If love was all that we needed, then why are so many people miserable after following that philosophy? The feelings that we have that draw us to another person are very powerful. Let's explore this for a moment. God has divinely created a powerful inclination within us to couple. It is so powerful that, like driving a racing car you can quickly get into a wreck if you don't know how to drive it. The consequences to ourselves, our families and communities are powerful, it is essential that we understand this. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"-Jeremiah 17:9
Shannon* is a case in point. Her very messy divorce (chronicled in Love Gone Wrong) left her hurt and broken. She tried to hang tough but she was very afraid of the depression and anger that now engulfed her. Her husband took her for everything that he could and hooked up with a younger woman. When someone has a trauma such as this, it is critically important to process everything that occurred and make some sense of it. This is not easy of course. "Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers."-3John2
In order to move on, Shannon has to understand the lifelong pattern that she has of being lead of her emotions. Jõao* is the same way. He loves to be in love! He loves that all-encompassing, all-powerful sexual, and emotional feeling that he gets when he mets a new woman and falls for her. It becomes his obsession. He will text that woman all day, and spend every waking moment thinking about her. He seems to only really be happy though during the early romantic chase and quickly falls into drama and dysfunction soon after that. "How blessed is the man that finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding."-Proverbs 3:13
Many people think Jõao is a player but, they don't really understand that he has just been looking for love in all the wrong places. I met Jõao at a Bible study some years ago. He came to church seeking answers after he became separated from his wife. He felt as if he had been used and abused after he had given his wife Amanda* everything. He made good money as a plumber and had gained favor as a contractor on many expensive construction projects in Westchester County, N.Y. He and Amanda used to be living the good life but now it seems that he is spending all his money on lawyers. "If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own son, but gave him up for us--how will he also, along with him,graciously give us all things."-Romans 8:31-32
Just as in the case of Shannon, Jõao is being driven to unsatisfying relationships because of patterns in his life that he constantly repeats. He and Shannon both make decisions about love by what their feelings tell them. "I can't help how I feel. You have to be sexually attracted to someone don't you?" Over the years, I have had people tell me that : "I only date (tall,short, big this, small that, blondes, brunettes, black, Asian or well-dressed people)." The list goes on and on : she/he must be (confident, financially successful, handsome, beautiful or do what I like sexually). "Enter ye by the narrow gate, for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it."-Matthew 7:13
None of these criteria will ensure a happy ending for your romance. You could be acting out a childhood trauma. Do you find yourself declining a date with a person who is godly, nice and whom you have lots in common with, only to find yourself on a date with some type that you seem to be stuck on (see above list)? This is something that you should reflect upon. There is a better way. If you want better relationships and you are willing to do some spiritual and emotional work things can get better. The roads to a bad love life are many but when we follow God and do things His way, healing comes into our love life. "The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire."-Isaiah 58:11
* the name is changed
No comments:
Post a Comment