Even as catacyclismic events shake our world, the ordinary things of life intrude. Such was the case with Melissa* and Jim*. With everything else on their plates these past three miserable months, they have had to deal with marital issues too. The problem is, they haven't. Instead of growing closer during lockdown, they have grown further apart. Instead of facing problems, they ignored them. Lockdown has put them in close proximity and it hasn't been good.
As a result, all the issues that they have managed to ignore when they spent half the day apart have been magnified. What bad habits does Jim have that Melissa managed to ignore when she threw herself into her daily grind? How will Jim cope when he can't use his ringing work phone as an excuse to hang up when they disagree? Yup, Jim and Melissa's marital woes are front and center now.
I want to emphasize that Melissa and Jim are not facing anything new, but the virus situation has forced them to look at things they had been avoiding for a long time. Things that emerged when they first got married and have been swept under the carpet ever since. Jim is a super messy guy. Everywhere he goes you see it: his house, his office, his car. Melissa likes a place for everything and everything in its place. Jim is a casual guy. He would rather wear jeans, flannel shirts and sneakers. Melissa claims he can be unkempt and that he wouldn't even cut his nails if she didn't force him. Jim thinks Melissa is too clingy and emotional. Melissa claims Jim isn't emotionally available to her.
What about Jorge*? Single and under lockdown he has grown depressed. He is drinking alcohol to excess. It seems that family and people whom he thought were his friends have not been there for him. He understood that everyone kind of went into a cocoon and isolated, but it left him lonely and questioning just who he could count on. On top of all that, Jorge who has been able to work from home, began hearing rumors circulate that there will be some layoffs at his firm this fall. He thinks he might lose his job.
As Jorge grew scruffier and scruffier in his appearance some parents began to look askance at him when he put out his garbage in boxers and an undershirt. I wonder how he showed up to his office Zoom meetings? Heaven only knows this is not the way to gain friends and maintain employment. Jorge is also reading everything about COVID-19 that he can. He has taken to predicting the probability of virus resurgence and obsessing over the business ramifications. Too bad he is not qualified to get a job doing that. He might even make better models than some of the scientists and economists have been making.
As things have started to open up and life has cautiously begun to resume, will Melissa, Jim and Jorge make changes to their lives with some of the things they have learned during lockdown? I hope so. Or, will they just push uncomfortable feelings back beneath the surface like some terrible game of whack-a-mole? The choice is theirs to make.
People are talking about the good things that have come out of lockdown, but can they face some of the difficult truths about themselves and their lives that have emerged too? I think we should all do that. Is there something that may have to change in our lives? In our marriage, friendship, finances or job? Are we facing the specter of financial reversal? I certainly hope not, but we all should prepare for uncertain times.
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about Joseph in the Bible. The Joseph who got sold into slavery by his brothers. He got dragged kicking and screaming down a road he wished he was not on. What lead up to that? We know there was jealousy and hard feelings. Family problems that perhaps were sweep under the carpet and not addressed? Joseph probably had to deal with feelings of depression and anger over the years. He was rejected by those that he thought he could trust in a cruel and terrible way.
It is difficult to think of the horrendous things that surely happened to Joseph under slavery. The bitterness of his situation could have taken Joseph on a completely different path than the one he took. I am hoping that we will start to be the strong men and women of God that we ought to be. We need to take the Joseph route just about now. He faced the truth about his life, then forgave and even prospered in his situation.
How did he do that? How can we do that? The answer is we have to humble ourselves and seek God. More than ever we have to get real and get God. The craziness that I see around me every single day convinces me of that. We all must take a stand for virtue at this moment in history. We have to be very certain that we are doing godly things and not working against those standards. The stakes are quite high for our own lives and in the fate of this world.
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and forgive their sin, and will heal their land. -2 Chronicles 7:14.
* the names are changed to protect privacy.
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