What happened to Courtney’s* apartment surprised me. She and I have one of those casual relationships. You know the type that I mean. You run into each other from time to time and have coffee or, you decide to do a mutually agreed upon shopping trip for company. We also know that when we need a new plumber or some such recommendation, that we can call one another. Some of our get-togethers would culminate in helping each other with our packages and entertaining each other over a tea or a coffee in each other’s homes.
I have known Court for about five years. During that time I have enjoyed her masterfully made iced teas on her patio or in her cozy eat-in-kitchen. Nothing that I saw or learned about her prepared me for what I saw last week when I decided to deliver her a bunch of tulips from my garden.
My first clue is she wasn’t happy to see me. Courtney was always been nothing but cordial and hospitable the entire time that I have knew her. She is a real people person. She begrudgingly asked me if I would like to come in. I was almost afraid to enter judging by the bags under her eyes and flat affect in her voice. But, what kind of Christian would I be then?
I thanked her and said I would only stay briefly before I had to continue with my Westchester Christian Housewife list of chores for the day. When I went past the hallway leading into her living room I received a shock! I found myself in the midst of boxes and bags of things that cluttered the way enough to encumber my walk to her kitchen.
What would you like coffee or tea? I needed to calm down after what I had seen so I asked if she had any chamomile. She certainly did. She made a pot for both of us. I guess you noticed my little shopping spree, said Courtney. Little, it is huge Courtney what is all this stuff. I could barely walk through your living room. Your living room is now a tunnel. I am wondering if this is a fire hazard, not just for you but, for your whole building?
Maybe I came on too strong because Courtney was not to happy with me and instantly got defensive. Excuse me Courtney, I do not mean to be impolite but are you okay? She instantly dissolved into tears and then her story unfolded. She told me that when the virus hit her life got turned upside down. The two things that made her feel good throughout this crisis have been looking at her stock portfolio and shopping. When she said that, it helped to clarify her situation, because while it is important to save and invest wisely, our hope and security comes from Jesus Christ. I hope that I could have an opportunity to explain that to her.
Courtney is one of those people who have done very well in the stock market this past year. Her investments brought her a 26 percent return. That is huge! However, even as she financially thrived, she was not able to escape fear of the future and a sense of insecurity.
Courtney always liked to shop. She was for ever searching for a new outfit for her mother, a thoughtful gift for everyone’s birthday and she was the office party planner. With all the normal avenues for enjoying this social part of her life ended, she felt stymied.
There is a book entitled the Five Love Languages, written by Dr. Gary Chapman, which explains her party planning, gift-giving ways. In his book the Five Love Languages, Dr. Chapman explains five ways that people give and receive love. He posits that to understand this will improve your relationships. If you believe this premise, Courtney’s primary love language is gift-giving. It is not so important to me because this is not my primary way to give and receive love but, this theory helped me to get a better understanding of my own mother who operated in this mode.
My mother always gave my little gifts. They might be used, new or homemade. It was a way of showing that she was listening to me or was thinking about me. For example, I got it into my head that I wanted to be a geneticist when I grew up. I talked about doing pea plant experiments in my garden just like the father of modern genetics Gregor Mendel had done. Within a short period of time, I found a pile of newspaper clippings left on my desk concerning genetics to read when I arrived home from school. Also, a used book about the life of Gregor Mendel. I was very happy but, I did not understand at the time how this was a main way of my mother communicating her feelings of love to others.
Courtney is the same. As I delved into what was behind Courtney’s hoard, I learned there were Christmas and birthday presents for her mother, father and two brothers there. She told me that she kept hoping that instead of mailing them that she would be able to get on the plane, as usual, and see her family and deliver them in person. Initially, when the pandemic hit, Courtney’s tried to keep things the same. The same for her was throwing parties and flying places to visit family and throughout always bearing gifts.
It could be a hostess gift, a new house gift, a graduation gift. You name it, Courtney had it right here in her cluttered living room. Usually when I see a hoard such as I was now observing, my first spiritual thoughts harken to Matthew 6:19 “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal.” I know that this does not reflect Courtney’s situation.
Her hoard reflects the pain of the past year, and the desire for things to go back to how they used to be. It also reflects the fact that her heart has been full of love which is overflowing with no place to go. I conveyed my thoughts to her and she had an old-fashioned good cry. I told her that many of her boxes should be mailed out as soon as possible. She might feel better if she also sent a short letter or card to explain why the gifts were late or why she decided to mail them. I also reiterated that I would be afraid of a fire hazard if we did not rearrange things until she could move things along. I also made her aware that she should test her smoke detectors. That last thing I think scared her a little, which was not a bad thing but, she agreed.
It seemed that Courtney had been emotionally stuck and just needed some gentle nugging to move her along. I offered to help her sort things out and even drive by and pick them up when my chores took me by the post office. Courtney is working from home and has been very busy with that as of late. She is an accountant and with tax season extended for an additional month I know from experience just how very busy she is.
She was confined to her apartment working with numbers during lockdown. While she may have had some good intentions she had went a little crazy with shopping. There was no one busier in Westchester County, New York this past year than the Amazon drivers. But, was it alittle addictive? Yes, I believe so. An addiction has the quality of being some sort of evil coping mechanism. We need to go to Jesus, earnestly express our feelings and pray for peace in times of trouble, not seek the adrenaline rush that shopping can bring. Shopping, Netflix binge-watching and drinking seemed to be what a lot of people did instead of facing reality. Romans 12:8 reads in part: “he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity.” I wonder if thinking about this could make Courtney feel better about what she was now preparing to do? She can send out some packages to her family and friends in a more simplified manner and yet get her message across.
* the name has been changed to protect her privacy.
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