The midlife crisis is a turning point for those experiencing it. It is important to heed the message that it gives us and decide what changes we need to make in our life. The message often comes in the form of a harsh and painful reality, such as an adultery, a health crisis or spiritual disappointment. Sometimes we come to learn a teenage son or daughter has been engaged in drug or alcohol use. Whatever truth comes to light, we have a moral imperative to confront and cope with the task before us. For many, it is their first opportunity to understand the plan that God has for their life.
Mácio* had many blessings : a wife, son, and a lovely home. The thing that most of his energy went to however, was his business. A graduate of New York University's Tisch School of the Arts, Mácio had met and networked with many famous movers and shakers in the entertainment world. He used these connections to establish a business important in the industry. When he arrived at midlife the consequences of the life he had lived reached their natural conclusion. Soon the doors would be shuttered on his multi-million dollar business. But, there is more.
Used to managing and directing the dozens of employees at his company, he wasn't equipped to accept or understand the rebellion of his teenage son. His domineering ways were tolerated in an industry filled with "prima donna's" but home was a different story. Mason* had his own thoughts and dreams and they were very different from those of his father. Mácio never had time to attend the events or do the things important to his son. Instead, he dragged Mason to entertainment events that he had no interest in. When Mason was a youngster, he feigned interest in his father's world. He wanted attention and his father's approval. Now, he is just full of anger.
Psalm 16:11-You will show me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." This verse from Psalms is a great starting point as you begin to unravel the knots that you have tied in your life. In the beginning of the verse it states that, "You will show me the path." That "You" referred to, is God Almighty. When we let God show us the path that we should be on, the tangled web we have woven for ourselves and others will begin to straighten out. Mácio, just like a lot of us, stopped depending on God as he make decisions for his household and in business dealings. Although Mácio attended Church, he had stopped being grateful to God for all his blessings and no longer went to God in prayer for guidance. As a result, his life started to slip.
Denise* was in a similar situation. While Denise had been introduced to Jesus in a Bible study at her college, it wasn't until midlife crisis that she finally accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior. Although she regularly attended Women's Ministry events aimed at growing her relationship with the Lord, she remained a person who was a reader of the Word and not a doer of the Word. It was always Denise knows best. After all, it was her wits and instinct that allowed her to survive her childhood, she thought. She never knew her father, and her mother's disasterous marriage to another man brought Denise a first class ticket into the world of domestic abuse. Her step-father beat her mother so badly that she almost lost an eye. She told me that for years she would run home after school fearful that this man would have killed her mother. I'm not sure that Denise completely trusted the Lord to protect her even now.
Denise was a warrior woman who never let her guard down. She was always fighting. But now in midlife, she was just another case of midlife burnout. She had accomplished so much in her life that I get tired just thinking about it. Born and raised in Harlem, New York, she went from a one bedroom apartment where four people lived to a beautiful home situated in one of the best school districts in Westchester County, New York. Against all odds, she had attended medical school and now has a practice in New York City. But everything has not been rosy for this highly accomplished woman. She had already undergone a divorce, been the victim of crime and struggled with loneliness by the time I had met her. Her personal relationships were troubled, and her daughter was the antithesis of what she expected her to be. Everything, except her job, was a struggle for Denise and she was tired.
More than anything, she wanted a man in her life. She had met several men at godly church socials yet none of them were good enough for Sister Denise. She met and dated another doctor and he was a wonderful man, but Sister Denise thought the man was too close to his widowed mother and bluntly said so. Then there was Dante*. Dante was a construction worker. He helped Denise with some home projects and lavished gifts upon her. Everything seemed to be going smoothly until she began to feel that she was better than him because she was a physician. When she complained to me, I told her that I thought "he was sweet and thoughtful" and she was "lucky to have met him." I further told her that, "this could be an answer" to her prayers "to have a partner with whom she could share the household responsibilities."
Like Mácio, she refused to let the Word of God seep into all the areas of her life. As a result, her life began to slip too. It is hard to resist the urge to be in control rather than let our heavenly Father God be the ruler of our life. Sometimes we only ask God's assistance after we have failed multiple times. This was the case with Mácio when both his business and family relations began to fail. Or, like Denise, others have let us down and so now we are afraid to trust even God. As Psalm 16:11 states " in your (God's) presence is fullness of joy." There is an emptiness in our life without God. Midlife crisis is one of the loneliest times in a person's life but you are not alone. The final part of Psalm 16:11 promises that at God's "right hand are pleasures forevermore." Healing, peace and happiness are the fruit of a a God-centric life. God is ready to start a new chapter in your life.
* the names and a few details have been changed.
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