To date or not to date is an important question for any Christian single. The time to ask this question is before saying yes to the date. This is crucial if you want to stay on track in your walk with the Lord. The stakes are high. I have seen many a godly man or woman go down the rabbit hole of insanity when they step into the wrong relationship. Why does this happen?
One of the things that seem to universally apply to these situations is faulty thinking and confusion about what the Bible teaches on dating. Add to that, the powerful emotions that we can feel towards another person and we can essentially understand why this occurs so often. It is crucial that we anticipate these circumstances so that we are not controlled by our emotions and have a Christian road map before we start our dating journey.
Take Nicole* for example. She was at a good place in her life when she met Eric.* She attended a Church that she loved and had just started a catering business. Eric had visited her church with his good friend Jim,* from a Westchester, N.Y. kayaking club. Jim had a lot of struggles with his faith, where women were concerned. Although he read his bible everyday and attended worship regularly, he had struggled to change his sexual lifestyle after he had accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior.
Eric, voted for Bernie Saunders in the last United States Presidential election. He was raised by two thoroughly progressive Westchester parents who portrayed Christianity as extinct and unnecessary. He had literally never met a Christian in his life, one who admitted it anyway. That is until he met Jim. Jim was a successful businessman, kayaker and personable fellow. Eric liked the way that Jim took him under his wing and introduced him around the kayaking club. As a newcomer to the group, he could see that Jim was a sort of informal leader at that club.
Before long, they were fast friends. These men found that they had a lot in common. They liked similar cuisine, enjoyed the same hobbies and both had an eye for the ladies. So, it was quite a shock when Eric found out that Jim was a Christian. But shock eventually turned to curiosity and this caused Eric to accept an invitation to attend a church social. It was here that Eric met Nicole. Jim introduced them and it was an immediate and powerful connection for each of them. The proverbial love at first sight.
But, what does the Bible say about these things? The Bible has an array of stories depicting some wise and unwise love connections that were as instantly combustible as this. Think Samson and Delilah, or Jacob and Rachel. Without any commitment to God, Eric instantly decided that he would attend church next Sunday. He had to, just to see Nicole again. This continued for a short time until Eric got the courage to ask Nicole out on a date. Nicole instantly agreed without any surety of his commitment to God.
As she dressed for her date, she had a nervous feeling that Eric might not be a Christian. In their conversations at church coffee hour, she recalled that he had voiced many ambivalent feelings regarding the sermons that he had heard by Pastor Bob.* At first, she thought he was a new believer whom she wanted to encourage. But now, as she prepared for her date she wondered if she was just hoping that this was true because she wanted it to be true. Her mind wandered to the often quoted dating advice for Christians of not being unequally matched with an unbeliever.
She didn't have time to think any further because the doorbell was ringing and it was Eric. But what about this quote? In its entirety it reads: Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?- 2 Corinthians 6:14-15. This passage has imagery and principles that begin to create a godly roadmap for dating.
Let me start by saying this passage does not preclude relationships by Christians with non-Christians. The emphasis is on the situations which may compromise our spiritual path as we choose to follow Jesus. Dating definitely qualifies as a situation where we will see cautionary road signs. In the first verse of 2 Corinthians 14 we see the imagery of animals who are tied together by a device placed around their neck. This device enables them to work together in the job of plowing a field. As we think of dating, it is paramount to recognize how we will be tied together with that person, just like two animals brought together to pull the plow.
Many a marriage dissolves because two people were not equally pulling their weight in situations, such as childrearing, finances or doing chores. When two people are Christians, it connects them to the truth of God's plan for a righteous relationship. The Word of God teaches us about a covenant love. A love that serves, that stays committed and works through the issues that will arise over time. We learn that God's love for us mirrors what our love for one another should be like. We are given the strength to live this out through the Holy Spirit.
When you date a non-Christian, the vision that each person has for that relationship will at some point diverge. It will be as if you are pulling that plow all by yourself. Maybe, your partner is just sitting down in the field, or decides that he wants to go in another direction. 2 Corinthians 6:14 notes that righteousness and lawlessness have nothing in common. Lawlessness is described in the Bible this way, all "sin is lawlessness"- 1 John 3:4. Your partner will eventually tempt you to do something which you know is a sin, because they are in the lawless state of unbelief.
Second Corinthians pulls no punches in its endeavor to warn us of the impending danger of dating outside of our faith when it asks, "what accord has Christ with Belial (Satan)?" While you may not think of your weekend date as Belial, (note: we are not Christ either), it dramatically portrays the different values that two people can bring to a union. Contemplate how impossible it would be for Christ and the Devil to work together and it may give you some idea of the lack of harmony which may occur.
As for Eric and Nicole, things didn't work out so great for them. Nicole could have saved herself a lot of heartache if she had just realized the help that the above scripture verses offered her and accepted the directive. Instead, she went down that rabbit hole of insanity and got caught in a maze of drama and pain. As time goes by, I hope that she learns from her mistake and realizes the wisdom of the Bible. I hope that we all do!
* the names are changed but the story is true.
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