We as believers, have a lot of balls that we juggle in the air. We are honoring our commitment to God through worship, study of the Bible and prayer. We live our lives everyday with all of those things in mind. We cook, we clean, we take our cars to be serviced, we raise our families, enjoy friends and are involved in our communities.
At the core of all we do we try to “Love God with all our heart” and “love our neighbor as our self.” But what if the neighbor that we are supposed to love is struggling with some mental health issues? I have covered this topic before and in these times which favor insanity and disorder, we will again.
This week over at the homestead, mental health issues were again in the mix when some issues emerged, very close to home. It began with an innocent coffee that I had planned some time ago with a neighbor. You know the old saying, “kitchen guests are best”? Amelie* had planned to come over for a visit when my kitchen remodel was complete. She wanted to see my new, improved, and gently remodeled kitchen.
It was a Friday and Amelie had the day off. She had planned to come over after she dropped her children off at school. I assumed she would probably have breakfast with her children before they left for school but, just in case she didn’t have time, I made an overnight caramel french toast. It is fall, so I had to have some pumpkin seeds and stewed pears on the side.
I was having a lot of fun that morning, talking about decorating and kitchen remodels, but what emerged next over coffee was jarring. In the normal course of any early morning conversation there will emerge a time when people exchange their plans for the rest of the day. When that moment came, it all spilled out. The rest of the day would be spent negotiating with her daughters’ school administrators as they decide what to do about Devon.* Devon had threatened to shoot up the school starting with her daughter Reese.* I couldn’t believe what I had just heard.
Devon is an 11 year old boy. His background is what you might imagine. He was asked to leave his last school. For what reason I do not know, but I have some ideas about it! The problems of childhood violence have now become endemic. The school suspended Devon for one week for making these threats. A week just passed so now Amelie had to go to meet with her child’s principle to make sure that her daughter would be safe after the suspension was up. She wondered what the school would do. Would they just give Devon a firm warning not to repeat his actions, or would they dismiss him from school completely? Amelie and her ex-husband did not wish to press charges, they just wanted to make sure that Devon got the help that he needed and to ensure that their daughter would be safe.
Amelie informed me that she was praying for Devon and for his family. What a godly woman and with everything going on, she still remembered to ask me to lift him up in prayers too. She was certainly walking the Christian walk when it really meant something. The problem is that the school is minimizing the event. The principles initial comments were that, “Devon was just being Devon.” Safety of her daughter had not been taken seriously. It struck me as patently unfair to think that if this could not be worked out that her children would have to leave the school. Why? They did not do anything wrong. They threatened no one. They are respectful and they are great students. Sometimes, it seems that the people doing the right things get no breaks.
The second thought provoking event happened at my church’s Sunday service. A young man named Ron* seemed to stir things up quite a bit when he came for a visit. From what I can see, he is searching for answers to the many questions in his head. Questions about good and evil, about aliens and burning swords. These questions torment him and interfere with his sleep and ability to live a normal life. Sounds rather schizophrenic to me. How should a church handle a schizophrenic person attending church events? Should we all rush to hug them? Should we sort of shun them and hope they will go away? Should we just treat them like anyone else who walks in the door? What about the question of salvation for a person who is thus impaired? Is Ron mentally ill or is he demonically possessed? These are all good questions and Ron’s continued visits to our church brought those questions into the forefront.
I was out doing errands when I got a very blunt text message from a person of authority at my church who asked if my husband and I were available later in the day to discuss issues concerning Ron. Was this just a casual visit where a brother in Christ needed a sounding board for his thoughts on the situation? My husband and I made it a point to speak to Ron whenever he came out to church. For the most part, Ron had just sat in the back of the church and listened, that is unless there was a Bible study after church. If he came to the Bible study, he would ask many questions of a most challenging nature. Questions the Pastor had never been asked before, questions that might be more indicative of a mental challenge rather than a spiritual challenge.
At any rate, I liked Ron and enjoyed answering his questions and then gently trying to guide him in the right direction. I hoped and prayed that there would be an opportunity to speak about his mental health issues and ascertain if he was in proper treatment. That time would come and Ron began to confide in me about the challenges that he faced. He told me that “burning spots were appearing all over his flesh.”
You can take the Christian Housewife out of Westchester but you can’t take the Westchester attitude out so quickly. Without missing a beat, I told Ron that there “were no burn marks on his arms.” I asked him to look to confirm what I was saying. “This is an hallucination, are you talking to anyone about that?” At that moment, I did not know how he would react but, to my relief, he reacted well and began to tell me his story. Apparently he has struggled with hallucinations his whole life. I am happy to say that he is under a doctors care too. He chose not to reveal what specific condition he is struggling with but, I understand how hard that might be to talk about.
Did Elliot* notice me having a tête-a-tête with Ron and want to know what it was about? Has he been sent by the church council to grill me on the topic? Hardly, but that made me laugh a little bit. I had to hurry home to get together some tea and crumpets before Elliot came over for a visit. I can not deny that I was on tenterhooks.
When Elliot arrived, we all had refreshments and some small talk before he got to the matter at hand, Ron. He had a burden on his heart concerning Ron’s presence at our church. He seemed concerned with how Ron’s questions might be a distraction to others. He felt distracted himself. Elliot also surprised me by saying that Ron’s questions were self-centered.
I did not agree. I thought that the label of self-centered was possibly wrong and maybe a call for help was more probable. So, I pivoted the discussion towards the topic of mental illness, and what our approach should be to its’ presence in our midst. It surprised me that he seemed to lack any empathy for Ron. He may have had empathy but, I couldn’t see it.
Of course, as a man who had responsibility for the congregation he had to think about some broader issues, such as safety. At a little less than six feet and five inches tall, Ron was a tall man of strong build. An imposing and menacing figure. Should he choose to be violent this man could inflict a lot of damage. I can not lie and say that the thought had not crossed my mind especially on one Sunday when Ron chose to sit behind me and commenced to breathe heavily. Elliot brought up scripture verses regarding what a demonic possession was like. I wan’t sure if Ron met the criteria for that. If that was the case, who in our congregation could handle any issues of possession?
Could the Pastor and elders speak to him privately to further clarify just what The Trouble with Ron was and come up with a code of contact for Ron so that he could have some boundaries? Perhaps, clearing the air could create a better rapport all around. What about a safety protocol for the congregation, a safety officer? These are just some of the suggestions that I made.
Perhaps, The Trouble with Ron, is the same as the trouble with Devon. Within a week, I learned that Devon would be expelled from the school which he attended. These are the consequence for the serious threats that he had uttered towards one girl and towards a school. We all feel helpless at times to cope with the mentally ill who walk amongst us. We wish we could make everything better for them. We want to make a place for them in our hearts and communities but, the disease of mental illness doesn’t make that easy. We must keep on trying but often we can not contain nor fix the problem.
I do know that I will continue to pray for Ron and Devon. I will try to help them in any way that I am able to. I firmly believe that Jesus can reach down through the haze of distortions and misinformation that sometimes clouds our minds, and offer healing and salvation, and for that I do pray!
* The names are changed.
