I met Mrs. McConnell, Maddie* on the soccer field of life. I met a lot of people when I was driving my daughter to and from practice and watching the game. Maddie was warm and funny and we struck up a friendship right away. She was a divorced, gutsy, working class Irish woman from Long Island. She had previously worked laying heavy cable. She was probably the first woman in our area actually doing that job at the time. She took pride in doing the job with no modifications.
In some ways she was a fish out of water in her new home in Westchester County, New York. She had been married to her Irish sweetheart who ended up to be a drinker and a drugger. When she divorced him, she ended up raising her son Connor* all by herself.
She was always more shanty Irish than lace curtain Irish and that showed when she took up with a local contractor from Eastern Europe. He was married at the time to a wonderful woman and they had two children. His wife Lana,* also Irish, was heartbroken. This is an Irish story.
Anyway, I was going through some of my own marital problems at the time and trying to stay close to God, when I first struck up a friendship with this lady. At first, it was one of those relationships that you form when your children are involved in extra-curriculums but, it soon grew into something more. Maddie and I were the most unlikely of friends. I always contended that I would have been afraid of her if we met in elementary school. I am pretty sure she would not have liked me and would definitely have given me a hard time. She was and is a bit of a “bad girl.’ I was always the “goody-goody.” Like many Long Island Irish families that I knew, she had relatives who were both New York’s finest (police) and New York’s bravest (firefighters). Her brother was a retired detective of note. She and he always bickered as children because he was a goody-goody child too!
When she took up with Andrei* she became pregnant with their daughter Joy* which quickly ended his marriage. Maddie and Andrei soon moved in together and began to raise their daughter. Joy, like her father, was an amazing soccer player and it was not a little bit due to her father’s coaching.
Maddie’s parents, whom she revered, were staunchly Catholic. Although she never set foot in church in her adulthood, she felt it an obligation to pay homage to the religion that her Irish ancestors suffered to practice. In fact, she had a lot of Catholic guilt when she divorced her husband so much so, that she made a decision that she would never marry Andrei while Connor Senior was still alive because it would be a sin. I won’t get into why she did not notice some of the other sins that she seemed to ignore at the time (like sleeping with a married man) because that is another blog post.
This is where Maddie was when I met her. On my side, I had just left the Catholic Church and was now attending a spirit-filled bible centered church. I had always felt something was missing when I was in the Catholic Church. I always had this gnawing feeling that there was more than what I had and I continually prayed for the Holy Spirit to fill my heart. Finally, I got what I had always desired, that blessed assurance in salvation when I left the Catholic Church.
On the way out, I tried to plant seeds of the truth with the ladies of C.C.D (Catholic children’s education) of which I had been a part of. I even went toe to toe with the Parish priest Father Tom* as I hoped that I could point to some biblical truths that I thought our Church was missing. I had a heart for Catholics who were biblically illiterate since a good read of the Bible is what lead me to the truth along with God’s grace.
Maddie and Andrei knew so much about soccer, and they endeavored to teach me more than the rudimentary knowledge that I had of the sport. I always encouraged Andrei to volunteer as an assistant coach with our daughter’s team but his lack of eloquence in the English language always made him feel as if he came up short. As the three of us got to know each other, we began to share other conversations rather than just about the game.
Andrei was a very good local contractor and as such had flexible time within his day. That is how I got to know him better. However, on those days when work would not allow Andrei to attend games, Maddie and I began our friendship. We bonded over sewing and knitting projects. We gave each other recipes and household tips. Eventually, we talked about the state of the school system, local politics and oh yes, religion.
Our first conversation about the Bible shook me from the malaise that I felt watching two well-matched soccer teams not being able to score a single point. It was a hot day when Maddie mentioned she was tired because, “the ghost made quite a ruckus last night.” Taking a big swig of water from my water bottle, I immediately looked up. “What did you say Maddie?” Maddie went on to tell me that from what she can surmise, a ghost wearing what looks like a World War 1 uniform is still in residence at her home. Oh yeah, and Joy was afraid of it but, I told her ghosts can not hurt you.” I was in a state of shock and wondered where I could begin to explain what was actually happening.
This was the first of many conversations that I would have with Maddie over the years concerning ghosts. Each and every time this topic would come up I tried to lay the biblical groundwork for some answers. I started out with the story of Lazarus. I thought she understood but a few years later the topic arose again, no pun intended. Every time she had a question I tried to answer that question by relating a verse or chapter from the Bible for her clarification.
The topic has again resurfaced and for a very unfortunate reason, i.e. her partner Andrei just died suddenly this past September. It took us all by surprise and it rocked Maddie’s world. She is not a well woman due to back injuries that she sustained in her work at the cable company. Andrei took care of Maddie like she was a queen. He made it look easy too. She has a lot to deal with on her own now.
Since Andrei passed away, I have been cognizant of her pain and I am trying be a supportive friend. It is so hard to say the right thing to someone who has lost a loved one. She is not physically or spiritually strong and I am worried about her. However, I have been praying that this could be the time in her life that that she would get off the fence and finally make a decision for Christ. She has been close over the years. Oh, so very close but, then she pulls back because of having to give up some long-held habit or belief, such as the occult.
But, this time she went too far. For days, she was hinting at something, It started out when she told me that her dish washer was going on by itself in the middle of the night. Next, it was her mixer. I kept cool and held any biblical advice instead telling her that she should turn her breaker on and off because it was either an electric problem or maybe her dish washer control board was shot and she needed to replace it. I was biding my time until she absolutely came out with what I was pretty sure was on her mind.
In several days, she came out with it: “ Did I tell you, there’s been more activity around here? There’s been snoring from his chair, and it ain’t Clyde (the dog).” Horrified that somehow Andrei had been reduced to running appliances in the middle of the night or being a phantom snorer, I was taken aback. I guess on some level even if she could just have the noise of his snoring she would be happy but, that just made me incredibly sad.
As Maddie went on and on about her belief in her dead husband’s return, I just could not keep silent any longer. (Note: did anybody doubt that I could not keep silent?) More careful than I usually was on this Irish brawler, I said, “Maddie you know that you have many friends who believe in ghosts. You also know that as a Christian I do not. You could just go to them if you want to get no push-back on these beliefs, but you came to me so, would you allow me to just have equal time to tell you what the Bible says about this?”
My conversation on the topic was a summation of all that I had shared with her over the years now put in one cozy package. The first question that needed to be addressed was the veracity of ghosts. Was this complete nonsense or is she having some sort of experience? I cut right to the chase and then doubled back to give some more details. “Yes, Maddie, you are experiencing something. Is it your husband or a World War I soldier? The answer Maddie is that there are spirits that are around you. The Bible is abundantly clear that there is a physical realm and a spiritual realm. In the spiritual realm demons and angels have their domain. Demons are angels who have rejected God and follow Satan. Angels are loyal to God and serve as messengers for Him.”
“The Bible does not support the idea that our loved one’s come back to commune with us. The bad news is that as much as you love Andrei, he is not sitting in his chair as he used to nodding off and snoring. He is not trying to give you a sign of his presence by running appliances in the middle of the night. More bad news: the angels would not lie and pretend to be a World War I soldier or your partner. The worse news of all: you have demons in your house and they have been there for a long time.”
“They are there to trick you and to ultimately mislead you.The main goal they always have is interfering with you trusting in God Almighty with your life. They will do whatever thing that can that will lead you away from Jesus. Also, you misled your daughter when you told her that these spirit beings could not harm her.” In 2 Corinthians 11:14-15 we find demons masquerading as “angels of light” and as “servants of righteousness.” So, when Maddie told me that she wasn’t afraid of this World War I soldier because he looked lost, I told her that he is only pretending that he is a sweet presence in order to hoodwink her. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) came so that they would have life, and have it abundantly.”
As far as the dearly departed Andrei is concerned, the Bible says, “Man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgement”-Hebrews 9:27. Andrei is not free to do whatever he pleases. The story of Lazarus and the rich man can help to clarify some of Maddie’s misconceptions. Jesus told the story of a rich man in Hades wanting to come back after death to warn his brothers of the judgment day. He is told that he can not return to help his brothers. (Luke 16:19-31)
The time to do things for our loved ones is while we are alive. We should all keep that in mind. Andrei, just like the rich man in the story, could not come back and help Maddie overcome her grief or share time with her even if he wanted to. If the rich man could not come back, why would Andrei be able to? Verse 26-“between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, in order that those who would pass from here to you may not be able, and none may cross from there to us.”
As comforting as it would be for Maddie or any of us to soften the blow of our loved one’s passing by believing that they are really still with us, it is a dangerous and unbiblical concept steeped in the occult. I love Maddie too much to let her find false hope. Now, will she finally seek real comfort in Jesus Christ? I hope so, but since our conversation, I have not heard from Maddie.
* the names are changed to protect privacy but, the story is true.