Tio Julio-Pathway To Healing - Part 2

NOTE: PLEASE READ THE PREVIOUS POST ENTITLED " TIO JULIO, DO YOU HAVE A TIO JULIO? PART 1 before beginning this post.

As we decide to face a difficult family situation we know that we must start with the truth.  The complete and unadulterated truth.  We must resolve to stop making excuses for ourselves and others.  That includes your spiritual life as you head into this battle.  Do you know the one true God of this whole world?  Although only one God, the very physical presence of our God chose to walk among us, to suffer as we have and show us the way towards resolving every dilemma that is part of this sometimes cruel life.  His Holy Spirit wants to guide you and give you peace in your situation.  Nothing is too hard or too shameful that you can not pray and share it with the God who created this world and loves you.  Ask Jesus to be the Lord of your life.

We also survey the possibilities of what can and can not be done in our family situation.  Then we pray.  We ask God's presence in the situation.  He will be Jehovah-Nissi; that is our banner in war.  Never forget that you are not alone.  Now you are ready.  When we decide to face our loved one and confront the problem, we must understand that we can not do what we have always done in the past.  We must be keenly aware of that.  Did you laugh along with Uncle Julio's cruel sarcastic jokes? Did you sit down with him at a wedding and smile as if nothing was happening all along knowing how he beat you and your brothers savagely for years and feel trapped and unable to voice this?  Have you every really said the truth out loud, eg.  "My mother is an alcoholic," or "I never felt loved by my father?"  You may have asked yourself if feeling such a thing is even godly?  Let us explore that.

The Bible is concerned with our family relationships.  It very candidly and unflinchingly recounts every type of problem that we can imagine.  It is not a book of perfect people with perfect
lives.  It is the story of us, as we really are. Human beings struggling with our strengths and our sins, with our victories and our defeats.  How can we ever think that it is wrong to confront the truth of our family dilemma after we know this?  A hallmark of the Ministry of Jesus Christ, is the way that he gets to the truth of who we really are and what we have done.  Yet, Christianity offers the exciting  possibility of what you can be, not just what you have been.  So, this leads us to the next couple of points.

Start from a position of love.  The Bible teaches us, "Better is open rebuke than love hidden" (NIV) -Proverbs 27:5.  In our earthly cultures and customs we frequently misunderstand or pervert the true meaning of love.  According to this passage, godly love is not closing our eyes and mouths to sin and error.  In fact, it makes the point that an open and pointed admonishment to a loved one is true love!  So, we have to resolve to change our thinking and recognize that if you know a relative is engaged in criminal pursuits, immoral behavior and say nothing, you are not acting in a loving way.  Indeed, to hold back could result in the Tio Julio's of our life hurting others.  Fear not friends, step out in faith, Jesus is able to work in your situation.  Romans 8:28 (NIV) exhorts us, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have have been called according to His purpose."   Start working toward God's purposes.  God's plan for this broken and hurting world is repentance, reconciliation, and salvation.  Sometimes the seed we plant by giving an "open rebuke" will result in repentance now or later.  Sometimes an "open rebuke" heals you and frees you from the
feeling of victimization, fear or depression that has plagued you throughout your life.

Let me conclude with some advise given, by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, on this matter.  In the gospel of Matthew 18:15-17 Jesus says, "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.  But, if they will not listen take one or two others along, so that "every
matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses."  If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the Church; and if they refuse to listen even to the Church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector."  Sometimes, when we stand together with others in a Christian intervention, it helps us to have more impact with that person whom we are trying to deal with.  Maybe they thought
"oh this is just little Ron*, he was always a cry baby even as a child." But when you bring in others
and even the Church, the denial and delusion by which the Tio Julio's of this world run their lives begin to crack.  The final verse informs us that when faced with a truly evil person that we must sometimes break off relationship.  It tells us that sometimes after a loving and a godly attempt to remedy the situation they choice to ignore us and continue in sin.  Recognizing the free will of Julio to run his life as he sees fit, we can release the situation to God.  If it is a criminal situation, we alert the authorities.  We do continue to regularly pray for him and we can give forgiveness and begin our healing process.  We can be proud of ourselves after we faced a difficult situation.  The stakes are high my friends, just take a look at this world!  We have to recognize that healing begins in our small patch of the planet, our countries, our neighborhoods, our family.  God bless you.
P.S.  Do you have a topic that you wish me to cover in this blog?  Something you are struggling with?  Tell me about it In the comment section below.

* names changed to protect privacy.

Tio Julio, Do You Have A Tio Julio? Part 1

Where do I begin to tell the story of Tio (Uncle) Julio?*  It is a tragic tale of a man whose bad influence has poisoned generations of his family.  The Bible quote that immediately comes to mind when I think of Uncle Julio is Exodus 34:7b, "visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children's children to the third and the fourth generation."  From what I have been able to gather, Julio's father was a violent alcoholic who had almost killed him a few times.  His mother left his father after one such event when his father, Julio Senior*, held four year old Julio outside of the window by his feet!  By the time Julio entered grade school on the Caribbean island of ********, he was already a bully.  In the impoverished one-room school house where many did not have enough to eat or shoes to wear, Julio's violent proclivities were just another thing that the students had to suffer through.  

He married a sweet and innocent woman who met him shortly after leaving a Catholic convent school.  Elba* had two religious parents who were very sweet and in love.  Like many on their island, they lived a simple life of hard work, and dedication to family and Church.  She and her family had no idea what she was getting into!  Julio was mercurial, sort of a Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and nothing Elba did seemed to please him.  His bullying ways continued into his marriage and very quickly escalated into violence.  There was so much denial and enabling in this family, that it is practically beyond belief.  Julio's mother always goaded her son on when he raged against poor Elba.  Everything that went wrong seemed to be Elba's fault if you believed those two.  Mother and son even found a way to buy a house together leaving Elba's name off the deed.

Uncle Julio was a cheating husband, who beat and tortured his wife and their children.  He was a welfare cheat and who knows what else?!  I don't say torture lightly.  The truth is he beat his children with electrical cords, and made them kneel on rice until their knees bled.  Beatings with straps were routine.  His sick and tortured mind came up with twisted ways to mete out punishment, such as forcing his son to run around naked or forcing his sons to fight it out, sort of a child fight club.  When his youngest son was home alone with him, while his wife worked a night shift job, Julio would wake that son up and keep him up for hours spouting crazy political theories.  He had school the next day.

Tio Julio has created a legacy of pain and suffering that only the Lord Jesus Christ can heal.  As I write this, two of his sons are in jail, and another son should be.  Tio Julio's six children, between them, have amassed twelve divorces, not a good statistic.  Of his two grandchildren that I know who are married, one is going through his second divorce and the other is divorced.  Two of his sons, one grandson and one granddaughter have admitted to domestic violence.  Tio Julio's heart of larceny and criminality was also passed on to his sons and his grandsons in the form of stealing, lying, drug dealing, pyromania and I heard one grandchild even forged some documents.  Is there any hope for this family? What about Tio Julio, who is quite old now?  What about the Uncle Julio in your family?

 
How do you cope with the Uncle Julio in your life?  Some people completely cut that person off by not speaking to them or moving far away.  Who could blame someone for feeling the situation is completely toxic and there is nothing to do but run away and save themselves and their family.  Other people completely close their eyes to what the Tio's of their life have done because, after all he is family or they can't face the shame or the fear.  Perhaps they feel if they tell the truth that their family will completely cut them off and side with Uncle Julio? All of the above coping mechanisms leave people broken, in pain and likely to perpetuate Tio's problems unto the next generation.  If you are reading this and you have a difficult family situation, know that you are not alone and that I am sorry for your pain.  God has a good plan for you and your family, that can best be summarized by Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) " For I know the plans that I have for you, "declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  It was not God's plan for any of this evil to beset you and he wants to stop it right here and now and give you and your family, even Uncle Julio a better future.

1. Solutions : Pathway to Healing
A. What is the truth?
Coping correctly begins with telling yourself the complete and unvarnished truth about the situation.  The truth will be painful, especially if you have been avoiding it a long time.  The truth may be that there is mental illness, brain injury, criminality, sexual abuse or even a serial killer in your family.  You need to gather sympathetic, godly people around you and resolve to be closer to God during this time of exploring the truth.  God rewards those who diligently seek his face as they deal with difficult life problems, Hebrews 11:6.  Think of King David praying to God and asking Him if he should go to war against the Philistines and will he be victorious!  Resolve to pray every day about your situation and beseech God about this person and your family.  Ask God to give you strength like that of King David.  Young David could not have faced the giant Goliath without his faith in God.  There is no earthly way, but there was a heavenly way and there is for us too!

* The story is true but the names are changed.
******* This story took place on an island in the Caribbean.

Next Week : Uncle Julio Pathway to Healing:Part 2.

Dieu bénit Nice!

                                                       Fleur-de-Lys, Loire River Valley

My heartfelt condolences to all of the people whose precious innocence was shattered during the Bastille Day celebrations in Nice, France.  Words can not express how saddened I am to hear of all those who have lost their lives or have been injured during this happy summer occasion.

                                                            Chapel, Loire River Valley

May God comfort and protect you during this difficult time.  Let us all, people of good intentions, with one voice and heart pray for all the men, women and children touched by loss and trauma.  Thinking of you my beloved France.