Contractors have just completed five weeks of work on my kitchen remodel. I spent a lot of time and energy getting this project underway. It took me a long time to finally choose flooring, wallpaper, and appliances. I purchased unique cabinet pulls from the store Anthropolgie in the Westchester Mall. I bought a handmade Italian chandelier from La Dentelliere, a store located in charming downtown Scarsdale. I also highly recommend Marble Works if you live in Westchester and are looking for a new kitchen countertop. For the past two weeks, it seems that, every spare second that I have has been spent getting my kitchen back together. I'm still not done. I couldn't find my can opener the other night when I was making dinner. My husband had to take the can of diced tomatoes to his workshop and do something to it to get it opened. I really don't want to think about that too much.
So, although I felt a little guilty abandoning my ongoing job of reorganizing and repositioning every little citrus peeler and herb stripper into my new kitchen, I thought I could really use a break for my sanity. I was due to meet Lyndsey* at Whole Foods at 10:30 am. The next two hours after that, went by very quickly. Lyndsey and I shared coffee, and many meaningful topics of importance to each of us. One such topic concerned mistreatment by local churches. Unfortunately, this is far from a unique occurrence here in Westchester County. What can we learn from these dysfunctional churches and how can they improve? Over the years, I have dealt with instances of mistreatment in churches
(so have my family, and friends). From small to large all the incidents were downright sinful.
One such story involved Pastor C******. Pastor C***** was a gifted evangelist. When Kathy* invited me to her Church I was immediately aware of that. He expertly explained the Bible, and had the right mixture of stories added in to help people relate God's Word more to their lives. As time went on, I could see some abuse of power starting to drift in. When he disagreed with a ministry leader or a congregant, he played it out during services. He even slipped in references to the problem in his sermons. He used his power in the pulpit as a "bully pulpit" to disparage and argue his case. Nothing seemed righteous about that. The Pastor had departed from the perfect conflict resolution guide, the Bible. In the Gospel of Matthew 18:15, it talks of trying to settle a matter between two people by themselves, if possible. If that does not work, Pastor C******should have brought in another Christian to mediate, etc. His personal public relations stunts from the pulpit also intimidated congregants to do or think as he did or face the same public humiliation. This was worldly justice, not godly justice.
Then there was Emily,* a Christian from Michigan, who met her husband in college and ended up moving to the Westchester area. Her husband was a successful businessman. They had the perfect Tudor house on the best street in town. But, all was not well on the inside of that perfect Tudor house on the best street in town. Emily had been in denial about her ever increasing marital problems. After giving birth to the couples third child their problems seemed to go from bad to worse. Busier than ever with the ongoing needs of her children, she felt her husband grew even more distant just when she needed him most. Her family network was in Michigan, and that long distance just added to Emily's growing sense of isolation and loneliness.
Desperate one night, she headed out to a Midweek Prayer service in town. Earlier in the week, she had seen the sign on this beautiful stone edifice advertising a Midweek Prayer Service. Need prayer? Wednesday's -at 7 pm. What she described in her experience that evening, let me know what this church was really all about. Instead of uplifting her needs through prayer, they became quite
uncomfortable with Emily as she tearfully described her marital problems. Emily felt rejected and
alone, and more depressed than ever. She had broken an unspoken rule of this church without realizing it. That rule is: let's pray for Aunt Sally's hip replacement or for Joe to get a job but let's not talk about anything too unpleasant like marital trouble, drug addiction or mental illness. There is so much wrong with that, where do I begin?
Two more examples : when Pastor D**** went to a Pastors conference he came back a changed man. It was like he caught a virus. This virus makes you change the name of your church, be all about the youth, the numbers and open a coffee bar. He also announced that his new philosophy included "not worrying so much about you if you were saved." Yes, Jesus left the whole flock of sheep to save the one lost sheep, but what Pastor D**** was suggesting did not seem to fit the full picture of the Good Shepherd. Then there was the Church of ******. When a friend heard that I was going to a church picnic there, she emailed a newspaper article to me suggesting this church is one of two cults operating in Westchester County (the other is the Rev. Moon's Church). I read how former members of that church felt pressured to give a certain amount of money weekly and how their personal lives were closely monitored and controlled. Why is it so many churches get it so wrong? The obvious answer is sin. The not so obvious answers are biblical illiteracy or interpretation errors.
Let's examine these few stories and see our first point of interest : leadership problems. To clarify, let me start by saying that Jesus is the head of our Church and all priests, pastors, and believers are under His authority. Once, the Israelites were ruled solely by God Almighty. That is, until the people demanded a King as well. The story of King Saul's corruption and abuse of power points us to the fact that it is best to be ruled by God alone. It also points to the struggle that mankind has to correctly administer the authority that is given us. King David, the next King of Israel, although flawed, chose repentance. David's story helps us to realize that our Pastors will not be perfect but the humble and
repentant among them may, "be a man after (God's) mine own heart."-1 Samuel 13:14. King Solomon's sin caused the Kingdom of Israel to be divided. From this we learn that sin by our church leaders have serious consequences.
The second point of interest in the above stories regards prayer and worship. The Bible makes it clear that we can't fake it with God Almighty. But, that doesn't stop us from trying to fake it with
God and with one another. We see this in our communities, including our churches. Sometimes we are more interested in impressing one another than we are in the truth. We are afraid people would judge us if they knew the truth about us. Or sometimes, we just want to feel superior to other people. This is not okay with God. The truth is, we need to beseech God frequently concerning the topics of marital problems, addictions and mental health problems since all communities face these issues. We need to be a comfort to those individuals and families struggling in these areas. We should examine our conscience to see if we can be more loving in these sorts of situations. Remember God answers prayers. How can we miss even one opportunity at Midweek to pray with energy and fervor concerning the real needs facing each and everyone of us?
As for Pastor D**** or Church of ******, they are examples of churches trying to make it happen all by themselves. Pastor D**** is now running his church like a business. He is following all the
trends, but I do not remember hearing him hold a prayer service before making large changes to the
church, something even a godly business owner would do. I'm not sure Pastor D**** would even
know what to do if an electromagnetic pulse destroyed his ability to post his selfies on social media.
Words of wisdom for Pastor D**** are that God will direct and that God isn't just about the youth.
God created us with free will. So, the desire to control our congregants is in opposition to our creator's plan for us. It is understandable that a church, such as Church of ******, or an individual
would want to control those around them. We see parents who are too controlling. We see this occurring in dating situations. However, this is not God's way and we need to try to get in line with His (God's) way of doing things. This is what ultimately shows the power of God. Here are some Bible verses to inspire us.
I. LEADERSHIP
Exodus 18:21King James Version (KJV)
21 Moreover thou shalt provide out of all the people able men, such as fear God, men of truth, hating covetousness; and place such over them, to be rulers of thousands, and rulers of hundreds, rulers of fifties, and rulers of tens.
1 Peter 2:9King James Version (KJV)
9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light.
II. PRAYER
James 5:16King James Version (KJV)
16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
Psalm 35:13King James Version (KJV)
13 But as for me, when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth: I humbled my soul with
fasting; and my prayer returned into mine own bosom.
fasting; and my prayer returned into mine own bosom.
III. COMPASSION
1 Samuel 23:21
21 And Saul said, Blessed be ye of the Lord; for ye have compassion on me.
1 Corinthians 13
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as a sounding brass,or a tinkling cymbal.
21 And Saul said, Blessed be ye of the Lord; for ye have compassion on me.
1 Corinthians 13
1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as a sounding brass,or a tinkling cymbal.
*Names are changed.
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