Dating. Does that even have any meaning today? For some people it does, for some it does not. There are some who feel that it is an outdated concept. In Westchester County, N.Y. one of my daughters asked me what dating was like when I was in High School. I described a first date usually consisting of going out for a hamburger, pizza, and then a movie. The boy always came to my door and met my family and he always escorted me home. For the most part, being with a boy was done in a group. As the relationship progressed, sports such as tennis, biking, hiking or a beach visit might happen. As time went by, concerts, museums and Manhattan dates would come about. The ankle bracelet, or high school ring would signal that a couple was going steady. I would wear such trinkets with pride and write my name and his on all my textbook covers and draw a big heart around them. At this point, I was already thinking if a marriage would work. Or even how his last name would jive with my first name. If that did not work, I would try my last name with a hyphen and include his name at the end.
My daughter sadly lamented the current state of dating for many of her friends. There were hook-up sessions. The boy was not going to spend any money and usually he had to make sure a girl kissed well before he committed to asking her out on a date. It was all about finding someone to make him happy and if they did not, well good riddance to her! How different that was from what I had taught her and the concept of covenant marriage that our church preached.
The standards for dating if you are a Christian depart radically from those espoused in the popular culture. Music, and the entertainment industry often depict beauty, sexuality and relationships in ways that distort God's plan for how men and women should treat each other. There is a superficiality based upon looks and money that does not correspond with godly thinking.
Selfishness pervades and creates dissension in many a budding romance, often leading to frustration and anger. Selfishness seems to emerge as a key component in ungodly dating. Compare this to the biblical standard (John 15:12- "My command is this: love each other as I have loved you.") The manner in which Jesus loved us is immense. Contemplating this is the key to developing and maintaining a healthy relationship. Jesus loves us and has demonstrated that even going so far as to sacrifice His life so that we could live. Does your boyfriend even care if you get safely home?
Jesus was a servant to others who humbly washed the feet of the apostles before the last supper. Does the person you are dating serve their family or their community? Is there a generosity of spirit, a magnanimity towards you that touches your heart? The Bible teaches us that we should look deeper and not judge a person by just what appears on the surface. (1 Samuel 16:7- But the Lord said unto Samuel, look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.") Are you choosing your partner because he is "tall, dark, and handsome?" Sometimes we get a sharp lesson when we fail to heed God's wisdom. We may wonder why we just can't meet a nice guy. It could be because we are not looking for one. This is food for thought on a very important topic, dating.
God's plan for dating includes mutual respect, service, patience and waiting. In the long-run, all these attributes will help build a godly, happy family setting. Another basic for Christian dating includes making God an intricate part of your relationship. That can only happen if the other person is a Christian. I struggled with this throughout the years and you might too. I met someone who seemed nice at school. I thought that over time they might convert for me. Sometimes, I looked but didn't find an eligible bachelor at church. It is at times like this you must purposely pray and trust God to meet your needs.
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