Some people encounter circumstances in their life that are as bad as it gets. Poor health, for example. Such was the case with Mindy* and Larry*. Larry had health problems as long as he could remember. His parents even told him that he was kept in the hospital for a month after he was born. When he asked them what had been wrong with him, they were unable or unwilling to answer. Still, his health seemed stable until his mid-twenties. It was then that he developed a degenerative physical ailment. With a lifetime spent in and out of surgery, he has of late become depressed. His recent dual diagnosis of hip deterioration and diabetes has sent him spiraling into a place that he has been before, depression.
Mindy* has a lot to be grateful for. A loving husband, who directs their church choir. Three amazing adult children who love the Lord and assist their ailing mother whenever possible. But, life has not been easy for her. Just like Larry, Mindy has dealt with years and years of physical and mental health challenges. When we are in pain, or we see those we love in pain, we often struggle spiritually with the questions that are raised.
The question for a Christian is often, how can I see circumstances in my life through God's lens.The question of suffering is dealt with extensively throughout the Bible. There is much comfort and many answers to those questions to be gleaned in God's Holy Scriptures. I think of Larry and Mindy as I read the Book of Job.
The Book of Job is one of the oldest books in the Bible. The fact that the Bible tackles the painful issues of our earthly existence goes far to explain the loving nature of our God. We have a God who loves and cares for us. In Job, we see a man who has suffered great physical and emotional pain. Job says in Chapter 7 of that book in verses two and three, "Like a slave who longs for the shadow, and like a hireling who looks for his wages, so I am allotted months of emptiness, and nights of misery are apportioned to me."
Never be ashamed to discuss or explore the painful truths that may exist in your life. The Bible encourages us to do that. Take Job for example. In the forty-two chapters of that book we have layed out before us (in a nutshell) all that can go wrong in a life and some of the thoughts and feelings that emerge when we are confronted with suffering.
As we open this book, we get a rare opportunity to be privy to the affairs of the heavenly realm. Chapters one and two detail the ancient and continual battle that is fought between God and Satan for our heart, mind, and soul. As a result of that battle, sin and disease have entered the world. We learn that the realm of Satan is to tempt and convince us to abandon the one true God. As we continue on in the book we learn that many disasters befall Job including financial loss, death in the family and painful health issues.
I really relate to the next part of the book which records a series of conversations between Job and his friends. These conversations remind me of similar discussions I have had with those close to me, as I struggled to understand some of the bitter occurences which have come my way. It appears to me that God gives us a behind-the-scenes glimpse into the battle between Him and Satan in the Book of Job so that we may have a deeper understanding of our earthly problems.
Job cries out to God and pours his heart out to his friends in an attempt to find some meaning behind all that has happened. He looks for comfort from his friends but, as is so often the case, those around him judge and blame him. Still, I am touched as I see this group of friends stand by Job in all his troubles. This Book presents a picture of humanity as we grapple with the basic questions about the meaning of suffering. We don't fully get it because we don't have the full knowledge of that heavily realm that we are (here) given a glimpse of.
Yet, we learn in the Book of Job that God is fully in control. He is a wholly good, redemptive and trustworthy God. Job's suffering is not meaningless to God and was not God's plan when He created the world. Pain can cause a spiritual crisis, besides all else, and we must be careful not to slip in our relationship with God. We also must try to maintain contact with people that we love and keeping on working out the relationship issues that exist between people in our life. Chronic pain is difficult for those suffering with it, as well as those caring for people with it. Remember, just like with Job's friends, sometimes those closest to us don't understand what we are going through and they give us wrong advise. It is important that we be patient in such circumstances.
We must go to God frequently in prayer as we try to manage chronic health concerns. Only God can give us the strength to hold on during times of crisis. Like Job, I hope we can all take a look at the bigger picture, understanding that there are spiritual truths that must not be take for granted. God bless you all.
* the names have been changed.
Friday, August 31, 2018
Friday, August 24, 2018
A Tale Of Two Retreats
You can tell a lot about a person's character when you go away with them for the weekend. You can also learn a lot about a church. This is the tale of two churches that I have considered attending. The choice was clear after attending a Women's Retreat with each of them.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania is a big destination for church groups. There are a number of reasons why that is so. 2 Corinthians 6:17-“Therefore, come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord.” Firstly, it is the home of a group of Christians who are so determined to follow God closely that they have eschewed much of modern technology and even contemporary clothing in an attempt to stay true to their faith. The group is called the Amish. As a result of this, a Christian friendly culture has sprung up in the area, including the much beloved theater known as the Sight and Sound Theater.
Here, at Sight and Sound, you can see biblical stories come to life in lavish stage productions. So, it is no surprise that each of the churches in question, let's call them Church A and Church B would choose that vicinity for a weekend trip. The destination choice however, was the last thing these two churches had in common. I learned pretty quickly that people can mask quite a lot when you just see them for a bible study and a church service once a week. Take Tawanda* for example.
I thought I was up to the task when the Pastor's wife announced that she had a special assignment for me. She had chosen a roommate for me on our upcoming women's retreat to Pennsylvania. She told me that she was putting me together with a lady that she felt I might be of some assistance to. Did my pride at being invested with this commission by the Pastor's wife contribute to my upcoming disaster? Maybe. Proverbs 16: 18-“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.”
Weeks went by and I did not think much about what Pastor Mickey's* wife had said, until the first night of the retreat. I had arrived early that Friday so I wouldn't be driving on some country road when it was pitch black. Juanita* had arrived early too. Juanita was a sweet, caring and organized woman. I was not surprised to see her sitting in a rocking chair on the porch as I drove up the motel driveway. She was not the type to be late.
After check-in, I went to join Juanita and chat with her as we awaited the arrival of the other women coming to be part of this weekend retreat. A very strange conversation ensued where Juanita told me how she had previously had an awful experience at a women's retreat due to a bad roommate situation. She described tantrums, inconsiderate and thoughtless deeds as well as language that is unbecoming to a Christian.
I told her that I was very sorry that this had been her experience. I went on to explain how this should not be happening at a Christian retreat. Famous last words right? I must admit that I was curious so I asked her if the lady in question would be on this trip? She replied,"oh yes she will be here, but that is why I insisted on rooming with Mary!" Mary* was a kind and holy little old lady who was as mature as a Christian can get. I am not kidding when I tell you that I instantly knew what was in store for me, and I was not wrong. Tawanda, the awful lady that Juanita had spoken of, arrived late that Friday evening after we had all had dinner and the main speaker had begun her presentation.
She made what you would call an entrance with all the drama that one would expect from a Bette Davis movie. It felt like being on the set of All About Eve. When Tawanda entered the room someone should have said, "Fashion your seat belts, I think we're in for a bumpy ride." She exclaimed loudly in the back of the room : I'm exhausted. Is there anything to eat? I'll get a headache if I don't eat! On and on she went.
There is no restaurant in a motel and when Tawanda found out that she had to drive down the block to get a meal, she absolutely demanded that one of the ladies leave the event which had begun, and have dinner with her. I heard this whole conversation from a seat I had chosen in a front row near the main speaker. It was that loud. It doesn't get more disruptive than that unless you were rooming with me that night.
Tawanda insisted on staying up late and talking in the room while I was trying to sleep. There was no need to do that because the Pastor’s wife had said that a conference room was available if anyone wanted to talk or pray at any time, and of course there were seats in the lobby. I reminded her of all these facts. I told her that I wanted to get up and do the early morning prayer time. She did not care one iota about my needs. I drifted in and out of sleep and when I awoke once there was nudity on the television screen. This was the last straw. Matthew 18:15 (NIV)- “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.”
I told her that since I had brought the matter to her and we could not settle it that I would bring in another lady to assist us. Matthew 18:16- states “But, if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every ‘matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’” I was completely exhausted and I was hoping that I could find another place to sleep. As Providence would have it, the Pastor's wife was sitting in the lobby and inquired ‘what was going on?’ When I informed her of the matter, she was visibly overwhelmed. She explained that she was up late trying to prepare for her presentation for tomorrow's events. She told me that she just could not handle this and that she had severe anxiety about her upcoming presentation .
I honestly felt bad for her, but does this seem like mature church leadership to you? There were other instances of immaturity in this Westchester Church. The kind of immaturity that the early Church Fathers worked hard to rectify. A church can preach the Word of God, do some great outreach but can really lack some things, such as mature leadership, and fruit of the Holy Spirit.
The Church that I now call home reminds me why it is important to have some wisdom when choosing a church family. Fruit of the Holy Spirit was apparent at my recent Women's Event. The ladies had arranged a trip to the newest show at the Sight and Sound Theatre and I was anxious to see it. The thought did cross my mind that it might be time to give up religious retreats after my last experience.
However, I prayed long and hard concerning this trip and decided to go. From the beginning of this trip to the end, I was touched with the kindness people showed to me and to one another. It was always,"do you need help with that?" Or, "what would you like to do?" As far as respectful roommates go, these ladies could not have been more thoughtful or godly. For example, Florence* asked me "what time I would like to take a shower" and "before I take a shower, would you like to use the bathroom?" The kindness heaped upon me over that time that we spent together, melted my heart. These were not just women who could talk the talk, they could walk the walk of spiritual maturity. It was wonderful.
They were like a hive of bees when it came to sharing the work, splitting the bill, or helping those in our group who were infirmed. A good church will do much to heal us and that was apparent as I shared a weekend trip with these ladies. The joy that we had in that weekend did a lot to lift some of the burden of Wendy's * chronic illness from her and it did much to help me forgive and forget all I had experienced on that other retreat.
* the names have been change.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania is a big destination for church groups. There are a number of reasons why that is so. 2 Corinthians 6:17-“Therefore, come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord.” Firstly, it is the home of a group of Christians who are so determined to follow God closely that they have eschewed much of modern technology and even contemporary clothing in an attempt to stay true to their faith. The group is called the Amish. As a result of this, a Christian friendly culture has sprung up in the area, including the much beloved theater known as the Sight and Sound Theater.
Here, at Sight and Sound, you can see biblical stories come to life in lavish stage productions. So, it is no surprise that each of the churches in question, let's call them Church A and Church B would choose that vicinity for a weekend trip. The destination choice however, was the last thing these two churches had in common. I learned pretty quickly that people can mask quite a lot when you just see them for a bible study and a church service once a week. Take Tawanda* for example.
I thought I was up to the task when the Pastor's wife announced that she had a special assignment for me. She had chosen a roommate for me on our upcoming women's retreat to Pennsylvania. She told me that she was putting me together with a lady that she felt I might be of some assistance to. Did my pride at being invested with this commission by the Pastor's wife contribute to my upcoming disaster? Maybe. Proverbs 16: 18-“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.”
Weeks went by and I did not think much about what Pastor Mickey's* wife had said, until the first night of the retreat. I had arrived early that Friday so I wouldn't be driving on some country road when it was pitch black. Juanita* had arrived early too. Juanita was a sweet, caring and organized woman. I was not surprised to see her sitting in a rocking chair on the porch as I drove up the motel driveway. She was not the type to be late.
After check-in, I went to join Juanita and chat with her as we awaited the arrival of the other women coming to be part of this weekend retreat. A very strange conversation ensued where Juanita told me how she had previously had an awful experience at a women's retreat due to a bad roommate situation. She described tantrums, inconsiderate and thoughtless deeds as well as language that is unbecoming to a Christian.
I told her that I was very sorry that this had been her experience. I went on to explain how this should not be happening at a Christian retreat. Famous last words right? I must admit that I was curious so I asked her if the lady in question would be on this trip? She replied,"oh yes she will be here, but that is why I insisted on rooming with Mary!" Mary* was a kind and holy little old lady who was as mature as a Christian can get. I am not kidding when I tell you that I instantly knew what was in store for me, and I was not wrong. Tawanda, the awful lady that Juanita had spoken of, arrived late that Friday evening after we had all had dinner and the main speaker had begun her presentation.
She made what you would call an entrance with all the drama that one would expect from a Bette Davis movie. It felt like being on the set of All About Eve. When Tawanda entered the room someone should have said, "Fashion your seat belts, I think we're in for a bumpy ride." She exclaimed loudly in the back of the room : I'm exhausted. Is there anything to eat? I'll get a headache if I don't eat! On and on she went.
There is no restaurant in a motel and when Tawanda found out that she had to drive down the block to get a meal, she absolutely demanded that one of the ladies leave the event which had begun, and have dinner with her. I heard this whole conversation from a seat I had chosen in a front row near the main speaker. It was that loud. It doesn't get more disruptive than that unless you were rooming with me that night.
Tawanda insisted on staying up late and talking in the room while I was trying to sleep. There was no need to do that because the Pastor’s wife had said that a conference room was available if anyone wanted to talk or pray at any time, and of course there were seats in the lobby. I reminded her of all these facts. I told her that I wanted to get up and do the early morning prayer time. She did not care one iota about my needs. I drifted in and out of sleep and when I awoke once there was nudity on the television screen. This was the last straw. Matthew 18:15 (NIV)- “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.”
I told her that since I had brought the matter to her and we could not settle it that I would bring in another lady to assist us. Matthew 18:16- states “But, if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every ‘matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’” I was completely exhausted and I was hoping that I could find another place to sleep. As Providence would have it, the Pastor's wife was sitting in the lobby and inquired ‘what was going on?’ When I informed her of the matter, she was visibly overwhelmed. She explained that she was up late trying to prepare for her presentation for tomorrow's events. She told me that she just could not handle this and that she had severe anxiety about her upcoming presentation .
I honestly felt bad for her, but does this seem like mature church leadership to you? There were other instances of immaturity in this Westchester Church. The kind of immaturity that the early Church Fathers worked hard to rectify. A church can preach the Word of God, do some great outreach but can really lack some things, such as mature leadership, and fruit of the Holy Spirit.
The Church that I now call home reminds me why it is important to have some wisdom when choosing a church family. Fruit of the Holy Spirit was apparent at my recent Women's Event. The ladies had arranged a trip to the newest show at the Sight and Sound Theatre and I was anxious to see it. The thought did cross my mind that it might be time to give up religious retreats after my last experience.
However, I prayed long and hard concerning this trip and decided to go. From the beginning of this trip to the end, I was touched with the kindness people showed to me and to one another. It was always,"do you need help with that?" Or, "what would you like to do?" As far as respectful roommates go, these ladies could not have been more thoughtful or godly. For example, Florence* asked me "what time I would like to take a shower" and "before I take a shower, would you like to use the bathroom?" The kindness heaped upon me over that time that we spent together, melted my heart. These were not just women who could talk the talk, they could walk the walk of spiritual maturity. It was wonderful.
They were like a hive of bees when it came to sharing the work, splitting the bill, or helping those in our group who were infirmed. A good church will do much to heal us and that was apparent as I shared a weekend trip with these ladies. The joy that we had in that weekend did a lot to lift some of the burden of Wendy's * chronic illness from her and it did much to help me forgive and forget all I had experienced on that other retreat.
* the names have been change.
Thursday, August 9, 2018
Catfish-The Westchester Edition
When people are experiencing transitions in their lives, that is when they are especially vulnerable to being exploited by people purporting to be something they are not. Sometimes the fraud can go on for quite some time before it is discovered, especially when the relationship is of an online variety.
Catfish is defined by Urban Dictionary as "someone who pretends to be someone they are not online to create false identities particularly to pursue deceptive online romances." The amount of people being catfished is gigantic. Let's look at some cases right here in Westchester County, N.Y.
Proverbs7:19 gives us some insight into motivation: "For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey!"
Kylie* felt she had no other option but to divorce her husband when he was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. His out of control spending habits happened to be one of his first presenting symptoms. By the time he was in treatment those spending habits had created a mountain of debt. Always the responsible one, Kylie took on a second and eventually a third job.
As the tedium turned into her new normal she found solace in the new relationship that she began to develop with Martin*. You may wonder how Kylie had time for dating considering her busy schedule? We all wondered that too. All I know, is that one day she showed me a profile that she had created online with a popular dating app. Soon after that, Kylie met Martin.
Proverbs 7:21"With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, with her flattering lips she seduced him."
It was not long before she and he had exchanged phone numbers and hooked up on Facebook. Her mood seem to lift and I saw the first signs of recovery since her divorce. It seemed that she lived for those moments during her day when she had breaks at her job and was able to check her phone for his messages. At first those who loved her were very happy for her but, when weeks turned into months and she failed to meet him in person, something seemed awry.
Then there was Jerry* from Bible Study whose wife of forty years passed away rather suddenly. He walked around as one "shell-shocked" for the better part of a year. As his grief started to lift we thought that he was progressing, until he announced one day that he had "met someone." Nothing that we knew about Jerry prepared us for the moment when he proceeded to open up his social media account and show us a picture of a very blond,very buxom,twenty-five year old women hailing from Sweden.
Psalm 119:11-12 "Your Word I have hidden in my heart. That I might not sin against You."
He told us that they were in love and that she wanted to marry him and come live in the United States. In an even further departure from his usual character, we learned that Jerry did not give a darn what his three grown sons thought about the matter. Could it be that Jerry's grief had turned into insanity?
What of Tommy* who moved to my town on a job relocation? Young, and handsome he hailed from Merry Olde England and had one of those British accents that is a guaranteed chic magnet. However, Tommy was shy. In addition, his long hours on a very demanding job left him little time for much else. He did keep in touch with friends in England via social media. One day, not thinking much of it, he began to exchange messages with someone he did not know who claimed to be a friend of a friend.
Psalm 119:37- "Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way."
Although Tommy should have known better, he began a long-distance relationship with this stranger. Even though they never met, it quickly became a highly charged emotional affair. In the midst of planning a visit to New York, apparently Carly* had some serious car trouble over in England and just needed a small loan to pay for the repairs. Tommy wired her some money and took care of her needs. Such was his trust.
Each of the above people were going through difficult times. Divorce, mental illness, grief, and loneliness can all take their toll but, be careful when you decide to pursue an online relationship. Kylie, Jerry and Tommy eventually had to cope with the truth that they had been catfished. Kylie's bubble was burst when a woman claiming to be Martin's wife contacted her. Suddenly it all made sense. He kept making excuses about why he couldn't meet with her. He was also virtually unreachable during any holiday. MARRIED!
Proverbs 31:30- "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman (or man) who fears the Lord is to be praised."
The elders at Church had to gently break the news to poor Jerry that the woman he thought he was going to marry was a scam artist. They were also able to prove that the pictures which she posted online were of somebody else. He was devastated. Fortunately, Jerry had not sent her any money yet. Tommy was not so lucky. He had ended up bailing his lady friend out of quite a few jams before he found out the truth.
The scary thing in all these cases was how all consuming these online relationships became. In all cases these people ignored those around them and instead chose their online mate. Kylie had a young daughter who needed help after all that had happened. Jerry had friends at church and sons who really loved him. Tommy did not have to face his new surroundings nor challenge himself to adapt.
Psalm 119:9- "How can a young man keep his way spotless? By keeping your words."
Friends and family, who were physically present and available, were tossed aside in exchange for the false reality of a virtual interaction. The relationships may have been fake, but let me assure you that the pain was not! We must commit ourselves to applying biblical wisdom as we think about sharing our life and our heart with those around us.
1 Peter 1:14-16- "as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written,"Be Holy, for I am holy."
* not their real name.
Catfish is defined by Urban Dictionary as "someone who pretends to be someone they are not online to create false identities particularly to pursue deceptive online romances." The amount of people being catfished is gigantic. Let's look at some cases right here in Westchester County, N.Y.
Proverbs7:19 gives us some insight into motivation: "For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey!"
Kylie* felt she had no other option but to divorce her husband when he was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. His out of control spending habits happened to be one of his first presenting symptoms. By the time he was in treatment those spending habits had created a mountain of debt. Always the responsible one, Kylie took on a second and eventually a third job.
As the tedium turned into her new normal she found solace in the new relationship that she began to develop with Martin*. You may wonder how Kylie had time for dating considering her busy schedule? We all wondered that too. All I know, is that one day she showed me a profile that she had created online with a popular dating app. Soon after that, Kylie met Martin.
Proverbs 7:21"With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, with her flattering lips she seduced him."
It was not long before she and he had exchanged phone numbers and hooked up on Facebook. Her mood seem to lift and I saw the first signs of recovery since her divorce. It seemed that she lived for those moments during her day when she had breaks at her job and was able to check her phone for his messages. At first those who loved her were very happy for her but, when weeks turned into months and she failed to meet him in person, something seemed awry.
Then there was Jerry* from Bible Study whose wife of forty years passed away rather suddenly. He walked around as one "shell-shocked" for the better part of a year. As his grief started to lift we thought that he was progressing, until he announced one day that he had "met someone." Nothing that we knew about Jerry prepared us for the moment when he proceeded to open up his social media account and show us a picture of a very blond,very buxom,twenty-five year old women hailing from Sweden.
Psalm 119:11-12 "Your Word I have hidden in my heart. That I might not sin against You."
He told us that they were in love and that she wanted to marry him and come live in the United States. In an even further departure from his usual character, we learned that Jerry did not give a darn what his three grown sons thought about the matter. Could it be that Jerry's grief had turned into insanity?
What of Tommy* who moved to my town on a job relocation? Young, and handsome he hailed from Merry Olde England and had one of those British accents that is a guaranteed chic magnet. However, Tommy was shy. In addition, his long hours on a very demanding job left him little time for much else. He did keep in touch with friends in England via social media. One day, not thinking much of it, he began to exchange messages with someone he did not know who claimed to be a friend of a friend.
Psalm 119:37- "Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way."
Although Tommy should have known better, he began a long-distance relationship with this stranger. Even though they never met, it quickly became a highly charged emotional affair. In the midst of planning a visit to New York, apparently Carly* had some serious car trouble over in England and just needed a small loan to pay for the repairs. Tommy wired her some money and took care of her needs. Such was his trust.
Each of the above people were going through difficult times. Divorce, mental illness, grief, and loneliness can all take their toll but, be careful when you decide to pursue an online relationship. Kylie, Jerry and Tommy eventually had to cope with the truth that they had been catfished. Kylie's bubble was burst when a woman claiming to be Martin's wife contacted her. Suddenly it all made sense. He kept making excuses about why he couldn't meet with her. He was also virtually unreachable during any holiday. MARRIED!
Proverbs 31:30- "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman (or man) who fears the Lord is to be praised."
The elders at Church had to gently break the news to poor Jerry that the woman he thought he was going to marry was a scam artist. They were also able to prove that the pictures which she posted online were of somebody else. He was devastated. Fortunately, Jerry had not sent her any money yet. Tommy was not so lucky. He had ended up bailing his lady friend out of quite a few jams before he found out the truth.
The scary thing in all these cases was how all consuming these online relationships became. In all cases these people ignored those around them and instead chose their online mate. Kylie had a young daughter who needed help after all that had happened. Jerry had friends at church and sons who really loved him. Tommy did not have to face his new surroundings nor challenge himself to adapt.
Psalm 119:9- "How can a young man keep his way spotless? By keeping your words."
Friends and family, who were physically present and available, were tossed aside in exchange for the false reality of a virtual interaction. The relationships may have been fake, but let me assure you that the pain was not! We must commit ourselves to applying biblical wisdom as we think about sharing our life and our heart with those around us.
1 Peter 1:14-16- "as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written,"Be Holy, for I am holy."
* not their real name.
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