Last Wednesday was a busy day for me. One activity that predominated my schedule was my contribution to the Church's Annual Barbecue and Picnic. Just two weeks previous, the Pastor's wife had asked me if I would get together some craft projects for the children to enjoy on the day of that event. I decided on three projects: a fall garland, sewing a small heart pillow and finger knitting bracelets. While I already had a vast array of free materials at my home, I needed to make sure that I had enough needles and thread. This would be the first time that I would be attending this Churches' Annual Picnic. Hence, I really had no idea how many kids might pop in for crafts. I decided to have more supplies than might be needed rather than risk disappointing any children who wanted to participate in craft activities. Cutting out thirty mini hearts and organizing all the other materials put me behind on my home responsibilities, including food shopping. On top of that, I needed to buy some fabric to make curtains, because I am currently taking a sewing class.
Therefore, my schedule for the day included a visit to Jo-Ann's craft store, where I could buy both kids craft supplies and fabric for my project and then heading right next door to a Shoprite Supermarket. I happened to start a conversation with a lovely Christian woman while at the craft store. We conversed about sewing and then bonded over the serious problems facing believers in this day and age. I sent her a link to this blog and told her about my sewing class, hoping that we might meet again. She told me we "met by divine appointment and that we would see each other again." Time seemed to pass so quickly that before I knew it, I had skipped lunch. I had not intended to do this and indeed am like a grouchy bear when I don't eat on time. I brought my shopping bagsfrom Jo-Ann's to the car and then hurried over to Shoprite.
I had a shopping list and hoped that would expedite this chore so I could go home and get a mid-afternoon snack. The store was the size of a football field and I was getting quite a walk as I searched for all my food items. Since this was not my usual shopping venue, I did not know where everything was. As I headed toward the checkout lines, I saw it was quite crowded. I naturally searched for the shortest line as well as the line where people's carts were not so full. I decided to choose a line where a man seemed to have a full cart but actually did not. In surveying his cart, I had noticed that he had a load of Foster's beer cans rolling around the bottom of his cart and a few large chrysanthemums which filled out his cart. I quickly jumped on this line.
While I busied myself checking out the array of women's magazines and snacks lining the aisle, the man greeted me quite unexpectedly with a, " how ya doing today?" I reflexively answered that I was "fine thank you," and continued eyeing snack possibilities. He seemed to be figgiding quite a bit and so I naturally glanced over to size up the situation. I saw a middle-aged man with shorts and a sleeveless sweatshirt. The type of clothing that I assumed meant that he had been out for a jog, or that he had just finished mowing a lawn. Construction perhaps? Something did not seem right with this man and I sensed his discomfiture.
My instinct did not fail me because very shortly after that he addressed me, " you still looking really good." I looked at him more closely this time but did not recognize him. Again, my manners chirped in and I said, "thank you." He replied, " you don't know who I am, do you? Oh, if you did you would not like me." Suddenly, I realized it was Sergio F.*! He had aged quite a bit since I had last seen him about fifteen years ago. His Brazilian accent seemed much thickener than it had been but it was him. I was momentarily stunned and could say nothing. Sergio and I had some run-ins back then. His wife Jerri* and I had struck up a friendship as had our daughters. We had some good times before some unpleasantries began to occur. Jerri had a very difficult second pregnancy. The doctor had told her she needed complete bed rest for the last trimester of her pregnancy. Sergio asked his sister to come up from Brazil and lend a hand while he was at work during this difficult time. Nice, right?
One night, according to Jerri, Sergio's demanding behavior forced her to leave her sick bed. Apparently, the story was he didn't like the food that his sister had prepared for dinner that night. He
yelled at Jerri and so she got up and started to cook some Veal Marsala. She ended up at the emergency room and could have lost her baby. This shocked her, and from then on she began to tell me that she would never forgive him for this. At the time, I told her that I would have just stayed in bed and told my husband they he needed to do a drive-thru at Mc Donald's! I believed that they both had made foolish choices.
Things seemed to change in their marriage after the birth of their second child. Jerri started to believe that Sergio had a secret drinking problem. According to Jerri, he was also a crazy perfectionist who criticized her housework and child rearing practices. He always seemed to feel neglected and disrespected. Jerri was overwhelmed and tired, as she tried to balance the demands of work and family. Their many differences began to take a toll and soon they argued all the time. A few years later there was talk of divorce and sure enough, the couple separated.
My relationship with Sergio had problems both before and after this separation. One time, I had invited Sergio and Jerri to my home for a backyard barbecue. When they arrived it was obvious they had been fighting. They sat down at one of the tables next to me and a Belgian couple, Jean-Luc* and Monique*. Monique was a very beautiful woman both on the inside and on the outside, who was completely devoted to her husband. She, just as many Europeans, choose more dressy attire than the average American. This was not lost on our Brazilian visitor Sergio. In fact, there was a certain cultural nexus and agreement that he felt at the moment. He looked back and forth between Jerri and Monique several times and proceeded to grab a hold of Jerri's athletic short and began to publicly humiliate her. Chiding her for her ugly attire. Monique and her husband looked shocked and appalled. Jerri looked beaten up and passive. I couldn't believe the way Sergio treated his wife and I told him so.
Another time, an old college buddy was visiting from Brooklyn. While I usually don't even answer
the phone while I have company, this time I did. It was Jerri. She was crying and telling me how her husband and she had a fight at a Shoprite Supermarket. He had just left her and their two children there and drove off. She had no way of getting home and wondered if I could pick her up. The worst
event happened after their separation. Sergio had taken his children out for a regular scheduled visitation. When he brought the children home, he got into a fight with Jerri over the supposed dirty condition of the children. He ended up chasing her into a first floor bathroom and hitting her head against the porcelain bath tub. This resulted in a police report. Jerri asked me to accompany her to get an "order of protection" against her husband. I ended up having an ugly encounter with Sergio at Jerri's front door. I may have acted feisty and stood up to him but in reality I was afraid of this man and his temper.
The last straw for me was when Jerri called me up at almost midnight to tell me that when she came home and was straightening up her house, she noticed that the picture of me and her children which, she had placed over her mantle place, had been ripped in half and then placed back in the picture frame. Sergio had been in the house. I was really creeped out about this and perceived this to be a threatening gesture. Jerri felt the same way. I woke up my husband and told him he had to channel his inner marine and speak to this man, which he did. That was the last time that I had seen Sergio, until now. It was sort of ironic that we meet at another Shoprite store a few towns away from where he had left his wife stranded all those years ago.
Sergio said that he wanted "to apologize to me." He told me that he knows "cutting that picture was a stupid thing to do." I told him,"it was more than stupid it was creepy and threatening." He told me he "had seen me a number of times walking around, but thought that it would have been scary if he just ran up to me." I asked him if he was "sincerely apologizing?" He responded that he truly was "sorry." I told him that I forgave him and that I believed people could change. I also told him that I am not perfect and that I make mistakes too. I was happy to receive the apology and reached out my hand to shake Sergio's hand. All this was happening on the checkout line at Shoprite Supermarket. I have no idea if Sergio has changed. In fact, something he said made me think otherwise. Then there was that load of beer in his cart, which his wife thought he had a problem with. All I know is the hope that I
have in Jeaus Christ. The hope of resurrection in all its' manifestations. I know that God lovingly forgives me and that I in return must lovingly forgive others. I see in Sergio the continual struggle that we all must have with our own sin nature. Does forgiveness mean that I trust this guy? Or that I should ignore issues of safety? No, trust must be earned by the exercise of virtue. Being forgiving does not mean that we ignore our personal safety. What I do know is something fantastic happened on the checkout line at Shoprite. This meeting between Sergio and myself was by divine appointment.
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