Church Resources In Parenting

There are many challenges for the Christian parent.  As you endeavor to follow godly precepts of parenting, it is imperative that you stay connected to other believers so that you may encourage one another.  With God as your source, you can be strengthened to face issues and questions that come your way.  

Some of the issues that I have been through include : ungodly book assignments, sporting and school events on the Lord's Day, a school mandated day of silence for gay and transgender youth, immodest dressing trends, and Halloween.  The issues that put us at odds with non-Christian parents and schools also include how to discipline our child.  

Unless your child is in a Christian school, and very few of us have that option, you are being faced with an underlying educational, social and moral philosophy that is not God-centered.  The public school system is not suppose to restrict our religious rights but in actuality, it is directing our children toward a secular humanist point of view.  Hence, the importance of fellowship and prayer can not be overemphasized.  

It is also of paramount importance that your child build relationships with other Christian children, his or her own age.  This can begin in the church Sunday school but should also include times of fun and recreation.  Does your son or daughter have play dates with any Christian youth?  Does your church host bowling nights, karaoke or craft parties.  What about a Christian book club or exercise class?

In order to withstand the pressures of the popular culture, we most give alternative activities.  This will let our light as a Christian community shine and offer alternatives to our youth.  What if your Church does not offer any of these possibilities?  I believe that you should prayerfully reflect upon this.  If your child or your needs can not be met in Church, the void will be filled in by the popular culture.  

Perhaps the Lord is calling you to start a youth ministry at your Church?  What if your church is too small?  Consider connecting with other churches for youth nights, picnics and more.  Why not plan a church field trip to one of the many youth events sponsored by godly youth ministries?  Does your church have prayer meetings? Ask the Pastor if it would be possible to designate a monthly meeting to beseeching God concerning our children.  This might begin to motivate God's people to confront the issues and connect parents.  Don't have a youth Pastor? Perhaps a seminary student could intern at your church and fill in the gap.  God is the center of our life.  We are devoted to studying His Word, and to reaching others for Christ.  Within that mission we must not neglect the needs for fellowship that we have within our church community.  Along with our relationship to God, it is what helps keep our church strong. Pray and ask the Lord to bless and anoint the path of your life and that of your Church.  

Anger Issues

Why is everyone so angry?  Anger seems to be the most fashionable emotion as of late.  Celebrities are screaming and saying the most vile things because they don't like the newly elected U.S. President.  Nothing is too evil to say, whether that is insulting the President's ten year old child or trying to insuinate that his wife was a prostitute.  No, if you don't agree with someone these days whether it is a President or your ex-wife, any anger you feel is justification for going berserk.  Nary a criticism when reality shows broadcast all matter of infantile tantrums in response to any little life frustration. In fact, broadcasting fights or emotional breakdowns is a surefire way to raise ratings or resurrect a sagging career.  Anger expressed to a cashier or waiter in response to a problem is seen as being assertive, even if it gets abusive.  But, what has happened to respectfully stating your problem? Or, accepting loss with a good attitude?  Is the only response to a perceived social injustice burning cars or looting stores?

Anger is part of the normal God given panoply of emotions.  There is nothing ungodly about anger.  It is just what we do with those angry feelings that bring us into the realm of sin. The Bible says, "anger and sin not"- (Ephesians3:6)  José* called me up at a desperate moment and told me that, "Millie* made him so mad, that sometimes he hits her."  Having been apprised of the domestic abuse going on in his family, it was essential that I use this as an opportunity to talk some sense into him.  I told him that "his wife did not make him hit her.  It is his anger issues and his poor coping skills that are to blame."  I let him know that he learned those poor coping skills during his childhood and it had nothing to do with his wife.  The good news is that José reached out for help and changed his ways.

Do you know someone like Simone* who has been fired from several jobs because of her bad temper?  Simone always thought herself justified in telling her boss off.  She was not going to put up with anything, even though she was a single mother and had a child to support.  Her family and friends always enabled her in this attitude.  "Oh poor Simone.  That boss was nasty, you don't need that job.  You'll get something better."  Or, "you're right Simone don't take crap from anyone."  They were afraid to disagree with her.  Simone had a way of cutting people out of her life if they disagreed with her.   Eventually everyone got fed up with her, especially when she started to borrow or steal money from those she supposedly loved.

What is anger actually?  My online dictionary describes anger as "a feeling of great annoyance or antagonism as the result of some real or supposed grievance; rage; or wrath."  This definition immediately brings up the question of whether our feelings of anger might even be incorrect.  Imagine starting a twitter war, seeking revenge against a business associate or even killing someone because of the mistaken notion that we have been wronged.  Jeremiah the prophet says as much.  Check out Jeremiah 17:9, it states, " The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"  When José started to attend church he came in contact with a variety of people who all had better attitudes than he did.  He began to realize, as he studied the Bible that there were other ways to do things besides the way he had been doing them.  His heart had deceived him!

Anger is bound to happen to you sometime soon.  Traffic is so slow you are going to be late.  The neighbor's dog messed up your lawn.  Why does everyone in the office leave all the work for you to do?  There is no end to the frustrating and annoying things that can happen to you throughout the day.  Face it anger is here to stay.  As we learned, some of our anger is justified and some of it is not.  However, that will not alter how we are to respond to our feelings of anger as we shall soon see.

I have observed that many Christians experience feelings of guilt and shame when they struggle with their anger.  They believe it is a sin to even feel anger.  This leads many believers to stuff their emotions and ignore the need to solve a problem.  This causes the feelings to build up until they explode.  They do this because of a mistaken notion of what forgiveness is or because they think this is love.  But is that true? In the book of Jeremiah 3:12-14 we see that God Himself describes His own anger which he experiences when confronted with evil.  So, should we be surprised when we feel angry upon hearing the latest headline detailing a child who is starved and beaten by their own parent?  After all, we are made in God's image and likeness.

The Bible from beginning to end has ample examples of correct and incorrect management of anger.  It cautions us not to let our emotions control us.  We are not to do or say something foolish that we will be sorry for later.  We acknowledge our feelings of anger or frustration yet we make a decision to rationally decide on what to do next.  The Bible shows us that there are times when we should choose not to move forward with an action even when we have been wronged.  Think of the case of Simone, which I outlined above, she had chosen a philosophy of never standing down from a real or imagined offense.  She thought this meant she was strong.  She got fired from multiple jobs and ended up uprooting her child several times when she could not pay the rent on her apartments. Even if her bosses were rude to her, was it really wise to talk back to them?  Other times we must lovingly rebuke someone.  To do otherwise would be less than loving.  Is it loving to look the other way when abuse is occurring or someone has a drinking problem?

Take a moment today to think about how you react to your own feelings of anger.  Is it the wrong approach? For instance, do you verbally or physically react when you are angry, and then are sorry about it later.  Do you have the reputation of being a hot-head?  Did you grow up in a family that handled anger with the "silent treatment?"  These are all examples of destructive reactions to anger.  Let me reassure you that anger can be constructive.  It can bring our attention to a problem that we need to focus in on.  It can also be a call for us to learn more patience.  The key is to look at the situation and enumerate the different ways that you might handle it.  Pray and ask God for guidance, and don't be embarrassed to open up to a brother or sister in Christ.



* The names are changed.

Valentine Inspirations

I love Valentine's Day.  So, as a foot of snow blanketed Westchester County, New York, I enjoyed my home decorated with vintage Valentine post cards and hearts hanging everywhere.  Even as a child, I could not wait to exchange valentine cards at school.  Homemade one's with lacy doilies and hearts cut out of construction paper were my favorite.  My daughter once received one such card from a teenage boy.  There was something so sweet and true about it that I still think that someday they will get married.

No matter how many times that I have celebrated with dinners, parties or chocolate; the holiday of love still enchants me!  I am not alone of course.  Many people spend a great deal of time and thought remembering their loved ones and trying to find novel ways of expressing the depth of their feeling.  So, it is no surprise that this holiday, with origins in ancient Europe and the martydom of a Catholic priest, has gained a worldwide adherence.

The word love appears 310 times in the King James Bible.  As I was reading through some of those passages, I began to think of love in my life.  Love is funny balloons and a warm, uplifting valentine card from a friend who just visited me when I was sick.  How thoughtful!  Love goes into the planning, shopping, and preparation of tonight's dinner.  Day in and day out those healthy meals keep coming.  That's Amore!  A child running to hug their grandparents.  Love is hugs and kisses and all the physical expressions of love!  "Good job, I am so proud of you son."  Love is speaking to others to uplift and ennoble. Family reunions, girls night out, visiting the elderly people in your life.  Love is spending meaningful time together!

We all have the desire to know and to be known.  Then after we are known, to be loved for who we are, and to love in return.  It is a foundational principle in our life.  If we lack this we can die, or we can hurt others in our pain.  God loves us with an everlasting love.  This deep and eternal love fills us, teaches us, and directs us in our life.  From this, we are able to get this love thing right.  The Bible makes this clear in 1 John 4:7-8 - "Beloved, let us love one another:for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.  He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."  So, get to know God, the source of all love this Valentine's Day.  Just Google love verses in the Bible and begin to think about the real meaning of love.

Here are a few verses to start with: Galatians 5:7-"Love your neighbor as yourself."  Colossians 3:14-"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds all together in perfect unity."  1 Corinthians 13:4-8- "Love suffers long(is patient) and kind, does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails."  1 Corinthians 13:13-"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Are You A Mature Christian?

If you are a Christian, everything you say or do reflects your level of Christian maturity.  When you became a Christian was there any discernible change in your character? There should have been.  It is never too late to consider your character and begin to be all that you can be for the Lord.  I am about to air the dirty laundry of some Churches in Westchester County, NY.  It reflects my experiences and I know the experiences of many others. Jesus Christ was never one to shrink from telling the truth of sin. When the truth of your life and mine is laid out, only then is it possible for God to work in our lives and in our Churches.  Jeremiah 18:4 "And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter : so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it."

We all need to be made again, so let's look at a few stories which we may relate to. When I first met Frankie* at Church we became fast friends.  We seemed to bond over studying the Word of God.  He had a zeal for evangelizing yet he did not see how his womanizing ways dimished his witness for Jesus.  We went out to eat at a trendy riverfront restaurant.  All was going well until near the end of the dinner.  In the middle of our discussion he averted his eyes from mine to acknowledge a woman passing by in a short, lacy skirt.  His neck eventually followed his eyes and before you know it this mighty man of God was reduced to a groveling sinner.  To make matters worst, he wanted to leave a religious tract on the table when we left.  I patiently explained to him how he was a poor role model for everyone in that restaurant.  If one of the staff picked up that religious tract and had happened to witness his ungodly behavior he would have succeeded in turning them off to Jesus.

Betty* was always complaining about her Catholic husband.  Betty* who now attended Golgotha Chapel* had met Sam* in her early twenties.  Her Christian walk was such that she could not resist this man and ended up getting pregnant before they were married.  He continued attending his church and she hers.  As the years went by, they grew apart.  She thought her Church better than his and constantly said how much she hated him.  One day, I shared some marriage ministry materials that I had used, and challenged her to stop saying that she hated her husband.  I let her know there was hope for her marriage and it began with her.  More drama at Golgotha ensued over the years.  The Pastor's wife was giving a women's bible study one day.  The topic that night brought pain to one of the ladies, Missy* concerning her relationship with her mother.  This Pastors wife had never dealt with her own mother issues and presented a very ungodly answer to this congregant in pain.  She continued to give ungodly advice that same evening concerning pre-marital sex.  Shocking.  I spoke to the other ladies but nothing was ever done to right the wrongs that evening.  The Pastor was not the godly head of that household and a story from the pulpit one day helped me understand the problems in this Church better.

Pastor Bobby* described a time when his family was grabbing food at a Rockland County shopping mall.  He said his wife was very rude to a young man behind a fast food counter.  Instead of being a godly husband and mediating the situation he thought it was the funniest thing that he just hid behind a pillar until it was all over.  He hid from a lot of things including rudeness and bullying about my ethnic culture that occurred on an Internatiomal Night at our church.  The evening was meant to celebrate the food and culture of church attendees.  When a Dutch woman named Jackie*, whose husband worked at the United Nations, insulted my culture and belittled its history, the Pastor couldn't care less.  He said he was just relaxing that night and didn't want to deal with it.  I guess some cultures are better than others at this Church.

What do all these stories have in common? Christian immaturity! And it has far-reaching effects in a church.  Take the case of brother Craig.*. Brother Craig knows his bible well.  He is influential and involved in many ministries at Hope*Church.  There is only one problem : he touches women in inappropriate ways.  He is devious enough to do it in a way that is just on the line between right and wrong.  There is the evil.  But, I also know everyone is so busy making nice at this Church, that they
work overtime to find a way to ignore or explain Craig's behavior away.  The damage that immature churches do is incalculable.  People are wronged and end up leaving churches.  Some of our churches in Westchester are destroying families, like in the case of Pastor Bobby, who gave out terrible marital advice to couples who came to him for help. People are filling psychologists' offices in Westchester County over pain experienced in local churches.  The worst consequence of not pursuing Christian maturity in your church is seeing people end their relationship with Jesus Christ and growing discouraged.  I know a few people from Golgotha Chapel who have sought peace in yoga and meditation.

The early Church described in Hebrew 5:11-12 comes to mind when I think of this problem.  It very clearly speaks of a church who is not growing in maturity.  That Church still needed "milk, not solid food."  The effects of not giving up milk for a baby are quite serious.  They will fail to put on the necessary weight to grow and will fail to thrive.  The child would die.  So when Paul wrote to Timothy using this analogy, it was a serious discussion of what would happen to a church if it does not grow.  What are some reasons why a church fails to mature? Sometimes it is immature leadership.  Other times it is due to an improper understanding of the concept of discipleship.

In the case of immature leadership, sometimes changes need to be made.  Decide to commit this problem to prayer.  If you are an elder pray that God directs you in the situation. On the topic of discipleship, I find this a very big problem.  It is so important for us to study the Bible.  How are we studying it?   Do you or your church take time to study the Bible in the context of your life? You may know the exegesis or hermeneutics of the situation but do you get that God wrote the passage for you?  He expects you to obey His instruction and change your ways.  2 Timothy 3:16-17 makes the course ahead of us very clear.

It states, "All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work."  Let's think about the words reproof and correction for a moment.  Reproof is when your mother is calling you to task for not cleaning your room, ouch.  Correction is when your boss tells you that you've been doing it all wrong, double ouch!  Some of the other words present in this passage tells us what will happen after we hear the truth.  We have to be retrained, and made complete.  Note to self: we are not complete until we choose to obey God.  The word complete is another way of expressing the concept of maturity.   When we are mature, we are then equipped for the goods works that we should be doing.

Imagine the results for our churches.  With the changes that happen in our lives we can start to help others in need. Frankie's insight into his life could help Craig.  Betty could help others with what she has learned about healing her own marriage.  When we learn to "esteem others higher than ourself" Philippians 2:3 Jackie won't call it a joke to make fun of others.  We have so far to go and the stakes are high.  Our enemy Satan wants nothing better than to keep us as ineffectual followers of Jesus.

*people and church names have been changed.