New Year, New You!

As the New Year commences, our minds naturally turn towards thoughts of self-improvement. In most cultures worldwide, the concept of a New Year is associated with new beginnings or a fresh start. In Puerto Rico for example, cleaning one's home is associated with the New Year. Some ceremoniously throw a bucket of water out of their window and unto the street as the midnight hour arrives. These actions dramatically showcase the opportunities inherent in the New Year.
(For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."-Jeremiah 29:11)

Yet, many of us over time, have become jaded or disenfranchised from this concept. Maybe we have tried to start an exercise regime or learn a new language to no avail. Perhaps, this has happened a number of times. If we allow these feelings to persist, we loose an important opportunity to tweek our lives and make some well-needed changes. Open your heart to the possibility of change, that is the first step toward a New Year and a New You!

Where are you physically, emotionally and spiritually at the moment? Perhaps, you should consider this a guide as you resolve to chart a new course in the year ahead. Do you have a dream? Why are you letting time pass? There is no time like the present. Go get a piece of paper. Make three columns at the top of the page, like you did at school. In Column 1, write the word physical, column 2 write emotional and column 3, spiritual. On the other side of the page, write down the words, My Goals For This Year Are.

Without thinking about it too much, write down whatever comes to mind under each category. Allow thoughts that are easy to repress to come forth so that you can, in perfect honesty, access where you are at as you begin this New Year. Have you put on some weight, are there any medical conditions that you need to be mindful of?  How are you feeling? As you reflect upon this, and similar questions, you will be able to determine your physical baseline at the beginning of your year's journey.

In Column 2 we think of where we are emotionally. Are you happy? I hope that you are. But, as you begin the New Year, are there emotional issues that you have yet to deal with? These issues might be holding you back. These might include childhood pain, depression, lingering grief or some addiction. Think about patterns in your life which have emerged over this past year. Is there something you would like to change? (So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom-Psalm90:12)

No accessment would be complete without thinking of the spiritual basis by which you run your life. January is a great month to open up your Bible and begin to explore these questions. Do one of those Bible-in-a-Year studies, join a Bible study group or even create a group yourself! (But seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you-Matthew 6:33)

Now, turn over your page and focus on the words : My Goals For This Year are. Be sure to say a prayer and ask God to guide and direct you in the year ahead. Then, begin to write down your goals. No goal is too little or too large. Your goal might be to get out of that wheelchair. It might be to get out of debt or start a business. Write it down along with the first steps that you will take towards pursuing your goal in the month of January. (To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven-Ecclesiastes 3:1) 

May God bless you in the New Year!

The Joy Of The Season-Part 2

I try not to lose site of Jesus during the Christmas Season. Of course, just like all of you, my celebrations have grown and evolved to include family and cultural traditions that have absolutely nothing to do with the story surrounding Jesus' miraculous conception and birth. It is a struggle to keep Christ central with so many competing seasonal activities and distractions. 

Here is a partial list of some of these distractions: Christmas shopping, Christmas Decorating, Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Reindeer, Santa, Ugly Sweater Parties, Seasonal Overtime on the Job, and School Exams just before Christmas. Most of these things are not bad in and of themselves but when put all-together, the result is that of crowding Jesus out of a day which purports to celebrate His birth.

How did my Christmas holiday grow to include a requisite office party where drunk co-workers sing sexually suggestive lyrics at a karaoke bar? How did Christmas become linked with yearly videos depicting women fighting over sales items on Black Friday? Yet, it is for us to choose to make an about-face and head back towards the true meaning of the Christmas celebration.  

I make small steps every year to choose to put Jesus back in the manger. It begins with reading the prophesies telling of God's promise to send a Savior. Next, I read and reflect upon the Infancy Narratives in the Bible,i.e. the accounts given by Matthew, Luke and John concerning His birth. This year, here are some of the scriptures that I have focused on.

Scriptures for your Christmas Reflections:

Isaiah 11:1-Then a shoot will spring from the stem of Jesse, and a branch from his roots will bear fruit.

Jeremiah 23:8- Behold, the days are coming, declares the Lord,"When I will raise up for David a righteous Branch; and He will reign as King and act wisely and do justice and righteousness in the land."

Zechariah 3:8- Hear, O Joshua, the high priest, you and your companions who sit before you, for they are a wondrous sign; for behold, I am bringing forth My Servant, the BRANCH.

Zechariah 5:12- Behold the Man whose name is the BRANCH! From His place He shall branch out, and He shall build the temple of the Lord

John 1:1-2- In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.

John 1:14- And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 15:1-I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.

The first four verses above describe shoots, and branches. These are certainly evocative allusions for me as I face a cold northeastern United States winter. Looking out my window I see trees where sap has ceased to flow, and I think of what it means to have life spring from a stem, as described in Isaiah 11:1. It will certainly be quite some time before any of my trees, such as the cherry and pear trees that I have in my garden, will bring forth fruit. And, so it was for the Jewish people awaiting a Messiah.

This year, I have found myself reflecting upon some of perhaps, the less popular bible verses of the season. I am thinking about the Gospel of John and how he refers to the birth of Jesus. The evangelist John does not repeat the earlier gospel accounts of Jesus' birth. The gospels of Matthew and Luke cover all the details that we have come to know as the Christmas Story. The Angel Gabriel's visit to Mary. Her assent to bear the Child destined to be the Savior of the world. We learn of the glad tidings of Jesus' birth delivered by a multitude of angels to the shephards in the field. And, of His humble birth in the manger. All of the adorable Christmas plays that we have seen with Angels with crooked halos or Joseph tripping over his robe are based on these two accounts.

But what does John have to say and why? John opens with a powerful assertion. That is, that Jesus is indeed God! He pulls no punches as he harkens back to connect this child born in a manger to the creation of the world. This can be seen by the language that he uses. Open the first book of the Bible, Genesis 1:1 and it says, "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. John 1:1 opens as you can see (above) with the same first three words,"In the beginning."  John then goes on to refer to Jesus as the "Word." Qué rico! How rich it is, to think of Jesus as the Word or divine presence of God. Just like the thought of a ripe and fruitful pear tree makes my mouth water, how much more so to think of God Himself fully present to us, as described in John 1:14 (above). Finally, in our last verse, we again return to an agricultural reference, as Jesus declares, that He is the true vine. This verse again affirms the language of the prophets as they spoke of the coming Messiah.

The joy of the Christmas season is well expressed in a popular Christmas song that you all know. It says, joy to the world the Lord has come, let earth receive her King. The very essence of the holiday is the simple joy of knowing that the salvation that you have been seeking has arrived. It is up to us to choose to accept the offer. But, unlike the Black Friday deals you missed out on, the offer is always available. May God's presence be manifest in your life and home this season and always. Merry Christmas everyone!

The Joy Of The Season-Part 1

Tidings of comfort and joy to all my readers. As we approach Christmas and the New Year, I wanted to make sure that you are equipped to make the most of this holiday season. Focusing on the manger message is key. Then the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David, a Savior, who is Christ the Lord."-Luke 2:9-10

What is Christmas? It is the commemoration and celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ  is the Savior sent by God Almighty to reconcile us to Himself. To create a pathway by which we, in our sinful state, could be washed and made pure. God choose to send His Son into our lives so that we would know that we have a God who has experienced what we have in this life and world. That certainly happened when Jesus was plopped right down in the middle of an impoverished and politically tumultuous environment. "And this will be the sign to you: You will find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."-Luke2:12

The family, Jesus was to be born into, was humbled by the circumstances of their day. Mary was forced, in her last trimester of pregnancy, to travel under very rough conditions in order that their family could be counted in a government census. That census would indeed enable the fulfillment of prophesy (that the Messiah would be born in Bethlehem). But, did that make the trip any easier? Jesus was birthed in an animal stall and put in an animal feeding trough which was used as His bassinet. "But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of you shall come forth to Me the One to be Ruler in Israel, whose goings forth are from of old, from everlasting."-Micah 5:2

Jesus chose to be with the people of that time and place as a sign that He is with you in all the worst circumstances of your life. The pain, the political tumult, the rough conditions. The joy of the season emanates from this message. We would do well to meditate on the nativity stories in the upcoming weeks. This will help us to have a happy and productive Christmas. Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.-Romans 15:13

Throughout the years, I have seen many struggles and challenges during the Christmas season. The struggles usually come from unrealistic expectations of the holiday and veering away from the manger message. There is a lot of additional work entailed in making the holiday magic that we see all around us. This can leave people tired, and frayed nerves often ensue at family gatherings or mall parking lots. How do you cope with tense family gatherings or office parties? Sometimes people dread these events because of the mean things that will be said or the drunkenness that will happen. Do we worry too much about creating the perfect meal, getting the perfect gift or impressing our family? If any of this is you, it is time to put these things in perspective and come up with a plan to better cope with your holiday. These things I have spoken to you that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.-John 16:33

Do you struggle because your family does not help you? If all you and your husband do is fight over the additional chores then do something to make it easier. Sometime this means a compromise. Maybe, as a child, your family had the best lights in the neighborhood. Your husband doesn't care about that, so, reach a compromise. Do a small and easy display. What about taking turns? One year your husband might make you happy by doing a big light display and the following year maybe you can make him happy by just doing the evergreen wreaths and garlands that he enjoys. One year you can have turkey and one year ham. Maybe you can do potluck suppers so that everyone can share the work. Perhaps this can help your family not resent the work they must do. Most of all remember the Christmas baby Jesus who God sent as a gift to us all. Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!-2 Corinthians 9:15

Groping! What Is This Hollywood?

The first time that I was groped, I was riding a New York City Subway at rush hour. I was thirteen years old. Barely able to give up my dolls as I began high school, I could scarcely imagine what was happening to me. My first thought was disassociative and fearful. I thought that "this touch must be an accident, because the subway is so crowded." So, I moved the few inches away that were available to me, and the man just moved toward me again. I knew that I had been violated but I did not yet have a word to describe it. I quickly pushed through the crowd and got out of that subway car as quickly as I could. That night my mother comforted me and gave a name to what had just happened to me. She told me it was called "groping."

What an evil world we live in. To think that there are those around us who, like the man on that subway, develop a strategy to prey upon people sexually. They do not have a normal sex life. They have justified in their mind why it is okay to sexually touch a child or teenager that they see, or even someone under their care. They have spent time and put thought into how to make it look innocent. They even shop for the most favorable location, such as crowded trains during rush hour. They are big time sinners. Oh Lord help us.

The world is reeling right now after case upon case of sexual predation is revealed. It seems everyday there are dozens of articles about people in movie, television, politics, and the teaching profession who are accused or have been arrested for some form of sexual crime. It seems so out of control. How did we let it get so bad? How did we fall so far from God's sexual standards for us? The answer begins in our rebellion against God and His statutes. Just like Eve in the Garden Of Eden, we desire parity with God Almighty. We want to create our own standards for what is right and wrong.

But, if history has shown us one thing, it is that when left to our own devices, the standards we develop will be screwed up. What does God do with His authority? He creates. He loves in an everlasting way. He gives perfect justice. He does not abuse His Authority but wields it with righteousness. What do we do? We destroy, and we develop systems of inauthentic love. We have justice for hire and we wield our authority with corruption and selfishness. Understanding this is the beginning of cleaning up the sexual cesspool that characterizes our world at the moment.

The fall from innocence that happened when I was first groped at the tender age of thirteen, lead me to develop tactical moves and defensive positions to stand-up to those who would so cruelly use me. I thought that I was in control and victorious. It had been a very long time since I had to deal with this issue on a personal level, but the time came in the last place that I ever expected such a thing to happen-Church.

Theoretical, I knew that it happens there, but deep in my heart I thought that Church was one of the places that I could truly relax and feel safe. That conclusion came to an abrupt end when one day an usher inappropriately touched me. "Why didn't I scream out or draw people's attention to what ******* was doing? Why didn't I tell him off?"  The answer that I have will be the same response that women have always given to answer these questions.  ******* was an usher at Church, a position of authority. He was one of the insiders at this Church and many members of his family were involved in Church ministries. They taught Sunday School, ran the church kitchen, cleaned and did maintance.  This Church was his petty fiefdom and he felt safe and shameless before his family and God. Thank you God, that You give perfect justice in the fullness of time.

My immediate reaction was not unlike that which I felt all those many years ago. I felt violated and hurt. But with adulthood, I was able to give voice to my deeper thoughts,questions and emotions in a more substantial way. "Why did he do that? Why didn't he know that this was wrong before God? After all, he attends bible study, Sunday Service and goes on religious retreats every year. Why such disconnect between what he learned in a lifetime of church attendance and his actions?" All these thoughts crossed my mind immediately. Also, "does his wife or the rest of his family know? How could they not?" Perhaps, I thought, some of them had been victimized too.

I told my husband and best friend at Church. They all felt the same emotions that I did and inevitable frustration concerning confronting a person in a position of authority. Would I be believed? Would I have to leave the Church? Did this Church lack discernment? As the three of us endeavored to answer the many questions and emotions that emerge when people are victimized in any way, some answers began to emerge. Firstly, through observations at Church. Over time, we determined that****** was one of those expert's at making things look like they are all innocent. For example, under the guise of being the good usher, ******* placed a Church blanket on a young woman then patted her upper thigh in the process. Or there was the several women that he gave inappropriately tight hugs that could be characterized less as a good natured bear hug and more as an attempt to get intimate knowledge of a woman's frame.

Secondly, we began to see the family and church system which allowed his behavior to go unabated for so long. I believe God gave me some insight into this sin and it's ecosystem. After service one Sunday, as many were enjoying fellowship and coffee, we were discussing a scripture passage that one of the men, Corey*, had brought up for discussion. Much to my surprise, *******'s wife came over and joined our table. Surprised, because, in this Church everyone seemed to have their own table sort of like high school. Her husband then quickly and rather awkwardly sprinted over to join our group.

I can't remember the Bible verse up for discussion that day. Corey had recently begun to bring a bible verse every Sunday to Church for us to ponder during coffee hour. But, out of the blue  ******* started to discuss the topic of how his childhood Church was very affectionate. Everyone at the table except *******and his wife were surprised by the sudden and strange change of topics. He obviously had something on his mind. Was the guilt killing him? Or, did he have the obsessive need to justify his actions to himself and others?

He claimed that his childhood Church was very affectionate. He reminded us that the Bible tells us to greet each other with a holy kiss and so it was practically compulsory! How arrogant and evil does someone have to be to use God's Holy Word to justify groping!? The table discussion turned toward a discussion of proper boundaries and godly love. The discussion became heated. That's because there was a great big pink elephant in the middle of this room and we all were grappling with it in one way or another. I can't say that we made a dent in *******'s thinking that day. I saw a man in complete denial about the truth. I also saw how a wife can defend her husband out of a misguided sense of what submission to your husband entails. I saw loyalty to sin.

I was very unhappy with myself and the way that I handled the whole situation. I know part of being a godly woman is standing up for what is right and standing against what is wrong. None of us gets it right every time. Only God does. Besides forgiving the groper, I had to forgive myself. I saw nepotism in this Church. I was afraid of confronting a system which I thought would favor the groper. I was reminded that I was not as big or tough as I thought, and how very much that I needed a Savior.

Should a Church be a place where one expects fair treatment? Of course. The Church should follow biblical mandates of conduct and when disputes arise it should be settled accordingly.  Groping should not exist in a Church but as long as sin exists, we we have to grapple with these issues. If we could handle these problems better than Hollywood does, imagine what a change Christians could make in our world. We must strive for that. We can not do it apart from God.

I left that Church for that and a variety of reasons. A short time after that, when I was shopping at Sam's Club, I ran into a lady who still attends that Church. She gave me a big hug and told me that she missed me. "Why did you stop coming was it because of.........never mind" she said. "No," I replied,"wait a minute did you have a problem with him too?" "Yes", she said. "I am so sorry, did you tell anyone." I asked. "No and for the same reason you didn't. ******* has made himself indespensible plus, I don't think anyone really cares."













******* -the perpetrator, and *-one star is a changed name.

The Sociopath In Your Pew

For some, their purpose for attending Church, is not what it would seem. A Church is a place of worship, fellowship and learning. A place of healing where miracles happen in people's lives as they come to know and grow in the knowledge and relationship of God. So, it should come as no surprise that we see people in varying stages of spiritual sickness and wellness in the congregation. I have talked a lot about that in my blog.

The Church is, or should be, a spiritual emergency room, not a phony-baloney holier than thou club. We should be fully equipped to deal with those souls in need of assistance, but often we are not. Instead of truth and a safety net, sometimes people feel stymied and afraid to be less than perfect in the Christian Church. They are afraid of people's judgement, or worse yet rejection and gossip! This is not how it should be. If you have felt this at a church then, that Church has departed from the message of the Bible.

There are churches out there, that are not equipped to help those struggling with lust, covetousness or addictions. Jesus came that we might be set free from sin and ungodliness. The Bible shows us that our changed life is a sign to others of Gods' power to transform the circumstance. So, if we are afraid to discuss the mess that we are in, and how God can change a life, we might as well take the CHURCH SIGN DOWN AND GO HOME. It is important that we as Christians lend a helping hand, and point one another to the Savior and His redemption.

But, as I have said before, there are some who enter through the Church doors who are not what they seem. They have a mindset that often requires a miracle to cure.  The condition that they are afflicted with is called sociopathy. Estimates say that about one per cent of women and three per cent of men may suffer from this. On a practical level, that means that churches may assume that out of a hundred men and women in a congregation, that a handful of them may be effected by this problem.

Lies and Manipulation
Jill* was a beautiful 40 year old divorcée who had just moved to Westchester County from Syracuse, New York, to start a new life with her children. When she met Wayne*, it was the perfect storm. Wayne had recently went through a divorce himself and, in the process of searching for meaning in his life, he had come to accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior. As a new believer, he had quite a few things to learn. First of all, there is no such thing as missionary dating. That means that when you meet a person whom you might consider dating, the first thing that you should look for is that they are a fellow Christian. Secondly, he had not yet understood the biblical definition of a good woman. See Proverbs 31.

Although Wayne sincerely wanted to follow the Lord, he was flattered by all the attention Jill was giving him and all of the things she was doing for him. She moved right in with flattery, helpfulness and a whole lot of sexy. She even told him that she wanted to come to Church with him. This made him very happy. But, just because he was a Christian didn't mean that this relationship wasn't the blind leading the blind. This relationship moved very fast and pretty soon, they were married.  It was then that Wayne's life took a dramatic turn for the worse.

Jill and Wayne moved into a million dollar home with an indoor swimming pool, and enough bedrooms to house all of their children but, this was not one big happy family. From the onset this marriage failed to thrive and had a myriad of issues. Those issues made Jill reach out to me one Sunday at the Church's coffee hour. She knew that I had done an intensive bible study program on marriage and wondered if I might come over for a cup of coffee and some prayer. I assented and came to visit Jill at her luxurious home. Jill and I sat down to coffee and scones in a drawing room reminiscent of a "Downton Abbey" setting. Jill was distraught and downright nervous as she regaled me with tales of her disasterous marriage.

The problems that she described were extreme. Some red flags went up for me immediately at that first conversation. Was she telling the truth? Was she in an abusive marriage or was this something else? I was unsure what was really going on but, as a Christian I wanted to be helpful in any case. She told me that her husband was a hypocrite, and the opposite of a godly Christian man. He did not want to support his stay at home wife and she had to beg him for money. According to her, he favored his children from his first marriage and was neither loving nor supportive of hers'. This part wasn't so far from the array of issues and feelings normally experienced in a blended family.

However, this was not all, according to Jill. Wayne's children told a child guardian that they did not want to sleep at their dad's home because of Jill. The judge agreed! Jill blamed Wayne's lazy spoiled  daughters and their vindictive mother, who wanted to ruin her marriage, for all of these problems. She continued and explained that her husband blamed her for this and, in addition, for a fight that she had with his parents. She characterized his parents as terrible people.  She told me that now that she had become a Christian, she wanted to save her marriage because she knows that is pleasing to God! That sounded good I thought.

But, I found out over time that saving a marriage for her meant getting her husband to fork over the dough for her lavish lifestyle and cutting everyone out of Wayne's life except her. At first, she told me that she thought the Church's marriage ministry could help them. I agreed that a great first step was to  start their marriage off on the right foot by clarifying godly principles of family life. On my part, I sat down with her and studied bible verses which I thought could be helpful. Sometime later, Wayne and Jill began seeking help for their marriage through the Church.

Pretty soon, the Church Marriage Ministry was cracking under the pressure. It was creating factions on the Church team, something our faith cautions against. The Pastor and his wife even had a fight or two concerning this couple. The Marriage Ministry had never dealt with such deep and intense problems before. Realizing this, the Church recommended that Wayne and Jill see a Christian marriage therapist. For me, it appeared that a pattern was emerging. Wherever Jill went, trouble followed.

It only got worse. Fights at funerals, charges of stalking, anonymous letters and many ruined family activities. Every three months, either Wayne or Jill threatened to divorce one another. This was as dysfunctional as it got. The worst part was the damage that this did to the family, friends and children of this couple. It was making everyone sick. Wayne developed high blood pressure and suffered a mild stroke. I even believe that Jill's son had a resurgence of childhood asthma due to the extreme stress of his family situation.

I began to realize that I had come face to face with a sociopath! Jill had no friends, but she drew people to herself by playing on their sympathy. When they were not useful to her, she unceremoniously dumped them. She played the good wife and sacrificing mother but I saw evidence to the contrary. When Jill's mask would come down, I saw callous indifference to her son's asthma attack's and downright hatred for her husband's children. Evidence emerged of her trying to move money in her husband's financial accounts without his knowledge.

I also noticed that Jill always had to be the center of attention. It was absolutely beyond the pale to see the lengths that she would go to remain central, even creating drama if necessary. When her brother was receiving too much attention at his own engagement party, Jill seemed to pick a fight with him and seemed to purposely say things to embarrass him on his special day. Another time, at a party I threw, the adulation my cello playing friend was receiving seemed to be too much for Jill. So, in the middle of a Bach movement, she started to ask the musician a question. I quickly quieted her down, but honestly, who does that? She even said some very inappropriate things to a few Christian men that day.

Yet, even after all this, I fervently was hoping for a miracle to transform her life. I kept hoping for her to hear, that sermon or, apply that bible verse. She seemed miserable and unable or unwilling to make a change. Many people at Church shunned her. Even her own family had to keep their distance from her when she was at her worst. What is the truth about the "sociopath in your pew?" Are they responsible for what they do or are they just mentally ill? Her brother told me that Jill has never taken responsible for any of the awful things that she has done throughout her life and that she never ever says that she is sorry! How chilling is that? Lack of remorse is one of the characteristics of a sociopath. How can salvation be available to an individual who seems absolutely incapable of repentance? Is she beyond prayer or a miracle? What steps must a church take to treat people humanely and still effectively contain a situation so that it does not jeopardize the proper function of a congregation?

Sociopaths exist in our family, church and place of employment. We must try to follow God in the midst of the challenges they pose. Only with our focus on the Lord can we have patience, hope and love. It is important that we not get caught up in their drama and manipulations. If it seems crazy, it is crazy. Don't doubt your gut instinct. If a person seems unstable we can pray for them, and offer godly advise.  But, do not give them personal information that they may use to hurt you or other Church members. Do not give them money thinking that this is Christian charity. Jill asked me for a loan using her engagement ring as collateral. She kept that ring in a vault. So, I asked her to produce the ring, so that I could have it appraised. When I said that, she quickly backed off her request. She was looking for a patsy, not a responsible exchange of money. It is better to confront a sociopath directly. So, maybe not kick them out of church but give them a choice of following godly personal conduct standards and choosing to be part of the Body of Christ. If they are trying to pull a con, chances are knowing that you are on to them, would make them choose to leave. As Christians, let us live in prayer and hope that any person may come to know Jesus and change their ways.

Next Week: Groping, what Is This Hollywood?

* the names and some details are changed.

All Under One Roof

There are times when it is a good idea for you to move in with your family. It may not be what you want but it's a good idea. Maybe you are unable to work because of a health problem. Perhaps the business that you started failed and left you in a financial hole. Can't get a job after graduation? These might all be reasons to consider moving in with family. There are many more reasons that it might be feasible. But, often people view moving in with their family as a negative. They fear loss of privacy and independence. They are afraid of old sibling rivalries or family discord popping up. This post will cover some of the positives.
DIVORCE
Tony's* life hit the skids after his divorce. The money spent on legal bills hit him hard, not to mention the cost of renting a new place. The rents have gone way up here in Westchester County since he and his wife first rented a place seventeen years ago. Since she got to remain in their apartment as part of the divorce agreement, that meant Tony would have to find a new place. This was proving much more difficult than Tony originally thought.

Tony grew up in a large Italian family in a middle class section of Yonkers, New York. He had lost touch with many of those family members and friends after his marriage to Maria*. Maria had preferred the more refined company of friends in their ********** community. She looked down upon their treks to the old neighborhood. But, since Tony and Maria's marital problems began, those friends in the new neighborhood hadn't wanted anything to do with Tony. His downward financial spiral seemed to diminish their affection for him. However, there was someone who had been praying for him all along. Someone who had tried to keep in touch with Tony despite being ignored by him over the years. That was his Uncle Al. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgives you-Colossians 3:13.

Tony had fond childhood memories of pasta e fagiole and canolis over at Uncle Al and Aunt Fran's house. Uncle Al and Aunt Fran always took him to see Yankees games and to the beach in the summer. When Aunt Fran died, Tony couldn't handle his Uncle's grief. His depression at the death of his beloved wife just seemed to get worse and worse until he could barely leave the house. Then something happened. A local merchant made a condolscense call and dropped off a basket of food and shared his faith in Jesus Christ.

Uncle Al gradually started to heal from his grief as he embraced his new-found faith in Jesus.  As glad as Tony was to see his Uncle happy again, he wasn't so sure how he felt about this new Uncle Al. The old jokes that Uncle Al and Tony shared didn't seem to fly with Uncle Al anymore, and why was Uncle Al always at Church or studying the Bible? Yet, at this critical junction in his life, he didn't have many options. So, when Uncle Al called him up and invited him over for coffee and cannolis, Tony was inclined to accept.

UNPLANNED PREGNANCY
In Aphrodite's* case, it seemed that her mother's advise against moving in with Dante*, her high school sweetheart, was right. So, how was she going to find the courage to tell her mother that Dante was now incarcerated on a drug dealing charge, she is pregnant with his child, and doesn't have a job or a place to live? That is where she was at when I first met Aphrodite. She was afraid and alone and in need of some courage. She walked in the door of a bible study that I was attending one evening looking like a little, lost, sheep. My son, keep your father's command and do not forsake your mother's teaching-Proverbs 6:20.

She came straight to the point and shared her story with anyone who was willing to listen. She was desperate and in need of help and all she could think of was to come to a Church. What a great instinct she had that night. We talked through her problems and shared some biblical insight. We role-played the conversation she might have with her mother as she explained her situation. She joined our bible study that night.

SOLUTIONS
In both of the above cases reconnecting with family was a meaningful step on the road to recovery. Both Aphrodite and Tony moved back home with family. It was a great way to save money and work through family issues that had never been resolved. Uncle Al needed help around the house and Tony was able to assist him. Tony realized who really loved him and how snobby he had once been. He has even gone to church a few times and reconnected with some old friends. We love because He first loved us-1 John 4:19.

Aphrodite had to learn to be humble. She has apologized to her mother for her past rebellion. Having been out there trying to make it on her own has given Aphrodite a new-found respect for all her mother was able to accomplish. Moving home has allowed Aphrodite the opportunity to be able to go back to school. Her mother takes care of her grandson while she is in class. Aphrodite has continued to attend bible study. She still struggles with trying to understand God's plan for marriage. So we, though many are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another-Romans12:5

Idols In Your Home

One of the Ten Commandments admonishes us not to make "graven images." Indeed, there is a theme in the Bible connecting idols to the worship of false gods. But do you know what that means in your life? I remember reading my First Children's Bible which alerted me to the fact that : one should not make or have graven images. As I looked around the bourgeois living room of my childhood, I got to wondering if God prohibited my mother's little collection of statutes in that room. The mini statue of Le Penseur (The Thinker) by Rodin procured in a museum which inspired me to think deeply, was that a graven image? What about her statue's of birds from around the world? Or, even my mothers kitschy collection of peasant children reminding one of pastoral European times of old?

In my child's mind, this commandment confused me for quite some time. Did the Bible prohibit me from taking that High School sculptor class? What about the viewing of the Egyptian collection of gods at the Metropolitan Museum? All these questions percolated in my mind and, as time went by, and life unfolded, I slowly started to see what an idol really was. I started to be aware of the many things which I might be tempted to do which would lead me away from God, and idols were a part of that.

I started to realize that it was not my mother's statue of a humming bird which would be an afront to God but putting things ahead of God. Not giving Him (God) the place in my life that He deserved was the affront to God! Of course, it is a little more complicated than that. After all, the Bible wouldn't have so many verses concerning idolatry if it were a simple matter. Let's look at a few of those verses and see what we can learn. The first goes back to God's giving of the Law. In Exodus 20:3-5a it says : you shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself a carved image-any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. 

My first thought is that the giving of the commandments is essentially God addressing our human condition and trying to improve it. If we weren't idol-makers than we wouldn't need this commandment. John Calvin, the Reformation Theologian said it well,"the human heart so to speak, is a perpetual forge of idols."  Thinking of this John Calvin quote brings to mind the story of how God's chosen people (the Jews) fashioned a golden calf to worship when Moses was busy conducting godly business. Was it the lack of leadership at that moment that caused the people to sin? Or was it, that as Calvin stated, a perpetual temptation that we must face?

The second verse that I would like to look at is a few chapters from this last quote. In Exodus 25:18 we see God giving specifications for the construction of the Ark of the Testimony. God says, "And you shall make two cherubim of gold; of hammered work you shall make them at the two ends of the mercy seat." A cursory look at this verse might lead one to think that God contradicts Himself. Didn't God just tell us in Exodus 20 not to make images of things in heaven above? The message here clearly is not the carved image but the investment of power and authority over my life which I might give things.

Think that you don't have to worry because you don't make any graven images that you bow down to worship? Think again. I used to read from the book of Judges and think how foolish the Israelites were as they went through cycles of sin and repentance. Until it dawned on me that I did the same thing. Isn't it dawning on you too? As I thought about writing this post, I spoke to people and asked them what have been some of the idols in their life? Here are some of their answers:
1. My relationship (woman, man, child)
2. Sports
3. Entertainment (movies,T.V. or music)
4. Partying
5. Buddha
6. My Career
7. My car
8. Sex
9. Drugs
10. Politics
11.My i-phone and electronics
12.Crystals and stones
Just as the ancient Hebrew nation melted down their golden jewelry and something was fashioned by it, if we put all the things that you value together what would it all add up to? A golden calf of sorts perhaps? The topic of idolatry is important and can impact your relationship with God. In Ezekiel 36:25 God says, Then will I sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. Idols are something that separate us from God and we have to be cleansed from them.

Further, in the last verse of The First Epistle of John we are explicitedly warned to guard against idols. Little children, keep yourselves from idols. This Apostle who is described, as "the one whom Jesus loved," had a special closeness to our Lord and is certainly in a position to guide and direct us in such matters. In Colossians 3:5 we learn, that it is necessary to " put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication,uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."

Ask yourself what things in the above list you may be devoting your life to in an inordinate way. The Bible tells us to "seek ye first the kingdom of heaven." When we put God first, everything else kind of falls into place. We have more holy relationships. We understand what money is and what it is not. We don't live for and through television, movies or music. We enjoy times of good clean fun. (And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him - Colossians 3:17)

The Divide

A huge divide that exists in the world today concerns the conservative versus the liberal philosophy. I use the word philosophy loosely to describe the underpinnings of our life and society. Those underpinnings can be seen in the way we educate our children, the way we run our economy, government and interact with the world. On a personal level, our own philosophy is reflected in our attire, friendships, love life and the way our communities operate. This divide is damaging the Church in its' mission. I see this in Europe as well as in the area that I reside,Westchester County, New York and increasingly around the world.

The battle for the heart, mind and soul has been going on ever since Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden. This battle is waged in the classroom, in the ballot box and in the home. Countries have gone to war over this. Increasingly, it takes place in the Church, where Pastors choose to lead their Church where God never intended.Take the Pastor of a Scarsdale Church that I recently visited. Every issue that currently divides the Church was on display there. To begin with, the Pastor had a woman preacher sub for him during his recent vacation. Women's ordination has divided the Christian world. "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you"-Genesis 3:11. God  created harmony and a chain of command but we created the battle of the sexes.

That woman went on to call for civil disobedience against the United States Government, letting the congregation know that they are under no compunction to follow a government that is unjust. All the prayers said that day were engineered to teach the congregation to walk in lock-step to goals consistent with her world view. Not, I may add, giving any biblical evidence for her convictions, or very weak ones. "At that time many will fall away and will betray one another and hate one another"-Matthew 24:10.

Or, take Pastor Steve* in Switzerland. Two weeks ago, he used the authority given him as Associate Pastor to throw some cheap shots at the President of the United States. He went on to question God's wisdom for battles that He directed the Israelites to wage in Old Testament times. He then proceeded on a sort of apology tour for God. I could not take communion from this man's hands, I could not. This Pastor was attempting to make the Bible, which is God's Word to us, pleasing to people who would not sit in a Church unless they be given a new revised version of Christianity.

The revision that I heard that day made: Christians the chosen people, instead of the grafted on relation of the Jew. The land of Israel the joint homeland of the Palestian and Jew, which contradicts God's written plan. Further, this Pastor was possessed of an arrogant and superior attitude toward the whole Bible creating the image of one adversarial to its' message. "Many false prophets will arise and will mislead many"-Matthew24:11.

As I write this I am in Jerusalem. Nowhere is the battle for hearts and minds and the battle between good and evil stronger than over here! You have to be blind and deaf not to see and hear it on the streets everyday. Men with placards and arguments for why the city of Jerusalem should be the undivided capitol of the Jewish people. Taxi drivers more than vocal both for and against the state of Israel. That's before you even get to your hotel. It is in your face, all the time. What I have seen in the United States and Europe first started in Israel. It is the only place that God himself chose to establish a people and a place for a specific purpose. The battle begins here, and as the Book of Revelation tells us, will end here also.

As I travel, I see that the battle lines are drawn and it's good versus evil in the twelfth round. Most boxing matches don't go all twelve rounds but this fight seems to have gone as far as any fight can go. As the fight to follow God or follow that serpent in the Garden continues it looks like Satan is winning. I see people all over the world busy pursuing meaningless pleasures : shopping, sexually sinning, watching evil movies, misleading television or wasting their time inordinately involved in stupid social media.

I hear people try to convince me that women, student, black, poor or disabled people should get more, more, more. Yet, never do I hear those same people show any concern for the other outside of him or herself. "Then Peter began to speak: I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism, but accepts from every nation the one who fears Him and does what is right"-Acts 10:34-35. I see women abusive toward their husbands. People using their so-called status as an excuse to loot, rage and get away with bad behavior. "Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord"-Hebrews 12:14. I actually counted the number of parents who had healthy interchange with their children and the statistics are dismal. Instead, I see children and parent alike staring at their devices. Elderly of all colors lonely and discarded. None of this is godly.

People espouse so many kooky philosophies. It seems they will believe almost anything, except the God of the Bible. I know they are looking for a transformative experience. But, they are looking in all the wrong places. They look for it in education but only "the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding"- Proverbs 2:6. They believe that traveling the world and living in different cultures will give them what they are looking for. In Europe, people told me what is working for them : yoga, zen reiki, lagom or ikigai. When I tell them Jesus is the center of my life, they know nothing about him except what the hate-filled Professor or media outlet have told them to think. They know nothing of the gospel. Over the years, I have seen all of these various philosophies overrun book store shelves promising the reader balance, happiness, health and perspective. Yet, each fad falls out of favor and then people are searching for the next big thing. "Nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies, which promote speculations rather than the stewardship from God that is by faith"-1Timothy 1:4.

Eventually, this gets exhausting and you are left with nothing. Please understand that only God can satisfy that hunger that you may feel. Only He can give the correct answers to the questions that you may have. He teaches us to love and serve. He teaches us everlasting principles that will take us (as He took Abram) on a journey. When we decide to follow Jesus Christ, that decision changes and challenges our whole life. It will get us to where we need to be. God lets us decide, but there are consequences to our decisions.The Amplified Bible, Romans 1:28 says: And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God or consider Him worth knowing (as their Creator), God  gave them over to a depraved mind, to do things which are improper and repulsive"

Do you like the things that you see going on around you? Haven't things gotten way out of hand? If you agree, read the Bible which explains the alternative that God offers each and every one of us. "Finally, brothers rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you"-2 Corinthians 13:11.

*the names are changed or given as a star for identity protection.

From Russia With Love

Real love and affection exists in the ******* family. They have been through so much together and have emerged victorious. They have made a fortune and live in Westchester County New York. Yet, they have their scars.They emigrated from Russia when it was still not easy to do that. Their family had suffered so much before they managed to leave. The financial hardships and religious persecutions combined with their status as poor people from provinces far away from Moscow and St. Petersburg, left generations of their family with no opportunities for advancement. Sometimes, they barely managed to eek out a living. Over the years, the family had been resourceful, even clever trying to make ends meet. Bartering with neighbors and forging alliances that could ensure meat and bread for their table. They had that same resourcefulness working for them when they came to the United States.

By the time that I met the ******* family Yeva* seemed to be the head of the family. Her husband Kirill*seemed to be just going through the motions. He seemed emotionally shut down and distant. It did not help that he was not able to pick up English as quickly as his wife did. His inability to speak the English language made him feel isolated in the greater society. Luckily, Kirill spoke the universal language of the computer code.  He was able to get a job in IT when he arrived in the States. The job was far beneath Kirill's capability and did not pay much. However, due to his inadequacy in mastering the English language he was unable to move ahead.

Yeva, did a little better. She too was naturally gifted in computer programming and was able to work  in the IT field. Both Kirill and Yeva attended colleges of little reputation in Russia, but due to the drive of their collective families, they learned much more. Yeva's grandfather was a whiz with numbers. He made it his job to drill her in basic arithmetic functions when she was quite young. When he saw that she was talented, he continued to instruct her. Yeva's grandfather was self-taught. As a young child he found a mathematics textbook left on a train. He hid this book from his parents who would have surely made him give it to the train conductor or to the police. Yeva told me her grandfather was a laborer who worked long hours every day of his life until his hands curled up with advanced arthritis. Proverbs 22:6- Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Yeva had a dream for her children Maksim,* Artem* and Alina* and just like her grandfather, she began drilling her children at a very young age in mathematics and in addition, programming. Yeva had a passion for this like nothing else in her life. She drilled them like their life depended on it! Pretty soon, it payed off. All three of her children were focused and ready to enter college and enter the world of programming. Her youngest, Alina, entered college at sixteen. Those years were not easy for Kirill and Yeva. They spent every cent that they made ensuring that their children moved ahead. This frequently left them in financial deficit. It also put their relationship as husband and wife on the back burner for a long, long time. Psalm 127:3- Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watchers over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat.

Although their family had once been so religious in the former Soviet Union that the authorities sought to put a damper on it, now, the family is spiritually lost. Years of Soviet oppression had succeeded in changing them to Christians just going through the motions of ritual. As Kirill failed to thrive in the U.S. Yeva seemed to become the head of the family. Often, disrespecting her husband's opinions or input. She seemed in a permanent state of adrenal overdrive even after her children were on a successful path. It seemed she could not let go of parenting even after her children were grown and successful in their fields. She seeks to micro-manage everything in her children's life as she consults with them daily, despite her husband's objections. 1 Peter 3:1- Wives respect your husband

Fear has gripped her life. She is very mistrustful of people and situations. Yeva can not believe that everything her family has achieved is real. I believe the trauma of her younger years has left her feeling as if some one is going to come and take everything away. She acts as if she needs to be vigilant, lest some bad fate might befall her adult children. She alone is their savior. Phil 4:6-7- Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your petitions to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and minds through Christ Jesus.

When does love and a vision for the future turn into controlling and overbearing melodrama? The answer is when we stop trusting God. When we place God on a shelf somewhere and think of His Word the Bible as less than the spiritual guidance that it is. There are lots of reasons why we do this. Yeva and Kirill lived in a country which for many years was on a mission to destroy their people's faith in God. Indeed, to deny Gods existence! Everything was stacked against Yeva and Kirill and now they are confused. Go to God with your bad experiences and pray to Him, ask Him what it all means. He will not disappoint! I know, because I've been there. I have hope for the ******* family, because God has promised us that if we seek Him, we will find Him. They are just a prayer away from regaining all that they have lost. James 1:5- If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives all generously without finding fault.



*******-the names have been changed.

Fruit

"Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so, every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit." (Matthew 7:16-17). This verse can impart much wisdom in our everyday life. If you are interviewing candidates for employment, their references may help you decide if you should hire them or not. Are they competent in their field? Do they use their time constructively? Do they work well with others? "Ye shall know them by their fruits!"

A lab manager I knew brushed aside the "fruit" right in front of him on Michelle's* Linkedin profile. It showed that she hadn't stayed in one position very long in her ten year career. She had credentials from a top-rated University and had what seemed to be decent references in her past employment. She explained on her interview that she has done quite a bit of world travel but she was ready to settle down as her daughter got ready to start kindergarten.

Something had not seemed right to Dr. Hoffmann* but he chose to ignore those feelings and hired Michelle anyway. Later on, Dr. Hoffmann told me that he should have explored further before hiring Michelle. It turned out that Michelle had a major drinking problem. Michelle's previous employers chose not to disclose this because Michelle begged them not to and assured them all that she was now a recovering alcoholic. She worked in a laboratory setting where her drinking could be dangerous to her and those around her. One day she came back from lunch and she had been drinking. When confronted by Dr. Hoffmann, she denied everything, even as she reeked of alcohol and slurred her words. She had to be fired for drinking on the job.

If you seek discernment concerning a man that you are interested in dating, ask yourself what are his "fruits?" Does he treat his family well? Maybe he can't help but look at other women even when he's out with you! Does he keep promises? Hard-worker or hardly working? All of these things show his "fruit." The same can be true when searching for Mrs. Right.

My husband's friend Fabien* is a case in point. My husband and Fabien recently had lunch at Teppanyaki restaurant in Zürich. The talk soon turned to Fabian's growing uneasiness concerning his girlfriends' spending habits. "Ines* spends every dime she makes. With the kind of money that she makes, she should be putting away $$$$$ per year!" He is also not comfortable with the amount of time her son spends on his devices. All these things are very different from the way Fabien runs his life. "Ye shall know them by their fruits!"

In my experience, many people end up in financial dilemmas due to a spouses spending habits. I always ask people in that situation if they "knew their wife was addicted to shopping" or that their "husband had expensive tastes before their marriage". They inevitably say,"yes". My next question  is, "why did you marry them then?" There are many answers to that,"I thought that I could change him", "she was hot" or "I thought he/she would change when they got married."

People can and do change, but it doesn't just magically happen. While we must contend with imperfections that will exist in our spouses, or employees, it does not mean that we should not use some wisdom in these situations. Have you been in Fabien's shoes? It might be better to offer one's friendship to such a person rather than be in a dating situation with them. Fabien is very practical and knowledgeable in matters of finance but thus far, Ines really has not taken any of his advice. What does that tell you?

Fabien and Dr. Hoffmann are both caring men who are always willing to lend a helping hand whenever possible. However, Ines and Michelle do not wish to be helped. In those cases we as Christians have to be willing to accept their "fruit" as it is and commit the matter to prayer. It does not mean that we should allow people to be in a position to unsettle our family life or that of our workplace. Invite the person to Church, tell them about Jesus. Hopefully new seeds can be planted in their life and from those seeds, good fruit may grow!


* names have been changed,

Wars and Rumors of Wars

I woke up from my jet-lagged haze and opened up my device to get the morning news. As I was in the final stages of packing some bags for my husband and I to go to Europe for five weeks, the whole Kim Jung-Un thing had begun to make the daily headlines. So when I arrived in Switzerland, I was eager to see what the latest news might be. Was my country at war? Would Kim Jung-un's missiles hit Japan, South Korea or even the island of Guam? Everyday, the headlines outline the crazy state of affairs that this madman in the Korean Peninsula foists upon us.

To a Christian the whole world stage has a different appearance. The difference is an added dimension. It is the spiritual dimension.  So, we see the exact same events played out daily around the world, but we know that there is another more deadly and fiercer battle beneath the surface. That is the battle between the forces of good and evil, between God and the Devil. As many Christians read daily of the increasing natural disasters (Hurricane Harvey, Huricane Irma etc), the heightening possibilities of wars breaking out, it would seem prudent to review what the Bible says of such things.

"But thou, O Daniel, shut up the words, and seal the book, even to the time of the end: many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased" (Daniel 12:4). God gave a message to Daniel in the sixth century B.C. God indicated to Daniel and to generations reading His book the Bible, that a lot of things would happen before the day when the forces of God and evil would fight the last and ultimate battle. Many times, and in many way God chose to remind us in the Bible, that He wanted to share a chain of world events with us. Like a good parent He goes out of His way to share His wisdom with us.

The Bible was given to man from God to answer the basic questions of life like : who are we? how did we get here? and where are we going? It tells us about God's relationship with mankind from the beginning, and how that relationship unfolded over time. It teaches us about how we should live our life, including how to treat one another at home, in friendships, business and even what justice is. About a third of the Bible from the Book of Genesis to the Book of Revelation, is devoted to prophesy, i.e. the telling of future events.

Even though prophesy comprises about one-third of the Bible, many Churches, including my own, have failed to teach it over the years. If God is the good parent trying to teach us all that we should know, then shouldn't a godly church be doing this as well? This is why it is critical for us to include the Bible in our daily reading. Even though there is no excuse for churches not teaching the full and complete Word of God, we must understand that it is our responsibility to pursue the wisdom that God has for us. "All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness" (2 Tim.3:16).

Therefore, let's see what the Word says about some current events. The Bible talks of future events and the ungoing battle between good and evil playing out in our daily lives and throughout time. It speaks of wars and natural disasters as being a part of our lives. But, there is a distinction biblically speaking, between the normal and the extra ordinary events pointing towards the end of days. The point of this is to equip us and prepare us for daily living and to prepare us for events to come. "What I say to one, I say unto you all, watch." (Mark 13:37)

"And ye shall hear of wars and rumors of wars, see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom; and there shall be famine and pestilences and earthquakes, in divers places. All these things are the beginning of sorrows."(Matt.24:6-8). According to the Bible, all of the things happening in our world at the moment, could very well indicate that we are getting closer to apocalyptic events. We hear of North Korea and Iran's expanding nuclear capabilities. We wonder if these nations will wage war on others? We see and hear of nations and kingdoms opposing one another every single day. Look at all the terrorist attacks in Europe and in the Middle East and understand that a day does not go by when people are not in conflict in a gigantic way.

As I write this, I have been praying daily for mercy as Hurricane Harvey, Irma, Katia and José have, and continue to have, an impact on many. Let us all do anything that we can to help those hurting after these disasters. Jesus in the above discourse interestingy tells us not to be troubled by all that we will hear and see in the coming times of trouble. He also tells us that a lot will happen but it will still not be the end of the world. In order not to be troubled we must daily pray and have faith in God and His promises of comfort and salvation. We should be watchful and aware of events. If you are in the path of a Hurricane you should do all that you can to follow safety guidelines. Even though I am in Switzerland, I asked a tree company to come and trim any deadwood at my home just in case the storm should head to New York while I am not there. I'm not even waiting to see if these tropical storms will barrel up the east coast before I trim my trees!  How much more should we then prepare spiritually? In order to be at peace with life and its' uncertainties we need to choose to follow God. It may be time to make some changes to your life. If so don't wait.  Living a good and virtuous life will give you peace, as the Bible describes that "surpasses all understanding."

High School Breakup-Part 2 (Young Adult Series)

Olivia had extended an invitation for Dylan and his parents to visit her church and meet her parents, and they had accepted. All week long, Dylan and Olivia texted each other with concerns over their parents upcoming meet. Dylan knew that his parents wanted him to focus more on his studies and put off dating until he was sixteen. Olivia's parents disagreed with that. When Sunday finally came, Dylan could hardly focus on the message. All he could think of was what his parents would do at the Church's coffee social afterwards. When that time came and his parents were gliding toward Olivia's parents with hands out-stretched and ready to shake, Dylan suddenly blurted out, "Mr. M***** would you allow me to date your daughter?"

Dylan instanly knew, that he had made a mistake. After obsessing about this thing all week, he was on a hair trigger. He loved Olivia and he wished he could just yell it out and tell the world. He had not told her yet, but he felt sure that she felt it too. "David, nice to meet you and your wife Amanda. Dylan, my impetuous son, has told me a lot about you." Everyone nervously laughed. "Yes, and it's nice to meet you Eric and Judy."

"We have made it no secret that we think these two shouldn't rush into anything. What with all their school work, and extra-curricula activities. I'm afraid it will harm both their chances at a good college. They have a nice thing just as it is. They do bible study together and attend the same youth group." "I'm gonna be sixteen in three months dad.  I think I'm old enough to date now." "Dylan, you have not been focusing on your studies lately. You're always texting with Olivia!" Judy retorted,"well, I hope your not blaming that on our daughter."

"No, but I would like it if we parents could agree on some guidelines for texting. It seems that she texts Dylan at all hours and he drops everything he's doing if he sees it's her!" "Well, that's your son's fault, because Olivia doesn't get on the phone until her homework is done!" Dylan and Olivia's worst nightmare had come true. Their parents had just met and they were already fighting.  Dylan and his father continued fighting on the drive home. "Dad, everything came so easy for you at school. You are so tough on me." "Dylan, your dad's just looking out for your future.  There's a lot of things you don't understand yet. A lot is at stake." Mom, you always take his side, whether he's right or wrong."

"I would like you to cool down Dylan. Olivia seems like a very nice girl but I would like you to slow this thing down.  You are so young Dylan. You just have other priorities right now that need your attention." "Oh yeah, like you dad! All you do is work. You're never around. You're the only dad who hasn't car-pooled for our youth group. You never have time when Pastor asks for help at Church. I don't want to be anything like you dad. "

"That's enough Dylan. You are not dating Olivia and that's final. You can talk to me in three months. Let's see if you can get your grades up and then we'll talk!" To Dylan this was just unfair. "My dad is such a control freak," he thought. As the week went on, he looked forward to seeing Olivia at the upcoming teen ministry outing to New Roc City. New Roc City is an entertainment center located in New Rochelle, N.Y. There are go-karts, arcades, laser tag etc. Olivia couldn't wait for Friday night either. She just needed a break from school and from her parents ruminating about their meeting with Dylan's parents. She understood that they were just being protective of her, but she had prayed all week long that everyone would just calm down and leave her and Dylan alone.

AT NEW ROC CITY
DYLAN- Olivia, my dad says we can't date.
OLIVIA- Are you breaking up with me Dylan?
DYLAN- No, this has nothing to do with what I want and how I feel. This is what my parents decided for me, but why should we let them stop us?
OLIVIA- Dylan, we are trying to follow Jesus, and that means we must honor our parents. It's God's commandment to us. I can't encourage you to disobey your parents.
DYLAN- So wait, you're breaking up with me?
OLIVIA- Why are you twisting this around Dylan?
Malik- Guys, everyone's going on the Spaceshot now. Are you coming?

As he climbed on the ride which was to take him on an 185 foot drop from the roof of New Roch City, he was in a fog. Otherwise, he would not have allowed Malik and Justin to talk him into going on this ride. They all screamed as they came thundering down that precipice. Malik and Justin wanted to go on the ride again, but this time Dylan declined. It was starting to sink in, he and Olivia are broken-up. That Sunday, on the ride to church, Dylan and his dad hardly spoke. It was that way at church too. He was not in the mood for small talk. But, just when we need it most, God will always find a way to reach us.

Pastor Bob's Sermon was entitled, "A Recipe For Disaster." What could that be about", thought Dylan? "Pastor never talks about cooking! This sounds boring." However, as Pastor began to preach, Dylan changed his mind. Pastor Bob opened up by saying that "he hoped all his brothers and sister in Christ would hear his confession. James 5:16 tells us that we are to, confess our sins one to another. Well, what kind of Christian would I be if I did not do that? This week, brothers and sisters, was a terrible week for me, where I failed miserably in being a godly man. As you know, Laura has had to spend the week with her parents as her mother recuperates from surgery."

"I was left in charge at home and I did a rather poor job of it. The house quickly turned into a mess, the food was burnt, and I failed to be the father that I should have been. I was self-centered and controlling." Pastor Bob encouraged us all to acknowledge our short-comings and take responsibility for our actions. He told us that he has confessed to God, and apologized to his wife and children. He then went on to share scriptual guidance on developing godly attributes.  It all ended with an emotional altar call for the whole church to recommit themselves to family life. One by one, people made their ways down the aisles toward the front of the church. The deacons were praying with men and women as they confessed their sins, prayed for guidance and renewed their commitments.

This was one of the biggest outpourings of emotion that Dylan had ever seen at his small church.  Pastor Bob had obviously hit a cord with many today and none more so then with Dylan's dad, who had never went up for an altar call in all his life! Without saying a word, Eric pushed past his wife Judy and Dylan, and stood in line to receive ministrations.  In a few moments, Pastor Bob was embracing Eric and praying with him. At that instance, Dylan bolted up and ran down the aisle.
AT THE ALTAR
ERIC: I know I have failed you Dylan. You were right about everything that you've been saying son. But, I'm gonna do better. I asked Pastor Bob to hold me accountable and I am asking you to do the same thing."
DYLAN: I can't believe this dad, I've been praying about this so long.
ERIC: God's been so good son, but I had begun to loose sight of that. I am lucky that I have a praying son. I am so proud of you, I love you so much Dylan. I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time about Olivia too. I must confess that I was trying to use the situation to get you to work harder at school, I realize that I made a mistake. You have more than proven that you are a godly young man ready to date.

At this point, Dylan hugged his dad tightly and started to cry. His dad had always been so cold and distant. It seemed impossible to please him. But, something began to change that night for Dylan and his father. Something that began with Eric's heart opening to the message of that sermon. To understanding that the message was for him and accepting the challenge. I dare say that we all need to accept some challenge today. That challenge could be like Eric's to change long-held family patterns, or it could be to pray for our dad's, the way Dylan did. It might be learning patience as we wait for a situation to work out. Whatever it is, accept your challenge today!

Dear Eclipse Watchers

Dear Eclipse Watchers,

The rare Solar Eclipse which today will cross the continental United States has created quite a stir.   Scientists are excited to study it and again test the strength of Einstein's theory of relativity. Hotel rooms are filled in prime viewing areas across the United States. Traffic jams snarl roads in rural areas unaccustomed to such traffic.This will be the most watched solar eclipse in United States history.

As I viewed the photos of unprecedented numbers of people camping out in national parks, the whole event seemed to take on a circus-like atmosphere. What are people looking for? I saw photos of people who will mediate and do yoga throughout the entire event. I saw musicians who are going to sing during the event. People are clearly looking for meaning in their lives and wondering about what these celestial events might portent.

People get emotional during such events for certain. It is a disconcerting feeling when the sun is slowly blotted out of view creating an eerie darkness in the middle of the day. It is not a normal experience such as when clouds roll in. Humanity has always attached great meaning to this. What does it mean in God's economy?

While there are many thoughts and feelings on this, I know that at the end of every significant event in our life, including celestial and historical events is a call from God. A call to be part of His plan for both our life and that of this world. A call to be in relationship with Him. To see things in a whole new way. This begins with us. We must consider our life and how God sees it. If you are not sure what sin is, reading the Bible will help you with that. Make a decision to repent of the sins that you are engaged in and ask God's forgiveness. He is waiting for your reply. He gives us many invitations.  The signs of the times tell us to choose who we will follow.  Is it the other gods of nature that we choose to worship? I urge all within my reading circle to consider God and all He has done.

What will I be doing today? I will stay focused on my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I will be doing the work of this day and meditating on God's revelation to me. This includes things such as this solar eclipse and His instructions to me in the Bible. My thoughts today will reflect upon 1 Chronicles 16. Here is a portion of it for you to think about:

23 Sing unto the Lord, all the earth; shew forth from day to day his salvation.

24 Declare his glory among the heathen; his marvellous works among all nations.

25 For great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised: he also is to be feared above all gods.

26 For all the gods of the people are idols: but the Lordmade the heavens.

27 Glory and honour are in his presence; strength and gladness are in his place.

28 Give unto the Lord, ye kindreds of the people, give unto the Lord glory and strength.

29 Give unto the Lord the glory due unto his name: bring an offering, and come before him: worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness.

30 Fear before him, all the earth: the world also shall be stable, that it be not moved.

31 Let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice: and let men say among the nations, The Lord reigneth.

32 Let the sea roar, and the fulness thereof: let the fields rejoice, and all that is therein.

33 Then shall the trees of the wood sing out at the presence of the Lord, because he cometh to judge the earth.

34 O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever.

High School Breakup -Part 1 (Young Adult Series)

Dylan* and Olivia* had been high school sweethearts. Dylan first met Olivia at a teen ministry event in Westchester, N.Y. Not willing to give his heart or body away until marriage, Dylan kept mostly to himself at his public high school. When he met Olivia, all his defenses came down. He met a sweet and godly girl his own age who shared his commitment to God. That was powerful to him. They had fun and got to know each other as they enjoyed bible study and fun activities at Church.

Dylan had been quite depressed in his first six months of high school. A lot had happened the summer before that freshman year. His beloved grandfather had passed away and at the same time, his best christian friend, Sebastian had moved with his family to Atlanta. He took both events quite hard. Everyone noticed this: his parents, teachers and pastor. They all tried to reach out to assist Dylan, but to no avail. His parents were quite distressed. They met privately with their Pastor to discuss the problem further. Pastor Bob* recommended a local teen ministry at another church.  It was a place where parents from many small local churches brought their teenagers to develop faith and fellowship.

After many months of negotiating and pressure from his parents he agreed to attend a bowling event at a nearby alley. He had not had much social activity since starting the ninth grade. He was half looking forward to it. He was pleasantly surprised that evening when he seemed to hit it off with everyone in his assigned bowling team. Justin* helped everyone with their bowling technique, Malik* was the team comic, and Olivia was full of encouragement.

Before the end of the evening, the teen minister introduced himself to Dylan and had issued a personal invitation for Dylan to attend next weeks' bible study. To Dylan's surprised, he really wanted to go. He accepted that invitation immediately. When he arrived at the bible study, the following week, he was again befriended by the same group that he had met while bowling. They did a study from the Book of Ruth and the Youth Pastor spoke about the many trials that Naomi had experienced causing her to become bitter. Dylan felt a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach as he related to the trials and tribulations of Naomi.

There was a lot in the story of Naomi that lined up with Dylan's recent experiences of death and loss. The Pastor encouraged discussions on this topic at each table. Malik spoke first and told a story about the loss and depression which he had experienced when his grandmother got hit by a car two years ago. Malik continued, "in proverbs it says that a merry heart maketh good medicine," I joke around and try to follow God. I trust in him to get me through this!" Dylan was encouraged by Malik's story and felt safe and ready to share his own story. He didn't feel alone anymore.

As the months and years went by, he found fellowship and fun at the new teen ministry.  His friendships grew with Justin and Malik but, especially with Olivia. They talked on the phone and encouraged one another in school and with their christian walk. It was clear to their families that Dylan and Olivia had feelings for each other.  Dylan's family thought he was to young to date, while Olivia's family was glad that she was interested in dating a boy that she met at bible study. It was time for the families to meet.  They choose the coffee social after a Sunday service.

Next week- the story of Dylan continues.









*the story is true but the names have been changed and a few events to keep privacy. It is concordant with the original story.

Asking For Help

Asking for help when we need it, is a sign of wisdom. Yet, all too often we feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness. The Bible should quickly dissipate any such notions. Further, it should help you to feel more comfortable as you face your all too frail humanity. Yes, you are in great company alongside the great men and women of the Bible who expressed a need for help in a number of situations.

Here are a few examples : Samson-"O Lord God,remember me, I pray! Strengthen me, I pray, just this once, O God,that I may with one blow take vengeance on the Philistines for my two eyes!" (Judges 16:28) Jabez-"Oh that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that you would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!" God granted him what he requested."(1 Chronicles 4:10)  Mary, the mother of Jesus-"These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with His brothers. (Acts 1:14)

I could go on but suffice it to say, you did not get the idea that expressing weakness is wrong from the Bible. In 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 we see Paul struggling with his impediments,“Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me,"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." What a revolutionary idea if you think about it. Knowing and owning your weakness makes you strong! That's better than eating your spinach. So understand right up front that frailty of health, both mental and physical is part of our humanity. Even frailty in the way that we do things, is part of our humanity. Expecting perfection in yourself and others is just setting yourself up and those around you for misery.

Let's take a look at what "failure to ask" looks like. The flu hit Westchester County very hard this past winter. Everyone I know had it. Yet, everyone acted as if they were fine and could manage on their own when I asked if I could do anything for them. It seemed that everyone was afraid to admit that they were in a weakened state or that they needed help. Everyday and in everyway, I see people trying to pretend that they have it all-together all the time.

Failure doesn't seem to be an option for men like Todd.* Todd grew up in a family that lauded success above everything else. His family did not teach him that we all "win some and we all loose some" or the wisdom of asking for help. As a child, he remembers how his Uncle Joe* was mercilessly ridiculed as a loser for some business decisions that he had made. Todd attempted suicide when his videography business began to go belly up. He thought that was a better option then to face going from being a millionaire to destitute.  Thank the Lord, he did not succeed. Then there was Dr.*****, a talented surgeon who appeared to have it all.  A McMansion in Westchester with a boat in the harbor and two kids in Yale. When he attempted suicide it came as a shock to even his closest friends,who did not suspect that he suffered from increasingly severe depression. Ignoring a failing business or our mental health will only ensure that things will get worse and asking for help is sometimes necessary.

Then there was Elizabeth.* She had been a Pastor's wife for thirty-five years until he passed away.  He had always been the social one. A lot of marriages are like that. After his death, she began to isolate herself. At first it was due to grief, but she just became more depressed, more lonely, fearful and eventually paranoid. I met her in the neighborhood, toward the end of her husband's illness.  I tried to keep in touch with her.  I visited her, along with my children, and from time to time, we would bring her homemade gifts. I saw how her loneliness played tricks on her. She was ashamed of her feelings of loneliness and depression. I would always encourage her to accept invitations from her old friends and I invited her to go shopping with me, since she did not drive.  Always, there was a pride and she would act like she didn't need people or help.  How our feelings lie to us! The Bible teaches us that,"pride cometh before the fall."-Proverbs 16:18. How true that is. Our pride makes us feel strong but in reality we are going in the wrong direction.

So what can we do about it? We acknowledge our problems and resolve to ask for help and begin to take action. Are we struggling in our marriage? Do we feel like life is not making much sense? Lonely or depressed? You are not alone. In the journey of life these feelings happen. But remember, God is faithful. He hears and cares. There are people around us who are faithful too. There comes a time that we must look for them and reach out! Todd's attempted suicide landed him in Four Winds Hospital here in Westchester County. He was treated by a wonderful psychiatrist who assisted him in re-building his life. He has changed professions and is now living on a modest income. He started going to Church and has adjusted to his altered circumstances.

*the names are changed.