You can tell a lot about a person's character when you go away with them for the weekend. You can also learn a lot about a church. This is the tale of two churches that I have considered attending. The choice was clear after attending a Women's Retreat with each of them.
Lancaster, Pennsylvania is a big destination for church groups. There are a number of reasons why that is so. 2 Corinthians 6:17-“Therefore, come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord.” Firstly, it is the home of a group of Christians who are so determined to follow God closely that they have eschewed much of modern technology and even contemporary clothing in an attempt to stay true to their faith. The group is called the Amish. As a result of this, a Christian friendly culture has sprung up in the area, including the much beloved theater known as the Sight and Sound Theater.
Here, at Sight and Sound, you can see biblical stories come to life in lavish stage productions. So, it is no surprise that each of the churches in question, let's call them Church A and Church B would choose that vicinity for a weekend trip. The destination choice however, was the last thing these two churches had in common. I learned pretty quickly that people can mask quite a lot when you just see them for a bible study and a church service once a week. Take Tawanda* for example.
I thought I was up to the task when the Pastor's wife announced that she had a special assignment for me. She had chosen a roommate for me on our upcoming women's retreat to Pennsylvania. She told me that she was putting me together with a lady that she felt I might be of some assistance to. Did my pride at being invested with this commission by the Pastor's wife contribute to my upcoming disaster? Maybe. Proverbs 16: 18-“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.”
Weeks went by and I did not think much about what Pastor Mickey's* wife had said, until the first night of the retreat. I had arrived early that Friday so I wouldn't be driving on some country road when it was pitch black. Juanita* had arrived early too. Juanita was a sweet, caring and organized woman. I was not surprised to see her sitting in a rocking chair on the porch as I drove up the motel driveway. She was not the type to be late.
After check-in, I went to join Juanita and chat with her as we awaited the arrival of the other women coming to be part of this weekend retreat. A very strange conversation ensued where Juanita told me how she had previously had an awful experience at a women's retreat due to a bad roommate situation. She described tantrums, inconsiderate and thoughtless deeds as well as language that is unbecoming to a Christian.
I told her that I was very sorry that this had been her experience. I went on to explain how this should not be happening at a Christian retreat. Famous last words right? I must admit that I was curious so I asked her if the lady in question would be on this trip? She replied,"oh yes she will be here, but that is why I insisted on rooming with Mary!" Mary* was a kind and holy little old lady who was as mature as a Christian can get. I am not kidding when I tell you that I instantly knew what was in store for me, and I was not wrong. Tawanda, the awful lady that Juanita had spoken of, arrived late that Friday evening after we had all had dinner and the main speaker had begun her presentation.
She made what you would call an entrance with all the drama that one would expect from a Bette Davis movie. It felt like being on the set of All About Eve. When Tawanda entered the room someone should have said, "Fashion your seat belts, I think we're in for a bumpy ride." She exclaimed loudly in the back of the room : I'm exhausted. Is there anything to eat? I'll get a headache if I don't eat! On and on she went.
There is no restaurant in a motel and when Tawanda found out that she had to drive down the block to get a meal, she absolutely demanded that one of the ladies leave the event which had begun, and have dinner with her. I heard this whole conversation from a seat I had chosen in a front row near the main speaker. It was that loud. It doesn't get more disruptive than that unless you were rooming with me that night.
Tawanda insisted on staying up late and talking in the room while I was trying to sleep. There was no need to do that because the Pastor’s wife had said that a conference room was available if anyone wanted to talk or pray at any time, and of course there were seats in the lobby. I reminded her of all these facts. I told her that I wanted to get up and do the early morning prayer time. She did not care one iota about my needs. I drifted in and out of sleep and when I awoke once there was nudity on the television screen. This was the last straw. Matthew 18:15 (NIV)- “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.”
I told her that since I had brought the matter to her and we could not settle it that I would bring in another lady to assist us. Matthew 18:16- states “But, if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every ‘matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’” I was completely exhausted and I was hoping that I could find another place to sleep. As Providence would have it, the Pastor's wife was sitting in the lobby and inquired ‘what was going on?’ When I informed her of the matter, she was visibly overwhelmed. She explained that she was up late trying to prepare for her presentation for tomorrow's events. She told me that she just could not handle this and that she had severe anxiety about her upcoming presentation .
I honestly felt bad for her, but does this seem like mature church leadership to you? There were other instances of immaturity in this Westchester Church. The kind of immaturity that the early Church Fathers worked hard to rectify. A church can preach the Word of God, do some great outreach but can really lack some things, such as mature leadership, and fruit of the Holy Spirit.
The Church that I now call home reminds me why it is important to have some wisdom when choosing a church family. Fruit of the Holy Spirit was apparent at my recent Women's Event. The ladies had arranged a trip to the newest show at the Sight and Sound Theatre and I was anxious to see it. The thought did cross my mind that it might be time to give up religious retreats after my last experience.
However, I prayed long and hard concerning this trip and decided to go. From the beginning of this trip to the end, I was touched with the kindness people showed to me and to one another. It was always,"do you need help with that?" Or, "what would you like to do?" As far as respectful roommates go, these ladies could not have been more thoughtful or godly. For example, Florence* asked me "what time I would like to take a shower" and "before I take a shower, would you like to use the bathroom?" The kindness heaped upon me over that time that we spent together, melted my heart. These were not just women who could talk the talk, they could walk the walk of spiritual maturity. It was wonderful.
They were like a hive of bees when it came to sharing the work, splitting the bill, or helping those in our group who were infirmed. A good church will do much to heal us and that was apparent as I shared a weekend trip with these ladies. The joy that we had in that weekend did a lot to lift some of the burden of Wendy's * chronic illness from her and it did much to help me forgive and forget all I had experienced on that other retreat.
* the names have been change.
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