Losing Control

Control is an issue that pervades our life. From birth to death, in our homes, communities and in our world, there is a constant battle for control. Too much control, too little or unjust control are all causes for at best a grievance and at worst a revolution. As the United States is undergoing a cataclysmic political change, the question of just who or what is in control dominates my thoughts.

Losing Control plays out each and every day in our lives. There are spiritual lessons that can be learned. The first case concerns lose of control in a family setting. How much control do we have in our family?Evan* is considering marriage with a divorced woman that he just met online. It isn’t exactly the dream that his Christian mother Katie* had for him. No, far from it. No only that but, it doesn’t jive with the direction that this “helicopter parent” has had for her son. For those of you not familiar with the term “helicopter parent” it is a reference to the tendency to hover over something, just like a helicopter hovers before it lands. It connotes a controlling and overbearing parent who can not seem to let their child run their own life. 

Katie is so proud of everything that Evan says and does. In fact, he has done everything that she has ever told him to do. Who doesn’t love it when their child listens to all their advise and agrees with them about everything. Katie has certainly enjoyed that. The problem is, that this so seldom happens in life. Our children are not a carbon copy of us. And, even though Evan is a church going young man who believes in honoring his mother, he is bound to have disagreements with her.

Some people think that Evan has been too afraid to stand up to his mother all these years. Others think that he is just like her. I think, that it is a little of both. In any event, things seem to be changing and this is going to be a huge shock for Katie. Some are afraid for Katie. She is not exactly flexible or patient when things don’t go her way. Some of Katie’s loved ones are afraid that Evan is running as far away from his mother as he can, and that Katie might be Losing Control of her sanity. What if she has a mental breakdown?

Katie wasn’t always like this, but when she came down with various health ailments in her middle thirties, she changed dramatically. As her health spiraled out of control, it seemed very important for her to have control in other areas of her life as much as was possible.

For many years, doctors were unable to diagnose her. Many doctors thought that she was just a hypochondriac. Many in her family circle agreed. All these things made her bitter and she began to rail against God. Her relationship with the Lord has been fractured ever since. I sometimes think that Katie is like Jacob in the Bible wrestling God for control. We can see how that turned out in this reading. Genesis 32: 24-25- So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 

After years of visiting doctors and taking tests, which seemed to diagnose everything from fibromyalgia to  multiple sclerosis I believe the latest diagnosis is lupus. Poor Evan’s life changed dramatically due to his mother’s failing health. He must have been in middle school at the time it all began. Pretty quickly much of the responsibility of running the home fell upon him. He was cooking, cleaning and comforting his mother. This went on for many years. His father retreated to the safe space of work and church to buffer him from the pain of what had happened to his wife which left Evan to pick-up the pieces. 

I am pretty certain that Katie’s husband Matt* loves his wife and son dearly but, he was unwilling or unable to take the mantle of responsibility in the home. He dutifully served Katie whenever he was at home, he dutifully served at work, and he dutifully served at church. But, one thing he could not do was to stand up to Katie when he ought to. I thought that this was going to go on forever until the virus hit. Matt began working at home and Evan was at home doing remote learning. Manhattan apartments are small. This has traditionally been okay because most people were not home very much. Now, this family was  continually getting on each other’s nerves. It was all too close for comfort. Issues of control emerged and her husband and son were no longer willing to acquiesce. The carefully crafted universe that they had erected was beginning to fall apart. 

As real estate prices in Manhattan began to tumble, Matt told Katie that he needed to get a small one bedroom apartment so that he could get some work done. He used the old, “I cant get fired from this job because I am the families major means of support”. Katie is housebound and living on her disability benefits. This is not enough to cover this family’s operating expenses. When Katie told me about this she acted like it was practically her idea and that it made complete sense. I didn’t buy that and realized it was her way of seeming to be in control yet again. She may have been fooling herself but she certainly wasn’t fooling me. The next shock to Katie’s controlled universe came when Evan announced that he met someone online and that he sees marriage in their future. 

It is not like Matt and Evan have abandoned Katie completely but, it is pretty close to that. They are sick and tired of waiting on her hand and foot. The worst part for Katie is that she is Losing Control. She used to tell them what to do and when to do it. It now appears to some close to her that the only weapon that she has to fight her lose of control is getting sicker. They believe she has begun to use that strategy. Lord knows that they have an amazing Pastor who is very engaged and trying to bless one more pandemic couple who seem close to divorce. 

There are also the frustrated political operatives that I know who are dealing with the lose of political control. One such friend is Morgan.* Morgan is a caring and intelligent woman. But, ever since Joe Biden got into the White House by hook or by crook, she seems unable to think of anything else. Her poor husband is trying to help her as he draws on the history of his Eastern Europe place of birth under the communist oppression of the former Soviet Union. 

This all seems familiar to him and he is trying to help her to understand what it means to lose political control of your country. What it means spiritually, economically and personally. She is struggling to understand that there is not anything that she can do to make this better right now and change the course of events before much longer. She is frustrated and angry about this contested election. Morgan is just one person. She is not wealthy or well-connected. What control do any of us have when our country veers in a bad direction? A perusal of the Bible or most history books can shed light on this question. 

Then there is Pastor Frank*. Pastor Frank is a dedicated preacher who has lead his flock of believers in a wise and godly way throughout this pandemic. Pastor Frank recently made a major reveal which I think was a great lesson for me and others who are struggling with Losing Control. He described his recent plans for his church and how they were completely sidetracked. He had been planning a church expansion for many years. Work had begun and through the hard work of his congregation they had completed important additions onto the church. Classrooms and space which could greatly expand the capacity of the church and would help grow the congregation had been completed. Unfortunately, this occurred just as the virus hit Westchester County, New York and the world

As Pastor Frank’s plans got derailed new possibilities opened up for him. The church began to live stream Sunday services and bible studies. It proved a good decision and very quickly Pastor Frank did get the congregational increase he had been looking for, except it was online. The huge number of people watching his service hailed from all across the United States. Some congregations who were unable to have service due to shutdowns or who were not so technically savvy asked to join the Pastor’s events. 

How should we conduct our lives in the face of evil? How much control do we actually have or should we have over our lives, our family or the world? Where is God and our dear Savior Jesus in all of this? Some of the early followers of Jesus Christ were looking for a messiah that would bring military victory over the Romans. Jesus told them that, His kingdom was not of this world. The minor prophet Habakkuk went to God in prayer as he saw evil all around him. He wanted mercy and victory over the enemies at the gate.

In the first chapter of the book of Habakkuk we see an earnest inquiry of the Lord. Habakkuk wonders why God wasn’t listening? How long, Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, “Violence!” but you do not save? Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrongdoing? Destruction and violence are before me; there is strife, and conflict abounds. Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails. The wicked hem in the righteous, so that justice is perverted.-Habakkuk 1:2-4.

The Lord gives Habakkuk an answer, but it was not the answer that he wanted. The Lord said destruction was coming. Habakkuk continues to ask God’s guidance and he is given a revelation to write down for then and for now. As Habakkuk begins to fathom that he and his nation are Losing Control, he understands, accepts and proclaims, Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights. Habakkuk 3:17-19. Please read the short three chapter book of Habakkuk. It is sure to inspire and direct you. God bless  you today.

* the names are changed.