Her Love Style

What happened to Courtney’s* apartment surprised me. She and I have one of those casual relationships. You know the type that I mean. You run into each other from time to time and have coffee or, you decide to do a mutually agreed upon shopping trip for company. We also know that when we need a new plumber or some such recommendation, that we can call one another. Some of our get-togethers would culminate in helping each other with our packages and entertaining each other over a tea or a coffee in each other’s homes.

I have known Court for about five years. During that time I have enjoyed her masterfully made iced teas on her patio or in her cozy eat-in-kitchen. Nothing that I saw or learned about her prepared me for what I saw last week when I decided to deliver her a bunch of tulips from my garden. 

My first clue is she wasn’t happy to see me. Courtney was always been nothing but cordial and hospitable the entire time that I have knew her. She is a real people person. She begrudgingly asked me if I would like to come in. I was almost afraid to enter judging by the bags under her eyes and flat affect in her voice. But, what kind of Christian would I be then?

I thanked her and said I would only stay briefly before I had to continue with my Westchester Christian Housewife list of chores for the day. When I went past the hallway leading into her living room I received a shock! I found myself in the midst of boxes and bags of things that cluttered the way enough to encumber my walk to her kitchen. 

What would you like coffee or tea? I needed to calm down after what I had seen so I asked if she had any chamomile. She certainly did. She made a pot for both of us. I guess you noticed my little shopping spree, said Courtney. Little, it is huge Courtney what is all this stuff. I could barely walk through your living room. Your living room is now a tunnel. I am wondering if this is a fire hazard, not just for you but, for your whole building?

Maybe I came on too strong because Courtney was not to happy with me and instantly got defensive. Excuse me Courtney, I do not mean to be impolite but are you okay? She instantly dissolved into tears and then her story unfolded. She told me that when the virus hit her life got turned upside down. The two things that made her feel good throughout this crisis have been looking at her stock portfolio and shopping. When she said that, it helped to clarify her situation, because while it is important to save and invest wisely, our hope and security comes from Jesus Christ. I hope that I could have an opportunity to explain that to her.

Courtney is one of those people who have done very well in the stock market this past year. Her investments brought her a 26 percent return. That is huge! However, even as she financially thrived, she was not able to escape fear of the future and a sense of insecurity. 

Courtney always liked to shop. She was for ever searching for a new outfit for her mother, a thoughtful gift for everyone’s birthday and she was the office party planner. With all the normal avenues for enjoying this social part of her life ended, she felt stymied.

There is a book entitled the Five Love Languages, written by Dr. Gary Chapman, which explains her party planning, gift-giving ways. In his book the Five Love Languages, Dr. Chapman explains five ways that people give and receive love. He posits that to understand this will improve your relationships. If you believe this premise, Courtney’s primary love language is gift-giving. It is not so important to me because this is not my primary way to give and receive love but, this theory helped me to get a better understanding of my own mother who operated in this mode.

My mother always gave my little gifts. They might be used, new or homemade. It was a way of showing that she was listening to me or was thinking about me. For example, I got it into my head that I wanted to be a  geneticist when I grew up. I talked about doing pea plant experiments in my garden just like the father of modern genetics Gregor Mendel had done. Within a short period of time, I found a pile of newspaper clippings left on my desk concerning genetics to read when I arrived home from school. Also, a used book about the life of Gregor Mendel. I was very happy but, I did not understand at the time how this was a main way of my mother communicating her feelings of love to others.

Courtney is the same. As I delved into what was behind Courtney’s hoard, I learned there were Christmas and birthday presents for her mother, father and two brothers there. She told me that she kept hoping that instead of mailing them that she would be able to get on the plane, as usual, and see her family and deliver them in person. Initially, when the pandemic hit, Courtney’s tried to keep things the same. The same for her was throwing parties and flying places to visit family and throughout always bearing gifts. 

It could be a hostess gift, a new house gift, a graduation gift. You name it, Courtney had it right here in her cluttered living room. Usually when I see a hoard such as I was now observing, my first spiritual thoughts harken to Matthew 6:19 “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal.” I know that this does not reflect Courtney’s situation. 

Her hoard reflects the pain of the past year, and the desire for things to go back to how they used to be. It also reflects the fact that her heart has been full of love which is overflowing with no place to go. I conveyed my thoughts to her and she had an old-fashioned good cry. I told her that many of her boxes should be mailed out as soon as possible. She might feel better if she also sent a short letter or card to explain why the gifts were late or why she decided to mail them. I also reiterated that I would be afraid of a fire hazard if we did not rearrange things until she could move things along. I also made her aware that she should test her smoke detectors. That last thing I think scared her a little, which was not a bad thing but, she agreed.

It seemed that Courtney had been emotionally stuck and just needed some gentle nugging to move her along. I offered to help her sort things out and even drive by and pick them up when my chores took me by the post office. Courtney is working from home and has been very busy with that as of late. She is an accountant and with tax season extended for an additional month I know from experience just how very busy she is. 

She was confined to her apartment working with numbers during lockdown. While she may have had some good intentions she had went a little crazy with shopping. There was no one busier in Westchester County, New York this past year than the Amazon drivers. But, was it alittle addictive? Yes, I believe so. An addiction has the quality of being some sort of evil coping mechanism. We need to go to Jesus, earnestly express our feelings  and pray for peace in times of trouble, not seek the adrenaline rush that shopping can bring. Shopping, Netflix binge-watching and drinking seemed to be what a lot of people did instead of facing reality. Romans 12:8 reads in part: “he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity.” I wonder if thinking about this could make Courtney feel better about what she was now preparing to do? She can send out some packages to her family and friends in a more simplified manner and yet get her message across. 

* the name has been changed to protect her privacy.

Fences

We all know the expression, “Good fences make good neighbors.” It comes from a 1914 poem by Robert Frost entitled, Mending Wall. This poem like the Bible explores the relationships that exist between neighbors and lays bare the true divide that exists in a microcosm of the human family. What we see in this poem and in the Bible is how each person’s individual need rises to trample their neighbors needs over and over again. Is it not so in your life?

The past couple of weeks has brought me two cases of bad neighborly behavior. The first story concerns a lady who invited me to her home for a cup of tea and crafting. June*is a caring and fun woman to be around. I consider her a blessing. She and I both enjoy knitting, and sewing. She has inspired me to be more creative and bold in my fabric and stitch choices. I was really looking forward to sharing some time together and discussing the latest craft projects that we are working on for church benevolence. 

I arrived at June’s house and I got a tour of her burgeoning spring garden. There were daffodils, hyacinths and forsythia blooming. What a joy! I enjoyed getting a view of her patio seating area and the whole view of her large property before all the trees bloomed. It looked beautiful. However, looks can be deceiving. 

Most people move to the suburbs seeking more livable space, a garden, and a better quality of life. Legions of city residents moving during the Covid outbreak can attest to that fact. But, can you escape the wages of sin here in Westchester County, New York? The answer is a resounding no.

The garden paradise created by God that existed for humanity exists no more and we will have to wait for justice to be re-established again during the millennial reign of Jesus Christ. But, in the meantime, we must cope and so it was with June. As we had tea and conversation, I learned that June had not slept well. The cause seemed to be the old waking up with feelings about that neighbor thing.

Nothing interrupts sleep more than unfinished spiritual business. She had a run in with her neighbor Nicole* and as much as she told herself,”not to loose sleep over this,” don’t you know that is just what happened. So what was the big deal that caused a rift between Nicole and June? It all started with an act of God.

The winter brought many damaging wind storms to Westchester County this year. 40, 50 or even 60 mile per hour winds came raging through this area. During one such storm, June had a fence come down. That fence happens to border Nicole’s property. June’s son came to survey the damage and to make a temporary repair until spring when the ground would thaw and allow for a more permanent solution.

As the weather cleared up Nicole used the opportunity to call June’s attention to the matter. Watch this now because it is text book how not to treat your neighbor behavior. Nicole angrily confronted June. She asked her if she had done this ugly thing to her tree. (June’s son had made the tree a brace for holding up the fence because the ground was frozen). She informed June that this is her tree and she wanted it fixed by the end of the week. By the way, June who has lived in the house her whole life thinks the tree belongs to her. Nicole did not give June a chance for a civil discussion on the topic.

There is so much wrong with what went on but, it is oh so typical of how God did not intend for things to run. To start with Nicole should have had a more respectful attitude with an elder neighbor, not to mention that in general Nichole was rude and had a controlling attitude. But, this is Westchester County, New York where we encourage ill-mannered, controlling attitudes. We call it assertive and winning. 

The Bible consistently discusses the concept of justice to the widow, not taking advantage of the widow in her weakness (June has been a widow for several years). Is this the best that we can do with so much going on? Bully a kind and caring widow and demand that she straighten this problem out on the weekend? Also, the weekend she was speaking about just so happened to be Easter weekend. Haven’t we any respect for the church and family celebrations surrounding that date? We are struggling with a worldwide contagion, political chaos, and an uptick in crime but, on a microcosm this is our daily sin.

Then there is my neighbor Jo.* Jo and her husband Niles* bought the house next door to me for close to a million dollars. They vastly overpaid for the property. The real estate prices have traditionally been high in Westchester due to its excellent school systems (depends on what you call excellent) and the proximity of the County to the economic engine of New York City. Maybe that explains why they would pay just shy of a cool million to purchase a house situated on a rock, with a lot of stairs, a minuscule yard and which is situated right off a busy street. 

Spending all that money gives one the right to act as the baronial Lord of the block doesn’t it? All this despite her husbands Yale education, his woke professorial role at a semi-Ivy league school close by. Noblesse oblige I guess. This week she yelled, in her yearly tirade, at one of my lawn men for getting some leaves on her property. This from a woman whose own lawn men have done the same to me. Her roofer indiscriminately dropped her old roof debris onto my property and on top of my new cars. Her airbnb tenant drops dozens of cigarettes in front of my house, not hers, and by my cars not hers. This man who she harasses cleans up after her tenants mess and never complains.

My man Tom* has struggled with depression after loosing his job due to back trouble. He works very hard in the lawn maintenance job that he now has. Yet, he battles back trouble, and depression valiantly. If Jo knew how hard this man works and how much he is battling would she yell at him as if he were a dog? I hope not. But, I tipped him an extra twenty bucks and told him that he was a better man than her. He did not lower himself to her level. However, I could see in his eyes how sad he was. 

This all seems insane to me because I have read the Bible and it gives me clarity on these events. I am my brothers keeper. Pure religion is to uphold the widow. We are called to serve others. Do onto others and all that. I know that these directives are suppose to be more than words. 

The saddest thing to me is how we all need each other but all we do is push one another away. The Bible puts a high premium on treating people fairly. You can have a disagreement but not be mean or unreasonable. You can put yourself in some one else’s place. You can offer to help your neighbor or her son should they need a hand when they get ready to put up their fence. You could stop looking at what leaves are getting put on your lawn and start cleaning up the mess that you have created for others. Or, at least use the same standard on your own workmen that you expect others to uphold. 

As June told me of her sad encounter with her neighbor and after I had sufficiently comforted her, I asked her if it would be okay to lead her in prayer. I reminded her that the Bible tells us to pray for those who hurt us. She agreed. I think we both felt better when we chose to follow God’s directive in all this. I had to do my own praying after I had my own encounter with a so-called neighbor. 

I have learned to express my hurt, vent my anger and then go to God in prayer. It helps give me peace, in a world in need of it. It helps to soften my heart toward that individual. So often after praying for someone, I find empathy and a renewed sense of telling them about Jesus. It helps me to stay on track with the Lord instead of getting caught up in a worldly attitude. 

* the names are changed but the story is true.

Easter 2021

As I read the biblical accounts of the time surrounding Jesus’s death and resurrection and attend church services I begin to think of the meaning of the resurrection. Jesus’s death and resurrection is the pivotal moment in human history upon which everything hinges. His life for our life. His atonement for our sins. His sacrifice for our eternal life. It does not get any more pivotal than that. There is no hope without him, there is no meaning or direction without him. Nothing makes sense without the understanding of what our creator gave for our existence. (1Peter 3:18- For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteousness, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in spirit.)

Yet, we cover that up by overlaying that message with pagan overtones as played out in our egg hunts, Easter bunny photo-ops and chocolate candies. There is no way to soft-pedal the truth that these practices are steeped in early pagan religions. We have all gotten caught up in them in one way or the other and that is all a distraction from the most important event of human history, which is the message of the Cross.(Hebrews 12:2- Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.)

Just where do you think these distractions come from? They are of Satan. Satan who seeks to insert his counterfeit message in place of the real message. The messages are close, Satan but no cigar. I entreat you to grow in Christian maturity by examining, comparing and contrasting all of the Easter traditions and see if this isn’t the case.

Satan creates only a facsimile of the things of God. It is a subtle thing and will tug at people’s imagination and direct them away from the one true God. So, for example, we see the egg and the bunny as being symbols of the rebirth of spring. Fertility of the land meant crops again being planted, food once again growing in the north lands after winter’s deprivations. Animals born in the spring provided the protein sources needed to renew one’s strength. But, behind the subtlety of rejoicing at the turn of seasons is a focusing on the creation rather than the creator.  A replacing of the spiritual by the material. (2Thessalonians 2:9-10- The coming of the lawless one is in accord with the activity of Satan, with all power and signs and false wonders, and with all the deception of wickedness for those who perish, because they did not receive the love of the truth so as to be saved.)

We are grateful to God for the much needed changes brought by the spring season.  We are grateful that God provides the things that we need, including the food that we can now grow and the animals that we can again hunt or raise. But, the focus must be on God. The past included the worship of nature. All of our ancestors were looking for meaning in the stars, in the earth, and in its seasons. They were looking for the meaning of their earthly lives yet, because of the sin of Adam and Eve, that first knowledge was clouded and the counterfeit truth replaced the True.                                                                                                                                 (Romans 1:25- Who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen.)

Are we celebrating a counterfeit Easter this year? If so, how do we begin to change it? The first thing that we must do is to read the biblical accounts of what really happened: beginning with the story of Jesus’s entry into Jerusalem all the way up to his resurrection. Let’s all make sure that we really understand what happened. The story has been co-opted by many people over the years. There have been books and documentaries which have attempted to re-interpret the story. Also, many traditions have arisen clouding peoples understanding of the events and how they actually transpired. So, we begin by making sure that we understand the real story.                                                                                                                                   ( You can begin at Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem. Matthew 21:1-11, Mark 11:1-11, Luke 19: 28-40, and John 12:12-19)

Next, we have to start a dialogue with the world about this real story. That seems simple enough, doesn’t it?  But then we find out that it isn’t really so simple at all.  Many of us have gotten used to compromising our faith in order to placate those around us. We may even be in danger of losing a job or being “cut-off” by a family member. What a terrible shame that it has come to this. However, didn’t Jesus tell us that his followers would have “no place to lay their head?” Aren’t souls at stake? (1 John 2:2- He is propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but, also for the sins of the whole world.)

A good guide about starting this outreach came from my Pastor at a recent service, as he read from the book of Exodus. In this book we see that responsibility for transmitting the Passover message begins within the family. My Pastor described how the story is repeated yearly during each family’s Passover Seder. Are we telling the story of Jesus at our family gatherings this year? The person to person transmission of the truth begins with us and those closest to us. We can not shrink from this responsibility no matter how much our teenagers roll their eyes or old Uncle so-and-so decries “those hypocritical Christians”.   (Exodus 12:14- This is the day you are to commemorate; for the generations to come you shall celebrate it as a Festival of the Lord- a lasting ordinance.)

Finally, there is the word “Easter”.  In previous Easter messages I have gotten into the possible etymology of this word.  I could do it again, but, suffice it to say it is murky. Some Christians have begun to use the phrase “Resurrection Day” instead of “Easter” as a means to begin the dialogue of which we speak. That is great and obviously it clarifies the matter from the start to say “Happy Resurrection Day”, which makes clear what it is they are celebrating. 

However, some Christians feel that since the term “Easter” has become such a part of the vernacular that they will continue to use it but clarify what it means to them. This is all good in my mind because it begins to straighten out some of the counterfeit garbage that has infiltrated the “greatest story every told.”

I believe that the telling of the story of Jesus’ death and resurrection began in a similar manner after his empty tomb was discovered. People began to tell their family. Next, they told anyone who would listen. They needed to sort out lots of things too. Yet, as the church began to grow, they took on this work as a spiritual body with Christ as their head.                                                                                                                  (John 20:17- (Jesus instructing Mary says, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them,’I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”

Oughtn’t we to do the same? Can you imagine the excitement of finding that tomb empty and discovering the promises fulfilled? Don’t we need this now more than ever? I urge us all to make this Resurrection Day count.  It can be called Easter, but let’s all seize the moment that God has given us to make sure that we say something genuine and focus on what is true.  Don’t the hurting people of this world, our neighbors and our family deserve that? I rejoice with you: Jesus Christ is Risen and because of that I have hope.                                                                                                                                                                (I John 4:14- And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.”