As the New Year commences, our minds naturally turn towards thoughts of self-improvement. In most cultures worldwide, the concept of a New Year is associated with new beginnings or a fresh start. In Puerto Rico for example, cleaning one's home is associated with the New Year. Some ceremoniously throw a bucket of water out of their window and unto the street as the midnight hour arrives. These actions dramatically showcase the opportunities inherent in the New Year.
(For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."-Jeremiah 29:11)
Yet, many of us over time, have become jaded or disenfranchised from this concept. Maybe we have tried to start an exercise regime or learn a new language to no avail. Perhaps, this has happened a number of times. If we allow these feelings to persist, we loose an important opportunity to tweek our lives and make some well-needed changes. Open your heart to the possibility of change, that is the first step toward a New Year and a New You!
Where are you physically, emotionally and spiritually at the moment? Perhaps, you should consider this a guide as you resolve to chart a new course in the year ahead. Do you have a dream? Why are you letting time pass? There is no time like the present. Go get a piece of paper. Make three columns at the top of the page, like you did at school. In Column 1, write the word physical, column 2 write emotional and column 3, spiritual. On the other side of the page, write down the words, My Goals For This Year Are.
Without thinking about it too much, write down whatever comes to mind under each category. Allow thoughts that are easy to repress to come forth so that you can, in perfect honesty, access where you are at as you begin this New Year. Have you put on some weight, are there any medical conditions that you need to be mindful of? How are you feeling? As you reflect upon this, and similar questions, you will be able to determine your physical baseline at the beginning of your year's journey.
In Column 2 we think of where we are emotionally. Are you happy? I hope that you are. But, as you begin the New Year, are there emotional issues that you have yet to deal with? These issues might be holding you back. These might include childhood pain, depression, lingering grief or some addiction. Think about patterns in your life which have emerged over this past year. Is there something you would like to change? (So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom-Psalm90:12)
No accessment would be complete without thinking of the spiritual basis by which you run your life. January is a great month to open up your Bible and begin to explore these questions. Do one of those Bible-in-a-Year studies, join a Bible study group or even create a group yourself! (But seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you-Matthew 6:33)
Now, turn over your page and focus on the words : My Goals For This Year are. Be sure to say a prayer and ask God to guide and direct you in the year ahead. Then, begin to write down your goals. No goal is too little or too large. Your goal might be to get out of that wheelchair. It might be to get out of debt or start a business. Write it down along with the first steps that you will take towards pursuing your goal in the month of January. (To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven-Ecclesiastes 3:1)
May God bless you in the New Year!
Thursday, December 28, 2017
Saturday, December 23, 2017
The Joy Of The Season-Part 2
I try not to lose site of Jesus during the Christmas Season. Of course, just like all of you, my celebrations have grown and evolved to include family and cultural traditions that have absolutely nothing to do with the story surrounding Jesus' miraculous conception and birth. It is a struggle to keep Christ central with so many competing seasonal activities and distractions.
Here is a partial list of some of these distractions: Christmas shopping, Christmas Decorating, Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Reindeer, Santa, Ugly Sweater Parties, Seasonal Overtime on the Job, and School Exams just before Christmas. Most of these things are not bad in and of themselves but when put all-together, the result is that of crowding Jesus out of a day which purports to celebrate His birth.
How did my Christmas holiday grow to include a requisite office party where drunk co-workers sing sexually suggestive lyrics at a karaoke bar? How did Christmas become linked with yearly videos depicting women fighting over sales items on Black Friday? Yet, it is for us to choose to make an about-face and head back towards the true meaning of the Christmas celebration.
I make small steps every year to choose to put Jesus back in the manger. It begins with reading the prophesies telling of God's promise to send a Savior. Next, I read and reflect upon the Infancy Narratives in the Bible,i.e. the accounts given by Matthew, Luke and John concerning His birth. This year, here are some of the scriptures that I have focused on.
Scriptures for your Christmas Reflections:
Isaiah 11:1-Then a shoot will spring from the stem of Jesse, and a branch from his roots will bear fruit.
Jeremiah 23:8- Behold, the days are coming, declares the Lord,"When I will raise up for David a righteous Branch; and He will reign as King and act wisely and do justice and righteousness in the land."
Zechariah 3:8- Hear, O Joshua, the high priest, you and your companions who sit before you, for they are a wondrous sign; for behold, I am bringing forth My Servant, the BRANCH.
Zechariah 5:12- Behold the Man whose name is the BRANCH! From His place He shall branch out, and He shall build the temple of the Lord
John 1:1-2- In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.
John 1:14- And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 15:1-I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.
The first four verses above describe shoots, and branches. These are certainly evocative allusions for me as I face a cold northeastern United States winter. Looking out my window I see trees where sap has ceased to flow, and I think of what it means to have life spring from a stem, as described in Isaiah 11:1. It will certainly be quite some time before any of my trees, such as the cherry and pear trees that I have in my garden, will bring forth fruit. And, so it was for the Jewish people awaiting a Messiah.
This year, I have found myself reflecting upon some of perhaps, the less popular bible verses of the season. I am thinking about the Gospel of John and how he refers to the birth of Jesus. The evangelist John does not repeat the earlier gospel accounts of Jesus' birth. The gospels of Matthew and Luke cover all the details that we have come to know as the Christmas Story. The Angel Gabriel's visit to Mary. Her assent to bear the Child destined to be the Savior of the world. We learn of the glad tidings of Jesus' birth delivered by a multitude of angels to the shephards in the field. And, of His humble birth in the manger. All of the adorable Christmas plays that we have seen with Angels with crooked halos or Joseph tripping over his robe are based on these two accounts.
But what does John have to say and why? John opens with a powerful assertion. That is, that Jesus is indeed God! He pulls no punches as he harkens back to connect this child born in a manger to the creation of the world. This can be seen by the language that he uses. Open the first book of the Bible, Genesis 1:1 and it says, "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. John 1:1 opens as you can see (above) with the same first three words,"In the beginning." John then goes on to refer to Jesus as the "Word." Qué rico! How rich it is, to think of Jesus as the Word or divine presence of God. Just like the thought of a ripe and fruitful pear tree makes my mouth water, how much more so to think of God Himself fully present to us, as described in John 1:14 (above). Finally, in our last verse, we again return to an agricultural reference, as Jesus declares, that He is the true vine. This verse again affirms the language of the prophets as they spoke of the coming Messiah.
Scriptures for your Christmas Reflections:
Isaiah 11:1-Then a shoot will spring from the stem of Jesse, and a branch from his roots will bear fruit.
Jeremiah 23:8- Behold, the days are coming, declares the Lord,"When I will raise up for David a righteous Branch; and He will reign as King and act wisely and do justice and righteousness in the land."
Zechariah 3:8- Hear, O Joshua, the high priest, you and your companions who sit before you, for they are a wondrous sign; for behold, I am bringing forth My Servant, the BRANCH.
Zechariah 5:12- Behold the Man whose name is the BRANCH! From His place He shall branch out, and He shall build the temple of the Lord
John 1:1-2- In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.
John 1:14- And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 15:1-I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.
The first four verses above describe shoots, and branches. These are certainly evocative allusions for me as I face a cold northeastern United States winter. Looking out my window I see trees where sap has ceased to flow, and I think of what it means to have life spring from a stem, as described in Isaiah 11:1. It will certainly be quite some time before any of my trees, such as the cherry and pear trees that I have in my garden, will bring forth fruit. And, so it was for the Jewish people awaiting a Messiah.
This year, I have found myself reflecting upon some of perhaps, the less popular bible verses of the season. I am thinking about the Gospel of John and how he refers to the birth of Jesus. The evangelist John does not repeat the earlier gospel accounts of Jesus' birth. The gospels of Matthew and Luke cover all the details that we have come to know as the Christmas Story. The Angel Gabriel's visit to Mary. Her assent to bear the Child destined to be the Savior of the world. We learn of the glad tidings of Jesus' birth delivered by a multitude of angels to the shephards in the field. And, of His humble birth in the manger. All of the adorable Christmas plays that we have seen with Angels with crooked halos or Joseph tripping over his robe are based on these two accounts.
But what does John have to say and why? John opens with a powerful assertion. That is, that Jesus is indeed God! He pulls no punches as he harkens back to connect this child born in a manger to the creation of the world. This can be seen by the language that he uses. Open the first book of the Bible, Genesis 1:1 and it says, "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. John 1:1 opens as you can see (above) with the same first three words,"In the beginning." John then goes on to refer to Jesus as the "Word." Qué rico! How rich it is, to think of Jesus as the Word or divine presence of God. Just like the thought of a ripe and fruitful pear tree makes my mouth water, how much more so to think of God Himself fully present to us, as described in John 1:14 (above). Finally, in our last verse, we again return to an agricultural reference, as Jesus declares, that He is the true vine. This verse again affirms the language of the prophets as they spoke of the coming Messiah.
The joy of the Christmas season is well expressed in a popular Christmas song that you all know. It says, joy to the world the Lord has come, let earth receive her King. The very essence of the holiday is the simple joy of knowing that the salvation that you have been seeking has arrived. It is up to us to choose to accept the offer. But, unlike the Black Friday deals you missed out on, the offer is always available. May God's presence be manifest in your life and home this season and always. Merry Christmas everyone!
Thursday, December 14, 2017
The Joy Of The Season-Part 1
Tidings of comfort and joy to all my readers. As we approach Christmas and the New Year, I wanted to make sure that you are equipped to make the most of this holiday season. Focusing on the manger message is key. Then the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David, a Savior, who is Christ the Lord."-Luke 2:9-10
What is Christmas? It is the commemoration and celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is the Savior sent by God Almighty to reconcile us to Himself. To create a pathway by which we, in our sinful state, could be washed and made pure. God choose to send His Son into our lives so that we would know that we have a God who has experienced what we have in this life and world. That certainly happened when Jesus was plopped right down in the middle of an impoverished and politically tumultuous environment. "And this will be the sign to you: You will find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."-Luke2:12
The family, Jesus was to be born into, was humbled by the circumstances of their day. Mary was forced, in her last trimester of pregnancy, to travel under very rough conditions in order that their family could be counted in a government census. That census would indeed enable the fulfillment of prophesy (that the Messiah would be born in Bethlehem). But, did that make the trip any easier? Jesus was birthed in an animal stall and put in an animal feeding trough which was used as His bassinet. "But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of you shall come forth to Me the One to be Ruler in Israel, whose goings forth are from of old, from everlasting."-Micah 5:2
Jesus chose to be with the people of that time and place as a sign that He is with you in all the worst circumstances of your life. The pain, the political tumult, the rough conditions. The joy of the season emanates from this message. We would do well to meditate on the nativity stories in the upcoming weeks. This will help us to have a happy and productive Christmas. Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.-Romans 15:13
Throughout the years, I have seen many struggles and challenges during the Christmas season. The struggles usually come from unrealistic expectations of the holiday and veering away from the manger message. There is a lot of additional work entailed in making the holiday magic that we see all around us. This can leave people tired, and frayed nerves often ensue at family gatherings or mall parking lots. How do you cope with tense family gatherings or office parties? Sometimes people dread these events because of the mean things that will be said or the drunkenness that will happen. Do we worry too much about creating the perfect meal, getting the perfect gift or impressing our family? If any of this is you, it is time to put these things in perspective and come up with a plan to better cope with your holiday. These things I have spoken to you that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.-John 16:33
Do you struggle because your family does not help you? If all you and your husband do is fight over the additional chores then do something to make it easier. Sometime this means a compromise. Maybe, as a child, your family had the best lights in the neighborhood. Your husband doesn't care about that, so, reach a compromise. Do a small and easy display. What about taking turns? One year your husband might make you happy by doing a big light display and the following year maybe you can make him happy by just doing the evergreen wreaths and garlands that he enjoys. One year you can have turkey and one year ham. Maybe you can do potluck suppers so that everyone can share the work. Perhaps this can help your family not resent the work they must do. Most of all remember the Christmas baby Jesus who God sent as a gift to us all. Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!-2 Corinthians 9:15
What is Christmas? It is the commemoration and celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is the Savior sent by God Almighty to reconcile us to Himself. To create a pathway by which we, in our sinful state, could be washed and made pure. God choose to send His Son into our lives so that we would know that we have a God who has experienced what we have in this life and world. That certainly happened when Jesus was plopped right down in the middle of an impoverished and politically tumultuous environment. "And this will be the sign to you: You will find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."-Luke2:12
The family, Jesus was to be born into, was humbled by the circumstances of their day. Mary was forced, in her last trimester of pregnancy, to travel under very rough conditions in order that their family could be counted in a government census. That census would indeed enable the fulfillment of prophesy (that the Messiah would be born in Bethlehem). But, did that make the trip any easier? Jesus was birthed in an animal stall and put in an animal feeding trough which was used as His bassinet. "But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of you shall come forth to Me the One to be Ruler in Israel, whose goings forth are from of old, from everlasting."-Micah 5:2
Jesus chose to be with the people of that time and place as a sign that He is with you in all the worst circumstances of your life. The pain, the political tumult, the rough conditions. The joy of the season emanates from this message. We would do well to meditate on the nativity stories in the upcoming weeks. This will help us to have a happy and productive Christmas. Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.-Romans 15:13
Throughout the years, I have seen many struggles and challenges during the Christmas season. The struggles usually come from unrealistic expectations of the holiday and veering away from the manger message. There is a lot of additional work entailed in making the holiday magic that we see all around us. This can leave people tired, and frayed nerves often ensue at family gatherings or mall parking lots. How do you cope with tense family gatherings or office parties? Sometimes people dread these events because of the mean things that will be said or the drunkenness that will happen. Do we worry too much about creating the perfect meal, getting the perfect gift or impressing our family? If any of this is you, it is time to put these things in perspective and come up with a plan to better cope with your holiday. These things I have spoken to you that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.-John 16:33
Do you struggle because your family does not help you? If all you and your husband do is fight over the additional chores then do something to make it easier. Sometime this means a compromise. Maybe, as a child, your family had the best lights in the neighborhood. Your husband doesn't care about that, so, reach a compromise. Do a small and easy display. What about taking turns? One year your husband might make you happy by doing a big light display and the following year maybe you can make him happy by just doing the evergreen wreaths and garlands that he enjoys. One year you can have turkey and one year ham. Maybe you can do potluck suppers so that everyone can share the work. Perhaps this can help your family not resent the work they must do. Most of all remember the Christmas baby Jesus who God sent as a gift to us all. Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!-2 Corinthians 9:15
Sunday, December 3, 2017
Groping! What Is This Hollywood?
The first time that I was groped, I was riding a New York City Subway at rush hour. I was thirteen years old. Barely able to give up my dolls as I began high school, I could scarcely imagine what was happening to me. My first thought was disassociative and fearful. I thought that "this touch must be an accident, because the subway is so crowded." So, I moved the few inches away that were available to me, and the man just moved toward me again. I knew that I had been violated but I did not yet have a word to describe it. I quickly pushed through the crowd and got out of that subway car as quickly as I could. That night my mother comforted me and gave a name to what had just happened to me. She told me it was called "groping."
What an evil world we live in. To think that there are those around us who, like the man on that subway, develop a strategy to prey upon people sexually. They do not have a normal sex life. They have justified in their mind why it is okay to sexually touch a child or teenager that they see, or even someone under their care. They have spent time and put thought into how to make it look innocent. They even shop for the most favorable location, such as crowded trains during rush hour. They are big time sinners. Oh Lord help us.
The world is reeling right now after case upon case of sexual predation is revealed. It seems everyday there are dozens of articles about people in movie, television, politics, and the teaching profession who are accused or have been arrested for some form of sexual crime. It seems so out of control. How did we let it get so bad? How did we fall so far from God's sexual standards for us? The answer begins in our rebellion against God and His statutes. Just like Eve in the Garden Of Eden, we desire parity with God Almighty. We want to create our own standards for what is right and wrong.
But, if history has shown us one thing, it is that when left to our own devices, the standards we develop will be screwed up. What does God do with His authority? He creates. He loves in an everlasting way. He gives perfect justice. He does not abuse His Authority but wields it with righteousness. What do we do? We destroy, and we develop systems of inauthentic love. We have justice for hire and we wield our authority with corruption and selfishness. Understanding this is the beginning of cleaning up the sexual cesspool that characterizes our world at the moment.
The fall from innocence that happened when I was first groped at the tender age of thirteen, lead me to develop tactical moves and defensive positions to stand-up to those who would so cruelly use me. I thought that I was in control and victorious. It had been a very long time since I had to deal with this issue on a personal level, but the time came in the last place that I ever expected such a thing to happen-Church.
Theoretical, I knew that it happens there, but deep in my heart I thought that Church was one of the places that I could truly relax and feel safe. That conclusion came to an abrupt end when one day an usher inappropriately touched me. "Why didn't I scream out or draw people's attention to what ******* was doing? Why didn't I tell him off?" The answer that I have will be the same response that women have always given to answer these questions. ******* was an usher at Church, a position of authority. He was one of the insiders at this Church and many members of his family were involved in Church ministries. They taught Sunday School, ran the church kitchen, cleaned and did maintance. This Church was his petty fiefdom and he felt safe and shameless before his family and God. Thank you God, that You give perfect justice in the fullness of time.
My immediate reaction was not unlike that which I felt all those many years ago. I felt violated and hurt. But with adulthood, I was able to give voice to my deeper thoughts,questions and emotions in a more substantial way. "Why did he do that? Why didn't he know that this was wrong before God? After all, he attends bible study, Sunday Service and goes on religious retreats every year. Why such disconnect between what he learned in a lifetime of church attendance and his actions?" All these thoughts crossed my mind immediately. Also, "does his wife or the rest of his family know? How could they not?" Perhaps, I thought, some of them had been victimized too.
I told my husband and best friend at Church. They all felt the same emotions that I did and inevitable frustration concerning confronting a person in a position of authority. Would I be believed? Would I have to leave the Church? Did this Church lack discernment? As the three of us endeavored to answer the many questions and emotions that emerge when people are victimized in any way, some answers began to emerge. Firstly, through observations at Church. Over time, we determined that****** was one of those expert's at making things look like they are all innocent. For example, under the guise of being the good usher, ******* placed a Church blanket on a young woman then patted her upper thigh in the process. Or there was the several women that he gave inappropriately tight hugs that could be characterized less as a good natured bear hug and more as an attempt to get intimate knowledge of a woman's frame.
Secondly, we began to see the family and church system which allowed his behavior to go unabated for so long. I believe God gave me some insight into this sin and it's ecosystem. After service one Sunday, as many were enjoying fellowship and coffee, we were discussing a scripture passage that one of the men, Corey*, had brought up for discussion. Much to my surprise, *******'s wife came over and joined our table. Surprised, because, in this Church everyone seemed to have their own table sort of like high school. Her husband then quickly and rather awkwardly sprinted over to join our group.
I can't remember the Bible verse up for discussion that day. Corey had recently begun to bring a bible verse every Sunday to Church for us to ponder during coffee hour. But, out of the blue ******* started to discuss the topic of how his childhood Church was very affectionate. Everyone at the table except *******and his wife were surprised by the sudden and strange change of topics. He obviously had something on his mind. Was the guilt killing him? Or, did he have the obsessive need to justify his actions to himself and others?
He claimed that his childhood Church was very affectionate. He reminded us that the Bible tells us to greet each other with a holy kiss and so it was practically compulsory! How arrogant and evil does someone have to be to use God's Holy Word to justify groping!? The table discussion turned toward a discussion of proper boundaries and godly love. The discussion became heated. That's because there was a great big pink elephant in the middle of this room and we all were grappling with it in one way or another. I can't say that we made a dent in *******'s thinking that day. I saw a man in complete denial about the truth. I also saw how a wife can defend her husband out of a misguided sense of what submission to your husband entails. I saw loyalty to sin.
I was very unhappy with myself and the way that I handled the whole situation. I know part of being a godly woman is standing up for what is right and standing against what is wrong. None of us gets it right every time. Only God does. Besides forgiving the groper, I had to forgive myself. I saw nepotism in this Church. I was afraid of confronting a system which I thought would favor the groper. I was reminded that I was not as big or tough as I thought, and how very much that I needed a Savior.
Should a Church be a place where one expects fair treatment? Of course. The Church should follow biblical mandates of conduct and when disputes arise it should be settled accordingly. Groping should not exist in a Church but as long as sin exists, we we have to grapple with these issues. If we could handle these problems better than Hollywood does, imagine what a change Christians could make in our world. We must strive for that. We can not do it apart from God.
I left that Church for that and a variety of reasons. A short time after that, when I was shopping at Sam's Club, I ran into a lady who still attends that Church. She gave me a big hug and told me that she missed me. "Why did you stop coming was it because of.........never mind" she said. "No," I replied,"wait a minute did you have a problem with him too?" "Yes", she said. "I am so sorry, did you tell anyone." I asked. "No and for the same reason you didn't. ******* has made himself indespensible plus, I don't think anyone really cares."
******* -the perpetrator, and *-one star is a changed name.
What an evil world we live in. To think that there are those around us who, like the man on that subway, develop a strategy to prey upon people sexually. They do not have a normal sex life. They have justified in their mind why it is okay to sexually touch a child or teenager that they see, or even someone under their care. They have spent time and put thought into how to make it look innocent. They even shop for the most favorable location, such as crowded trains during rush hour. They are big time sinners. Oh Lord help us.
The world is reeling right now after case upon case of sexual predation is revealed. It seems everyday there are dozens of articles about people in movie, television, politics, and the teaching profession who are accused or have been arrested for some form of sexual crime. It seems so out of control. How did we let it get so bad? How did we fall so far from God's sexual standards for us? The answer begins in our rebellion against God and His statutes. Just like Eve in the Garden Of Eden, we desire parity with God Almighty. We want to create our own standards for what is right and wrong.
But, if history has shown us one thing, it is that when left to our own devices, the standards we develop will be screwed up. What does God do with His authority? He creates. He loves in an everlasting way. He gives perfect justice. He does not abuse His Authority but wields it with righteousness. What do we do? We destroy, and we develop systems of inauthentic love. We have justice for hire and we wield our authority with corruption and selfishness. Understanding this is the beginning of cleaning up the sexual cesspool that characterizes our world at the moment.
The fall from innocence that happened when I was first groped at the tender age of thirteen, lead me to develop tactical moves and defensive positions to stand-up to those who would so cruelly use me. I thought that I was in control and victorious. It had been a very long time since I had to deal with this issue on a personal level, but the time came in the last place that I ever expected such a thing to happen-Church.
Theoretical, I knew that it happens there, but deep in my heart I thought that Church was one of the places that I could truly relax and feel safe. That conclusion came to an abrupt end when one day an usher inappropriately touched me. "Why didn't I scream out or draw people's attention to what ******* was doing? Why didn't I tell him off?" The answer that I have will be the same response that women have always given to answer these questions. ******* was an usher at Church, a position of authority. He was one of the insiders at this Church and many members of his family were involved in Church ministries. They taught Sunday School, ran the church kitchen, cleaned and did maintance. This Church was his petty fiefdom and he felt safe and shameless before his family and God. Thank you God, that You give perfect justice in the fullness of time.
My immediate reaction was not unlike that which I felt all those many years ago. I felt violated and hurt. But with adulthood, I was able to give voice to my deeper thoughts,questions and emotions in a more substantial way. "Why did he do that? Why didn't he know that this was wrong before God? After all, he attends bible study, Sunday Service and goes on religious retreats every year. Why such disconnect between what he learned in a lifetime of church attendance and his actions?" All these thoughts crossed my mind immediately. Also, "does his wife or the rest of his family know? How could they not?" Perhaps, I thought, some of them had been victimized too.
I told my husband and best friend at Church. They all felt the same emotions that I did and inevitable frustration concerning confronting a person in a position of authority. Would I be believed? Would I have to leave the Church? Did this Church lack discernment? As the three of us endeavored to answer the many questions and emotions that emerge when people are victimized in any way, some answers began to emerge. Firstly, through observations at Church. Over time, we determined that****** was one of those expert's at making things look like they are all innocent. For example, under the guise of being the good usher, ******* placed a Church blanket on a young woman then patted her upper thigh in the process. Or there was the several women that he gave inappropriately tight hugs that could be characterized less as a good natured bear hug and more as an attempt to get intimate knowledge of a woman's frame.
Secondly, we began to see the family and church system which allowed his behavior to go unabated for so long. I believe God gave me some insight into this sin and it's ecosystem. After service one Sunday, as many were enjoying fellowship and coffee, we were discussing a scripture passage that one of the men, Corey*, had brought up for discussion. Much to my surprise, *******'s wife came over and joined our table. Surprised, because, in this Church everyone seemed to have their own table sort of like high school. Her husband then quickly and rather awkwardly sprinted over to join our group.
I can't remember the Bible verse up for discussion that day. Corey had recently begun to bring a bible verse every Sunday to Church for us to ponder during coffee hour. But, out of the blue ******* started to discuss the topic of how his childhood Church was very affectionate. Everyone at the table except *******and his wife were surprised by the sudden and strange change of topics. He obviously had something on his mind. Was the guilt killing him? Or, did he have the obsessive need to justify his actions to himself and others?
He claimed that his childhood Church was very affectionate. He reminded us that the Bible tells us to greet each other with a holy kiss and so it was practically compulsory! How arrogant and evil does someone have to be to use God's Holy Word to justify groping!? The table discussion turned toward a discussion of proper boundaries and godly love. The discussion became heated. That's because there was a great big pink elephant in the middle of this room and we all were grappling with it in one way or another. I can't say that we made a dent in *******'s thinking that day. I saw a man in complete denial about the truth. I also saw how a wife can defend her husband out of a misguided sense of what submission to your husband entails. I saw loyalty to sin.
I was very unhappy with myself and the way that I handled the whole situation. I know part of being a godly woman is standing up for what is right and standing against what is wrong. None of us gets it right every time. Only God does. Besides forgiving the groper, I had to forgive myself. I saw nepotism in this Church. I was afraid of confronting a system which I thought would favor the groper. I was reminded that I was not as big or tough as I thought, and how very much that I needed a Savior.
Should a Church be a place where one expects fair treatment? Of course. The Church should follow biblical mandates of conduct and when disputes arise it should be settled accordingly. Groping should not exist in a Church but as long as sin exists, we we have to grapple with these issues. If we could handle these problems better than Hollywood does, imagine what a change Christians could make in our world. We must strive for that. We can not do it apart from God.
I left that Church for that and a variety of reasons. A short time after that, when I was shopping at Sam's Club, I ran into a lady who still attends that Church. She gave me a big hug and told me that she missed me. "Why did you stop coming was it because of.........never mind" she said. "No," I replied,"wait a minute did you have a problem with him too?" "Yes", she said. "I am so sorry, did you tell anyone." I asked. "No and for the same reason you didn't. ******* has made himself indespensible plus, I don't think anyone really cares."
******* -the perpetrator, and *-one star is a changed name.
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