Gossip, Gossip, Gossip!

*Please be advised that there is some mature content in this post.  The names have been changed to protect people's privacy.

The topic this week is gossip.  What is it?  The definition of gossip points to irresponsible and irreverent speech about someone's life or hurtful talk which is carried on behind someone's back. Gossip is everywhere!  It is present in all our institutions such as: school, church, family and workplace.  There are reality shows about it, as well as magazine and internet sites dedicated to all the latest celebrity scandals.  Gossip is a billion dollar business.  But what effect does it have on those targeted?

Today I would like to focus on the damage that it can have in a school setting.  School is suppose to be a place that first and foremost provides each of it's students with a safe setting in which to develop academically and emotionally.  However, when cliques form, very often the outsider is targeted and victimized by gossip.

School settings are not the optimum place to teach responsible speech.  The home and church setting are where it should be taught with the schools playing the role of reinforcing the message.  We can not simply hope and pray 

that a school and all its' teachers will reflect godly values 

because the Bible places that responsibility on a parent and Church. We will be accountable to God for what we teach.  Our speech everyday to children and those around us teach others what we think is okay and what is not.

Here are some stories from Westchester, New York which have caused me to reflect and pray about destructive gossip and for the people it affects.

Many Catholic parents send their elementary school children 

to C.C.D. classes once a week after school to learn the tenets 

of their religion.  Attendance was taken one day and when a young lady Dakota did not respond to the roll call, the teacher inquired if anyone had seen her that day.  A popular boy on the football team responded that "Dakota was probably absent due to a hangover!"  The boy was a class clown and some of the boys from his football team looked up to him.  The irony of a boy shouting out such a hurtful thing
in a religious education class was not lost on the teacher.  Dakota was an overweight, awkward girl who found comfort and meaning in her study of scriptures.  She was also someone who was the brunt of jokes even when not present.

Amanda was a cheerleader in high school.  She was part of a popular group of girls who walked down the halls in matching clothes everyday.  They would call each other each night and plan their look for the next day.  Amanda didn't have as much money as the other girls but could easily guilt
trip her divorced parents into buying her the accessories and designer duds necessary.  As they walked down the hall, 

these girls literally pushed students out of the way as they ruled through intimidation.  

Amanda was good at this.  She was the loudest and meanest of the group.  However, she also wasn't as pretty or skinny as the other girls and she was a little too loud.  The other girls started to grow tired of her overbearing nature and began to 

gossip about her when she wasn't around.  Amanda noticed the subtle changes in the way she was treated.  She noticed they would stop talking when she walked into class and even though she redoubled her efforts to please them, it only got worse.  The girls started to ridicule her on social media and Amanda had a total break with reality.  She took to social media herself with a crazy rant and a threat to "slit their 

throats."  When the teens saw this, they informed their
parents who alerted the police.  

Jake had forced his girlfriend La-trice to "sext" him a picture of her breasts. They had been dating for a few months and La-trice wanted so much to please him but she knew that she should say no.  He constantly tried to talk her into having sex and because she came from a Christian home she knew that this was not God's will and she resisted.  Fearful that she 

would loose him because they were not having sex, she
thought this might help her hold on to him.

Since La-trice was a freshman, she did not realize that Jake's popularity in his three years of high school emanated from the naked photos he would cajole girls into making and the lying, malicious gossip that he spread about these innocent girls.  La-trice's church and family were unable to help her
because they didn't know and were too embarrassed to discuss these topics.

Finally, Juan had no idea why everyone was laughing at him and throwing nasty comments at him when he returned to school after a bad case of the flu.  He was still physically wiped out because this case of the flu had some serious complications.  He was more worried about catching up on his classwork and being prepared for upcoming tests.  Yet he
couldn't help thinking, "what does everyone know that I don't?"  It would take him weeks to figure out that there was 

a rumor that someone got suspended for carrying a knife to 

school and Juan's classmates just concluded that it had to 

be Juan because of his long absence.  

The Bible has much to say about gossip.  In these days 

where the power of social media has far reaching effects, and the cost of gossip is very high, it is essential that we examine and study what God says about this topic.  Proverbs 18:21 states that, " Death and life are in the power of the tongue." This is a very strong statement and we should not 

minimize it.  If your  doctor told you that he or she had a life and death matter to talk to you about, I am pretty sure that 

you would pay attention.  God is telling us just that.  The news is that we all have a lethal weapon in our mouth! 

We use our mouths to kill people as surely as if we used a gun.  I hope that this is a wake up call for all those who think that there is nothing wrong with a little gossip.  The words we say about others  : what we think they look like, lies we 

tell about them hurt so deeply that we can make people sick, even suicidal.  We are responsible to God for what we say and do.

Leviticus, a Book of the Law, which God gave as a code of conduct, states it very plainly : "You shall not go about as a tale-bearer among your people; nor shall you take a stand against your neighbor : I am the Lord." Leviticus 19:16.  Gossip is such an important topic to God.  Notice the style of language in this verse.  It is written in the style of one of the Ten Commandments, isn't it? 

What can we do?

1.Refuse to be a part of it.  Proverbs 26:20 says : "Where there is no wood, the fire goes out ; and where there is no tale-bearer strife ceases."  We often fan the flames of the gossip in our schools.  By laughing at bad jokes or telling someone the latest gossip, we are part of what keeps a 

malicious story going.  But check out the last part of that verse which explains that getting rid of gossip in our schools will get rid of one of the sources of conflict that exist there.  Shouldn't we give that a try? 

2. Examine your friendships : Sometimes redirecting a conversation away from gossip onto something positive solves the problem.  Other times we can use the conflict resolution advise of Matthew 18:15 which directs us to take our friend aside and explain the problem that we are having with that person's gossip.  Should our friends show a consistent pattern of gossip and a resistance to change we need to lift them up in prayer and find ourselves some new friends because, "Bad company corrupts good behavior." 1 Corinthians 15:13.

3. Getting to the root of the problem :

Gossip is a behavior which begins in our hearts.  Jesus stated this in Matthew 15:18: " For those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and defile a man."  If we catch ourselves speaking or going along with gossip then we must take some time to examine our hearts.  Is gossip the habit in our home? Do we hate someone because they are dating someone that we like? Do we feel going along with gossip helps us to fit in with classmates?  While these are some reasons that we may have slipped into gossip, none of these reasons makes it right.  

4. Pray and resolve to change : Ask God to forgive you for the things that you have said which weren't right.  Also pray that God will help you develop a new attitude.  Here are some scriptures to live by :

John 15:12 - "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." 

Ephesians 4:29-32-"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

Luke 6:31-"And as you wish that others would do to you,do so to them."