Macy* is an amazing woman. She has a huge and loving heart. She puts that heart into everything that she does for her friends, family and those in need. During the COVID-19 lockdown for instance, she worked to set up networks to get food to families in need and get it delivered. All this while her own husband and she were forced into an early retirement because of the widespread business shut-downs that have occurred. Macy sent me the most adorable pictures of the meals which she made and fun table decorations that she concocted in an effort to cheer her husband and children through the darkest COVID-19 moments.
My relationship with Macy went from one of those fun acquaintanceships complete with restaurant lunch dates (a few days before the official closing of all restaurants) to no contact except for texting and calls. The other day she telephoned me and we discussed getting together for a lunch date, now that things have begun to loosen up a bit. All these months later, we were finally planning a get-together. I was looking forward to that very much.
Macy and I exchanged pleasantries and started to catch up on each other's news as we anticipated our get-together. Sort of setting up preliminary guidelines for our next power lunch. It was at this time that she wanted to tell me about something that had been bothering her recently. It seems that Macy called up an old school chum who was now a big wig in the gourmet dessert business. She wanted to do something special for the food pantry that she had helped establish. She wished to explore putting a gourmet snack into the food bags. She naturally turned to Judith* to explore this option.
She got in touch with Judith and explained the project that she envisioned, and even offered to pay her for her time and materials. From what Macy said, it sounded like there was some questions from Judith immediately. Why are you putting dessert into a food pantry? Shouldn't you be making more nutritionally sound contributions to the families that you serve?
Macy was taken aback by these comments and felt Judith lacked insight into what she was trying to do. This made her feel bad. Of course she wants to put together a nutritionally well-balanced package
for the 40 families which she served, but did that preclude a cookie or chocolate bar now and then? Judith went on to explain in a back-handed way that she didn't need payment because her stuff is super expensive, so she'll just donate it. So, instead of using the finest ingredients she usually used, she told Macy that she was going to use imitation chocolate. Wow, way to give a special gift!
Be that as it may, the project got underway. Judith called Macy to see if she would like some apricots in her chocolate bars. Macy wasn't sure but would call Judith back after she checked with the people involved in distribution at the food pantry. Somehow from what I gathered Macy and Judith had some huge misunderstanding. When Macy called to say that apricots will not go over well at the food pantry apparently Judith already had bought the apricots and blamed Macy for making her buy them. What am I going to do with all these apricots Macy?
To make matters worse, she told me that Judith had broadcast the matter over Facebook! Then, in the next round, apparently they got into whether the recipients of the food pantry were legal citizens and then it further digressed into a political disagreement. I felt really sorry to hear that two old friends who should know better were jeopardizing a friendship over the things that transpired?
Macy really wanted me to take her side, even though I knew that I shouldn't. I wanted to be helpful in the situation, not prove that I am loyal by just agreeing with everything that she said. As I tried to make sense of what was eating Macy, I realized just how many times over the years that I have seen relationships sour after events just like this have occurred.
I have especially seen this occur in school, sport and church related situations. There are so many reasons why this happens. One big reason is that people should take a moment to think over a project before they decide to get involved. I know sometimes that we feel pressured to say yes when we really should say no. Sometimes, the church, school, or club is desperate for volunteers and they do try strong arm tactics. Other times, it can be because someone is a so-called people pleaser. Those sorts of folks feel they have to say yes or the person will be mad at them.
Whatever the reason is, it is ultimately our responsibility to complete that task if we have already said yes. I don't think it is virtue either to whine about it afterwards. Even if we wished we had said no, we should try to be mature about the whole thing and complete our task in a gracious way. That means serving with purpose and love.
In the future, maybe there is a lesson to learn. Such as, if it is not something that you can do or it is not a good time in your life to do it, then it is okay to say no. Say it as graciously as possible. Don't say yes if you already have a full plate of activities and do not say yes because you are on some kind of ego trip.
Also, realize anything you do will impinge upon your family. I don't struggle with this problem because I always tell people that I need to pray about it and go to my husband before I say yes to any activity. I believe this is a godly approach but, it also serves to slow me down so that I will more likely act with wisdom. There have been cases where my husband has foreseen a problem that I had not. So, get some advice on the matter.
Working together so closely, Macy and Judith got on each other's nerves apparently. No one works or acts exactly as we do and when we are thrown together on a project this is highlighted. Then, there are political differences which are tearing the fabric of society apart. Yet, three things stand out to me. 1. An old friendship is worth preserving. 2. Keeping the goal of helping the food pantry recipients in mind is important. 3. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people- Ephesians 6:7.
P.S. Westchester County, New York got hit with tropical storm Isaias. My electrical power was out for six hours. Macy also had no electricity. Besides the widespread power outages, there was damage to some property, downed trees and huge amounts of debris to cleanup in my vicinity and because of all this my lunch plans got canceled with Macy.
Macy reported that the chocolate bars that Judith made for the food pantry were wonderful. Isn't that important?
* the names have been changed but the story is true.
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