The midlife crisis is a turning point for those experiencing it. It is important to heed the message that it gives us and decide what changes we need to make in our life. The message often comes in the form of a harsh and painful reality, such as an adultery, a health crisis or spiritual disappointment. Sometimes we come to learn a teenage son or daughter has been engaged in drug or alcohol use. Whatever truth comes to light, we have a moral imperative to confront and cope with the task before us. For many, it is their first opportunity to understand the plan that God has for their life.
Mácio* had many blessings : a wife, son, and a lovely home. The thing that most of his energy went to however, was his business. A graduate of New York University's Tisch School of the Arts, Mácio had met and networked with many famous movers and shakers in the entertainment world. He used these connections to establish a business important in the industry. When he arrived at midlife the consequences of the life he had lived reached their natural conclusion. Soon the doors would be shuttered on his multi-million dollar business. But, there is more.
Used to managing and directing the dozens of employees at his company, he wasn't equipped to accept or understand the rebellion of his teenage son. His domineering ways were tolerated in an industry filled with "prima donna's" but home was a different story. Mason* had his own thoughts and dreams and they were very different from those of his father. Mácio never had time to attend the events or do the things important to his son. Instead, he dragged Mason to entertainment events that he had no interest in. When Mason was a youngster, he feigned interest in his father's world. He wanted attention and his father's approval. Now, he is just full of anger.
Psalm 16:11-You will show me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." This verse from Psalms is a great starting point as you begin to unravel the knots that you have tied in your life. In the beginning of the verse it states that, "You will show me the path." That "You" referred to, is God Almighty. When we let God show us the path that we should be on, the tangled web we have woven for ourselves and others will begin to straighten out. Mácio, just like a lot of us, stopped depending on God as he make decisions for his household and in business dealings. Although Mácio attended Church, he had stopped being grateful to God for all his blessings and no longer went to God in prayer for guidance. As a result, his life started to slip.
Denise* was in a similar situation. While Denise had been introduced to Jesus in a Bible study at her college, it wasn't until midlife crisis that she finally accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior. Although she regularly attended Women's Ministry events aimed at growing her relationship with the Lord, she remained a person who was a reader of the Word and not a doer of the Word. It was always Denise knows best. After all, it was her wits and instinct that allowed her to survive her childhood, she thought. She never knew her father, and her mother's disasterous marriage to another man brought Denise a first class ticket into the world of domestic abuse. Her step-father beat her mother so badly that she almost lost an eye. She told me that for years she would run home after school fearful that this man would have killed her mother. I'm not sure that Denise completely trusted the Lord to protect her even now.
Denise was a warrior woman who never let her guard down. She was always fighting. But now in midlife, she was just another case of midlife burnout. She had accomplished so much in her life that I get tired just thinking about it. Born and raised in Harlem, New York, she went from a one bedroom apartment where four people lived to a beautiful home situated in one of the best school districts in Westchester County, New York. Against all odds, she had attended medical school and now has a practice in New York City. But everything has not been rosy for this highly accomplished woman. She had already undergone a divorce, been the victim of crime and struggled with loneliness by the time I had met her. Her personal relationships were troubled, and her daughter was the antithesis of what she expected her to be. Everything, except her job, was a struggle for Denise and she was tired.
More than anything, she wanted a man in her life. She had met several men at godly church socials yet none of them were good enough for Sister Denise. She met and dated another doctor and he was a wonderful man, but Sister Denise thought the man was too close to his widowed mother and bluntly said so. Then there was Dante*. Dante was a construction worker. He helped Denise with some home projects and lavished gifts upon her. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until she began to feel that she was better than him because she was a physician. When she complained to me, I told her that I thought "he was sweet and thoughtful" and she was "lucky to have met him." I further told her that, "this could be an answer" to her prayers "to have a partner with whom she could share the household responsibilities."
Like Mácio, she refused to let the Word of God seep into all the areas of her life. As a result, her life began to slip too. It is hard to resist the urge to be in control rather than let our heavenly Father God be the ruler of our life. Sometimes we only ask God's assistance after we have failed multiple times. This was the case with Mácio when both his business and family relations began to fail. Or, like Denise, others have let us down and so now we are afraid to trust even God. As Psalm 16:11 states " in your (God's) presence is fullness of joy." There is an emptiness in our life without God. Midlife crisis is one of the loneliest times in a person's life but you are not alone. The final part of Psalm 16:11 promises that at God's "right hand are pleasures forevermore." Healing, peace and happiness are the fruit of a a God-centric life. God is ready to start a new chapter in your life.
* the names and a few details have been changed.
Monday, March 20, 2017
Wednesday, March 15, 2017
Midlife Meltdowns-Part 1
The "midlife crisis" is inevitable. It is just one of the many transitions that we go through on the journey of life. If we are lucky, we may have had a good role model at home teaching us how to understand and cope with the turning points in our lives. Often we did not. Instead we had influences in our life which created negative attitudes. We may have seen role-models buckle under the pressures of life.
John 16:1-"These things I have spoken to you, that you should not be made to stumble."
What were the attitudes of those around you during your childhood? Ray* had a sense of entitlement and covetousness that really seemed to pay off. To hear him tell it, he was overwhelmed with the responsibility of supporting his large family. In his mind, that justified being a welfare cheat and using his ill-gotten gains to finance real estate investments. He ended up quite well-off.
2 Peter 2:12-"But these, like natural brute beasts made to be caught and destroyed, speak evil of the things they do not understand, and will utterly perish in their own corruption."
Cindy* got pregnant after a one-night stand that she had on the weekend she graduated from her Bronx, New York high school. Her family placed intense pressure on her to get an abortion. Cindy courageously refused to do this. She amazingly soldiered on as a single mother and earned a college degree. By the time I met Cindy, she was a teacher and mother in Westchester County, New York. The many years of parenting her daughter alone and trying to balance that with her teaching position, had left her burned out and depressed as she reached middle age. She was jealous of the lifestyle of her daughter Larissa's* friends. She developed the reputation of being litigious.
Isaiah 38:20-"the Lord was ready to save me; therefore we will sing my songs with stringed instruments all the days of our life, in the house of the Lord."
Then there was Conor*. Conor was beginning to feel all of his fifty years. He was feeling insecure seeing all the young, new talent, being hired at his company. They were faster than him, more technologically saavy and very aggressive. They seemed to have no respect for their elders, as he had, when he was their age. God had blessed Conor throughout his career, but he had lost sight of that. The only one who seemed to understand how he felt was his administrative assistant Emma*. This lead to an affair and his eventual divorce from his wife of twenty-five years.
2 Samuel 12:7b-8-"I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave you your master's house and your master's wives into your keeping, and gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if that had been too little, I also would have given you much more!"
Ray, Cindy and Conor had poor life skills. The inevitable pressures of work and family caused each of them to begin sliding unto the wrong path as they reached the middle years of their life. What is it that makes "mid-life" so treacherous? Also, what impact did this have on their children? There are a few answers that quickly come to mind. First, they were each the product of dysfunctional homes. They all seemed to neatly fall into a pit that each of their families had dug for them.
Ezekiel 18:4a-"Behold, all souls are Mine; the soul of the father as well as the soul of the son is Mine."
And, the sins that they committed, in response to their mid-life crises', in turn, dug a pit for each of their children. Ray's son ended up writing bad checks when he could no longer fund the lifestyle that he and his family had grown accustomed to. Criminal enterprises seemed to come natural to him. Cindy's daughter Larissa somehow always dated men who were emotionally unavailable to her and she's the one who is soldiering on now. Finally, what about Conor's son Aiden*?
Matthew 15:14-"Let them alone. They are blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind leads the blind, both will fall into a pit."
I was invited to Conor's son wedding this May. The beautiful bride is the daughter of a friend. I had just received the "save the date" card in the mail when I unexpectedly received a call from my friend informing me that her daughter had called off the wedding! Initially, I was shocked but upon reflection, I was able to connect this all back to the trauma of his father's betrayal of his family.
Aiden felt cast aside when his father took up with his assistant Emma. Emma took all of the time and attention away from Aiden just when all the insecurities of the teenage years meant that he needed his dad the most. Is it a coincidence that his bride-to-be cancelled the wedding when she found out that he had cheated on her? Start connecting the dots of your own life and see if you can't make some sense of it all. Remember, Jesus rescues us from the pitfalls of life. We must begin to know that what we are doing is wrong and call on the Savior to pull us out of the pit.
1 John 1:9-"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness."
Mid-life is the time when some important truths about ourselves come to light. This is a good thing, because only when the truth comes to light can we move on to positive new directions. Some of the things that we had based our life upon have not worked out. Ray had six children. He had not thought or planned for this. He wasn't one to plan and that philosophy of "don't worry be happy" had placed a hardship on his children. What's more, work wasn't for him, his father or grandfather. The truth hurts.
Cindy and her daughter were both super achievers professionally, but seemed to always pick men that were not there for them. Larissa was the long-suffering girlfriend of a millionaire Muslim man from Manhattan. She wanted so much to get married but his parents did not approve of this Jewish girl from the wrong side of the tracks. She was beautiful, smart and talented so what seemed natural about this relationship to her?
The Bible, where God teaches us how we are to live our life, will be a source of strength as we face the erupting volcano of turmoil that comes our way during mid-life. What is it with you? A troubled marriage? Out of control teenagers, a job that you hate or a growing financial crisis? Take a step back and begin to look at this with perspective. Who are you, and where are you going? Have you tried everything you know to solve it? Do you want healing, renewal, or a new direction? Jesus is the answer. With our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, we can turn our life around and have a good outcome. He is only a prayer away.
Jonah 2:2-Saying,"I called out to the Lord, out of my distress, and he answered me; out of the belly of Sheol I cried, and you heard my voice."
* the names have been changed but the stories are real.
John 16:1-"These things I have spoken to you, that you should not be made to stumble."
What were the attitudes of those around you during your childhood? Ray* had a sense of entitlement and covetousness that really seemed to pay off. To hear him tell it, he was overwhelmed with the responsibility of supporting his large family. In his mind, that justified being a welfare cheat and using his ill-gotten gains to finance real estate investments. He ended up quite well-off.
2 Peter 2:12-"But these, like natural brute beasts made to be caught and destroyed, speak evil of the things they do not understand, and will utterly perish in their own corruption."
Cindy* got pregnant after a one-night stand that she had on the weekend she graduated from her Bronx, New York high school. Her family placed intense pressure on her to get an abortion. Cindy courageously refused to do this. She amazingly soldiered on as a single mother and earned a college degree. By the time I met Cindy, she was a teacher and mother in Westchester County, New York. The many years of parenting her daughter alone and trying to balance that with her teaching position, had left her burned out and depressed as she reached middle age. She was jealous of the lifestyle of her daughter Larissa's* friends. She developed the reputation of being litigious.
Isaiah 38:20-"the Lord was ready to save me; therefore we will sing my songs with stringed instruments all the days of our life, in the house of the Lord."
Then there was Conor*. Conor was beginning to feel all of his fifty years. He was feeling insecure seeing all the young, new talent, being hired at his company. They were faster than him, more technologically saavy and very aggressive. They seemed to have no respect for their elders, as he had, when he was their age. God had blessed Conor throughout his career, but he had lost sight of that. The only one who seemed to understand how he felt was his administrative assistant Emma*. This lead to an affair and his eventual divorce from his wife of twenty-five years.
2 Samuel 12:7b-8-"I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave you your master's house and your master's wives into your keeping, and gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if that had been too little, I also would have given you much more!"
Ray, Cindy and Conor had poor life skills. The inevitable pressures of work and family caused each of them to begin sliding unto the wrong path as they reached the middle years of their life. What is it that makes "mid-life" so treacherous? Also, what impact did this have on their children? There are a few answers that quickly come to mind. First, they were each the product of dysfunctional homes. They all seemed to neatly fall into a pit that each of their families had dug for them.
Ezekiel 18:4a-"Behold, all souls are Mine; the soul of the father as well as the soul of the son is Mine."
And, the sins that they committed, in response to their mid-life crises', in turn, dug a pit for each of their children. Ray's son ended up writing bad checks when he could no longer fund the lifestyle that he and his family had grown accustomed to. Criminal enterprises seemed to come natural to him. Cindy's daughter Larissa somehow always dated men who were emotionally unavailable to her and she's the one who is soldiering on now. Finally, what about Conor's son Aiden*?
Matthew 15:14-"Let them alone. They are blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind leads the blind, both will fall into a pit."
I was invited to Conor's son wedding this May. The beautiful bride is the daughter of a friend. I had just received the "save the date" card in the mail when I unexpectedly received a call from my friend informing me that her daughter had called off the wedding! Initially, I was shocked but upon reflection, I was able to connect this all back to the trauma of his father's betrayal of his family.
Aiden felt cast aside when his father took up with his assistant Emma. Emma took all of the time and attention away from Aiden just when all the insecurities of the teenage years meant that he needed his dad the most. Is it a coincidence that his bride-to-be cancelled the wedding when she found out that he had cheated on her? Start connecting the dots of your own life and see if you can't make some sense of it all. Remember, Jesus rescues us from the pitfalls of life. We must begin to know that what we are doing is wrong and call on the Savior to pull us out of the pit.
1 John 1:9-"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness."
Mid-life is the time when some important truths about ourselves come to light. This is a good thing, because only when the truth comes to light can we move on to positive new directions. Some of the things that we had based our life upon have not worked out. Ray had six children. He had not thought or planned for this. He wasn't one to plan and that philosophy of "don't worry be happy" had placed a hardship on his children. What's more, work wasn't for him, his father or grandfather. The truth hurts.
Cindy and her daughter were both super achievers professionally, but seemed to always pick men that were not there for them. Larissa was the long-suffering girlfriend of a millionaire Muslim man from Manhattan. She wanted so much to get married but his parents did not approve of this Jewish girl from the wrong side of the tracks. She was beautiful, smart and talented so what seemed natural about this relationship to her?
The Bible, where God teaches us how we are to live our life, will be a source of strength as we face the erupting volcano of turmoil that comes our way during mid-life. What is it with you? A troubled marriage? Out of control teenagers, a job that you hate or a growing financial crisis? Take a step back and begin to look at this with perspective. Who are you, and where are you going? Have you tried everything you know to solve it? Do you want healing, renewal, or a new direction? Jesus is the answer. With our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, we can turn our life around and have a good outcome. He is only a prayer away.
Jonah 2:2-Saying,"I called out to the Lord, out of my distress, and he answered me; out of the belly of Sheol I cried, and you heard my voice."
* the names have been changed but the stories are real.
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
Recognize a False Teacher?
Over time, many people come and go from churches. People today church shop. They are looking for the church with the ideal program to nuture their children. They are looking for a doctrine which they think is sound and for the proper fellowship to suit their needs. They may or may not be looking for church programs to enrich their lives such as men's and women's ministries, support groups etc.
But lately something strange is happening which I thought I should talk about. I am meeting more and more people who enter our church doors and have been exposed to false teachers. Clara*, a women whom I spoke to at a church coffee, had been converted by an online Pastor whom she seemed quite devoted to. His special interpretation of the Bible and numerological analysis of national events left me very concerned for her salvation.
There was also this couple who decided to attend a few bible studies at our church. They seemed sweet and big-hearted. I introduced myself to this couple after one such bible study and started to converse about their thoughtful comments. The husband's response included a reference to a favorite Pastor of his. He asked me if I knew ******? I replied that I vaguely knew of the Pastor he was referring to. He told me, "you gotta check out his you tube videos." That evening, I was horrified to hear this Pastor intregrate "ancient alien theory" with Christianity.
These are but a few examples of what I have begun to experience on a regular basis. There are a lot of reasons why I believe that this is a phenomenon. The amount of information available on the internet to answer your spiritual questions is endless. As you wade through this stuff, there are obviously going to be good and bad sources. Many people are honestly searching for understanding or perhaps comfort when they begin their online search. They might be lonely or vulnerable after a divorce or job lose. Perhaps this is their first exposure to the Bible. So, then it is quite understandable that they might be drawn to a teacher who wraps the whole thing up with a pretty bow or somehow gives them a summary of the whole Christianity thing.
Jesus Is Central
The first clue that something is wrong usually comes when the person I am speaking to refers oftener to a pastor than to Jesus Christ. Clara, referred to above, was so dependent upon her online Pastor, that she actually called him to get "permission" to attend our church. Nary a mention of asking God's guidance as she endeavored to find a godly place to worship and fellowship. She could not make a move without this Pastor. This is the anatomy of how we start slipping away from the path and begin to be mislead. Christ is the head of the Christian church not Reverend X.
("For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ." -
2 Corinthians 11:13 NKJV)
The Bible is the Source
The second thing that is usually a clue that someone might be following a false teacher is that they spend more time reading commentaries than the Bible. The Bible is God's divine revelation to us and contains everything that we need to direct and guide us in all righteousness. Of course, I am not against reading a commentary but for some people it becomes a crutch. It is like reading the cliff notes on a book and not the actual book. Often people blindly accept an explanation of passage that upon closer reflection makes no sense at all. Whole denominations are mislead this way.
("All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work."-2Timothy3:16-17 NKJV)
No Special Revelation
When conducting a bible study at some one's house a few years ago, I passed a book shelf with many titles by prosperity preachers. Perusing some of the book covers lead me to find that one female author claimed that God gave her a special message that we must all hear! Many of these books pick a verse or two from the Bible and interpret them in a way that suits the fancy of many of the likely audience. Never giving readers the choices or the work of following the cross. As I passed these titles, I knew that what I would be telling that family would likely shock them. It would be a new and deeper message, but it is the only message that saves.
("Woe unto them! For they have gone in the way of Cain, and ran greedily after the error of Balaam for reward, and perished in the gainsaying of Core."-Jude 11:11 KJV)
The Bible tells us to expect false teachers. There has always been, and will always be, people who distort God's message. Led by that fallen angel, the attack against us is coordinated to throw us off base as we search for God and a relationship with His Son Jesus. As you think about living the Christian life or, if you are already a believer, you are bound to confront instances, in your own life that are false starts or wrong paths. Don't beat yourself up about it. Turn around as soon as possible and remember the above precepts.
("Then if anyone say to you, 'Look here is the Christ,' or 'There,' do not believe it. For false christs and false prophets will rise and show great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible even the elect. See, I have told you beforehand."-Matthew 24:23-25 NKJV)
******* the names of the false teachers are omitted.
* the name has been changed.
Monday, February 27, 2017
Church Resources In Parenting
There are many challenges for the Christian parent. As you endeavor to follow godly precepts of parenting, it is imperative that you stay connected to other believers so that you may encourage one another. With God as your source, you can be strengthened to face issues and questions that come your way.
Some of the issues that I have been through include : ungodly book assignments, sporting and school events on the Lord's Day, a school mandated day of silence for gay and transgender youth, immodest dressing trends, and Halloween. The issues that put us at odds with non-Christian parents and schools also include how to discipline our child.
Unless your child is in a Christian school, and very few of us have that option, you are being faced with an underlying educational, social and moral philosophy that is not God-centered. The public school system is not suppose to restrict our religious rights but in actuality, it is directing our children toward a secular humanist point of view. Hence, the importance of fellowship and prayer can not be overemphasized.
It is also of paramount importance that your child build relationships with other Christian children, his or her own age. This can begin in the church Sunday school but should also include times of fun and recreation. Does your son or daughter have play dates with any Christian youth? Does your church host bowling nights, karaoke or craft parties. What about a Christian book club or exercise class?
In order to withstand the pressures of the popular culture, we most give alternative activities. This will let our light as a Christian community shine and offer alternatives to our youth. What if your Church does not offer any of these possibilities? I believe that you should prayerfully reflect upon this. If your child or your needs can not be met in Church, the void will be filled in by the popular culture.
Perhaps the Lord is calling you to start a youth ministry at your Church? What if your church is too small? Consider connecting with other churches for youth nights, picnics and more. Why not plan a church field trip to one of the many youth events sponsored by godly youth ministries? Does your church have prayer meetings? Ask the Pastor if it would be possible to designate a monthly meeting to beseeching God concerning our children. This might begin to motivate God's people to confront the issues and connect parents. Don't have a youth Pastor? Perhaps a seminary student could intern at your church and fill in the gap. God is the center of our life. We are devoted to studying His Word, and to reaching others for Christ. Within that mission we must not neglect the needs for fellowship that we have within our church community. Along with our relationship to God, it is what helps keep our church strong. Pray and ask the Lord to bless and anoint the path of your life and that of your Church.
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
Anger Issues
Why is everyone so angry? Anger seems to be the most fashionable emotion as of late. Celebrities are screaming and saying the most vile things because they don't like the newly elected U.S. President. Nothing is too evil to say, whether that is insulting the President's ten year old child or trying to insuinate that his wife was a prostitute. No, if you don't agree with someone these days whether it is a President or your ex-wife, any anger you feel is justification for going berserk. Nary a criticism when reality shows broadcast all matter of infantile tantrums in response to any little life frustration. In fact, broadcasting fights or emotional breakdowns is a surefire way to raise ratings or resurrect a sagging career. Anger expressed to a cashier or waiter in response to a problem is seen as being assertive, even if it gets abusive. But, what has happened to respectfully stating your problem? Or, accepting loss with a good attitude? Is the only response to a perceived social injustice burning cars or looting stores?
Anger is part of the normal God given panoply of emotions. There is nothing ungodly about anger. It is just what we do with those angry feelings that bring us into the realm of sin. The Bible says, "anger and sin not"- (Ephesians3:6) José* called me up at a desperate moment and told me that, "Millie* made him so mad, that sometimes he hits her." Having been apprised of the domestic abuse going on in his family, it was essential that I use this as an opportunity to talk some sense into him. I told him that "his wife did not make him hit her. It is his anger issues and his poor coping skills that are to blame." I let him know that he learned those poor coping skills during his childhood and it had nothing to do with his wife. The good news is that José reached out for help and changed his ways.
Do you know someone like Simone* who has been fired from several jobs because of her bad temper? Simone always thought herself justified in telling her boss off. She was not going to put up with anything, even though she was a single mother and had a child to support. Her family and friends always enabled her in this attitude. "Oh poor Simone. That boss was nasty, you don't need that job. You'll get something better." Or, "you're right Simone don't take crap from anyone." They were afraid to disagree with her. Simone had a way of cutting people out of her life if they disagreed with her. Eventually everyone got fed up with her, especially when she started to borrow or steal money from those she supposedly loved.
What is anger actually? My online dictionary describes anger as "a feeling of great annoyance or antagonism as the result of some real or supposed grievance; rage; or wrath." This definition immediately brings up the question of whether our feelings of anger might even be incorrect. Imagine starting a twitter war, seeking revenge against a business associate or even killing someone because of the mistaken notion that we have been wronged. Jeremiah the prophet says as much. Check out Jeremiah 17:9, it states, " The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" When José started to attend church he came in contact with a variety of people who all had better attitudes than he did. He began to realize, as he studied the Bible that there were other ways to do things besides the way he had been doing them. His heart had deceived him!
Anger is bound to happen to you sometime soon. Traffic is so slow you are going to be late. The neighbor's dog messed up your lawn. Why does everyone in the office leave all the work for you to do? There is no end to the frustrating and annoying things that can happen to you throughout the day. Face it anger is here to stay. As we learned, some of our anger is justified and some of it is not. However, that will not alter how we are to respond to our feelings of anger as we shall soon see.
I have observed that many Christians experience feelings of guilt and shame when they struggle with their anger. They believe it is a sin to even feel anger. This leads many believers to stuff their emotions and ignore the need to solve a problem. This causes the feelings to build up until they explode. They do this because of a mistaken notion of what forgiveness is or because they think this is love. But is that true? In the book of Jeremiah 3:12-14 we see that God Himself describes His own anger which he experiences when confronted with evil. So, should we be surprised when we feel angry upon hearing the latest headline detailing a child who is starved and beaten by their own parent? After all, we are made in God's image and likeness.
The Bible from beginning to end has ample examples of correct and incorrect management of anger. It cautions us not to let our emotions control us. We are not to do or say something foolish that we will be sorry for later. We acknowledge our feelings of anger or frustration yet we make a decision to rationally decide on what to do next. The Bible shows us that there are times when we should choose not to move forward with an action even when we have been wronged. Think of the case of Simone, which I outlined above, she had chosen a philosophy of never standing down from a real or imagined offense. She thought this meant she was strong. She got fired from multiple jobs and ended up uprooting her child several times when she could not pay the rent on her apartments. Even if her bosses were rude to her, was it really wise to talk back to them? Other times we must lovingly rebuke someone. To do otherwise would be less than loving. Is it loving to look the other way when abuse is occurring or someone has a drinking problem?
Take a moment today to think about how you react to your own feelings of anger. Is it the wrong approach? For instance, do you verbally or physically react when you are angry, and then are sorry about it later. Do you have the reputation of being a hot-head? Did you grow up in a family that handled anger with the "silent treatment?" These are all examples of destructive reactions to anger. Let me reassure you that anger can be constructive. It can bring our attention to a problem that we need to focus in on. It can also be a call for us to learn more patience. The key is to look at the situation and enumerate the different ways that you might handle it. Pray and ask God for guidance, and don't be embarrassed to open up to a brother or sister in Christ.
* The names are changed.
Anger is part of the normal God given panoply of emotions. There is nothing ungodly about anger. It is just what we do with those angry feelings that bring us into the realm of sin. The Bible says, "anger and sin not"- (Ephesians3:6) José* called me up at a desperate moment and told me that, "Millie* made him so mad, that sometimes he hits her." Having been apprised of the domestic abuse going on in his family, it was essential that I use this as an opportunity to talk some sense into him. I told him that "his wife did not make him hit her. It is his anger issues and his poor coping skills that are to blame." I let him know that he learned those poor coping skills during his childhood and it had nothing to do with his wife. The good news is that José reached out for help and changed his ways.
Do you know someone like Simone* who has been fired from several jobs because of her bad temper? Simone always thought herself justified in telling her boss off. She was not going to put up with anything, even though she was a single mother and had a child to support. Her family and friends always enabled her in this attitude. "Oh poor Simone. That boss was nasty, you don't need that job. You'll get something better." Or, "you're right Simone don't take crap from anyone." They were afraid to disagree with her. Simone had a way of cutting people out of her life if they disagreed with her. Eventually everyone got fed up with her, especially when she started to borrow or steal money from those she supposedly loved.
What is anger actually? My online dictionary describes anger as "a feeling of great annoyance or antagonism as the result of some real or supposed grievance; rage; or wrath." This definition immediately brings up the question of whether our feelings of anger might even be incorrect. Imagine starting a twitter war, seeking revenge against a business associate or even killing someone because of the mistaken notion that we have been wronged. Jeremiah the prophet says as much. Check out Jeremiah 17:9, it states, " The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" When José started to attend church he came in contact with a variety of people who all had better attitudes than he did. He began to realize, as he studied the Bible that there were other ways to do things besides the way he had been doing them. His heart had deceived him!
Anger is bound to happen to you sometime soon. Traffic is so slow you are going to be late. The neighbor's dog messed up your lawn. Why does everyone in the office leave all the work for you to do? There is no end to the frustrating and annoying things that can happen to you throughout the day. Face it anger is here to stay. As we learned, some of our anger is justified and some of it is not. However, that will not alter how we are to respond to our feelings of anger as we shall soon see.
I have observed that many Christians experience feelings of guilt and shame when they struggle with their anger. They believe it is a sin to even feel anger. This leads many believers to stuff their emotions and ignore the need to solve a problem. This causes the feelings to build up until they explode. They do this because of a mistaken notion of what forgiveness is or because they think this is love. But is that true? In the book of Jeremiah 3:12-14 we see that God Himself describes His own anger which he experiences when confronted with evil. So, should we be surprised when we feel angry upon hearing the latest headline detailing a child who is starved and beaten by their own parent? After all, we are made in God's image and likeness.
The Bible from beginning to end has ample examples of correct and incorrect management of anger. It cautions us not to let our emotions control us. We are not to do or say something foolish that we will be sorry for later. We acknowledge our feelings of anger or frustration yet we make a decision to rationally decide on what to do next. The Bible shows us that there are times when we should choose not to move forward with an action even when we have been wronged. Think of the case of Simone, which I outlined above, she had chosen a philosophy of never standing down from a real or imagined offense. She thought this meant she was strong. She got fired from multiple jobs and ended up uprooting her child several times when she could not pay the rent on her apartments. Even if her bosses were rude to her, was it really wise to talk back to them? Other times we must lovingly rebuke someone. To do otherwise would be less than loving. Is it loving to look the other way when abuse is occurring or someone has a drinking problem?
Take a moment today to think about how you react to your own feelings of anger. Is it the wrong approach? For instance, do you verbally or physically react when you are angry, and then are sorry about it later. Do you have the reputation of being a hot-head? Did you grow up in a family that handled anger with the "silent treatment?" These are all examples of destructive reactions to anger. Let me reassure you that anger can be constructive. It can bring our attention to a problem that we need to focus in on. It can also be a call for us to learn more patience. The key is to look at the situation and enumerate the different ways that you might handle it. Pray and ask God for guidance, and don't be embarrassed to open up to a brother or sister in Christ.
* The names are changed.
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Valentine Inspirations
I love Valentine's Day. So, as a foot of snow blanketed Westchester County, New York, I enjoyed my home decorated with vintage Valentine post cards and hearts hanging everywhere. Even as a child, I could not wait to exchange valentine cards at school. Homemade one's with lacy doilies and hearts cut out of construction paper were my favorite. My daughter once received one such card from a teenage boy. There was something so sweet and true about it that I still think that someday they will get married.
No matter how many times that I have celebrated with dinners, parties or chocolate; the holiday of love still enchants me! I am not alone of course. Many people spend a great deal of time and thought remembering their loved ones and trying to find novel ways of expressing the depth of their feeling. So, it is no surprise that this holiday, with origins in ancient Europe and the martydom of a Catholic priest, has gained a worldwide adherence.
The word love appears 310 times in the King James Bible. As I was reading through some of those passages, I began to think of love in my life. Love is funny balloons and a warm, uplifting valentine card from a friend who just visited me when I was sick. How thoughtful! Love goes into the planning, shopping, and preparation of tonight's dinner. Day in and day out those healthy meals keep coming. That's Amore! A child running to hug their grandparents. Love is hugs and kisses and all the physical expressions of love! "Good job, I am so proud of you son." Love is speaking to others to uplift and ennoble. Family reunions, girls night out, visiting the elderly people in your life. Love is spending meaningful time together!
We all have the desire to know and to be known. Then after we are known, to be loved for who we are, and to love in return. It is a foundational principle in our life. If we lack this we can die, or we can hurt others in our pain. God loves us with an everlasting love. This deep and eternal love fills us, teaches us, and directs us in our life. From this, we are able to get this love thing right. The Bible makes this clear in 1 John 4:7-8 - "Beloved, let us love one another:for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love." So, get to know God, the source of all love this Valentine's Day. Just Google love verses in the Bible and begin to think about the real meaning of love.
Here are a few verses to start with: Galatians 5:7-"Love your neighbor as yourself." Colossians 3:14-"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds all together in perfect unity." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8- "Love suffers long(is patient) and kind, does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:13-"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
No matter how many times that I have celebrated with dinners, parties or chocolate; the holiday of love still enchants me! I am not alone of course. Many people spend a great deal of time and thought remembering their loved ones and trying to find novel ways of expressing the depth of their feeling. So, it is no surprise that this holiday, with origins in ancient Europe and the martydom of a Catholic priest, has gained a worldwide adherence.
The word love appears 310 times in the King James Bible. As I was reading through some of those passages, I began to think of love in my life. Love is funny balloons and a warm, uplifting valentine card from a friend who just visited me when I was sick. How thoughtful! Love goes into the planning, shopping, and preparation of tonight's dinner. Day in and day out those healthy meals keep coming. That's Amore! A child running to hug their grandparents. Love is hugs and kisses and all the physical expressions of love! "Good job, I am so proud of you son." Love is speaking to others to uplift and ennoble. Family reunions, girls night out, visiting the elderly people in your life. Love is spending meaningful time together!
We all have the desire to know and to be known. Then after we are known, to be loved for who we are, and to love in return. It is a foundational principle in our life. If we lack this we can die, or we can hurt others in our pain. God loves us with an everlasting love. This deep and eternal love fills us, teaches us, and directs us in our life. From this, we are able to get this love thing right. The Bible makes this clear in 1 John 4:7-8 - "Beloved, let us love one another:for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love." So, get to know God, the source of all love this Valentine's Day. Just Google love verses in the Bible and begin to think about the real meaning of love.
Here are a few verses to start with: Galatians 5:7-"Love your neighbor as yourself." Colossians 3:14-"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds all together in perfect unity." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8- "Love suffers long(is patient) and kind, does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:13-"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
Thursday, February 2, 2017
Are You A Mature Christian?
If you are a Christian, everything you say or do reflects your level of Christian maturity. When you became a Christian was there any discernible change in your character? There should have been. It is never too late to consider your character and begin to be all that you can be for the Lord. I am about to air the dirty laundry of some Churches in Westchester County, NY. It reflects my experiences and I know the experiences of many others. Jesus Christ was never one to shrink from telling the truth of sin. When the truth of your life and mine is laid out, only then is it possible for God to work in our lives and in our Churches. Jeremiah 18:4 "And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter : so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it."
We all need to be made again, so let's look at a few stories which we may relate to. When I first met Frankie* at Church we became fast friends. We seemed to bond over studying the Word of God. He had a zeal for evangelizing yet he did not see how his womanizing ways dimished his witness for Jesus. We went out to eat at a trendy riverfront restaurant. All was going well until near the end of the dinner. In the middle of our discussion he averted his eyes from mine to acknowledge a woman passing by in a short, lacy skirt. His neck eventually followed his eyes and before you know it this mighty man of God was reduced to a groveling sinner. To make matters worst, he wanted to leave a religious tract on the table when we left. I patiently explained to him how he was a poor role model for everyone in that restaurant. If one of the staff picked up that religious tract and had happened to witness his ungodly behavior he would have succeeded in turning them off to Jesus.
Betty* was always complaining about her Catholic husband. Betty* who now attended Golgotha Chapel* had met Sam* in her early twenties. Her Christian walk was such that she could not resist this man and ended up getting pregnant before they were married. He continued attending his church and she hers. As the years went by, they grew apart. She thought her Church better than his and constantly said how much she hated him. One day, I shared some marriage ministry materials that I had used, and challenged her to stop saying that she hated her husband. I let her know there was hope for her marriage and it began with her. More drama at Golgotha ensued over the years. The Pastor's wife was giving a women's bible study one day. The topic that night brought pain to one of the ladies, Missy* concerning her relationship with her mother. This Pastors wife had never dealt with her own mother issues and presented a very ungodly answer to this congregant in pain. She continued to give ungodly advice that same evening concerning pre-marital sex. Shocking. I spoke to the other ladies but nothing was ever done to right the wrongs that evening. The Pastor was not the godly head of that household and a story from the pulpit one day helped me understand the problems in this Church better.
Pastor Bobby* described a time when his family was grabbing food at a Rockland County shopping mall. He said his wife was very rude to a young man behind a fast food counter. Instead of being a godly husband and mediating the situation he thought it was the funniest thing that he just hid behind a pillar until it was all over. He hid from a lot of things including rudeness and bullying about my ethnic culture that occurred on an Internatiomal Night at our church. The evening was meant to celebrate the food and culture of church attendees. When a Dutch woman named Jackie*, whose husband worked at the United Nations, insulted my culture and belittled its history, the Pastor couldn't care less. He said he was just relaxing that night and didn't want to deal with it. I guess some cultures are better than others at this Church.
What do all these stories have in common? Christian immaturity! And it has far-reaching effects in a church. Take the case of brother Craig.*. Brother Craig knows his bible well. He is influential and involved in many ministries at Hope*Church. There is only one problem : he touches women in inappropriate ways. He is devious enough to do it in a way that is just on the line between right and wrong. There is the evil. But, I also know everyone is so busy making nice at this Church, that they
work overtime to find a way to ignore or explain Craig's behavior away. The damage that immature churches do is incalculable. People are wronged and end up leaving churches. Some of our churches in Westchester are destroying families, like in the case of Pastor Bobby, who gave out terrible marital advice to couples who came to him for help. People are filling psychologists' offices in Westchester County over pain experienced in local churches. The worst consequence of not pursuing Christian maturity in your church is seeing people end their relationship with Jesus Christ and growing discouraged. I know a few people from Golgotha Chapel who have sought peace in yoga and meditation.
The early Church described in Hebrew 5:11-12 comes to mind when I think of this problem. It very clearly speaks of a church who is not growing in maturity. That Church still needed "milk, not solid food." The effects of not giving up milk for a baby are quite serious. They will fail to put on the necessary weight to grow and will fail to thrive. The child would die. So when Paul wrote to Timothy using this analogy, it was a serious discussion of what would happen to a church if it does not grow. What are some reasons why a church fails to mature? Sometimes it is immature leadership. Other times it is due to an improper understanding of the concept of discipleship.
In the case of immature leadership, sometimes changes need to be made. Decide to commit this problem to prayer. If you are an elder pray that God directs you in the situation. On the topic of discipleship, I find this a very big problem. It is so important for us to study the Bible. How are we studying it? Do you or your church take time to study the Bible in the context of your life? You may know the exegesis or hermeneutics of the situation but do you get that God wrote the passage for you? He expects you to obey His instruction and change your ways. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 makes the course ahead of us very clear.
It states, "All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work." Let's think about the words reproof and correction for a moment. Reproof is when your mother is calling you to task for not cleaning your room, ouch. Correction is when your boss tells you that you've been doing it all wrong, double ouch! Some of the other words present in this passage tells us what will happen after we hear the truth. We have to be retrained, and made complete. Note to self: we are not complete until we choose to obey God. The word complete is another way of expressing the concept of maturity. When we are mature, we are then equipped for the goods works that we should be doing.
Imagine the results for our churches. With the changes that happen in our lives we can start to help others in need. Frankie's insight into his life could help Craig. Betty could help others with what she has learned about healing her own marriage. When we learn to "esteem others higher than ourself" Philippians 2:3 Jackie won't call it a joke to make fun of others. We have so far to go and the stakes are high. Our enemy Satan wants nothing better than to keep us as ineffectual followers of Jesus.
*people and church names have been changed.
We all need to be made again, so let's look at a few stories which we may relate to. When I first met Frankie* at Church we became fast friends. We seemed to bond over studying the Word of God. He had a zeal for evangelizing yet he did not see how his womanizing ways dimished his witness for Jesus. We went out to eat at a trendy riverfront restaurant. All was going well until near the end of the dinner. In the middle of our discussion he averted his eyes from mine to acknowledge a woman passing by in a short, lacy skirt. His neck eventually followed his eyes and before you know it this mighty man of God was reduced to a groveling sinner. To make matters worst, he wanted to leave a religious tract on the table when we left. I patiently explained to him how he was a poor role model for everyone in that restaurant. If one of the staff picked up that religious tract and had happened to witness his ungodly behavior he would have succeeded in turning them off to Jesus.
Betty* was always complaining about her Catholic husband. Betty* who now attended Golgotha Chapel* had met Sam* in her early twenties. Her Christian walk was such that she could not resist this man and ended up getting pregnant before they were married. He continued attending his church and she hers. As the years went by, they grew apart. She thought her Church better than his and constantly said how much she hated him. One day, I shared some marriage ministry materials that I had used, and challenged her to stop saying that she hated her husband. I let her know there was hope for her marriage and it began with her. More drama at Golgotha ensued over the years. The Pastor's wife was giving a women's bible study one day. The topic that night brought pain to one of the ladies, Missy* concerning her relationship with her mother. This Pastors wife had never dealt with her own mother issues and presented a very ungodly answer to this congregant in pain. She continued to give ungodly advice that same evening concerning pre-marital sex. Shocking. I spoke to the other ladies but nothing was ever done to right the wrongs that evening. The Pastor was not the godly head of that household and a story from the pulpit one day helped me understand the problems in this Church better.
Pastor Bobby* described a time when his family was grabbing food at a Rockland County shopping mall. He said his wife was very rude to a young man behind a fast food counter. Instead of being a godly husband and mediating the situation he thought it was the funniest thing that he just hid behind a pillar until it was all over. He hid from a lot of things including rudeness and bullying about my ethnic culture that occurred on an Internatiomal Night at our church. The evening was meant to celebrate the food and culture of church attendees. When a Dutch woman named Jackie*, whose husband worked at the United Nations, insulted my culture and belittled its history, the Pastor couldn't care less. He said he was just relaxing that night and didn't want to deal with it. I guess some cultures are better than others at this Church.
What do all these stories have in common? Christian immaturity! And it has far-reaching effects in a church. Take the case of brother Craig.*. Brother Craig knows his bible well. He is influential and involved in many ministries at Hope*Church. There is only one problem : he touches women in inappropriate ways. He is devious enough to do it in a way that is just on the line between right and wrong. There is the evil. But, I also know everyone is so busy making nice at this Church, that they
work overtime to find a way to ignore or explain Craig's behavior away. The damage that immature churches do is incalculable. People are wronged and end up leaving churches. Some of our churches in Westchester are destroying families, like in the case of Pastor Bobby, who gave out terrible marital advice to couples who came to him for help. People are filling psychologists' offices in Westchester County over pain experienced in local churches. The worst consequence of not pursuing Christian maturity in your church is seeing people end their relationship with Jesus Christ and growing discouraged. I know a few people from Golgotha Chapel who have sought peace in yoga and meditation.
The early Church described in Hebrew 5:11-12 comes to mind when I think of this problem. It very clearly speaks of a church who is not growing in maturity. That Church still needed "milk, not solid food." The effects of not giving up milk for a baby are quite serious. They will fail to put on the necessary weight to grow and will fail to thrive. The child would die. So when Paul wrote to Timothy using this analogy, it was a serious discussion of what would happen to a church if it does not grow. What are some reasons why a church fails to mature? Sometimes it is immature leadership. Other times it is due to an improper understanding of the concept of discipleship.
In the case of immature leadership, sometimes changes need to be made. Decide to commit this problem to prayer. If you are an elder pray that God directs you in the situation. On the topic of discipleship, I find this a very big problem. It is so important for us to study the Bible. How are we studying it? Do you or your church take time to study the Bible in the context of your life? You may know the exegesis or hermeneutics of the situation but do you get that God wrote the passage for you? He expects you to obey His instruction and change your ways. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 makes the course ahead of us very clear.
It states, "All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work." Let's think about the words reproof and correction for a moment. Reproof is when your mother is calling you to task for not cleaning your room, ouch. Correction is when your boss tells you that you've been doing it all wrong, double ouch! Some of the other words present in this passage tells us what will happen after we hear the truth. We have to be retrained, and made complete. Note to self: we are not complete until we choose to obey God. The word complete is another way of expressing the concept of maturity. When we are mature, we are then equipped for the goods works that we should be doing.
Imagine the results for our churches. With the changes that happen in our lives we can start to help others in need. Frankie's insight into his life could help Craig. Betty could help others with what she has learned about healing her own marriage. When we learn to "esteem others higher than ourself" Philippians 2:3 Jackie won't call it a joke to make fun of others. We have so far to go and the stakes are high. Our enemy Satan wants nothing better than to keep us as ineffectual followers of Jesus.
*people and church names have been changed.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Christian Wife Reviews "Silence"
Mark 11:18 (ESV)-"And the chief priests and the scribes heard it and were seeking a way to destroy him, for they feared him, because all the crowd was astonished at his teaching."
The movie Silence by Martin Scorcese is a project almost thirty years in the making. Based on the 1966 novel, Silence by Shūsaku Endō, it tells the story of the Jesuits attempt to bring Catholicism to Japan in the Seventeenth Century. It opens with a Jesuit official informing two young priests that their beloved teacher Father Cristóvão Ferreira had renounced the faith while undergoing torture. The young men are broken-hearted and incredulous. This scene serves as the beginning of their cruel "coming-of-age" story. Father Rodrigues and Father Garupe are determined to clear Father Ferreira's name, and in the process give support to the beleaguered Japanese Catholic population at the time. They are warned that this is a highly dangerous endeavor as Catholicism is outlawed in the island nation.
They need to get a guide, and in a sign of just how impossible their mission will be; they apparently can't do better than an alcoholic fisherman named Kichijiro. He is drunk and dirty sleeping in the back of a bar. When he is introduced as a Christian, he objects. As time goes by, we learn that he renounced Catholicism in order to save his life. He struggles to reconcile this with the fact that his whole family died rather than renounce their faith and therein lies the eternal struggle that he must face. He is stuck in a varietable revolving door of betrayal, sin, and confession in trying to cope with the impossible odds of remaining Catholic in Imperial Japan.
The priests then are transported and meet a group of underground Christians who are thrilled and welcoming to the young priests. The scenes of Church life in caves seem to be reminiscent of ancient catacombs and meant to draw comparisons. Yet, the heavy and pressing message is; this will not have the same outcome as it did for ancient Roman believers. The Japanese Catholics protect and feed the priests. The priests are given an update of the persecution of the Church and provided with plans for evading the Japanese authorities. This plan reduces them to living like frightened little mice who can only come out at night.
Under these circumstances, the first stresses and tests of faith begin to appear. They will only increase as the local authorities begin a persecution of those suspected of being Christians. The scenes depicting torture and death for the Catholic populations are both brutal and intense. With each wave of villagers dying, we see that the main desire of the authorities is to neutralize the priests in order to destroy the plant by first destroying the roots feeding it. They are ready, willing and able to culturally go toe to toe with the would be religious contender and win that battle of the faiths by convincing two out of three of the priests to renounce their faith.
The messages of this movie, at its' worst, is that : 1. a well-thought out plan to stamp-out Christianity can certainly succeed, 2. who or why would anyone stand up to the torture or, 3. that faith is a fantasy. But, I could not help comparing the torture experienced by these fictious believers to the actual brutal torture of Christians in the Middle East today. The systematic plan to annihilate the Christian faith in the Middle East has taken a horrific turn within the past eight years that many of us can still hardly fathom. When the first images of beheadings, and torture made their way to news headlines, people were shocked. The heavily anti-Christian governments of Europe and the Obama Administrations did nothing to help these true victims of the out-of-control conflicts that broke out all over Africa and the Middle East.
For many comfortable Christians worldwide, it was their first awakening to the possibility of persecution in their own lifetime. The lessons in the Bible regarding the persecution of believers became less distant and more relatable. I wonder what these persecutions mean to the worldwide churches of today? While I assume they must be against it, their responses have been underwhelming. What are some of the reasons for this? Lack of unity between Christian denominations? Churches not wanting to bring in unpleasantries? Where were the marches, the appeals to government agencies of the various countries that we live in? We should have made the headlines everyday. Are we in a crisis of faith? Ashamed of our beliefs? The story of Peter, so close to Jesus yet unable to stand up to his first persecution might serve as a humbling lesson for us. (Luke 22:54-62). The audience at the theater where I saw this movie, went into absolute hysterics when confronted with Kichijiro struggling to stay true to his faith. Are we living in such a rarefied environment that we can no longer even relate with the suffering of others?
This movie has as its premise the crisis of faith. It examines the harsh realities of a world, a lot like the world of today, where the practice of your Christian faith is deeply threatening to those around you. Just like in Imperial Japan, we find ourselves in an era where values of the Christian faith have. been outlawed. We live in a virtual cave ourselves, practicing our beliefs in secret, like those in the movie. An image at the end of Silence suggests that one of the priests thought to have converted to Shinto still held on to his faith. One small voice. Who had he converted? The U.S. election results are a partial commentary on the frustrations of Christians living in America. In the 2016/2017 election cycle we see the long sleeping giant of practicing Christians awaken to vote. That vote has angered those who have long thought us vanquished. They, like the Japanese authorities in this movie, will fight on. We must to. At the end of the movie, we see that Silence correctly suggests that the battle between Christianity and the world will continue.
Revelation 6:9-"When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the witness they had borne."
The movie Silence by Martin Scorcese is a project almost thirty years in the making. Based on the 1966 novel, Silence by Shūsaku Endō, it tells the story of the Jesuits attempt to bring Catholicism to Japan in the Seventeenth Century. It opens with a Jesuit official informing two young priests that their beloved teacher Father Cristóvão Ferreira had renounced the faith while undergoing torture. The young men are broken-hearted and incredulous. This scene serves as the beginning of their cruel "coming-of-age" story. Father Rodrigues and Father Garupe are determined to clear Father Ferreira's name, and in the process give support to the beleaguered Japanese Catholic population at the time. They are warned that this is a highly dangerous endeavor as Catholicism is outlawed in the island nation.
They need to get a guide, and in a sign of just how impossible their mission will be; they apparently can't do better than an alcoholic fisherman named Kichijiro. He is drunk and dirty sleeping in the back of a bar. When he is introduced as a Christian, he objects. As time goes by, we learn that he renounced Catholicism in order to save his life. He struggles to reconcile this with the fact that his whole family died rather than renounce their faith and therein lies the eternal struggle that he must face. He is stuck in a varietable revolving door of betrayal, sin, and confession in trying to cope with the impossible odds of remaining Catholic in Imperial Japan.
The priests then are transported and meet a group of underground Christians who are thrilled and welcoming to the young priests. The scenes of Church life in caves seem to be reminiscent of ancient catacombs and meant to draw comparisons. Yet, the heavy and pressing message is; this will not have the same outcome as it did for ancient Roman believers. The Japanese Catholics protect and feed the priests. The priests are given an update of the persecution of the Church and provided with plans for evading the Japanese authorities. This plan reduces them to living like frightened little mice who can only come out at night.
Under these circumstances, the first stresses and tests of faith begin to appear. They will only increase as the local authorities begin a persecution of those suspected of being Christians. The scenes depicting torture and death for the Catholic populations are both brutal and intense. With each wave of villagers dying, we see that the main desire of the authorities is to neutralize the priests in order to destroy the plant by first destroying the roots feeding it. They are ready, willing and able to culturally go toe to toe with the would be religious contender and win that battle of the faiths by convincing two out of three of the priests to renounce their faith.
The messages of this movie, at its' worst, is that : 1. a well-thought out plan to stamp-out Christianity can certainly succeed, 2. who or why would anyone stand up to the torture or, 3. that faith is a fantasy. But, I could not help comparing the torture experienced by these fictious believers to the actual brutal torture of Christians in the Middle East today. The systematic plan to annihilate the Christian faith in the Middle East has taken a horrific turn within the past eight years that many of us can still hardly fathom. When the first images of beheadings, and torture made their way to news headlines, people were shocked. The heavily anti-Christian governments of Europe and the Obama Administrations did nothing to help these true victims of the out-of-control conflicts that broke out all over Africa and the Middle East.
For many comfortable Christians worldwide, it was their first awakening to the possibility of persecution in their own lifetime. The lessons in the Bible regarding the persecution of believers became less distant and more relatable. I wonder what these persecutions mean to the worldwide churches of today? While I assume they must be against it, their responses have been underwhelming. What are some of the reasons for this? Lack of unity between Christian denominations? Churches not wanting to bring in unpleasantries? Where were the marches, the appeals to government agencies of the various countries that we live in? We should have made the headlines everyday. Are we in a crisis of faith? Ashamed of our beliefs? The story of Peter, so close to Jesus yet unable to stand up to his first persecution might serve as a humbling lesson for us. (Luke 22:54-62). The audience at the theater where I saw this movie, went into absolute hysterics when confronted with Kichijiro struggling to stay true to his faith. Are we living in such a rarefied environment that we can no longer even relate with the suffering of others?
This movie has as its premise the crisis of faith. It examines the harsh realities of a world, a lot like the world of today, where the practice of your Christian faith is deeply threatening to those around you. Just like in Imperial Japan, we find ourselves in an era where values of the Christian faith have. been outlawed. We live in a virtual cave ourselves, practicing our beliefs in secret, like those in the movie. An image at the end of Silence suggests that one of the priests thought to have converted to Shinto still held on to his faith. One small voice. Who had he converted? The U.S. election results are a partial commentary on the frustrations of Christians living in America. In the 2016/2017 election cycle we see the long sleeping giant of practicing Christians awaken to vote. That vote has angered those who have long thought us vanquished. They, like the Japanese authorities in this movie, will fight on. We must to. At the end of the movie, we see that Silence correctly suggests that the battle between Christianity and the world will continue.
Revelation 6:9-"When he opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been slain for the word of God and for the witness they had borne."
Monday, January 16, 2017
Marriage For The Wrong Reasons
I was recently reflecting on just how many people marry for the WRONG reasons. People marry for looks, money, or because they want to have a child before it is too late. They marry because they are lonely or because it is what is expected of them.
The partners that we have or continue to choose reflects who we are and what our values are. Our choice of partners reflects just where we are emotionally and spiritually. It is wise to reflect upon this now and again. By doing so, we can uncover the current basis of our discontent and help break longheld patterns which lead to unhappiness.
Let's consider one example to illustrate these principles. Omar* is the successful owner of a business here in Westchester County, New York. His success in business owes to his hard work and customer service. He also has a keen knack of choosing the best people to work for him. Unfortunately, Omar has not been as successful in choosing spouses. Omar is currently facing a second divorce. From a financial point of view, Omar's marriages have been a disaster. In each case, his net worth has been cut in half. But, what of the spiritual costs?
Omar was born into a hard-working middle class family in one of the wealthier villages in Westchester County. His family provided for him by running a shop providing the goods and services needed in that community. He learned a work ethic and the basics of running a small business from his father. He also learned some other things as well; such as an eye for a beautiful woman and controlling behavior.
He attended the local high school rubbing shoulders with the children of the customers in his father's shop. They, the sons and daughters of famous musicians, professors, and business elite and he, the guy "whose family owned that shop." Although attending school together, there was a strict social demarcation between these families in that community. Omar's friendships reflected a working to middle class make-up. His closest friends were the children of local contractors, other shop owners and civil servants.
But, he dreamed of more. He dreamed of running a business just like his fathers', only more lucrative. He dreamed of dating one of those rich, skinny, popular girls and becoming rich. Early on, he focused on one girl in particular. Her name was Ann*. Ann's philosophy of life already was, "you can't be too rich or too thin." Indeed, that ethos hung thick in her families' values. So, when she and Omar meet, it was murder.
When Ann agreed to date him, he felt that he had finally arrived into the inner circle of cool at ********* High School. When Ann dated him, she felt that she had finally escaped some of the boredom and tedium of upper crust Westchester life. She also enjoyed shocking her friends and family by her choice of dates. One thing was for sure, they were more drawn to what the other person did for them than who the other person was. That folks is a recipe for disaster.
Their marriage produced two children and the successful business that Omar and Ann dreamed of. He bought a million dollar home in the more fashionable section of town. But, this marriage did not have a fairy tale ending. Amid allegations of alcoholism and affairs on both their parts, this marriage ended. It was at this low point in his life, that Omar accepted an invitation to Church.
At this Church, he began to learn about who God was and what the Bible had to say about marriage and the family. He began to think that maybe there was another way to look at life and approach things, other than the way he had approached things. The Pastor helped him to dig deep and understand that God had a meaning and a purpose for Omar's life that was very different from the way he had been living. With this new found knowledge, he was able to begin rebuilding his broken life. He made a decision that he wanted to be a Christian and be baptized in the faith.
There were many changes in Omar's life. He began to see his wealth, as a blessing from God. For the first time he felt grateful to someone other than himself. He began to give a ten percent offering to his Church to promote ministries and help the poor. Friends and family began to note positive changes to his character, including a moderate approach to drinking beer and wine. But there is one area of his life that he would not completely surrender to the Lord Jesus Christ.
No where in the Bible is marriage for the wrong reasons illustrated better than in Genesis 29-30, where we find the story of Jacob and the women in his life. Like Omar, Jacob was a man who had a whole lot of drama with women. It is in a romantic setting by a well in Haran, where Jacob first beholds the beautiful Rachel. "Now while he was still speaking with them (people that Jacob was asking directions of), Rachel came with her father's sheep, for she was a shepherdess. And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother's brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother's brother, that Jacob went near and rolled the stone from the well's mouth, and watered the flock of Laban his mother's brother. Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice and wept. And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father's relative and that he was Rebekah's son. So she ran and told her father." Genesis 29:9-12
In one of the most romantic moments of the Bible we see a young man overcome with emotion and emboldened in his actions when he meets the woman that he knows is "the one!" It is truly "love at first sight" when he sees Rachel approach the well accompanied by her flock of sheep. It is the kind of moment which makes a man lose all sense of social decorum and where he enters a state of delirium, as one in a fever. He is lovesick. We can see all the signs. Firstly, without any prompting he puts his muscles to work in the labor of moving a heavy stone covering the well, in order to assist Rachel who is there to water her flock. Many a wife would appreciate that kind of help after the wedding! One can find amusement imagining how far Jacob would have gone to impress Rachel. Another sign of a lovesick man is the ups and downs in emotion that we see Jacob experience in verse 11, in one moment he does something completely inappropriate,i.e. kisses Rachel, and the next minute he is crying.
Heaven help us Jacob is in love. In an act of treachery not unlike the con that he pulled on his brother Esau, Rachel's father pulls the old "bait and switch" on Jacob and substitutes another daughter tricking Jacob into marrying his older and uglier daughter Leah (Genesis 29:21-25). Leah is the responsible and mature one. She loves Jacob the way a good woman loves her man. She represents the service and practical aspect of marriage, which is very important. But just like Omar, Jacob is drawn to the excitement and drama of Rachel. In the time that I knew Omar, he managed to get into a tumultuous affair with a woman at Church and a nightmare of a second marriage.
Just like Jacob there were years of battles between the women who loved Omar. Omar's first and second wives ended up calling the police on one another. There were court room battles regarding money and children. The spurned woman at Church that had an affair with Omar was jealous that Omar did not marry her. She confessed her fornication quite dramatically at Church drawing us along into the sad results of that affair. Although God forgave her and gave her a wonderful husband, she always seemed to be looking back and never seemed to appreciate what God had given her. Continuing in Chapter 29 and 30 of Genesis we can note how closely these women's lives are reflected in this biblical story.
How can we get past the drama in our own life and have a godly marriage? It begins with understanding what marriage is all about. It is not merely an emotion, and it is not just all work. Perhaps what we really seek in marriage is a partner who combines the best of Rachel and Leah. We desire the passion that a Rachel brings and yet respect the hard work and love that Leah brings. Are you always surrounded by drama? Does everything in your relationships seem so hard? Well then you may be a Jacob. In his story we find he labored seven years for his bride, then another seven years on top of that. His marriages exhaust me just reading about them.
Contrast that with his father Isaac who did not labor for a wife at all. In Genesis we see the reason why. In Genesis 24:1-14 we see that God's involvement from beginning to end is the reason. In Chapter 24, verse twelve we see a different well and a very different scene. The setting is a well at Nahor in Mesopotamia. Abraham has sent his most trusted servant to find a wife for Isaac. After swearing an oath that this servant would not find a wife amid the ungodly, we see the servant follow through with this task. In this poignant scene in Nahor, we see the servant begins in prayer : "Then he said, "O Lord God of my master Abraham. Behold, here I stand by the well of water, and the daughters of the men in the city are coming out to draw water. Now let it be that the young woman to whom I say, 'Please let down your pitcher that I may drink,' and she says,'Drink, and I will also give your camels a drink - let her be the one You have appointed for Your servant Isaac. And by this I will know that You have shown kindness to my master."
Let us seek God early in the dating process and ask God to choose the right spouse for us, as those close to Isaac did. Furthermore, add virtue to your relationship. In holding back the flames of desire, we instead endeavor to get to know the person that we are attracted to. We can then begin to balance our passion with the practical matters of marriage. Give yourself a chance to get to know someone in true intimacy. This will set the stage for a well-balanced marriage.
* The names and a few details are changed.
********* A Westchester High School.
NEXT WEEK : Movie Review-Silence (movie by Martin Scorcese)
The partners that we have or continue to choose reflects who we are and what our values are. Our choice of partners reflects just where we are emotionally and spiritually. It is wise to reflect upon this now and again. By doing so, we can uncover the current basis of our discontent and help break longheld patterns which lead to unhappiness.
Let's consider one example to illustrate these principles. Omar* is the successful owner of a business here in Westchester County, New York. His success in business owes to his hard work and customer service. He also has a keen knack of choosing the best people to work for him. Unfortunately, Omar has not been as successful in choosing spouses. Omar is currently facing a second divorce. From a financial point of view, Omar's marriages have been a disaster. In each case, his net worth has been cut in half. But, what of the spiritual costs?
Omar was born into a hard-working middle class family in one of the wealthier villages in Westchester County. His family provided for him by running a shop providing the goods and services needed in that community. He learned a work ethic and the basics of running a small business from his father. He also learned some other things as well; such as an eye for a beautiful woman and controlling behavior.
He attended the local high school rubbing shoulders with the children of the customers in his father's shop. They, the sons and daughters of famous musicians, professors, and business elite and he, the guy "whose family owned that shop." Although attending school together, there was a strict social demarcation between these families in that community. Omar's friendships reflected a working to middle class make-up. His closest friends were the children of local contractors, other shop owners and civil servants.
But, he dreamed of more. He dreamed of running a business just like his fathers', only more lucrative. He dreamed of dating one of those rich, skinny, popular girls and becoming rich. Early on, he focused on one girl in particular. Her name was Ann*. Ann's philosophy of life already was, "you can't be too rich or too thin." Indeed, that ethos hung thick in her families' values. So, when she and Omar meet, it was murder.
When Ann agreed to date him, he felt that he had finally arrived into the inner circle of cool at ********* High School. When Ann dated him, she felt that she had finally escaped some of the boredom and tedium of upper crust Westchester life. She also enjoyed shocking her friends and family by her choice of dates. One thing was for sure, they were more drawn to what the other person did for them than who the other person was. That folks is a recipe for disaster.
Their marriage produced two children and the successful business that Omar and Ann dreamed of. He bought a million dollar home in the more fashionable section of town. But, this marriage did not have a fairy tale ending. Amid allegations of alcoholism and affairs on both their parts, this marriage ended. It was at this low point in his life, that Omar accepted an invitation to Church.
At this Church, he began to learn about who God was and what the Bible had to say about marriage and the family. He began to think that maybe there was another way to look at life and approach things, other than the way he had approached things. The Pastor helped him to dig deep and understand that God had a meaning and a purpose for Omar's life that was very different from the way he had been living. With this new found knowledge, he was able to begin rebuilding his broken life. He made a decision that he wanted to be a Christian and be baptized in the faith.
There were many changes in Omar's life. He began to see his wealth, as a blessing from God. For the first time he felt grateful to someone other than himself. He began to give a ten percent offering to his Church to promote ministries and help the poor. Friends and family began to note positive changes to his character, including a moderate approach to drinking beer and wine. But there is one area of his life that he would not completely surrender to the Lord Jesus Christ.
No where in the Bible is marriage for the wrong reasons illustrated better than in Genesis 29-30, where we find the story of Jacob and the women in his life. Like Omar, Jacob was a man who had a whole lot of drama with women. It is in a romantic setting by a well in Haran, where Jacob first beholds the beautiful Rachel. "Now while he was still speaking with them (people that Jacob was asking directions of), Rachel came with her father's sheep, for she was a shepherdess. And it came to pass, when Jacob saw Rachel the daughter of Laban his mother's brother, and the sheep of Laban his mother's brother, that Jacob went near and rolled the stone from the well's mouth, and watered the flock of Laban his mother's brother. Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice and wept. And Jacob told Rachel that he was her father's relative and that he was Rebekah's son. So she ran and told her father." Genesis 29:9-12
In one of the most romantic moments of the Bible we see a young man overcome with emotion and emboldened in his actions when he meets the woman that he knows is "the one!" It is truly "love at first sight" when he sees Rachel approach the well accompanied by her flock of sheep. It is the kind of moment which makes a man lose all sense of social decorum and where he enters a state of delirium, as one in a fever. He is lovesick. We can see all the signs. Firstly, without any prompting he puts his muscles to work in the labor of moving a heavy stone covering the well, in order to assist Rachel who is there to water her flock. Many a wife would appreciate that kind of help after the wedding! One can find amusement imagining how far Jacob would have gone to impress Rachel. Another sign of a lovesick man is the ups and downs in emotion that we see Jacob experience in verse 11, in one moment he does something completely inappropriate,i.e. kisses Rachel, and the next minute he is crying.
Heaven help us Jacob is in love. In an act of treachery not unlike the con that he pulled on his brother Esau, Rachel's father pulls the old "bait and switch" on Jacob and substitutes another daughter tricking Jacob into marrying his older and uglier daughter Leah (Genesis 29:21-25). Leah is the responsible and mature one. She loves Jacob the way a good woman loves her man. She represents the service and practical aspect of marriage, which is very important. But just like Omar, Jacob is drawn to the excitement and drama of Rachel. In the time that I knew Omar, he managed to get into a tumultuous affair with a woman at Church and a nightmare of a second marriage.
Just like Jacob there were years of battles between the women who loved Omar. Omar's first and second wives ended up calling the police on one another. There were court room battles regarding money and children. The spurned woman at Church that had an affair with Omar was jealous that Omar did not marry her. She confessed her fornication quite dramatically at Church drawing us along into the sad results of that affair. Although God forgave her and gave her a wonderful husband, she always seemed to be looking back and never seemed to appreciate what God had given her. Continuing in Chapter 29 and 30 of Genesis we can note how closely these women's lives are reflected in this biblical story.
How can we get past the drama in our own life and have a godly marriage? It begins with understanding what marriage is all about. It is not merely an emotion, and it is not just all work. Perhaps what we really seek in marriage is a partner who combines the best of Rachel and Leah. We desire the passion that a Rachel brings and yet respect the hard work and love that Leah brings. Are you always surrounded by drama? Does everything in your relationships seem so hard? Well then you may be a Jacob. In his story we find he labored seven years for his bride, then another seven years on top of that. His marriages exhaust me just reading about them.
Contrast that with his father Isaac who did not labor for a wife at all. In Genesis we see the reason why. In Genesis 24:1-14 we see that God's involvement from beginning to end is the reason. In Chapter 24, verse twelve we see a different well and a very different scene. The setting is a well at Nahor in Mesopotamia. Abraham has sent his most trusted servant to find a wife for Isaac. After swearing an oath that this servant would not find a wife amid the ungodly, we see the servant follow through with this task. In this poignant scene in Nahor, we see the servant begins in prayer : "Then he said, "O Lord God of my master Abraham. Behold, here I stand by the well of water, and the daughters of the men in the city are coming out to draw water. Now let it be that the young woman to whom I say, 'Please let down your pitcher that I may drink,' and she says,'Drink, and I will also give your camels a drink - let her be the one You have appointed for Your servant Isaac. And by this I will know that You have shown kindness to my master."
Let us seek God early in the dating process and ask God to choose the right spouse for us, as those close to Isaac did. Furthermore, add virtue to your relationship. In holding back the flames of desire, we instead endeavor to get to know the person that we are attracted to. We can then begin to balance our passion with the practical matters of marriage. Give yourself a chance to get to know someone in true intimacy. This will set the stage for a well-balanced marriage.
* The names and a few details are changed.
********* A Westchester High School.
NEXT WEEK : Movie Review-Silence (movie by Martin Scorcese)
Friday, January 6, 2017
The Winter Blues May Be a Myth!
Good news for those dreading the season of winter. The concept of the "winter blues" or "seasonal affective disorder" may be a myth. Scientists are busy re-examining this whole concept. I have read of at least three studies that have looked at this topic from many different angles. They have all concluded that there is no evidence that people are any more depressed in the cold weather than at any other time of the year. In fact, one study coming out of the University of Liége, Belgium suggests that our brain may actually function better during the winter months. "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." - Ecclesiastes 3:1.
The term, seasonal affective disorder or SAD, came into the lexicon in the 1980's. It now appears that the original scientific investigation identifying this disorder, may have been skewed by choosing study participants who all complained of winter-related mood changes. This would introduce statistical bias into those earlier studies upon which our current facts are based. This new found information left me quite disconcerted. I should be happy but studying the latest findings challenges my whole winter mindset. It most certainly will lead to confrontations with friends and family. It has become customary in my circle of friends to complain about low-energy, depression and weight gain during the winter months. The culprit? Why, seasonal affective disorder of course! This news will even change my reading habits since magazines touting strategies for beating the "winter blues" always catch my eye. "He hath made every thing beautiful in his time." -Ecclesiastes 3:11a.
To be sure, every season and weather condition presents its challenges. The good news appears to be that maybe we can tone down the rhetoric and even find some reasons to enjoy the weather (and the added brain power). Remain active in your life. Skiing, ice skating and snow-shoeing present excellent opportunities to enjoy the sun for the limited time it is shining. You will feel warm in no time. If you miss jogging or walking in the evening, why not substitute a walk in your local mall or take an exercise class. Start a new hobby (a new language perhaps) or recognize the added inside time as an opportunity to organize your closet or home office. Make hot cocoa, or a pot of soup and invite over some company. Wear appropriate attire so that you are more comfortable when outdoors. Cozy blankets and candles go a long way towards creating a happy and supportive environment for you during the winter months. With some brainstorming you can make the adjustments that you need to enjoy the season. "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." - Psalm 118:24.
The term, seasonal affective disorder or SAD, came into the lexicon in the 1980's. It now appears that the original scientific investigation identifying this disorder, may have been skewed by choosing study participants who all complained of winter-related mood changes. This would introduce statistical bias into those earlier studies upon which our current facts are based. This new found information left me quite disconcerted. I should be happy but studying the latest findings challenges my whole winter mindset. It most certainly will lead to confrontations with friends and family. It has become customary in my circle of friends to complain about low-energy, depression and weight gain during the winter months. The culprit? Why, seasonal affective disorder of course! This news will even change my reading habits since magazines touting strategies for beating the "winter blues" always catch my eye. "He hath made every thing beautiful in his time." -Ecclesiastes 3:11a.
To be sure, every season and weather condition presents its challenges. The good news appears to be that maybe we can tone down the rhetoric and even find some reasons to enjoy the weather (and the added brain power). Remain active in your life. Skiing, ice skating and snow-shoeing present excellent opportunities to enjoy the sun for the limited time it is shining. You will feel warm in no time. If you miss jogging or walking in the evening, why not substitute a walk in your local mall or take an exercise class. Start a new hobby (a new language perhaps) or recognize the added inside time as an opportunity to organize your closet or home office. Make hot cocoa, or a pot of soup and invite over some company. Wear appropriate attire so that you are more comfortable when outdoors. Cozy blankets and candles go a long way towards creating a happy and supportive environment for you during the winter months. With some brainstorming you can make the adjustments that you need to enjoy the season. "This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." - Psalm 118:24.
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