called the "grand jury" which operates slightly differently. Here we have a group of people looking at evidence to see if the government has a valid reason to bring a person or company to trial.
Jury duty, as it was envisioned by the founders of the United States, was meant to be a system of "checks and balances" on the government. A sure way to keep the government on their toes. Further, a jury of one's fellow citizens was thought to be the best assurance of a fair trial. Having served on a jury once confirmed this to me. But, when I received my "jury summons" this time, I must confess, I was much less enthusiastic than I had been in the past. This was not a good time for me. There was a health issue going on, family drama and responsibilities to attend to. Still, I felt guilty at these thoughts since I didn't think that was the right attitude to have. After all, is it ever really a good time to serve on jury duty? Doesn't serving others or a greater cause always entail sacrifice?
I mailed back my mini questionnaire and then committed myself to pray on this matter. I was trying
to get myself enthused about a service that I had grown cold to. The lack of desire for people to serve
on juries has certainly been part of the reason a number of countries have eliminated or are considering eliminating trials by jury. As I was thinking this all over, there was a number of cases in the United States which had been in the news. Cases where discussions of the grand jury or the trial jury's decision were called into question. This has become all to common. Consider the criticism of the jury verdicts in the cases of O.J. Simpson, Casey Anthony and the various police brutality cases that have come into the U.S. criminal justice system. I asked myself if the concept of a jury was now passé? What about leaving the guilt or innocence up to experts in the areas of ballistics, forensics or other specialties? With all the corruption that exists, I even asked myself if justice was possible?
The Bible is very concerned with the topic of justice and as you read it, God's marvelous plan for perfect justice unfolds. This biblical justice system forms the foundation for much of the legal system of Western Civilization. God gave his chosen people "the law" early on in His book the Bible. These early books of the Bible, Leviticus and Deuteronomy, make it clear that God is concerned with our day-to-day activities, our inter-personal relationships and business dealings. There is a whole book in the Bible named Judges. In this book, we see that disputes in ancient Israel were mediated by a judge who would sit in a "judgement seat" at the city gates and utilize these laws to establish justice in the community. Passages also show that the twelve tribes of Israel contributed to the life of the community and were consulted on matters of importance, even justice related. The twelve tribes foreshadow the twelve called by Jesus to be his Apostles possibly accounting for why we see twelve people in a jury box.
As we progress to New Testament discussions of justice, we see that when we can not resolve a
matter ourselves we are to bring in an individual(s) and then the elders of the Church. We are also
advised to think of the implications of Christians suing one another. However, due to the existence of
sin, this does not preclude pursuing judicial intervention when it is necessary. Some verses which
help us explore this are :
Matthew 18:15-17 (best solution) " Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector." Although this is written specifically for Christians, I have found this works well in general.
Acts 15:6 " Now the apostles and elders came together to consider this matter." This sounds similar to a judge and jury. It also shows the necessity of having engaged and wise people in authority to settle disputes.
1 Corinthians 6 : 1-3 " Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unrighteous, and not before the saints? Do you not know that the saints will judge the world? And if the world will be judged by you, are you unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Do you not know that we shall judge angels? How much more, things that pertain to this life?"
Mark 12:17 (God and government) " And Jesus answered and said to them, "Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's, and to God the things that are God's."
Acts 25:11 " I appeal to Caesar." The Apostle Paul used the legal process afforded him as a Roman Citizen.
Jesus called us to be "light and salt" in this world (Matthew 5:13-14) . How can we then ignore
opportunities to sit at our own "city gates" and use all that God has taught us to contribute to the life of our community? One way to do this is to vote for the candidate which best represents godly principles and the other is to serve with love on a jury. It is the closest thing that we have to direct democracy. Earthly government or justice is not perfect but don't let that deter you. Remember one judge can be payed off or on the payroll of criminals but this is not so easy to do with a jury. We are not perfect, and either are our fellow jurors. So, what if one person on a jury takes a bribe to sway the decision? What about a closed-minded individual? A diverse group of people is much more difficult to control and has the ability to debate the issues and persuade an individual(s) to change their mind. The system also has an appeal process which can sometimes correct mistakes and in some cases the judge can overturn a verdict.
In the case of my jury duty, I along with many people called to come down to the courthouse that day did not get picked to serve but I learned some hard lessons that day. Those lessons brought me back to seeing jury duty in the right light. I observed, every third or fourth person called during the jury selection process, did not wish to serve. In a true diversity of individuals : black, white, Latino, Indian and Chinese, there was unity in that decision! I confirmed this opinion when I observed a most convivial gathering of these perspective jurors discussing this topic in the coffee and snack room. The conviviality ended in a disgusting display of foolishness when we all heard that we were to be dismissed. The crowd erupted in a thunderous applause that even shocked the seasoned courtroom personnel. I knew that I was no better than this immature crowd. I was praying that God would release me from doing this service. I was ashamed of myself and my peers. I am resigned to do better if I am called again.
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
Tio Julio-Pathway To Healing - Part 2
NOTE: PLEASE READ THE PREVIOUS POST ENTITLED " TIO JULIO, DO YOU HAVE A TIO JULIO? PART 1 before beginning this post.
As we decide to face a difficult family situation we know that we must start with the truth. The complete and unadulterated truth. We must resolve to stop making excuses for ourselves and others. That includes your spiritual life as you head into this battle. Do you know the one true God of this whole world? Although only one God, the very physical presence of our God chose to walk among us, to suffer as we have and show us the way towards resolving every dilemma that is part of this sometimes cruel life. His Holy Spirit wants to guide you and give you peace in your situation. Nothing is too hard or too shameful that you can not pray and share it with the God who created this world and loves you. Ask Jesus to be the Lord of your life.
We also survey the possibilities of what can and can not be done in our family situation. Then we pray. We ask God's presence in the situation. He will be Jehovah-Nissi; that is our banner in war. Never forget that you are not alone. Now you are ready. When we decide to face our loved one and confront the problem, we must understand that we can not do what we have always done in the past. We must be keenly aware of that. Did you laugh along with Uncle Julio's cruel sarcastic jokes? Did you sit down with him at a wedding and smile as if nothing was happening all along knowing how he beat you and your brothers savagely for years and feel trapped and unable to voice this? Have you every really said the truth out loud, eg. "My mother is an alcoholic," or "I never felt loved by my father?" You may have asked yourself if feeling such a thing is even godly? Let us explore that.
lives. It is the story of us, as we really are. Human beings struggling with our strengths and our sins, with our victories and our defeats. How can we ever think that it is wrong to confront the truth of our family dilemma after we know this? A hallmark of the Ministry of Jesus Christ, is the way that he gets to the truth of who we really are and what we have done. Yet, Christianity offers the exciting possibility of what you can be, not just what you have been. So, this leads us to the next couple of points.
Start from a position of love. The Bible teaches us, "Better is open rebuke than love hidden" (NIV) -Proverbs 27:5. In our earthly cultures and customs we frequently misunderstand or pervert the true meaning of love. According to this passage, godly love is not closing our eyes and mouths to sin and error. In fact, it makes the point that an open and pointed admonishment to a loved one is true love! So, we have to resolve to change our thinking and recognize that if you know a relative is engaged in criminal pursuits, immoral behavior and say nothing, you are not acting in a loving way. Indeed, to hold back could result in the Tio Julio's of our life hurting others. Fear not friends, step out in faith, Jesus is able to work in your situation. Romans 8:28 (NIV) exhorts us, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have have been called according to His purpose." Start working toward God's purposes. God's plan for this broken and hurting world is repentance, reconciliation, and salvation. Sometimes the seed we plant by giving an "open rebuke" will result in repentance now or later. Sometimes an "open rebuke" heals you and frees you from the
feeling of victimization, fear or depression that has plagued you throughout your life.
Let me conclude with some advise given, by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, on this matter. In the gospel of Matthew 18:15-17 Jesus says, "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. But, if they will not listen take one or two others along, so that "every
matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses." If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the Church; and if they refuse to listen even to the Church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." Sometimes, when we stand together with others in a Christian intervention, it helps us to have more impact with that person whom we are trying to deal with. Maybe they thought
"oh this is just little Ron*, he was always a cry baby even as a child." But when you bring in others
and even the Church, the denial and delusion by which the Tio Julio's of this world run their lives begin to crack. The final verse informs us that when faced with a truly evil person that we must sometimes break off relationship. It tells us that sometimes after a loving and a godly attempt to remedy the situation they choice to ignore us and continue in sin. Recognizing the free will of Julio to run his life as he sees fit, we can release the situation to God. If it is a criminal situation, we alert the authorities. We do continue to regularly pray for him and we can give forgiveness and begin our healing process. We can be proud of ourselves after we faced a difficult situation. The stakes are high my friends, just take a look at this world! We have to recognize that healing begins in our small patch of the planet, our countries, our neighborhoods, our family. God bless you.
P.S. Do you have a topic that you wish me to cover in this blog? Something you are struggling with? Tell me about it In the comment section below.
* names changed to protect privacy.
Monday, July 18, 2016
Tio Julio, Do You Have A Tio Julio? Part 1
Where do I begin to tell the story of Tio (Uncle) Julio?* It is a tragic tale of a man whose bad influence has poisoned generations of his family. The Bible quote that immediately comes to mind when I think of Uncle Julio is Exodus 34:7b, "visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children's children to the third and the fourth generation." From what I have been able to gather, Julio's father was a violent alcoholic who had almost killed him a few times. His mother left his father after one such event when his father, Julio Senior*, held four year old Julio outside of the window by his feet! By the time Julio entered grade school on the Caribbean island of ********, he was already a bully. In the impoverished one-room school house where many did not have enough to eat or shoes to wear, Julio's violent proclivities were just another thing that the students had to suffer through.
He married a sweet and innocent woman who met him shortly after leaving a Catholic convent school. Elba* had two religious parents who were very sweet and in love. Like many on their island, they lived a simple life of hard work, and dedication to family and Church. She and her family had no idea what she was getting into! Julio was mercurial, sort of a Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and nothing Elba did seemed to please him. His bullying ways continued into his marriage and very quickly escalated into violence. There was so much denial and enabling in this family, that it is practically beyond belief. Julio's mother always goaded her son on when he raged against poor Elba. Everything that went wrong seemed to be Elba's fault if you believed those two. Mother and son even found a way to buy a house together leaving Elba's name off the deed.
Tio Julio has created a legacy of pain and suffering that only the Lord Jesus Christ can heal. As I write this, two of his sons are in jail, and another son should be. Tio Julio's six children, between them, have amassed twelve divorces, not a good statistic. Of his two grandchildren that I know who are married, one is going through his second divorce and the other is divorced. Two of his sons, one grandson and one granddaughter have admitted to domestic violence. Tio Julio's heart of larceny and criminality was also passed on to his sons and his grandsons in the form of stealing, lying, drug dealing, pyromania and I heard one grandchild even forged some documents. Is there any hope for this family? What about Tio Julio, who is quite old now? What about the Uncle Julio in your family?
How do you cope with the Uncle Julio in your life? Some people completely cut that person off by not speaking to them or moving far away. Who could blame someone for feeling the situation is completely toxic and there is nothing to do but run away and save themselves and their family. Other people completely close their eyes to what the Tio's of their life have done because, after all he is family or they can't face the shame or the fear. Perhaps they feel if they tell the truth that their family will completely cut them off and side with Uncle Julio? All of the above coping mechanisms leave people broken, in pain and likely to perpetuate Tio's problems unto the next generation. If you are reading this and you have a difficult family situation, know that you are not alone and that I am sorry for your pain. God has a good plan for you and your family, that can best be summarized by Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) " For I know the plans that I have for you, "declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." It was not God's plan for any of this evil to beset you and he wants to stop it right here and now and give you and your family, even Uncle Julio a better future.
1. Solutions : Pathway to Healing
A. What is the truth?
Coping correctly begins with telling yourself the complete and unvarnished truth about the situation. The truth will be painful, especially if you have been avoiding it a long time. The truth may be that there is mental illness, brain injury, criminality, sexual abuse or even a serial killer in your family. You need to gather sympathetic, godly people around you and resolve to be closer to God during this time of exploring the truth. God rewards those who diligently seek his face as they deal with difficult life problems, Hebrews 11:6. Think of King David praying to God and asking Him if he should go to war against the Philistines and will he be victorious! Resolve to pray every day about your situation and beseech God about this person and your family. Ask God to give you strength like that of King David. Young David could not have faced the giant Goliath without his faith in God. There is no earthly way, but there was a heavenly way and there is for us too!
* The story is true but the names are changed.
******* This story took place on an island in the Caribbean.
Next Week : Uncle Julio Pathway to Healing:Part 2.
Thursday, July 14, 2016
Dieu bénit Nice!
Fleur-de-Lys, Loire River Valley
Chapel, Loire River Valley
May God comfort and protect you during this difficult time. Let us all, people of good intentions, with one voice and heart pray for all the men, women and children touched by loss and trauma. Thinking of you my beloved France.
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