That isn't all! She started to get rough in her handling of my hair. I mean ouch rough. She was pulling my hair constantly and brushing it too hard. I told her to please be more gentle. Then there was the hair dye in my eyes on numerous occasions! After I complained a few times, she acted as if I was being too sensitive. That did not work with me and I continued to call her attention to it. Now, if this were indeed a romance, this would be the part when you realize that your partner was taking you for granted.
The backdrop for this particular abusive relationship began when Mariah and her husband's marriage was ending several years ago. She discussed this topic frequently at the salon. No matter how much pain we are in, it is never a good idea to bring those problems to the work place.
We need to have or develop networks for dealing with our problems in another setting. It can be at church, with family, with friends and if need be with a counselor. I tried to be as supportive as I could be. Seeing the pain she was in, I invited her to church several times. She did not come to church but, she did accept an open invitation to lunch at my house on her days off. This became a regular thing over the years. Mariah did love my cooking! During her visits, my husband and I saw just how wounded she was. That knowledge caused me to stay longer in this situation than I should have.
Mariah knew that my husband and I were Christians. I am always inspired and hopeful of what the Lord can do in someone’s life. Especially when one is at a turning point such as Mariah was at. We prayed at lunch. We spoke often about the biblical template for marriage. During her separation from her husband, beautiful Mariah had started talking to a guy she knew in high school. He was now in the process of divorcing for the second time. I wanted better for Mariah in a relationship than what she had with her soon to be ex-husband. I knew that this would not be possible without the Lord in her life.
But, apparently she was going from one bad relationship to the next. At first she told me that she couldn’t have got through her divorce without Ike.* He apparently was her rock. He did this all through the power of telephone, text messaging and facebook while he resided in Texas and her abode was in Westchester County, New York. Wow, he was like her own version of the invisible and available god.
But, rather quickly just as all false gods will, he disappointed her. And, he just kept on disappointing her time after time. From the beginning, he did not seem very interested in seeing her in person. That seems odd don’t you think? As my husband says, when a man is interested in a woman, he can’t wait to see her. He will move mountains to arrange it.
So, with my blessing and what must be one of my epic advice failures, I encouraged her to go down to San Antonio, Texas to explore the situation. I had traveled to this lovely part of Texas and had a wonderful time. There are so many fun things to do in that vicinity. Plus, Mariah needed a vacation after her nasty divorce.
I have literally never advised a woman to chase a man and I was not advising that this time. However, so much time had elapsed since she began chatting with Ike online that I thought that a meeting must be arranged. I told her that when she and Ike had dinner and took a walk along the famous San Antonio River Walk that some clarity would come to her situation.
I also shared with this un-churched woman the no-sex before marriage Judeo-Christian concept. I sincerely felt that in her post-divorce void she was open to reviewing her life and her doctrines. She assured me that she had booked some local tours and wanted to meet Ike and formally begin their post-high school acquaintanceship over dinner and nothing more.
My fears of a post-divorce hookup were far from the reality of the situation. Instead, it would be two years of an entirely virtual relationship with terrible lies and deceptions throughout. It started with Ike phoning Mariah to tell her that he had to cancel dinner as his teenage son was in the hospital due to an accident he acquired while base jumping.
Yes, base jumping. Some call it an urban sport, others just cringe thinking about it. I am of the latter disposition. Mariah was worried and genuinely concerned. She wanted to meet Ike at the hospital to offer any support that she could. He assured her that his soon to be ex-wife would make a terrible scene if he brought a woman to the hospital. So she worried and waited in her motel room. She was not interested in enjoying all the fun that San Antonio had to offer but, instead waited by her phone lest Ike should need her. This ended up to be a destructive pattern that she continued for two full years. A crisis, a disappointment, drama, confusion and loneliness.
She had a week in San Antonio and spent most of that time on her own. Ike did manage to meet her for a drink in San Antonio a short time before she was due to head to the airport. He asked her to pay for her half of the drink bill. Of course Mariah completely understood Ike was not himself and that this was due to his son’s terrible accident. She admired his concern and commitment to his son.
But over time, she started to question his stories since they almost always culminated in him getting out of a visit to Mariah. He was either too busy at work, he was busy with his sons, or divorce proceedings. The list went on and on and always seem to culminate in his cancellation of their plans and always at the last minute. Everyone in Mariah’s life were suspicious of this man and not happy with her relationship with him. So was I. I advised her to bring it up and ask him point blank what was going on. Heck, I wanted a private investigator to look into him. Either that or call one of the television programs that investigate online romantic frauds.
How many times would a man have to cancel plane trips to see you before you broke off with him? What is the statistical probability that so many things could happen to one man whenever he was suppose to see a woman? Some of the worst things he did were: ask her to send him money at Christmas to get his teenage son a mountain bike. Poor Mariah, not rich to begin with, was now hurting from an unequal distribution of marital assets in her divorce but, she gave away her rent money because Ike assured her that the money would be returned to her before the next billing cycle.
That didn’t happen and she ended up nagging him and begging him for her money back. He did eventually return her money but not before it caused hardship to Mariah. Then there was the Valentine catastrophe! My husband told me that on Valentine’s Day a man will show his true feelings. That day is sort of a Rohrschac Test measuring a man’s interest level. Ike told Mariah the he was sending her something in the mail from Texas.
Everyday, Mariah would go to the mailbox like a child awaiting a letter from Santa. It was sad when she would text me her reports at the mailbox. Nothing today. Nothing today. Nothing today. It went on like this until Valentine’s Day. The jig was up now and she called him up angrily addressing the situation. He admitted that he had not sent anything and offered no explanation. This was crazy.
I realized early on that Mariah’s divorce had been a terrible turning point in her life. She went a little crazy. I also realized that she had no biblical expectations of truth or covenant love. What could I do except use the opportunity to continually drop bible verses and biblical principles to live by hoping that she would compare and contrast the worldly system that she ran her life by and that of the godly system that would lead her to understand what a good relationship could be like. This could culminate into acceptance of Jesus as her Lord and Savior.
In the meantime while she leaned on me to help her understand and make sense of her and Ike’s relationship my monthly appointments got worse and worse. She seemed so obsessed with Ike at her hair cutting station that she could not properly concentrate on doing my hair. It got worse month after month. In the end, I ended up leaving Mariah. It was hard for me, I had been with her for years but the relationship had turned abusive both professionally and personally. It got to the point where Mariah didn’t even ask how I was doing before talking about her problems with Ike.
This even though she knew that my husband was sick. I started to dread going to the beauty salon because I knew I would have some scissor snips to my skin or stuff dropped in my eye. She would speak of nothing but Ike, get into fights with co-workers and have screaming matches all while trying to blow-out my hair. Now, I know this is New York but, it was time for me to end this relationship. I had given her plenty of opportunities to change her behavior.
Now I am with Chloe.* I think this is going to last too. We have been together about a year and a half and we are still going strong. The atmosphere in the salon is restful, and the service is good.
* the names are changed but these crazy things really happened in Westchester County, New York.
No comments:
Post a Comment