Love Gone Wrong

"Once I ran to you, now I'll run from you. 

  This tainted love you've given 

   I give you all a boy could give you, 

   take my tears and that's not nearly all."  -"Tainted Love"

The group "Soft Cell" had a hit in 1981 with the song, "Tainted Love."  Tainted Love" was the best-selling single in the UK for 1981.  In the United States, the song reached number eight during 1982 and spent a then record-breaking forty-three weeks on the Hot 100 List.  The writer of this song clearly touched upon some inconvenient truths about the love gone bad in all our lives.  It was a little slice of the truth and people couldn't get enough of it.  This week I heard stories that could clearly be described as tainted love and I struggled to understand how and why these love stories ended up going so badly.

Wildflowers on a Walk in France

                                                            

Shannon* is a beautiful woman who is in the midst of a nasty divorce. According to Shannon,* her soon to be ex-husband "wants to destroy" her.  Far from being an amicable split, he will leave no stone unturned as he tries to cut himself a better financial deal.  He has tried to prove that she is an unfit mother through fabricating stories that he knows are not true.  He wants sole custody of their son even though that is not in his child's best interest.  If that isn't bad enough, he immediately took up with a woman ten years younger than Shannon and is already living with her.

Lena's* a talented architect and has had an amazing career.  Throughout her life she has had a series of relationships with men who were in some way or other not emotionally available to her.  One was married, one ended up liking men better and one was married and an alcoholic!

Olga* had attempted suicide two times over a man, but when Lev* met her all he could see was how he was going to save her.  She ended up getting pregnant with another man's child while still married 

to Lev.

Bust at Villa Melzi in Italy

 "Get away
  From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
  The love we share
  Seems to go nowhere
  And I've lost my light
  For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night."  -"Tainted Love"

The above stories may shock you.  The things that we see happen in our parents marriage or our own 

marriages can dishearten us.  What went wrong in their love stories?  Is there hope for your
struggling relationship?  The Bible contains an amazing amount of stories of love gone wrong.  It 

also describes consequences, solutions and healing.  One in particular that we can learn a lot from is
the story of King David and Bathsheba contained in the Book of Second Samuel.

Bust from Villa Melzi, Italy 

King David was gifted and blessed.  He lost sight of that, and his relationship with God.  He strayed 

from his values, and veered toward his own case of tainted love.  If that could happen to a man "after 

God's own heart" such as King David, is it any surprise that each and every one of us has had our own disastrous love life chapter?  

The story of David and Bathsheba can be found in 2 Samuel 11:2-20, 26, 27.  It is as shocking as the
above tales of love gone wrong and indeed contains many elements of those stories except worse because in ended up in murder!  Here is that story.

2 And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon.

3 And David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?

4 And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house.

5 And the woman conceived, and sent and told David, and said, I am with child.

6 And David sent to Joab, saying, Send me Uriah the Hittite. And Joab sent Uriah to David.

7 And when Uriah was come unto him, David demanded of him how Joab did, and how the people did, and how the war prospered.
  8 And David said to Uriah, Go down to thy house, and wash thy feet. And Uriah departed out of the king's house, and there followed him a mess of meat from the king.

9 But Uriah slept at the door of the king's house with all the servants of his lord, and went not down to his house.

10 And when they had told David, saying, Uriah went not down unto his house, David said unto Uriah, Camest thou not from thy journey? Why then didst thou not go down unto thine house?

11 And Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields; shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? As thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing.

12 And David said to Uriah, Tarry here to day also, and tomorrow I will let thee depart. So Uriah abode in Jerusalem that day, and the morrow.

13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

14 And it came to pass in the morning, that David wrote a letter to Joab, and sent it by the hand of Uriah.

15 And he wrote in the letter, saying, Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye 
from him, that he may be smitten, and die.

16 And it came to pass, when Joab observed the city, that he assigned Uriah unto a place where he 
knew that valiant men were.

17 And the men of the city went out, and fought with Joab: and there fell some of the people of the servants of David; and Uriah the Hittite died also.

18 Then Joab sent and told David all the things concerning the war;

19 And charged the messenger, saying, When thou hast made an end of telling the matters of the war unto the king,

20 And if so be that the king's wrath arise, and he say unto thee, Wherefore approached ye so nigh unto the city when ye did fight? knew ye not that they would shoot from the wall?

26 And when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband.

27 And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his 
wife, and bare him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.

Villa Melzi in Italy

David had displeased the Lord, as do we when we fail to follow Godly relational standards.  When we fail to love as God loves, when we fail in fairness, when we covet that which is not ours, it always ends in sorrow, cruelty, adultery and the death of goodness.  Uriah payed with his life because of the sins of others.  How unfair is that!  When we are wronged, as my friends Shannon* and Lev* were, it feels like a death.  It is a death.  A death of trust and innocence.  A breaking of a covenant bond that is so sacred that some people are broken-hearted and never love again.

David lusted after Bathsheba.  The lust he felt trumped all that he knew was right.  Bathsheba was a married woman.  "Thou shalt not commit adultery."  That is perfectly clear.  Knowing that David was in a position of authority as King also leads one to conjecture if perhaps there was undue persuasion on his part.  Also a no-no.  After Bathsheba gets pregnant, David's first reaction is to try to pass it off as Uriah's baby! Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.  

Please do not be deceived, this story is a template for the course of every affair.  Take my friend Lena* for example.  The man she was involved with, who was both married and an alcoholic, did not end happy for her.  She pursued this relationship for many years.  He never left his wife and in fact split time between the two women.  When he got ill, he went back to his wife and children who took care of him. He choose to turn away from this illicit affair and back to God and his family.

Brochure in the Back of A Taxi, Bermuda

King David also came to a place of brokenness and true repentance before it was too late.  He went to God with a humble and contrite heart and was made clean again.  That is what God has for each and every one of us as we navigate the obstacle course of our life.  We will make mistakes.  No matter what you have done He can cleanse and restore you.  He can heal you from past hurts and keep you from becoming jaded and untrusting.  However, while God forgives us, He does not take away the consequences of our actions.  In David's case, there was much suffering and even the death of a child.  Don't go down the tainted love path.  Instead, follow God, obey His commandments and pray for true 

happiness.

*the names and some details may have been changed to protect the innocent.  I hope that you enjoyed    the photos that I took on this page.