People with control issues are all around us. They could be a brother or sister, a boss or co-worker. It could be us! The quest to be in control can be subtle, or overt. It can be a successful move, or fail to complete its' goals. It can leave you feeling hit over the head or asking, what just happened?
Being In Control is an inborn trait. It seems like every newborn baby uses its ability to cry loudly to interject into its' world in an effort to get its needs met. The baby has such talent that a smile or giggle can completely dominate and captivate a room full of people whether in-person or by way of a story.
Such power does the newborn engender that handling them is a billion dollar business. We are born wanting to dominate, and parents are desperate to find a way to create harmony when a new baby comes home. By all appearances, babies need and want to be the center of our world. Babies are a gift from heaven but they are a lot of work and no one wants them to stay that way forever. But, some people never get over those early crying fits or still use temper tantrums to get people to do what they want. I hate it when I am next in line at a store when some loud and rude person just jumps the line and the sales-person won't tell them to wait their turn. Yes, we all have to cope every day with people who have control issues.
It can be ridiculous stuff like a friend I had who never wanted to let me choose the movie that we would go to see. At first, it didn't bother me but, after a while it seemed unfair. When I asked her about seeing something besides science-fiction she told me that she wasn't interested in seeing a stupid romantic comedy. She was very hard on men she dated too. She would tell them what to do, what to wear and even tried to run their careers! Melissa's* controlling ways left her wondering why none of her relationships ever seemed to work out.
Selfish behavior and control issues seem to go hand-in-hand. Consider that person in line in front of me. Her tantrum tactic seemed to get her the attention that she wanted. But, how selfish to just ignore the long line of people ahead of her. This same behavior is often seen when there is a problem in one lane of a highway. Some people will use whatever means necessary to cut everyone in line in their quest to not wait their turn. Me first, me first seems to be their motto.
What about the controlling family member who never likes anything you say or do. They don't ever like what you cook or how you clean. This is merely a way of controlling you and keeping you in your place. Same with that boss who never complements you or gives you credit for your work. It's not you, believe me. Controlling people learn an array of clever tactics to make things run just the way they want them to. There's the mother-in-law who makes you feel as if you can't cook or the father who never thinks your grades are good enough. At work, they get all the credit for your work, or they leave you unsure if you should ask for a raise.
Biblically speaking this is all wrong. We are called to battle our baser tendencies. We need to try to see our faults, and pray and ask God to help us to overcome them. The Apostle Paul, was an amazing man of God. He dealt with a problem which he labeled, the thorn in his side. (2 Corinthians 12:7 (NLT)- even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud). At some point, Paul seems to have come to understand that were it not for this problem, he might think he was better than everyone else. In His infinite wisdom, perhaps God placed in his creation some inperfections so that none of us could say we're perfect.
We all have gifts which God has given us, but they are meant to be used in conjunction with the gifts that God has given others. Some married couples seems to be lost in a continual fight to be in control. This is an exercise in futility and it is awful to watch. These couples are missing something crucial. God made partners to work together, with talents that complement each other. Office sabotage weakens and diminishes every work environment. Church also must contend with controlling individuals who must not really understand the concept of working together as a body of Christ. Sadly, this hurts opportunities for working towards godly goals.
In my experience, the only way to deal with controling individuals is to stand up to them. Otherwise, you will find yourself being treated unfairly and be part of the system that allows that person to think what they are doing is okay. We all have a dominion in which we have some control. That is the correct area where our gifts and the area where we are suited to have responsibility are exercised. When we have the mistaken notion that (for example) we need to be in charge of our office and we are not a naturally gifted manager, we see chaos ensue. I have seen individuals who are certain they should be a Bible-study teacher or told that they should be a Pastor even after it is clear God has gifted and directed them towards another ministry.
As I go about my week, I reflect upon what happens when the wrong people are in charge. When someone controls the household money who should not be in charge, families face financial ruin. I notice that the wrong person was in charge of a recent village construction job and it was done incorrectly. I think about all this and I resolve to operate in my strengths and appreciate others who can do those things that I am not quite suited for and to be grateful for their contributions. I choose to make an effort to remember everyday that God is in control and that His Son Jesus is the Savior of the world and that puts everything into perfect perspective!
* names are changed the story is not.
