Tio Julio, Do You Have A Tio Julio? Part 1

Where do I begin to tell the story of Tio (Uncle) Julio?*  It is a tragic tale of a man whose bad influence has poisoned generations of his family.  The Bible quote that immediately comes to mind when I think of Uncle Julio is Exodus 34:7b, "visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children's children to the third and the fourth generation."  From what I have been able to gather, Julio's father was a violent alcoholic who had almost killed him a few times.  His mother left his father after one such event when his father, Julio Senior*, held four year old Julio outside of the window by his feet!  By the time Julio entered grade school on the Caribbean island of ********, he was already a bully.  In the impoverished one-room school house where many did not have enough to eat or shoes to wear, Julio's violent proclivities were just another thing that the students had to suffer through.  

He married a sweet and innocent woman who met him shortly after leaving a Catholic convent school.  Elba* had two religious parents who were very sweet and in love.  Like many on their island, they lived a simple life of hard work, and dedication to family and Church.  She and her family had no idea what she was getting into!  Julio was mercurial, sort of a Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and nothing Elba did seemed to please him.  His bullying ways continued into his marriage and very quickly escalated into violence.  There was so much denial and enabling in this family, that it is practically beyond belief.  Julio's mother always goaded her son on when he raged against poor Elba.  Everything that went wrong seemed to be Elba's fault if you believed those two.  Mother and son even found a way to buy a house together leaving Elba's name off the deed.

Uncle Julio was a cheating husband, who beat and tortured his wife and their children.  He was a welfare cheat and who knows what else?!  I don't say torture lightly.  The truth is he beat his children with electrical cords, and made them kneel on rice until their knees bled.  Beatings with straps were routine.  His sick and tortured mind came up with twisted ways to mete out punishment, such as forcing his son to run around naked or forcing his sons to fight it out, sort of a child fight club.  When his youngest son was home alone with him, while his wife worked a night shift job, Julio would wake that son up and keep him up for hours spouting crazy political theories.  He had school the next day.

Tio Julio has created a legacy of pain and suffering that only the Lord Jesus Christ can heal.  As I write this, two of his sons are in jail, and another son should be.  Tio Julio's six children, between them, have amassed twelve divorces, not a good statistic.  Of his two grandchildren that I know who are married, one is going through his second divorce and the other is divorced.  Two of his sons, one grandson and one granddaughter have admitted to domestic violence.  Tio Julio's heart of larceny and criminality was also passed on to his sons and his grandsons in the form of stealing, lying, drug dealing, pyromania and I heard one grandchild even forged some documents.  Is there any hope for this family? What about Tio Julio, who is quite old now?  What about the Uncle Julio in your family?

 
How do you cope with the Uncle Julio in your life?  Some people completely cut that person off by not speaking to them or moving far away.  Who could blame someone for feeling the situation is completely toxic and there is nothing to do but run away and save themselves and their family.  Other people completely close their eyes to what the Tio's of their life have done because, after all he is family or they can't face the shame or the fear.  Perhaps they feel if they tell the truth that their family will completely cut them off and side with Uncle Julio? All of the above coping mechanisms leave people broken, in pain and likely to perpetuate Tio's problems unto the next generation.  If you are reading this and you have a difficult family situation, know that you are not alone and that I am sorry for your pain.  God has a good plan for you and your family, that can best be summarized by Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) " For I know the plans that I have for you, "declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  It was not God's plan for any of this evil to beset you and he wants to stop it right here and now and give you and your family, even Uncle Julio a better future.

1. Solutions : Pathway to Healing
A. What is the truth?
Coping correctly begins with telling yourself the complete and unvarnished truth about the situation.  The truth will be painful, especially if you have been avoiding it a long time.  The truth may be that there is mental illness, brain injury, criminality, sexual abuse or even a serial killer in your family.  You need to gather sympathetic, godly people around you and resolve to be closer to God during this time of exploring the truth.  God rewards those who diligently seek his face as they deal with difficult life problems, Hebrews 11:6.  Think of King David praying to God and asking Him if he should go to war against the Philistines and will he be victorious!  Resolve to pray every day about your situation and beseech God about this person and your family.  Ask God to give you strength like that of King David.  Young David could not have faced the giant Goliath without his faith in God.  There is no earthly way, but there was a heavenly way and there is for us too!

* The story is true but the names are changed.
******* This story took place on an island in the Caribbean.

Next Week : Uncle Julio Pathway to Healing:Part 2.