When people are experiencing transitions in their lives, that is when they are especially vulnerable to being exploited by people purporting to be something they are not. Sometimes the fraud can go on for quite some time before it is discovered, especially when the relationship is of an online variety.
Catfish is defined by Urban Dictionary as "someone who pretends to be someone they are not online to create false identities particularly to pursue deceptive online romances." The amount of people being catfished is gigantic. Let's look at some cases right here in Westchester County, N.Y.
Proverbs7:19 gives us some insight into motivation: "For my husband is not at home; he has gone on a long journey!"
Kylie* felt she had no other option but to divorce her husband when he was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. His out of control spending habits happened to be one of his first presenting symptoms. By the time he was in treatment those spending habits had created a mountain of debt. Always the responsible one, Kylie took on a second and eventually a third job.
As the tedium turned into her new normal she found solace in the new relationship that she began to develop with Martin*. You may wonder how Kylie had time for dating considering her busy schedule? We all wondered that too. All I know, is that one day she showed me a profile that she had created online with a popular dating app. Soon after that, Kylie met Martin.
Proverbs 7:21"With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, with her flattering lips she seduced him."
It was not long before she and he had exchanged phone numbers and hooked up on Facebook. Her mood seem to lift and I saw the first signs of recovery since her divorce. It seemed that she lived for those moments during her day when she had breaks at her job and was able to check her phone for his messages. At first those who loved her were very happy for her but, when weeks turned into months and she failed to meet him in person, something seemed awry.
Then there was Jerry* from Bible Study whose wife of forty years passed away rather suddenly. He walked around as one "shell-shocked" for the better part of a year. As his grief started to lift we thought that he was progressing, until he announced one day that he had "met someone." Nothing that we knew about Jerry prepared us for the moment when he proceeded to open up his social media account and show us a picture of a very blond,very buxom,twenty-five year old women hailing from Sweden.
Psalm 119:11-12 "Your Word I have hidden in my heart. That I might not sin against You."
He told us that they were in love and that she wanted to marry him and come live in the United States. In an even further departure from his usual character, we learned that Jerry did not give a darn what his three grown sons thought about the matter. Could it be that Jerry's grief had turned into insanity?
What of Tommy* who moved to my town on a job relocation? Young, and handsome he hailed from Merry Olde England and had one of those British accents that is a guaranteed chic magnet. However, Tommy was shy. In addition, his long hours on a very demanding job left him little time for much else. He did keep in touch with friends in England via social media. One day, not thinking much of it, he began to exchange messages with someone he did not know who claimed to be a friend of a friend.
Psalm 119:37- "Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way."
Although Tommy should have known better, he began a long-distance relationship with this stranger. Even though they never met, it quickly became a highly charged emotional affair. In the midst of planning a visit to New York, apparently Carly* had some serious car trouble over in England and just needed a small loan to pay for the repairs. Tommy wired her some money and took care of her needs. Such was his trust.
Each of the above people were going through difficult times. Divorce, mental illness, grief, and loneliness can all take their toll but, be careful when you decide to pursue an online relationship. Kylie, Jerry and Tommy eventually had to cope with the truth that they had been catfished. Kylie's bubble was burst when a woman claiming to be Martin's wife contacted her. Suddenly it all made sense. He kept making excuses about why he couldn't meet with her. He was also virtually unreachable during any holiday. MARRIED!
Proverbs 31:30- "Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman (or man) who fears the Lord is to be praised."
The elders at Church had to gently break the news to poor Jerry that the woman he thought he was going to marry was a scam artist. They were also able to prove that the pictures which she posted online were of somebody else. He was devastated. Fortunately, Jerry had not sent her any money yet. Tommy was not so lucky. He had ended up bailing his lady friend out of quite a few jams before he found out the truth.
The scary thing in all these cases was how all consuming these online relationships became. In all cases these people ignored those around them and instead chose their online mate. Kylie had a young daughter who needed help after all that had happened. Jerry had friends at church and sons who really loved him. Tommy did not have to face his new surroundings nor challenge himself to adapt.
Psalm 119:9- "How can a young man keep his way spotless? By keeping your words."
Friends and family, who were physically present and available, were tossed aside in exchange for the false reality of a virtual interaction. The relationships may have been fake, but let me assure you that the pain was not! We must commit ourselves to applying biblical wisdom as we think about sharing our life and our heart with those around us.
1 Peter 1:14-16- "as obedient children, not conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written,"Be Holy, for I am holy."
* not their real name.
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