Our Looks! (Young Adult Edition)

The popular kids all have a certain look. It all seems so rigid and unfair. Your hair has to do this, you have to be this weight, or that height. What about clothes and accessories? I remember Selena* telling me this story. "The thing this semester is that you have to have a Kate Spade bag. If you don't have one than you're a loser. I hate Kate Spade and I am not going to do it to please everyone else!" Way to go Selena!

 Then there was Amber*. Amber was bullied. What was done to her in a Westchester, N.Y. school was disgusting. Why did this happen? She was cruelly teased because of her clothes, glasses, and being overweight. Amber was a wonderful, sensitive person who did not come from a wealthy family. At times, both her mother and father had to work two jobs to make ends meet. She did not have the latest phone or the latest fashion. In fact, she and her family frequently wore clothes that friends and family gave them after they could no longer use them.

 Jake* got along well in elementary school, but once he got to middle school that changed. You see, when you have a genetic disorder that makes you short of stature, kids don't even notice it until they start getting taller themselves.  His brother was quite the opposite.  First string on the high school varsity football team assured him respect as he walked down the hallways, as well as a cheerleader girlfriend.

 It can be so frustrating when people judge us on how we look or what we wear.  Jake* told me that simply have an acne breakout could assure that he got ridiculed all day. I relate to Jake.  I remember if I saw even a single pimple, telling my mother that I wanted to stay home from school that day! What about the fear of wearing the wrong sneakers?  In my school, if your shoes were the wrong color, it was practically a scandal. What about your school?  Are there things you know that you just don't do at your school, such as listening to certain music, kissing your mom, or wearing certain pants?

These rules are so arbitrary and they make no sense because next year that boy band is in, but those pants are out!  It is important to understand that this is not at all how our creator God sees us. When God created humans, He said, " Let us make man in our image, after our likeness." - Genesis 1:27. Genesis is the first book in the Bible.  God did not waste any time letting us know that we are made
special and good.  " And God saw everything that He had made, and behold it was very good." -Genesis 1:31.  Note : God didn't make you just okay, He made you very good.

1 Samuel 16:7 - "But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him : For the Lord sees not as man sees : man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."   Doesn't this bible verse summarizes all the above stories very well?  Just as God directed his prophet Samuel not to judge someone by how they look or how tall they are, He continues to teach us the same thing today.

Knowing that God doesn't care at all what we wear but looks at our hearts makes that a worthy standard for us to follow in our relationships.  Let us resolve to look deeper and see what kind of  character a person has before we choose them as a friend or before we choose them as a date.  Also, if someone makes a nasty comment to you, we now can see how messed up that is, so don't let it bother you.  Don't go along with kids who insist on teasing others or gossiping about them.  Finally, resolve to see yourself the way God does, " You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you." - Song of Solomon 4:7.


* The names are changed, the stories are true.

Our Parents! (Young Adult Edition)

Father:

I was once like you are now

And I know that it's not easy

To be calm when you've found
Something going on
But take your time, think a lot
Think of everything you've got
For you will still be here tomorrow
But your dreams may not

Son:
How can I try to explain?
When I do he turns away again
It's always been the same, same old story
From the moment I could talk
I was ordered to listen
Now there's a way
And I know that I have to go away
I know I have to go

 from the song "Father and Son" -Cat Stevens, 1970.

Sometimes getting along with our parents seems impossible. They see things one way and we see things another way.  They tell us what to do, what to wear and who we should be friends with.  They treat us as if we were little kids!

The above song tells a story of a father and son who don't get along well.  By the second paragraph, we see that the
son is looking forward to growing up and leaving home.  He
doesn't see any other solution to their problems.  How did it get this bad and is there any other solution to their problems?

It was not always like this.  As little children, we all know that we sometimes missed our parents when they were in another room for five minutes.  We enjoyed being with them.  A lot of us remember saying that we wanted to be just like them when we grew up.

The Bible, a guidebook for living, has a lot of helpful advise to both parents and young people to help things run more smoothly at home. In Ephesians 6:2 it states, " Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise."  Notice that this Bible verse does not say that you should love everything your parents do and every decision that they make.  It says honor them.  Honoring them means carefully giving them the respect of thinking over what they
say.

The term honor means that even if you disagree with them and need to tell them how you feel, that you should do that without yelling or cursing.  The second part of the Bible verse tells us that trying to honor our parents comes with a "promise."  Doesn't that intrigue you just a little bit?  The truth is that when we honor our parents it has long-term good effects.  If we try to work through our differences in our family, we are practicing social skills that will also be useful with our teachers, our friends and when we start a job.

When I first thought about honoring my parents, I thought that God wouldn't ask me to do that if he knew my parents.  My parents had made some huge mistakes in their lives.  Yet, the Bible doesn't tell us to honor our parents only if they deserve it.  No parents are perfect.  We won't be perfect either if we decide to be a parent.  So, let's focus on why we should honor them.

Even thought they are not perfect, their many years of life experience have given them wisdom and insight.  They have been where we are now, and have had many similar experiences. They can look back with some wisdom and give us advise on how to deal with our problems.  The wisest man in the Bible was King Solomon.  Solomon while yet a young man asked God for wisdom. He commented," hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother; for they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck." -Proverbs 1:8-9.

Why not take advantage of the elders in your life?  There is still so much that you can learn from them.  God's desire is for the older men and women in your family to teach you all they know about life.  They will teach you how to take care of a house, family and how to get an education.   

NEXT WEEK : I WILL CONTINUE MY YOUNG ADULT SERIES.          

Is it okay for a Christian to get a tattoo?

This is a question that pops up all the time.  When a new guy comes to Church sporting tattoos up and down his arms or when you see a woman's tattoo accidentally peeking out from under her shirt.  Just search the Internet for "Christian Tattoo" and you will see just how mainstream tattooing has become in the Christian Community.  

There are even Christian tattoo parlors which specialize in creating designs that supposedly glorify God. A man from a Calvary Chapel explained that he uses his "God Saves" tattoo as an evangelizing tool.  I also discovered on a retreat in Ocean Grove, N.J. that a lady I had met at Bible Study had the words, " faith, hope and love" on her back.  It was hard to miss as we frolicked on the beach between activities.

The practice of tattooing is discussed early on in the Bible.  It is mentioned in the third book of the Bible, Leviticus.  As we can see from this ancient reference, tattooing is nothing new.  “Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.” - Leviticus 19:28.  Humans it seems have been tattooing themselves since time immemorial.

This admonition against tattooing oneself came about as God was beginning the process of setting His "chosen people" the Jews apart from the people around them.  They 

were to look different, act different and to center their lives 

around their belief and worship of the one and only true God!

Looking different meant not modifying one's body by cutting or marking it, what we now refer to as tattooing.  The term tattoo came into the modern vernacular after Captain James Cook landed and observed the natives of Tahiti in 1769.  The word tattoo in the English language is believed to be derived from the Polynesian word "tatau."  The word used in this Leviticus passage is the Hebrew word "qa àqà."  It is used only once in the Bible, in this passage.  It means incision, imprintment or mark.

Why do Christians today feel so comfortable marking their bodies with anything, after God so definitively states that we should put no marks on our body?  I have heard a variety of answers to that question.  "The tattoo marks referred to in the Bible are clearly marks that are associated with 

worshipping other gods, I'm not doing that!"  Or "the New Testament declared the freedom, so we don't have to abide by those laws."  

Yet, what are the origins of tattoos and what has been their historical relationship to Christianity?  Anthropological evidence  indicates that marking and/or cutting practices were present in Africa, Asia, the Middle East, Europe, the Americas and Oceania.  It was and still is associated with religious practices.  It is important to note that as Christian missionaries reached these various places and people came to know the Lord that these practices stopped.  That is 

because of the admonition in Leviticus as well as the understanding that it was not a decorative art but part of various religious systems.  

Never in the history of Christianity was tattooing ever brought into our religious life and was in fact actively and consistently discouraged.  That is until the later part of the twentieth century, when there was a general uptick in worldwide tattoo practices.  Christians began to join in this trend.

Some questions that every Christian needs to ask themselves before undertaking a tattoo are :

1. How does the Biblical mandate to, " be in the world, but not of it," factor into this decision.  

2. How would I feel if I knew that God intended us not to get a tattoo as much today as he did when Leviticus was first written?  

3. Do I want to be in God's perfect will or permissible will?

4. How do I wish to use the freedom that God has given me?5. In Revelation 13:17 we learn that there will be a time that a mark will be needed in order to buy or sell goods in the marketplace.  How might a tattoo be part of the antichrist's end time scenario?

    Just some food for thought!  What do you think?

Love Gone Wrong

"Once I ran to you, now I'll run from you. 

  This tainted love you've given 

   I give you all a boy could give you, 

   take my tears and that's not nearly all."  -"Tainted Love"

The group "Soft Cell" had a hit in 1981 with the song, "Tainted Love."  Tainted Love" was the best-selling single in the UK for 1981.  In the United States, the song reached number eight during 1982 and spent a then record-breaking forty-three weeks on the Hot 100 List.  The writer of this song clearly touched upon some inconvenient truths about the love gone bad in all our lives.  It was a little slice of the truth and people couldn't get enough of it.  This week I heard stories that could clearly be described as tainted love and I struggled to understand how and why these love stories ended up going so badly.

Wildflowers on a Walk in France

                                                            

Shannon* is a beautiful woman who is in the midst of a nasty divorce. According to Shannon,* her soon to be ex-husband "wants to destroy" her.  Far from being an amicable split, he will leave no stone unturned as he tries to cut himself a better financial deal.  He has tried to prove that she is an unfit mother through fabricating stories that he knows are not true.  He wants sole custody of their son even though that is not in his child's best interest.  If that isn't bad enough, he immediately took up with a woman ten years younger than Shannon and is already living with her.

Lena's* a talented architect and has had an amazing career.  Throughout her life she has had a series of relationships with men who were in some way or other not emotionally available to her.  One was married, one ended up liking men better and one was married and an alcoholic!

Olga* had attempted suicide two times over a man, but when Lev* met her all he could see was how he was going to save her.  She ended up getting pregnant with another man's child while still married 

to Lev.

Bust at Villa Melzi in Italy

 "Get away
  From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
  The love we share
  Seems to go nowhere
  And I've lost my light
  For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night."  -"Tainted Love"

The above stories may shock you.  The things that we see happen in our parents marriage or our own 

marriages can dishearten us.  What went wrong in their love stories?  Is there hope for your
struggling relationship?  The Bible contains an amazing amount of stories of love gone wrong.  It 

also describes consequences, solutions and healing.  One in particular that we can learn a lot from is
the story of King David and Bathsheba contained in the Book of Second Samuel.

Bust from Villa Melzi, Italy 

King David was gifted and blessed.  He lost sight of that, and his relationship with God.  He strayed 

from his values, and veered toward his own case of tainted love.  If that could happen to a man "after 

God's own heart" such as King David, is it any surprise that each and every one of us has had our own disastrous love life chapter?  

The story of David and Bathsheba can be found in 2 Samuel 11:2-20, 26, 27.  It is as shocking as the
above tales of love gone wrong and indeed contains many elements of those stories except worse because in ended up in murder!  Here is that story.

2 And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon.

3 And David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?

4 And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house.

5 And the woman conceived, and sent and told David, and said, I am with child.

6 And David sent to Joab, saying, Send me Uriah the Hittite. And Joab sent Uriah to David.

7 And when Uriah was come unto him, David demanded of him how Joab did, and how the people did, and how the war prospered.
  8 And David said to Uriah, Go down to thy house, and wash thy feet. And Uriah departed out of the king's house, and there followed him a mess of meat from the king.

9 But Uriah slept at the door of the king's house with all the servants of his lord, and went not down to his house.

10 And when they had told David, saying, Uriah went not down unto his house, David said unto Uriah, Camest thou not from thy journey? Why then didst thou not go down unto thine house?

11 And Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields; shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? As thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing.

12 And David said to Uriah, Tarry here to day also, and tomorrow I will let thee depart. So Uriah abode in Jerusalem that day, and the morrow.

13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

14 And it came to pass in the morning, that David wrote a letter to Joab, and sent it by the hand of Uriah.

15 And he wrote in the letter, saying, Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye 
from him, that he may be smitten, and die.

16 And it came to pass, when Joab observed the city, that he assigned Uriah unto a place where he 
knew that valiant men were.

17 And the men of the city went out, and fought with Joab: and there fell some of the people of the servants of David; and Uriah the Hittite died also.

18 Then Joab sent and told David all the things concerning the war;

19 And charged the messenger, saying, When thou hast made an end of telling the matters of the war unto the king,

20 And if so be that the king's wrath arise, and he say unto thee, Wherefore approached ye so nigh unto the city when ye did fight? knew ye not that they would shoot from the wall?

26 And when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband.

27 And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his 
wife, and bare him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.

Villa Melzi in Italy

David had displeased the Lord, as do we when we fail to follow Godly relational standards.  When we fail to love as God loves, when we fail in fairness, when we covet that which is not ours, it always ends in sorrow, cruelty, adultery and the death of goodness.  Uriah payed with his life because of the sins of others.  How unfair is that!  When we are wronged, as my friends Shannon* and Lev* were, it feels like a death.  It is a death.  A death of trust and innocence.  A breaking of a covenant bond that is so sacred that some people are broken-hearted and never love again.

David lusted after Bathsheba.  The lust he felt trumped all that he knew was right.  Bathsheba was a married woman.  "Thou shalt not commit adultery."  That is perfectly clear.  Knowing that David was in a position of authority as King also leads one to conjecture if perhaps there was undue persuasion on his part.  Also a no-no.  After Bathsheba gets pregnant, David's first reaction is to try to pass it off as Uriah's baby! Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.  

Please do not be deceived, this story is a template for the course of every affair.  Take my friend Lena* for example.  The man she was involved with, who was both married and an alcoholic, did not end happy for her.  She pursued this relationship for many years.  He never left his wife and in fact split time between the two women.  When he got ill, he went back to his wife and children who took care of him. He choose to turn away from this illicit affair and back to God and his family.

Brochure in the Back of A Taxi, Bermuda

King David also came to a place of brokenness and true repentance before it was too late.  He went to God with a humble and contrite heart and was made clean again.  That is what God has for each and every one of us as we navigate the obstacle course of our life.  We will make mistakes.  No matter what you have done He can cleanse and restore you.  He can heal you from past hurts and keep you from becoming jaded and untrusting.  However, while God forgives us, He does not take away the consequences of our actions.  In David's case, there was much suffering and even the death of a child.  Don't go down the tainted love path.  Instead, follow God, obey His commandments and pray for true 

happiness.

*the names and some details may have been changed to protect the innocent.  I hope that you enjoyed    the photos that I took on this page.