Asking For Help

Asking for help when we need it, is a sign of wisdom. Yet, all too often we feel that asking for help is a sign of weakness. The Bible should quickly dissipate any such notions. Further, it should help you to feel more comfortable as you face your all too frail humanity. Yes, you are in great company alongside the great men and women of the Bible who expressed a need for help in a number of situations.

Here are a few examples : Samson-"O Lord God,remember me, I pray! Strengthen me, I pray, just this once, O God,that I may with one blow take vengeance on the Philistines for my two eyes!" (Judges 16:28) Jabez-"Oh that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that you would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!" God granted him what he requested."(1 Chronicles 4:10)  Mary, the mother of Jesus-"These all continued with one accord in prayer and supplication, with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with His brothers. (Acts 1:14)

I could go on but suffice it to say, you did not get the idea that expressing weakness is wrong from the Bible. In 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 we see Paul struggling with his impediments,“Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me,"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." What a revolutionary idea if you think about it. Knowing and owning your weakness makes you strong! That's better than eating your spinach. So understand right up front that frailty of health, both mental and physical is part of our humanity. Even frailty in the way that we do things, is part of our humanity. Expecting perfection in yourself and others is just setting yourself up and those around you for misery.

Let's take a look at what "failure to ask" looks like. The flu hit Westchester County very hard this past winter. Everyone I know had it. Yet, everyone acted as if they were fine and could manage on their own when I asked if I could do anything for them. It seemed that everyone was afraid to admit that they were in a weakened state or that they needed help. Everyday and in everyway, I see people trying to pretend that they have it all-together all the time.

Failure doesn't seem to be an option for men like Todd.* Todd grew up in a family that lauded success above everything else. His family did not teach him that we all "win some and we all loose some" or the wisdom of asking for help. As a child, he remembers how his Uncle Joe* was mercilessly ridiculed as a loser for some business decisions that he had made. Todd attempted suicide when his videography business began to go belly up. He thought that was a better option then to face going from being a millionaire to destitute.  Thank the Lord, he did not succeed. Then there was Dr.*****, a talented surgeon who appeared to have it all.  A McMansion in Westchester with a boat in the harbor and two kids in Yale. When he attempted suicide it came as a shock to even his closest friends,who did not suspect that he suffered from increasingly severe depression. Ignoring a failing business or our mental health will only ensure that things will get worse and asking for help is sometimes necessary.

Then there was Elizabeth.* She had been a Pastor's wife for thirty-five years until he passed away.  He had always been the social one. A lot of marriages are like that. After his death, she began to isolate herself. At first it was due to grief, but she just became more depressed, more lonely, fearful and eventually paranoid. I met her in the neighborhood, toward the end of her husband's illness.  I tried to keep in touch with her.  I visited her, along with my children, and from time to time, we would bring her homemade gifts. I saw how her loneliness played tricks on her. She was ashamed of her feelings of loneliness and depression. I would always encourage her to accept invitations from her old friends and I invited her to go shopping with me, since she did not drive.  Always, there was a pride and she would act like she didn't need people or help.  How our feelings lie to us! The Bible teaches us that,"pride cometh before the fall."-Proverbs 16:18. How true that is. Our pride makes us feel strong but in reality we are going in the wrong direction.

So what can we do about it? We acknowledge our problems and resolve to ask for help and begin to take action. Are we struggling in our marriage? Do we feel like life is not making much sense? Lonely or depressed? You are not alone. In the journey of life these feelings happen. But remember, God is faithful. He hears and cares. There are people around us who are faithful too. There comes a time that we must look for them and reach out! Todd's attempted suicide landed him in Four Winds Hospital here in Westchester County. He was treated by a wonderful psychiatrist who assisted him in re-building his life. He has changed professions and is now living on a modest income. He started going to Church and has adjusted to his altered circumstances.

*the names are changed.