Christian Housewife’s Election Scorecard 2020

(Or how the election reminds me of Halloween): As we close out October, I sense all sorts or ghouls and evil spirits abounding in Westchester County, New York. Nothing unusual there, I always sense the spirit of evil here. However, at this time of year Westchester makes a lot of money trading on its’ history of scary stories. There is for example, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow written by Washington Irving. Mr Irving was a renaissance man who besides being a writer, was an ambassador for the United States to Spain and served at his church as a vestrymen, Sunday school teacher and a warden. That church now bears a big, old, gay flag prominently on its’ fence which faces the busy street it is situated on.

His stories of old Dutch Westchester, and the Catskill region of New York captured a moment in the history of this area. There is a town named after him, Irvington and a whole industry spawned here by his book the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. A movie with Johnny Depp was even made about it, which bears no resemblance to the aforementioned book. There is a Halloween parade here, and loads of tourist dollars flowing into the area. People take tours of the historic cemetery and there is a big pumpkin extravaganza where thousand’s of pumpkins are carved and alighted for a season. Halloween seems to be a big holiday here in New York. 

You can tell a lot about a people by seeing what things they celebrate. New York is the state which celebrated passing a law that allows killing a child up to the moment of its’ birth. The smiles on the local politicians when Governor Andrew Coumo signed this bill fully resembled the grimaced pumpkins which dot the village of Sleepy Hollow, the village highlighted in Irving’s famous tale. One can also deduce that the protests and flurry of activities in Westchester regarding the upcoming election are managed and executed by a bunch of Halloween witches if you listen to what they are saying and what they are doing. It is truly a creepy time here in this County. Now, on to that election and what it means for Christians. 

INTRO: This Election is a referendum on the spiritual direction that our country should follow. Both presidential candidates represent one of two very different pathways towards the future. This is not about a political party, because the political parties of the United States are dead and in the process of being restructured. It is about what a Christian who is following the Lord can support. We must support policies that do not restrict our religious freedoms and support biblical standards.

ISRAEL: With that perspective, let us begin by looking at the candidates record on the state of Israel. Israel is the nation that God Himself established and sustains as an integral part of His salvation story. He established that country as a homeland for his chosen people the Jews. God said that they were going to be a blessing to the whole world. He even established a special place called Jerusalem to be His Holy City. God directed worship to be centralized there. 

President Trump- United States Presidents for several decades have avoided the topic of Jerusalem as the capital of Israel even though the U.S. Congress enacted a law in 1995 saying that it should not be divided and directing the President to move the U.S. Embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. That U.S. law was disobeyed by succeeding U.S. Presidents. In order to avoid the embassy move they would have to sign a waiver every six months declaring that they could not move the embassy due to National Security issues. That was never the case more like a direct disobedience of a U.S. law for political gain. One of the last acts of a Obama/Biden administrations was to declare it would be a disaster if the President moved the embassy. No, Mr. Obama and Mr. Biden we acknowledged God’s Will by the move and President Trump stood up for biblical values.

In addition, the President has used the biblical names of the West Bank and Gaza in public which are Judea and Samaria and supported Jewish people inhabiting these areas that God gave to them. He has been pivotal in establishing peace agreements made between Israel and its’ traditional enemies. He has been nominated by three people for a Nobel Peace Prize. Whether he gets that or not, President Trump is my winner for that prize because of all that he has done for the state of Israel to right some historic injustices. President Trump has also closed the offices of the P.L.O. and cut off financial aid because of their corruption and the bad faith relationship that exists between them and us. That of course is putting it mildly. They celebrated after the 9/11 attacks. 

Joseph Biden- The biggest threat to Israel is a nuclear powered Iran. As you all know the Obama/Biden administration created an Iranian nuclear deal giving that Jewish hating regime the money and the tools to create a path towards wiping Israel off the face of the map as they have continually promised. Even though President Trump could not get back the boatload of money that the last administration gave to Iran, he very quickly ended his support of that deal. However, under a President Biden we will see that deal resurrected, which will again pose a threat to the state of Israel. Vice Presidential candidate Harris has also come out in these last days leading up to the election to affirm that their administration would reopen the Palestinian Liberation Organization office in Washington DC and reinstate aide to the Palestinians. 

GAY MARRIAGE & LGBTQ MOVEMENT: In what was arguably the most highly rated show in America at the time, a campaigning Donald Trump told Fox News Host Bill O’Reilly when asked about gay marriage, that “I am against it.” He has gone on to implement policies that support traditional families. Who would have thunk it! Donald Trump? But, yes, he has championed traditional marriage the way it counts, by his political actions and we as Christians ought to be grateful.

President Trump- His administration has created a space for faith-based adoptions and foster care providers to do their jobs without compromising their faith. They do not have to allow gay or transgender couples to adopt or foster their children. He has blocked transgender military recruitment and worked to protect military chaplains who wish to give godly counsel on such topics. The Trump administration has used every opportunity to defend Christians rights in the courts when they come under fire for not wanting to make a gay wedding cake etc. In the area of gay issues getting Justices Neil Gorsuch, Brett Kavanaugh and his newest appointee Justice Amy Coney Barrett confirmed is a hedge against believers rights being eroded further.  His latest nominee literally went through fire to get this nomination being questioned in humiliating and cruel ways. Why, because the democrats hate Christians. Another place where it is difficult to have a biblical view of marriage is in the schools. President Trump worked up a Department of Education directive to protect the ability of students to pray and express their religious thoughts. To receive federal funds they must confirm that their policies do not prevent or curtail these religious rights. He is fighting these radical agendas in our schools, military and court rooms.

Joseph Biden- Joe Biden has promised to make passing a gay rights bill one of his top priorities in his first one hundred days in office. With COVID-19 issues, economic and social problems to deal with that shows what a huge supporter that he is of the gay movement. This is the same bill that President Trump vetoed. In a radicalized America, Biden is finally telling the truth about his agenda. Previously, the Obama/Biden campaign lied to the American people in order to get elected. They both stated they would not support gay marriage and then their administration went ahead and championed and put through that legislation in one of the biggest lies of a recent campaign. Vice-President Biden made history when he supported gay marriage in a Meet the Press interview in 2012. His administration repealed a Clinton Era compromise called Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Here is a quote from Joe Biden concerning transgender issues. “If your 8 year old child says they want to be transgender to make life easier, they have a right to transition and there is no reason for you to deny it.” I personally think that if an 8 year old says they didn’t take that cookie I have a reason to deny it, let alone their ability to make sexual decisions. We must fight this insanity. Hormone blockers? 8 year olds sexualized? Parents having nothing to say about it? What? If Joe Biden is elected president education programs will be implemented to teach our children even more LGBTQ and at an earlier age. These philosophies are becoming more mainstream and it is now or never to stand up with godly alternatives.

RELIGIOUS FREEDOM IN THE USA:

JOHNSON AMENDMENT- If you recall President Trump made a campaign issue of dealing with the Johnson Amendment. Christian leaders for a long time were lobbying for relief from this blatant attack on freedom of religion and speech that was enacted by President Johnson in a blatant attempt to muffle Christian voices in the pulpit speaking about politics and public policy. Or, more accurately against his politics and public policy. Since then Christians, had failed to get relief from this attempt to shut Christians up by using the Internal Revenue Service to de-monetizing them. President Trump kept that campaign promise and quickly issued an Executive Order to the Internal Revenue Service to end enforcement of the Johnson Act. 

THE COURTS- Many judges exceeded their authority and became so-called “activist judges” during the Obama/Biden years. I call them criminals! Many anti-Christian bigoted judges used their authority to set precedent which made the courts an important battleground for Christians. The President was a warrior here. He appointed 191 federal judges. All of them are conservative and dedicated to the rule of law and reversing these policies. As I previously mentioned, he has added three new U.S. Supreme Court Justices. The Supreme Court is the last and highest court to appeal to concerning our religious freedoms. Biden and his running mate have publicly confirmed that they will add justices to undue the conservative influence that the President has had on the Supreme Court even though that has never been done in the history of the United States.

WORKPLACE- President Trump has proposed new rules to protect religious organizations from prejudice by the federal government. This is in answer to Obama/Biden regulations that were put into place just for religious institutions and unfairly targeting Christian groups. President Trump’s Office of Management and Budget is requiring federal agencies to make sure that their grant-making practices respect the rights of faith-based organizations and comply with their constitutional religious freedoms. This is righting decades of wrong-doing by the government towards faith-based groups.

ABORTION: Who can forget that moment when Vice-President Mike Pence said, “I don’t apologize for being pro-life and standing for the sanctity of human life.” You know what else I can’t forget? How many times Kamala Harris pledged to always fight for abortions during her campaign stops.

LAW AND ORDER: As we see businesses shuttered in anticipation of violence on election night I shutter to think this is what the United States of America has come to. After a summer full of violent protests, assaults, murder and criminals being allowed to steal and terrorize on a massive scale we need to think about what biblical principles we need to uphold and what the agenda of our enemies are. We need to say no to disrespect for law enforcement, and no to the criminals free reign. We need to prosecute criminals and hold them accountable for the wrong they have done. I know God will. 

CONCLUSION: This is a small look at the many issues facing a Christian voter as we go to the voting booth. It is not even close who stands up for genuine biblical standards, and that man is Donald Trump. A false gospel of social justice and biblical interpretation has led many believers astray and they will be standing against bible-believing Christians in this election. It is vitally important to vote in this election and please consider voting for President Trump. God please bless us all in this upcoming week. 

Letter To An Anorexic Friend

Dearest Friend,

There have been so many of you from as long as I can remember. Little girls who in quite an un-childlike way focused on how much they weighted, or teenagers who seemed to think that dieting was the center of their world. Ladies who see what nobody else sees and think what nobody else thinks. Girls, teenagers or adults with great potential whose life went down into the rabbit hole that is weight obsession.

I want to share some of those stories from over the years. They are young, and they are old. They are shy and they are extroverted. They represent all education levels and the varying ethnic makeups. They are quite simply all of us. One of those I knew, was even a dude. Here are two such stories.

Since you are all curious, let’s start with the dude. I met Bryce* in my first year of high school. He was the friend of a friend named Josh*. Bryce and Josh knew each other a while. Josh looked out for Bryce especially since Bryce’s dad had passed away. Nobody else seemed to realize how out of control Bryce felt since his father’s sudden death except Josh. 

Why was that? Especially since his mother was an administrative assistant to a prominent psychiatrist in the area. Hadn’t anything rubbed off on Faith* because of working at the psychiatric hospital? That part of the story never made any sense to me at all. At any rate, he was not mentally well or able to fit into High School society. High School is cruel to those who are different and Bryce was shunned and bullied there. His oldest brother Tom* seemed to sense this and tried to channel Bryce’s attention to long distance running which was Tom’s passion.

Bryce took to this like a fish to water, or should I say a runner to the road. He could now quite literally run away from his problems more effectively. He started to distinguish himself in running circles. He got into the culture of running, and the energy that he poured into running exhausted him until thoughts of his father’s death subsided.

That’s what he thought anyway. One day he confided in me the truth of his father’s passing. He told me that his father quite literally dropped dead while on an alcoholic bender in the Bowery, NYC. The Bowery was once the legendary destination for people in Bryce’s fathers predicament. Alcoholics who were down on their luck or seeking anonymity in their actions.

His friend Josh, had also lost his father at a young age. This created a bond between the two of them. However, Josh would not exactly score high on any emotional I.Q. test. So, even if he wanted to help him it wasn’t as if he knew how to handle it. It was the same thing with everyone in Bryce’s life. The only two things that relieved his pain was running and dieting. Running and dieting. 

Then there was Shawn*. Shawn seemed to think that you can’t be too rich or too thin. Everything she did in her life revolved around pursuing these two dreams. The thing that amazes me is how many people in a church or family will ignore the obvious signs of anorexia nervosa. Shawn’s second husband did and so did everyone at that graduation party that I went to. Shawn came walking in with a modest but above the knee dress. In was June a few years back, and it was hot and the layers of clothing were finally coming off. 

When Shawn arrived at my table at this hotel party, my jaw must have dropped at least a few inches. Why? Because, when Shawn took off her jacket, I saw that she had not one ounce of fat on her emaciated body. She was all skin and bones. I was in shock. Shawn looked anorexic. I looked around to see if any one else registered a hint of surprise or concern and I saw none. Not from her husband Jim*, or some brothers and sisters in Christ seated at the table. Am I like that kid in the story who says, the emperor has no clothes?

Well, yes I am. You already know that if you have been reading my blog. So, not long after this, I was confronting Shawn about her eating and recommending a Christian therapist in the area. That moment came when I was running a bible study at her home. Each week, she would cook gourmet quality goodies for our ladies group but, I watched and she never ate anything. Or, there was the time that she invited my husband and myself to have dinner with her and her husband. She made a huge and delicious Italian meal. 

What an accomplished cook she was! However, I noticed that she did the classic, shove a little food around the plate and not eat anything, move. When she stepped out of the room for a minute, the men and I decided to refill our plates. I did the privileges and I couldn’t resist a little test. As I was going around the table with some more lasagna, I put a small piece on Shawn’s plate. When Shawn came back into the room she reacted just the way I expected her too. 

It took both Bryce and Shawn time to come to terms with what was really eating them, and it wasn’t food. Since both of them were Christians naturally the spiritual truths of their situation would be revealed. For Bryce, it meant not just being a “churched kid” but choosing to have a relationship with Jesus and asking God for the help that his family were unable to give him.

For Shawn, her vision of what a wife and mother should be and the meaning of life had to come in line with the biblical truths that she was now beginning to learn. Her identity and values were formed way before she became a believer. Truth be told she wanted to be a Christian because she wanted to marry Jim. Had she made a sincere conversion or was she just going along with it to please Jim? All these things came to the forefront as Shawn went into treatment for anorexia.

So, my dear anorexic friends, my heart aches for you. I love you just the way you are. I see your inner beauty and intelligence. But, I know that you are hurting and need healing. I would like to come beside you as you delve into the causes of this life threatening behavior. Don’t shut people out who love you. We know that with God all things are possible. I hope that you can start to see how God is your protector when the whole world lets you down. That he loves you and will neither leave you nor forsake you as you face these difficult things. Love you. 

* the names are changed to protect identity.

NEXT WEEK: Christian Housewife Election Scorecard 2020 & how the elections remind me of Halloween. 

The Yeshiva Moves In

It has been shocking to hear the attitude of many in Westchester County, New York after a Yeshiva moved to town. When a local Roman Catholic convent went up for sale, many in the community were naturally concerned about who might buy the property and what type of development might go up. Westchester has a way of over-developing it's beautiful communities leaving them over-crowded, over-taxed, and architecturally ugly.

But some years after a yeshiva moved in, I detected something else. Not so long ago a friend directed me to take another route rather than the more usual one for a shopping trip. She told me construction was underway in her vicinity. So, instead I chose a route leading us past the new yeshiva. As we passed by it, my friend commented that she wished the ultra-orthodox Chabad had not bought the property. I asked her "why?" She said "they will begin to ask for all sorts of accommodations from the community, including financial. They will slowly take over the entire community with their markets, their Sabbath hours and before you know it, our property values are down the tubes!"

As the conversation continued, I felt as if I was reliving some ancient tale that would end in us grabbing torches and pitchforks and marching towards that yeshiva. Wow, was I getting a history lesson. My friend who herself was a reformed Jew seemed to have a visceral hatred for anything to do with the Chabad. At the time, I assumed her overreaction was some kind of rebellion against her own Chabad roots since I had seen a picture frame depicting her grandparents in some distinctive Chabad garb.

However, as this topic started to be discussed around town, I saw that people from all walks of life and religions seemed to be all worked up about the topic of the Yeshiva. They had all sorts of things to say about it. When I tried to gently disagree, it did not go well for me. Here came the torches and pitchforks again. "Do you want a measles or Covid-19  outbreak in this community?" I certainly could not answer in the affirmative to that one. All my protestations to the contrary seemed to only get people more angry.

Then there are the explosive feminists who will tell one and all of how the Chabad is oppressing women and setting feminism back fifty years. Fancy telling that to me a Westchester Christian Housewife! After all, I am the feminist nightmare, a college educated woman who chose to stay home with her children and cook for church bake sales.

My overriding concern as I listened to all this debate about the yeshiva was the intensity which seemed to have been generated by this group of orthodox Jewish believers who have developed a presence in Westchester County, New York. I just hate it when people scream and yell and can't even have a reasonable discussion based on the facts.

Suffice it to say, that all the terrible things that were supposed to happen when this invasive species moved in, has not occurred. Housing prices are still ridiculously over-priced and show no signs of letting up especially since people from Brooklyn and Manhattan are leaving those areas in droves and are looking to Westchester for a haven from the violent crime wave and contagion that Covid and BLM represents. Besides, what do you do in the city when you can‘t go to restaurants, broadway shows, and museums? I wish there was a few Jewish restaurants and markets in the area because I love that food, but that hasn’t happened. There has also been no special sabbath enforcements or financial handouts from the local government that I know about. 

If the Chabad were to ask for something, I suggest an order of protection from some of their hostile neighbors or perhaps they should look into some insurance against being tar and feathered and run out of town. Seriously folks, have we learned nothing from history. There always seems to be someone whipping up wild theories about the Jews. Same old, same old. They were once blamed for the plague now even the New York governor seems to be blaming the ultra Orthodox Jews for Covid breakouts. I don’t think so.

All of this cruelty isn’t Bible. (For I am the Lord, I change not; therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed-Malachi3:6) I honestly believe that if it wasn’t for God, the Jewish people would not even be here such has been their persecution. But, the Jewish people are the apple of God’s eye. He has said so. He has chosen them as HIs people and they have suffered greatly because of that. It is only the forces of evil that messes with what God has called his own. 

Let’s not be part of that if we wish to be blessed by God. (And I will bless them that bless thee: and curse them that curseth thee- Genesis 12:3) The Jewish people were frequently unwanted in the countries where they lived in the middle east, and Europe. They were run out of countries many times, or constantly moving from place to place in Eastern Europe and Russia to avoid persecution and even death. Routinely they were robbed and extorted. (For thus saith the Lord of Hosts; After the glory hath he sent me unto the nations which spoiled you: for he that toucheth you toucheth the apple of His eye-Zechariah 2:8)

In all of these travails, they longed to return to the land that God had promised them oh so long ago. God said that would happen one day and it miraculously has. It is nothing less than miraculous that people of Jewish descent from all over the world have returned to the land of Israel. They resurrected their dead language of Hebrew. Against all odds they created a thriving nation out of a pile of sand. This is all part of God’s plan. (That the Gentiles should be fellowheirs, and of the same body, and partakers of His promise in Christ by the gospel-Ephesians 3:6)

COVID and Mental Health

 COVID and Mental Health is a huge elephant in the room. My hairdressers’ assistant brought this up to me the other day when my head was in a sink getting the natural vegetable dye rinsed out of my hair. I was surrounded by plexiglass which was specially cut to keep the customer encapsulated and separate from any possible contact with people in the vicinity. I could barely understand what the mask-clad worker was saying, when she pronounced that “people are having some mental health issues lately.” Whatever could she mean by that? Do you know? I picked-up some of what she said to me, but the rest was muffled by her mask and her voice bouncing off the plexiglass in some weird way, like a high school lesson on sound wave dynamics.

A not to be missed point is just how damaging these masks are to our brain health. I am always urging senior citizens to get hearing aids when they need them. They are frequently hesitant due to embarrassment, vanity or confusion over how the technology works. The argument that wins them over every time is how studies have shown that when you can not hear what is going on around you, you stop trying to listen, you begin to isolate, and then you are more at risk for dementia. 

I am getting sick of listening to people prattle on with their masks on. I used to get energized after spending quality time with people. Not anymore. I walked into a new furniture store in my town. I asked the masked owner and craftsman to describe his services and I stopped caring what he said after asking twice, excuse me could you repeat that. I find myself just shaking my head a lot, like when I was a kid and a teacher was starting to bore me. This is one huge challenge.

My husband is very worried about his friend Elliot*. Elliot seems to be in a complete depression. It started when he began to work from home. Zoom meetings became his life. All day long, he has no real social interaction just hours and hours of working on his computer and then zoom meetings. His relationship with his wife has also taken a turn for the worse. 

Peg* has suddenly got O.C.D. or germaphobic about Elliot. In mortal fear for her life they have decided that that must live on separate floors of their house. They eat one meal a day together. He at one end of a long table and she at the other end. If this all sounds crazy to you, that’s because it is. They are living an emotional divorce.

Elliot is having some sort of breakdown too. Wouldn’t you? My husband talks to Elliot nearly every single day but, for the past two weeks Elliot has said that he can’t talk. What does that mean? Should he be in a hospital or be talking to a therapist on FaceTime? 

What happened to this gifted computer consultant? He attended the famed Bronx High School of Science, was one of the most sought after computer consultants in New York City and now he can’t even leave his bed. How do you go from running New York City marathons the way Elliot did only to die without a fight. Is he physically ill or is this a case of COVID and Mental Health issues taking its’ toll? 

My hairdressers’ assistant is right, people are having their mental health issues these days. We have to be on the look out for people in our lives who are struggling with this.

Dear Jesus.. Please give us the strength to spread the good news during these bad news times. Give us compassion to care for the sick including those who are experiencing mental health challenges. Help us have courage to stand up for what is righteous. We ask this in your name, amen.

* not their names, just their stories.

Crime Doesn’t Pay

Notice: google is changing the blogger formatting soon. There might be a disruption in my weekly blog as I try to navigate the more cumbersome formatting and adjust my settings. If I can not adjust them easily I may have to change the blog company from google to something else. I hope that won't be necessary as that would mean a change of address and disruption to what I do. I will keep you posted. This will occur at the end of September or beginning of October. My blog layout may seem off in the meantime as google changes things which are beyond my control. Be patient and hang in there while I try to learn the system.

How does anyone get to the point where they are committing crime and hurting friends and family with their behavior? Does it happen all at once or is a slow process? This week, I pondered these questions based on my thoughts about news reports, a book that I am reading and, a television series that I just watched. The book is entitled, "The Rose Man of Sing Sing (A true tale of life, murder, and redemption in the age of yellow journalism)" by James McGrath Morris. It is the perfect book for a Westchester Christian Housewife to read since it tells a story that starts and ends in New York. It starts in upstate New York and ends in a famous prison right here in Westchester County, New York. 

Add to that book, an award-winning television series about a daring escape from Dannemora prison and you can see why I am caught in the philosophical contemplation of criminal activity. Oh, and the woman convicted of aiding and abetting in that prison break just got out of another Westchester prison over in the village of Bedford. Evil men understand not judgement, but they that seek the Lord understand all things.-Proverbs 28:5

Of course, these reflections fit seamlessly into the current lawless environment that we find ourselves in. Did you hear about that college student arrested in New York City for looting and rioting? The one whose father is a professor of psychiatry at Colombia University and whose mother is an architect. Apparently, she is quoting Stalin and talking about throwing rocks off buildings. She grew up with all the advantages that money could buy. Not so for Charles Chapin, the central character of James McGrath Morris' book. His father was a n'er do well who abandoned his family and forced Charles to enter the work force at a young age. Nor, was it true for the two male inmates or the woman, Joyce Mitchell who were involved in the prison escape re-enacted in the television series.* 

So, we have men and women from all walks of life reaching the same decision and choosing to go against the laws of God and man. In all three cases many things had to happen and come together to explain all of their desperate actions. I believe perpetrating a crime very seldom happens without a number of things going wrong in a persons life. At any moment we must choose to pay attention to what is going on around us and use all opportunities to speak godly truths into peoples lives, before terrible things occur. But if the watchman see the sword come, and blow not the trumpet, and the people be not warned:if the sword come, and take any person from among them, he is taken away in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at the watchman’s hand.-Ezekiel 33:6

After any major crime many people seem surprised and even incredulous that they could have known someone who committed a heinous act. "I can't believe he did that, he was such a nice neighbor," or "this is not like her, she must have just snapped." While we are all sinners, nevertheless most people don't kill their wives as Charles Chapin did, or smuggle in chisels and hacksaws to help killers escape from prison as Joyce Mitchell did. I have driven by Dannemora Prison a number of times. It looks scary and impenetrable. What was this prison seamstress thinking? Even those of us who felt passionate about a cause enough to attend a rally or protest would not want to break windows, loot and steal that which is not ours. Let alone decide to drop rocks from buildings to fight off the police and seriously hurt someone. 

In the three stories above we find seemingly ordinary people. Charles Chapin was a city newspaper editor, Joyce Mitchell was a seamstress who worked in factories and then as an instructor at a maximum security prison. Finally, we have a twenty-first century New York City Upper East Side student. These individuals represent a snapshot or a cross-section of society. So, how did they all end up going afoul of the law? For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.-Romans 3:23

You can't read very far in the Bible before you read ripped from the headline stories of crime. As soon as man is created, crime happens. In fact, the Bible never lets up in its' scathing coverage of real crime stories from the beginning of the book until the end. What is the Bible trying to tell us about crime? The Bible definition of crime focuses on transgressions against God, others and ourselves. There are so many words used in the Bible to describe crime. Spoiler alert: it is pretty clear why we need a Savior! 

Here are some of the words used to indicate crime in the Bible: judgment, verdict, heinous crime, guilt, case, cause, fault, charge, iniquity, injury and of course sin. There are many more descriptive terms concerning breaching the law.....I feel another blog post coming on! In my Christian journey, it took me a long time to connect what I was seeing in the world around me, and reconcile that with what I was learning in the Bible. 

I think I was a victim of worldly thinking. I did not originate from a family of centered Christians. Luckily, for us who are lost and orphaned, our Father in Heaven reaches down and connects with His creation. He directs and guides us through His book the Bible. But, for a long-time I struggled to understand how Moses who received the commandments on Mount Sinai could have killed a man. How King David,"a man after God's own heart" could have had an affair, and arranged for that woman’s husband's murder to cover up his deeds. 

What I have learned is that crime is a part of human nature. Moses and King David are no different from Charles Chapin, the prisoners at that upstate jail or that Upper East Side college student. The Bible goes into great details regarding our many crimes and transgressions. Crime is wrong before God and there will be an eternal consequence. We as humans fail when we think that crime is the answer but we are no different from the men and women of old who went down this same road. The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.- Genesis 6:5

The Bible prepares us for real life. It tells us that crime will be with us until the end of this age and God’s return. It tells us that we should avoid it and to follow God instead. It tells us the difference between right and wrong and tells us that we should go to God and say we are sorry for the misdeeds that we have done so that we can be washed clean from the wrong. In short, the Bible teaches us that Crime Doesn’t Pay. We should heed that advice. He that covereth his sins shall not prosper; but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.-Proverbs 28: 13

* alert: the television series "Escape from Dannemora" showed simulated sex scenes that allegedly took place between the prison seamstress and her inmates. I chose to avert my eyes during those scenes because there was some important messages about our lives and our world. However, approach with caution if these scenes would cause you to struggle with sin. 

FYI: It cost the tax payers of New York State 23 million dollars for the manhunt and recapturing of these escaped prisoners. Money that we could use now as the state copes with Covid-19. 

To Proselytize or Not?

The State of Affairs
(Jude 1:18- How that they told you there should be mockers in the last time, who should walk after their own ungodly lusts.)
Hi everyone. It's been a tragic couple of weeks. I have struggled with all the depressing news. Starting with Hurricane Laura whose massive destructive force touched down in the southern United States along the gulf coast. At least half a million people had to evacuate their homes. Thank God too, because that decision helped to save their lives. But, how can I begin to discuss the extreme damage that this storm has delivered. Power can not be restored to the area for at least several weeks. Rebuilding the area will be a huge undertaking which will disrupt people's lives and business activities.The aftermath of this storm will surely be felt for a long time to come, financially, spiritually and otherwise.

Then I must note that violent activity is continuing around the United States and many part of the world, seemingly at an unstoppable pace. Mass protests occurred in various European capitals concerning the overreaching and apparently non-debatable governmental policies concerning COVID-19. I saw many videos of peaceable protestors being arrested and fined for simply not wearing a mask. Has life continuing on this planet come down to if we wear masks or not? Study the evidence. It looked more like the Iranian moral police harassing people for not wearing proper Islamic garb.

However, the violent events happeneing in the United States are the worst, and unprecedented in the history of this country. Notably, there was an attempt to disrupt the legitimate political process of the republican national convention when the President of the United States was giving his acceptance speech for the party's nomination. Outside the White House drums and bullhorns tried to drown out the President, or should I say drown out liberty. After the convention, just like I would expect from cowards videos emerged of BLM militants hitting and knocking old men to the ground and doing it from behind (just like someone who fights dirty will do). Check out the videos and you will always see attacks from behind. This is a huge departure from the United States historical code of ethics. It does however resemble the actions at the beginnings of every major totalitarian regime takeover.

I listened to videos with all matter of profanities and threats to kill people uttered. A mob surrounded United States senator Rand Paul and his wife. Had it not been for the bravery of four police officers, Rand Paul and his wife might be hospitalized or even dead. This after a crazed liberal neighbor attacked him and caused him to loose a piece of his lung. I hear totalitarianism calling, will the United States open the door? Ding dong.
(1 Timothy 1:9- We realize that the law is not enacted for the righteous, but for the lawless and rebellious, for the ungodly and sinful, for the unholy and profane, for killers of father or mother, for murderers.)

I see videos of intimidating confrontations occurring in restaurants, supermarkets and on roadways. Not for nothing, as we say in New York, haven't you noticed how many of the victims are senior citizens? We all know the story of the seventy-something year old retired police officer who was murdered as he tried to protect his friends business in Minneapolis. Another elder protecting his pizza parlor was brutalized. This bespeaks depravity of the highest realm. As does hurting children, another vulnerable population that have been victimized during this new civil war. What does this tell you about the spiritual health of the United States? We may or may not feel safe from these occurrences but, I think that we are at a juncture as Christians. What do we think about it and what are we going to do about it?

Then there is the bombshell revelations about Jerry and Becki Falwell Jr's sexual debauchery. Jerry and Becki Falwell let down their family, friends and the entire Christian community. They had the privilege and responsibility of being at the helm of a Christian university. Their political activities even put them into the position of being the face of Christianity to many atheists. What did they do with that? What are we doing with our platform?

I have been asked by many disillusioned friends what I think that the Christian community know about this scandal and when? Did they purposely close their eyes to these goings-on because Jerry Falwell Jr succeeded in making Liberty University a billion dollar baby? Some Christians would resent these questions. I do not. It is important for me as a believer to stand up for what is right and in the midst of doing that there is always opportunity to point people to Jesus and to salvation. Not a phony-baloney faith full of platitudes and enabling protocol. Jesus was not one to enable or cover-up wrong-doing and neither should we. Do you as a Christian believe that being a believer means that if you saw evidence of Jerry Falwell's malfeasance that you should not judge hence let's drop it or, do you think merely talking about this represents gossip? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, than how can we ever determine if a problem exists or nip a problem in the bud? How can we pray effectively? Plus, remember telling the truth doesn't equal judging someone.

Spiritual Answers
(1 John 4:1)- Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.)
One thing that really stung me the past couple of weeks was the awareness that everywhere that I went in Westchester, there were people publically practicing yoga. The lawn of the venerable and historic Lyndhurst Manor is a gathering place. The beach by Rye playland is doing it too. In all the most beautiful waterfront parks in Westchester County they are doing yoga. These are spiritual answers that people are choosing as they face anxiety and depression. Even BLM represents spiritual answers to what people consider uncertainty in their lives. (Matthew 6:33- but seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.)

What if we Christians had as large a presence as antifa or BLM in our cities? What would bringing the light of Jesus into those situations mean? What if every Christian wore a face mask or a tee shirt with a bible verse on it? What if instead of seeing yoga disciples at the beaches, and on the great lawns around Westchester County, New York we saw Christians praising, baptizing or teaching the Bible? What about in your community? I started to wonder where did I see a visible presence of Christians engaged in the front lines of the battles that we are now facing?

I don't mean to say there is no presence, because I know that Christians are working in food pantries, and helping to console Hurricane Laura victims right at this very moment and doing countless other acts of service. But, have we largely acquiesced to the belief that we should do many of these acts of service without acknowledging our faith in Jesus Christ, without praying or showing any public demonstration of our faith and Savior?

To Proslytize or Not?
(1 Corinthians 1:17- For Christ sent me not to baptize, but to preach the gospel: not with wisdom of words, lest the cross of Christ should be made of none effect.)
I received a flyer on my front porch asking me to join Black Lives Matters. It had all the earmarkings of a spiritual solution to all the problems of mankind. It's answers suggested that if I did not join them that I am essentially damned to hell. The local ads for meditation suggest similar redemption if I just follow the way of their practice. My question to you is: Has the Christian community been majorly sidelined? Have we forgotten our first love Jesus and our desire to bring others to a saving relationship with Jesus Christ? Have you lost your fervor? Are you afraid?

This week I had several discussions with Christians who had either lost their fervor, or were afraid. One such couple were hold up in their mansion and living in fear of catching Covid. Their money afforded them the ability to live completely isolated from society while they pay others to do their errands. What of the risk they might be adding to others lives? No mention of that.

As I caught up with them I found them hunkered down until, as they explained to me, the virus reaches some acceptable level and a vaccine is in place. I am sorry to say this Christian woman is struggling with panic attacks. She can not handle any of this. She is watching church live-streamed into her home even as 80 year old people are sitting in the church pews. She is effectively sidelined as is my friend Harris.* Harris has had a number of health challenges this past year and has grown despondent. He used to teach bible studies from his home and at church. Even as I tried to encourage him, I noticed he has no desire to even open up his bible.

Life gets very real sometimes. Has there ever been a guarantee of things going our way? Yet, we are entreated by our Heavenly Father to run this race that we call life and to live for Him. We have to line up our lives with the message of the gospel and help others to have their own blessed assurance. We need to make sure that everything that we do is in Jesus' name. We have to be very vocal about it before we loose our ability to enjoy our freedom of faith or our relevancy.
(2 Timothy 4:5- But watch thou in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, make full proof of thy Ministry.)

The Judgement?

Many are moving from New York City to places like Westchester County, New York. This is in large part due to COVID-19, and the anarchy descending upon the City of New York. As I take stock and look at the occurrences in the great metropolis of NYC, they are not unlike the descriptions of biblical judgements in the Bible. A lot of Christians and a lot of churches don't want to think about the big pink elephant in the room. That being, do natural events and manmade events put together serve as justice meted out upon wickedness by God?

Some churches won't discuss this because they think this makes God look mean. What kind of a God would allow or provoke an incident like COVID-19? Even without COVID-19 those same churches struggle with many passages in the Bible. Those passages where people are taken into captivity or even die as punishment for their sins. I know people who spend a lot of their energy focused on trying to fix God's image for that. Re-branding God so to speak, like God was some sort of politician they are trying to get elected!

Another thing that is part of the massive pink elephant hindering discussion of judgement is the battle raging by atheists that science now explains all the biblical occurrences, such as the pestilence in Egypt and the subsequent parting of the Red Sea. If you bring up the concept of judgement in the pulpit or a bible study, then those in the group espousing such notions will bring on the debate. Are Christians afraid of this debate or even capable of waging it and standing up for the truth of the Bible? Do we even know the truth of the Bible?

These are the sorts of questions that I ask myself as I deal with the truth of my New York. I say my New York because, I was born and raised here. As a teenager and college student New York City was my playground. I met my husband in Manhattan. We were married there. While New York has experienced ups and downs throughout the years, it has never been this low. It had world famous museums, broadway shows, great restaurants, and talented people from many fields of study. Sadly, all these institutions have been drifting away from all they could be and once were. This is due to the perverted and ungodly philosophies that have taken hold here.

If you take a short drive from Westchester County to NYC these days you will see unhygienic piles of garbage everywhere. Where garbage piles exist, rats can’t be far behind. The situation isn’t likely to change any time soon since the sanitation budget has been cut. Speaking of budget cuts, we all know about the police budget being cut by a billion dollars. When there is not enough police in New York City, the truth of who its' citizens are comes to light.

No doubt a police force is necessary in this sin-ridden world. However, it should not be all that keeps a city in order. It should be the knowledge of how we are to conduct ourselves. Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors goods. Thou shalt not kill. These moral values given so long ago to Moses from God upon Mount Zion should prevail. Further, a community should be prepared to stand up for what is right. But, it has been a long, long time since New York City was a place that God's moral law was cherished. The anarchists, criminals and mentally challenged have now taken over the city.

The culture and spiritual battles that are convulsing our world are front and center in New York City. This city has been in the forefront of many trends both good and bad. Right now, bad is winning. People are screaming obscenities on street corners for seemingly no reason. The political groups that are protesting around the city are foul-mouthed and violent. They left the city filthy, littered and brought financial destruction wherever they have been.

People are openly injecting themselves with drugs in midtown Manhattan. There are people sexually pleasuring themselves as children are getting wheeled by in their carriages. Don't you think this sounds a lot like Sodom and Gomorrah? We know that God destroyed them for their immorality. So, why is it a shock that there might be consequences for how bad things have become? Even the laws of physics tells us that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. God has sent us the prophets, the Bible and a Savior. It is up to us to run with that ball.

A poignant passage which illustrates both our sin problem and Jesus' sorrow for our fallen state is in Matthew 23:37- O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets and stonest them who are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses. As we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil, amen.

The Pastor's Wife

What is the role of the Pastor's wife in the Ministry of a church? Well, the Catholic clergy does not get married so they don't have to answer that question. Although, that predicament presents a whole other host of questions. "I feel another blog post coming on, or perhaps, a blog post series."

Let's look at some answers to that question and see how they have worked out for some churches here in Westchester County, New York. The first answer that I have seen implemented is that She Has No Role. I think the logic of that seems to go along the lines of, if your husband is a computer programmer does that mean that you have the ability to program code too? No, of course not. So why would a Pastor's wife have a special role other than that of any other congregant in a church? So, if the Pastors wife sang, she would join a choir no different than you or I might do if that is how God equipped us to contribute to our faith community.

The problem that I have seen with this model is that for better or worst, people impart a significance to the wife of a Pastor and often look to her for guidance or leadership. They often, as in Church A, feel that, if the pastors wife suggests a course of action that it has a special gravitas to it. Pastor's wife A, suggested a bible study book for the church youth that a number of the other youth ministers did not like. If it was you or I suggesting that book, it would have been discussed and thrown out with good theological basis sooner rather than later. But, at Church A some in the youth ministry leadership were practically casting lots to see who would tell this to  the Pastor's wife. On the other hand, a few Pastor's wives that I know have suggested that the Church A model has given them maximum flexibility in their professional life.

Now Church B has the opposite approach. This church feels as if a Pastor's family Marries Into The Ministry, especially the Pastor's wife. The Pastor's wife should have her hand in all of the ministries. In this case, Chelsea* was not up to the role that had been prescribed for her. She happened to have a lovely singing voice and sang in the choir. She showed up at many Ministry events to show support. One day, she approached me and told me she would be starting a women's bible study soon and asked me if I would come. What could I say but, yes.

I had the distinct feeling that Chelsea was giving this the hard sell. I felt a little pressured to attend. After all, I didn't want the Pastor's wife to be mad at me. I already attended another bible study at a more convenient time. However, I love to study the Bible so I made the decision to throw myself into the series that she was hosting. A huge problem emerged almost immediately. I can't believed I am going to tell the truth y'all but, it was the worst bible study that I have ever attended in my entire life.

You name it and it was a problem. She was ill prepared for the topic at hand. When questions emerged she was ill-equipped to reply to them. Even the most basic Christian 101 questions were a problem for her. I think that she knew the Bible much better than she indicated that day. She was just not a teacher of it. I was shocked. But what shocked me the most was everyone's reaction to it in the room. Have you ever heard of the children's story entitled, The Emperor's New Clothes? It tells the story of people unwilling to tell the truth concerning what a certain Emperor was wearing.

Every week, less and less women attended this Bible study series. I could see that Chelsea felt humiliated and frustrated. I thought about leaving too but kept hoping things would turn around. But, the straw that broke the camels back for me was when a women reached out for help during a bible study. She was asking for biblical advice and clarity for future decisions she needed to make. These issues were important. They concerned sexuality and even the role of the church in her elderly Christian mother's life.

What came out of Chelsea's mouth was anything but biblical. In fact there was nothing Christian about it at all. Chelsea had shown a certain blind spot in her own Christian walk and she was misleading someone who really needed help. This is something not taken lightly in the Bible when it says, not many should teach. Needless to say that study very quietly got shut down.

I have also been at churches in Westchester County who subscribe to  the First Lady Approach. I will call this approach, Church C. At one of those churches the Pastor's wife literally dressed like Jackie Kennedy every Sunday! She was quite a well-dressed women in the tradition of a United States Presidents wife. For a lot of U.S. History the role of the U.S. Presidents wife was hugely ceremonial. They were meant to enhance the image and standing of the President and the country.

While I have no doubt this woman loved the Lord, I did not see any other huge role besides what the U.S. Presidents wife traditionally did. She did not answer the phone at church. She was not a church greeter, and she did not head any Ministry nor participate in them as a member. She did not wash windows. She supported her husband spiritually and materially. That of course is an important job for any wife. However, in her case, she gave the appearance of supporting a V.I.P. He was either a U.S. President or a very important preacher.

There is a rigidity in certain churches to the question of the Pastor's wife role in their community. This seems to be the result of the traditions that have developed over the years. When we as Christians do things based on our own traditions, and not on the leading of God we can loose that brilliance that comes from being a Holy Spirit-filled church. When we recognize Jesus as the head of our Church, we soon realize that the anointing will go to those best suited for the various ministries of a church. The Bible tells us many stories of God’s approach. It frequently thwarts our goals, such as when Samuel the Prophet attempts to install his sons to replace him. Or, consider God’s anointing of King David over all the more traditional candidates. God’s ways are higher than ours. This frequently is reflected in unexpected choices and roles played out in the life of His Church.

* not her real name.

A Box of Chocolate

Macy* is an amazing woman. She has a huge and loving heart. She puts that heart into everything that she does for her friends, family and those in need. During the COVID-19 lockdown for instance, she worked to set up networks to get food to families in need and get it delivered. All this while her own husband and she were forced into an early retirement because of the widespread business shut-downs that have occurred. Macy sent me the most adorable pictures of the meals which she made and fun table decorations that she concocted in an effort to cheer her husband and children through the darkest COVID-19 moments.

My relationship with Macy went from one of those fun acquaintanceships complete with restaurant lunch dates (a few days before the official closing of all restaurants) to no contact except for texting and calls. The other day she telephoned me and we discussed getting together for a lunch date, now that things have begun to loosen up a bit. All these months later, we were finally planning a get-together. I was looking forward to that very much.

Macy and I exchanged pleasantries and started to catch up on each other's news as we anticipated our get-together. Sort of setting up preliminary guidelines for our next power lunch. It was at this time that she wanted to tell me about something that had been bothering her recently. It seems that Macy called up an old school chum who was now a big wig in the gourmet dessert business. She wanted to do something special for the food pantry that she had helped establish. She wished to explore putting a gourmet snack into the food bags. She naturally turned to Judith* to explore this option.

She got in touch with Judith and explained the project that she envisioned, and even offered to pay her for her time and materials. From what Macy said, it sounded like there was some questions from Judith immediately. Why are you putting dessert into a food pantry? Shouldn't you be making more nutritionally sound contributions to the families that you serve? 

Macy was taken aback by these comments and felt Judith lacked insight into what she was trying to do. This made her feel bad. Of course she wants to put together a nutritionally well-balanced package
for the 40 families which she served, but did that preclude a cookie or chocolate bar now and then? Judith went on to explain in a back-handed way that she didn't need payment because her stuff is super expensive, so she'll just donate it. So, instead of using the finest ingredients she usually used, she told Macy that she was going to use imitation chocolate. Wow, way to give a special gift!

Be that as it may, the project got underway. Judith called Macy to see if she would like some apricots in her chocolate bars. Macy wasn't sure but would call Judith back after she checked with the people involved in distribution at the food pantry. Somehow from what I gathered Macy and Judith had some huge misunderstanding. When Macy called to say that apricots will not go over well at the food pantry apparently Judith already had bought the apricots and blamed Macy for making her buy them. What am I going to do with all these apricots Macy? 

To make matters worse, she told me that Judith had broadcast the matter over Facebook!  Then, in the next round, apparently they got into whether the recipients of the food pantry were legal citizens and then it further digressed into a political disagreement. I felt really sorry to hear that two old friends who should know better were jeopardizing a friendship over the things that transpired?

Macy really wanted me to take her side, even though I knew that I shouldn't. I wanted to be helpful in the situation, not prove that I am loyal by just agreeing with everything that she said. As I tried to make sense of what was eating Macy, I realized just how many times over the years that I have seen relationships sour after events just like this have occurred.

I have especially seen this occur in school, sport and church related situations. There are so many reasons why this happens. One big reason is that people should take a moment to think over a project before they decide to get involved. I know sometimes that we feel pressured to say yes when we really should say no. Sometimes, the church, school, or club is desperate for volunteers and they do try strong arm tactics. Other times, it can be because someone is a so-called people pleaser. Those sorts of folks feel they have to say yes or the person will be mad at them.

Whatever the reason is, it is ultimately our responsibility to complete that task if we have already said yes. I don't think it is virtue either to whine about it afterwards. Even if we wished we had said no, we should try to be mature about the whole thing and complete our task in a gracious way. That means serving with purpose and love.

In the future, maybe there is a lesson to learn. Such as, if it is not something that you can do or it is not a good time in your life to do it, then it is okay to say no. Say it as graciously as possible. Don't say yes if you already have a full plate of activities and do not say yes because you are on some kind of ego trip.

Also, realize anything you do will impinge upon your family. I don't struggle with this problem because I always tell people that I need to pray about it and go to my husband before I say yes to any activity. I believe this is a godly approach but, it also serves to slow me down so that I will more likely act with wisdom. There have been cases where my husband has foreseen a problem that I had not. So, get some advice on the matter.

Working together so closely, Macy and Judith got on each other's nerves apparently. No one works or acts exactly as we do and when we are thrown together on a project this is highlighted. Then, there are political differences which are tearing the fabric of society apart. Yet, three things stand out to me. 1. An old friendship is worth preserving. 2. Keeping the goal of helping the food pantry recipients in mind is important. 3. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people- Ephesians 6:7. 

P.S. Westchester County, New York got hit with tropical storm Isaias. My electrical power was out for six hours. Macy also had no electricity. Besides the widespread power outages, there was damage to some property, downed trees and huge amounts of debris to cleanup in my vicinity and because of all this my lunch plans got canceled with Macy.

Macy reported that the chocolate bars that Judith made for the food pantry were wonderful. Isn't that important?

* the names have been changed but the story is true.

Healing Mother & Me

Lisa* called me for the umpteenth time today crying about her mother Sabine*. Add today to all the times over the years that she has called me in the same predicament and I would say she has a problem.

Lisa had a very rough childhood. From what she told me she had been adopted from an orphanage in China. She told me that she still remembers it. She was not the youngest to be adopted so she was old enough to remember images which haunt her in the night.

She was adopted, by her account, "by a stern and cold woman who used me as a servant throughout my childhood." It was heart-breaking to think this could be true! From what she has told me, she felt different from the other children at the schools that she attended and was pretty much a loner.

It was a dream of hers to go to nursing school with one of her goals being the profession that she felt suited for and the other to gain independence from her mother's control. I have never heard a nurse so compassionate about her patients as Lisa is. She truly cares about them and has not developed the calloused bedside manner that I often see.

When she met Chris* is was love at first sight. He was a warm, extroverted and nurturing man. In him, Lisa saw everything she was not and she felt the connection that she had always craved. Chris was the real deal too, not some phony. Chris was a committed Christian man who had given himself to the Lord at an early age and served at his church whenever he could.

Sabine did not approve of Chris from the beginning and gave Lisa a hard time when they decided to get engaged. She let up a little after the wedding and things seemed to be going okay for a while after their honeymoon. Lisa and Chris found a lovely apartment close to her job and close to the community in which she had grown up in and where her parents still lived in Westchester County, New York.

Lisa was madly in love with Chris. Every day was a joy for her and she couldn't wait to get home and spend time with him. Every day seemed brighter for her. And, as far as I am concerned, no one deserved it more than Lisa. Lisa was a giver, and it was nice to see her receiving in equal measure the love that she gave. She finally had someone on her side and this made her feel a little less weak in the knees with everything having to do with her mother.

In a short time, Lisa became pregnant and they had a baby girl whom they named Elizabeth.* Pretty quickly after that they had their second daughter Margot.*  It was then that the problems arrived. Lisa's father became ill, her eldest daughter Elizabeth showed some signs of a learning disability and her husband's sales commissions started to dry up.

It was decided by her mother that Lisa needed to move home. Chris had to agree and was grateful that Sabine made the offer. Little did he really understand that it wasn't an offer for his approval but an order! I don't know why it creeped me out so much that they had to take up residence in her parents basement. The large, never remodeled, mid-century modern paneled basement was dark and dank to me. It was nothing like the well-lighted and airy upstairs quarters where her parents lived.

I met Lisa at a local church affiliated book club. She was so sweet and sensitive as she executed many a deep dive into our seasonal literary picks. Her insights were interesting and well-thought out. I admired her comments and I wanted to talk more about them so I invited her to coffee. From there we pretty quickly struck up a friendship and arranged weekly get-togethers. Over the years, we enjoyed the time that we had together when our kids were at school and we could relax with some coffee, and talk over life.

As I got closer to Lisa, I realized how strange her relationship with her mother appeared to be. She could be one way with me and then in one second turn to a quivering mess when her mother was there in person, on the phone, or texting. She seemed to have a default setting of child / servant. I didn't see any way that I could easily bring this up to her. She seemed very guarded on this topic until one day when I happened to be visiting and she got some bad news from the doctor about Elizabeth.

She was having allergy and infection issues which seem to point to living conditions in her basement apartment. Suddenly, this mother lion rose up to defend her little cub. I had never seen her so assertive. She realized her living situation needed to change for her daughter's sake. She told me that she doesn't know how she could financially manage it at this point but that she and her family had to move out!

When Chris heard the doctors report he agreed that they had to move too. After dinner and when the children were tucked into bed, Chris stated the news to Sabine. Sabine went berserk. How could you do this to Papa, he is sick and I need help. Chris told Sabine that they were not abandoning Papa and they would be close-by to pitch in. He also told her that they needed to take care of Elizabeths' health needs as well.

This was what Lisa was calling me crying about. She told me that her mother made her feel awful. Her mother asked them to leave her upstairs apartment and has given them the cold shoulder all week. She was at the end of her rope. She told me she never wanted to see her mother again. Furthermore, she didn't feel that her mother deserved any better. Lisa, had bottled a lot up over the years and now she had reached her breaking point.

I have to admit that this is one of the rare times that I had nothing to say. What could I say? Lisa was right about her mother. Indeed, from what I had seen, Sabine didn't deserved this lovely family. In addition, it was the first time that I had ever heard Lisa vent her anger against her mother. I thought that she just needed me to listen and give her a safe format to do that in. The hero of the story ended up to be Chris. Ever patient, and slow to anger in general, he put the breaks on Lisa's plans to cut her mother out of their lives.

He told Lisa he understood why she was so angry. He reminded her that the Bible says to "anger and sin not." He told her that it's okay to vent her anger but don't let her anger stir her to sin. He reminded her that God has told us to "honor our father and mother," and not just when it was convenient. If she chose to reject her mother she would be stepping into sin. He also told her that he was grateful that while not being the best of mothers that her situation was far better than her orphanage had been. He was also personally grateful for all Sabine had done to help them save money while he was experiencing the loss of commissions.

The story ended with Sabine apologizing and asking the family to move upstairs. Most surprising of all, Sabine announced she would try to do better. They chose to accept that offer. From that day on, Sabine and Lisa have taken a small but significant step forward in their relationship. That step I call, Healing Mother and Me. 

* the names have been changed to protect identity.