Anger Issues

Why is everyone so angry?  Anger seems to be the most fashionable emotion as of late.  Celebrities are screaming and saying the most vile things because they don't like the newly elected U.S. President.  Nothing is too evil to say, whether that is insulting the President's ten year old child or trying to insuinate that his wife was a prostitute.  No, if you don't agree with someone these days whether it is a President or your ex-wife, any anger you feel is justification for going berserk.  Nary a criticism when reality shows broadcast all matter of infantile tantrums in response to any little life frustration. In fact, broadcasting fights or emotional breakdowns is a surefire way to raise ratings or resurrect a sagging career.  Anger expressed to a cashier or waiter in response to a problem is seen as being assertive, even if it gets abusive.  But, what has happened to respectfully stating your problem? Or, accepting loss with a good attitude?  Is the only response to a perceived social injustice burning cars or looting stores?

Anger is part of the normal God given panoply of emotions.  There is nothing ungodly about anger.  It is just what we do with those angry feelings that bring us into the realm of sin. The Bible says, "anger and sin not"- (Ephesians3:6)  José* called me up at a desperate moment and told me that, "Millie* made him so mad, that sometimes he hits her."  Having been apprised of the domestic abuse going on in his family, it was essential that I use this as an opportunity to talk some sense into him.  I told him that "his wife did not make him hit her.  It is his anger issues and his poor coping skills that are to blame."  I let him know that he learned those poor coping skills during his childhood and it had nothing to do with his wife.  The good news is that José reached out for help and changed his ways.

Do you know someone like Simone* who has been fired from several jobs because of her bad temper?  Simone always thought herself justified in telling her boss off.  She was not going to put up with anything, even though she was a single mother and had a child to support.  Her family and friends always enabled her in this attitude.  "Oh poor Simone.  That boss was nasty, you don't need that job.  You'll get something better."  Or, "you're right Simone don't take crap from anyone."  They were afraid to disagree with her.  Simone had a way of cutting people out of her life if they disagreed with her.   Eventually everyone got fed up with her, especially when she started to borrow or steal money from those she supposedly loved.

What is anger actually?  My online dictionary describes anger as "a feeling of great annoyance or antagonism as the result of some real or supposed grievance; rage; or wrath."  This definition immediately brings up the question of whether our feelings of anger might even be incorrect.  Imagine starting a twitter war, seeking revenge against a business associate or even killing someone because of the mistaken notion that we have been wronged.  Jeremiah the prophet says as much.  Check out Jeremiah 17:9, it states, " The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"  When José started to attend church he came in contact with a variety of people who all had better attitudes than he did.  He began to realize, as he studied the Bible that there were other ways to do things besides the way he had been doing them.  His heart had deceived him!

Anger is bound to happen to you sometime soon.  Traffic is so slow you are going to be late.  The neighbor's dog messed up your lawn.  Why does everyone in the office leave all the work for you to do?  There is no end to the frustrating and annoying things that can happen to you throughout the day.  Face it anger is here to stay.  As we learned, some of our anger is justified and some of it is not.  However, that will not alter how we are to respond to our feelings of anger as we shall soon see.

I have observed that many Christians experience feelings of guilt and shame when they struggle with their anger.  They believe it is a sin to even feel anger.  This leads many believers to stuff their emotions and ignore the need to solve a problem.  This causes the feelings to build up until they explode.  They do this because of a mistaken notion of what forgiveness is or because they think this is love.  But is that true? In the book of Jeremiah 3:12-14 we see that God Himself describes His own anger which he experiences when confronted with evil.  So, should we be surprised when we feel angry upon hearing the latest headline detailing a child who is starved and beaten by their own parent?  After all, we are made in God's image and likeness.

The Bible from beginning to end has ample examples of correct and incorrect management of anger.  It cautions us not to let our emotions control us.  We are not to do or say something foolish that we will be sorry for later.  We acknowledge our feelings of anger or frustration yet we make a decision to rationally decide on what to do next.  The Bible shows us that there are times when we should choose not to move forward with an action even when we have been wronged.  Think of the case of Simone, which I outlined above, she had chosen a philosophy of never standing down from a real or imagined offense.  She thought this meant she was strong.  She got fired from multiple jobs and ended up uprooting her child several times when she could not pay the rent on her apartments. Even if her bosses were rude to her, was it really wise to talk back to them?  Other times we must lovingly rebuke someone.  To do otherwise would be less than loving.  Is it loving to look the other way when abuse is occurring or someone has a drinking problem?

Take a moment today to think about how you react to your own feelings of anger.  Is it the wrong approach? For instance, do you verbally or physically react when you are angry, and then are sorry about it later.  Do you have the reputation of being a hot-head?  Did you grow up in a family that handled anger with the "silent treatment?"  These are all examples of destructive reactions to anger.  Let me reassure you that anger can be constructive.  It can bring our attention to a problem that we need to focus in on.  It can also be a call for us to learn more patience.  The key is to look at the situation and enumerate the different ways that you might handle it.  Pray and ask God for guidance, and don't be embarrassed to open up to a brother or sister in Christ.



* The names are changed.