An anonymous letter arrived at the home of my Christian friend Maria* late last summer. It was quite a shock to everyone. Have you ever heard of the expression, "let sleeping dogs lie?" I have never been a fan of that philosophy of life but, I must admit that since this letter has arrived, there have been times when I can't help but wonder why someone would send a letter outlining things that happened so very long ago. Things that have long passed and that you can't do anything about. What's the point of that?
I met Maria a while ago when my marriage was in trouble. Her marriage was in trouble too. I guess she didn't know how much trouble it was in at the time. Maria and I bonded over our love of the Lord and our determination to follow God even through the tough times of marital turmoil. She was a constant source of strength for me and she fought harder than anyone I have ever known to try and turn her own marriage around.
Unfortunately, she was not able to reach her husband João's* heart and rekindle that flame of love that they once had. The marriage ended in divorce as a result of her catching him in the act of adultery. The break-up of her long marriage was not easy for Maria. But, that was years ago. So why was she getting some anonymous letter in the mail now many years after the dissolution of her marriage?
The letter had a silly sounding, obviously made-up name and the phony address was of an armory in White Plains, New York. The letter addressed my friend by name. It contained a bombshell that none of us ever wanted to hear or expected. The letter stated that my friend's ex-husband João* had a very long-term affair. The writer of the letter seemed like a stalker or at least someone who has been in the background of my friend's life for a very long time.
The mysterious writer stated an affair started when my friend and her husband had a baby. They would drop that child off for daycare everyday and according to the writer of the letter, the woman was a close friend of the child's caretaker. She cruelly taunted my friend by stating everyone knew and was laughing at her.
When my friend got to this point, I was totally creeped out. Who says mean things like that? A sociopath? Another spurned lover of her husband perhaps? Thank God that at least the letter did not contain an explicit threat to my friend. However, I felt worried and protective of Maria and concerned for her safety. I am such a mother hen sometimes, but it was not without reason. The writer seemed to taunt her like a cat playing with a mouse.
The anonymous letter hinted that one of Maria's siblings had been aware of the affair, ouch and meow! She hinted that Maria's daughter took her father's side in the divorce, ouch and meow! They even had the nerve to advise my friend to tell her daughter about this affair to straighten things out. A cat will watch and wait for the right moment to pounce no matter how long it takes. You can see this cat seems to know everything about my friend's life up until the present even the fact that Maria's daughter doesn't know of her father's affair.
When Maria's marriage to her husband João broke up many years ago, she made a conscious decision not to put her daughter in the middle of it. She thought talking to her daughter about the adultery she had discovered might hurt her and create a wedge between her and her father. Furthermore, if João wanted to tell his grown daughter, it was his choice. At that time, I do remember a few of Maria's girlfriends wanted her to tell her daughter and let her know that while Maria was working hard to repair her marriage this is what her father was doing. Maria thought as a Christian that this would have been revengeful and wanted no part of it. Could one of her girlfriends have written this letter now?
Maria tried to investigate the veracity of this letter after she received it. She was able to contact her daughter's long ago babysitter. The woman reluctantly confirmed that João had an affair with her friend but, she claimed that she didn't know about it until her friend was dying. Poor Maria felt like she had been made a fool of. This story has more layers than an onion and it makes you cry too. Maria had some sleepless nights and crying spells but had decided to move on and to let it go.
Unfortunately, that was not to be. During the Thanksgiving holiday, the anonymous letter writer struck again! I was busy shopping and planning for my Thanksgiving meal when the caller I.D. on my phone revealed Maria's number. I knew it was something important because Maria never calls during her family holidays. Maria was quite distraught and didn't know what to do or how to proceed as she announced that more anonymous letters had been written. This time, two of Maria's sisters were the recipients.
I knew this wasn't over and I'm not sure when it will be. What does this deranged person really want? The timing of these newest letters shows you the destructive and cruel tendencies of this individual and what they are capable of. Maria was looking forward to time with her family, especially her grandchildren. This person was trying to destroy that tranquility and insinuate themselves into this holiday time.
As a Christian, it is essential to follow God's way even at times like this. When feelings and thoughts emerge it is important as the Bible puts it to, "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Jesus Christ"-2 Corinthians 10:5b. We have to seek God and His wisdom at such moments and resist the urge to follow our wrong-headed thinking. Maria and I began talking over the latest letters and tried to make sense of this whole crazy thing.
It was hard for a kind-hearted woman such as Maria to understand why someone would try to disrupt the special family time of a holiday. I sensed the writer wanted to humiliate my friend and ruin her enjoyment of it. This is so far from her mindset that it caused her a panic of sorts. I asked her if I could pray as I thought it was essential to go to Jesus with all of this in prayer. My friend and I did pray multiple times about this matter. The most touching prayer was for the phantom letter writer.
As we talked over all the newest revelations of the Thanksgiving letters, we naturally reached a point where she was ready to forgive and lift up the person who was hurting her at that moment. Jesus said this in Matthew 5:44 : "But I tell you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you." There is a power when we can work through the issues of our life and then sincerely get to the point when we can trust God to give that perfect justice and release our problems to Him.
But, as I stated, this whole thing may not be over. This is the second time that we have prayed and forgiven this crazy letter writer. God gives perfect justice but, is this person done with their venomous assault? What was their purpose? Are they dangerous? Knowing the content of each letter I can tell you that I feel this person may have borderline personality disorder. Who did this? Here are the suspects: a borderline friend or former friend, another used and discarded and very angry ex-lover of João's, or an unhappy family member, even her ex-husband.
Each of these possibilities exist because of the way that sin can operate in people's life. The profile of this person would be someone who has an anger problem, is manipulative, and has bad communication skills. This individual would have exhibited poor problem-solving skills and be known to hold grudges. The person could be living a life of regret now and even may have turned to alcohol. What do you think readers?
* the names and a few details have been changed to protect identities.
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