What are the long-term consequences of an affair? For Huguette and Robert that has included a lifetime of ups and downs. Up with the thrill of their sexual liaisons and down every holiday and during Covid-19.
I first met Robert at the small hotel that he manages in southern Belgium, I enjoyed speaking to him every night when he served dinner, partially because he really seemed to understand my French.
I certainly had a great time in the art of conversation on that trip. My mother and I would regale poor Robert almost every evening about all our daily activities yet he was always cordial and disposed to making insightful commentary on everything we discussed.
Every evening patrons of the cafe brought up some topic loudly and soon each individual table would be having their own mini discussions on the topic de jour. One night, the topic turned to marriage. It started with a joke, we all have heard. But it turned quite serious when Robert commented to my mother and myself that he was quite familiar with the problems of marriage because he was married for fifteen years and with his mistress close to the same duration. I was startled when Robert made this major reveal. He told two complete strangers that he has been with his mistress as long as he has been with his wife. In other words, he was a Prince Charles type.
Prince Charles of England, the guy who married Princess Diana and all the while retained his relationship with Camilla Parker-Bowles. A lot of people believe that this will preclude Prince Charles from ever ascending to the throne currently occupied by his mother Queen Elizabeth. We know the Bible’s position is clear concerning leadership in the church. We know that even to be a deacon, a man must be “the sober husband of just one wife.” So, we have learned by this verse that by the time the New Testament rolls around the concept of a single spouse is paramount but, not so in the Old Testament.
The Old Testament depicts a period where polyagamy, the having of many wives, was sanctioned. Yet within that system it is clear that having sex with someone constituted a marriage. The story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel expresses this concept. So, how does this make you look at your life today? What if you were de facto married to every person that you had sex with? What if the sex act constituted the beginning of a family? We ought to think of that because by divorcing sex from family life we have created a mess in this world.
Let’s go back to Robert and Huguette. Huguette knows that Robert is married and Robert’s wife knows that he has been having a long-term affair. It has always been all out in the open. Robert felt a certain pride in that. He felt quite civilized in the way that he managed his affairs. He must have felt that way or why else would he have told two complete strangers all about it the first time that he met us?
Didn’t Jacob try to manage things too? The answer is yes he did. But, it got out of control for Jacob just the way it recently got for Robert. Robert and my family stayed in touch after our visit to Belgium. So, when the virus hit he naturally called me to see how I was faring over here in Westchester County, New York.
I asked him how he was doing and I can say that good-natured, happy-go-lucky Robert’s life was in taters. Of course the hotel industry took a major hit and Robert was reeling from that. But, his personal life was the much bigger problem now. All the years of supposedly civilized behavior ended when COVID hit. If you can believe it, Robert and Huguette were on vacation when the first lockdowns occurred. Initially, Robert was forced to be in lockdown with his mistress. Then, his wife did not want him back in their marital home.
She was angry that she was forced to cope with the onset of the outbreak without her husband. In a weird way she was now feeling the way Huguette often did. One of the complaints Huguette had over the years is that Robert’s wife got him for holidays. Also, that Robert was never there when she had car trouble or when something needed fixing.
But now his wife was at her breaking point. She demanded that Robert choose between her and his mistress. According to Robert he was forced to make the decision to choose his wife. But wait, get this, Robert informed me that he told his wife that he would like to make a financial settlement on Huguette for their time together.
From what he said, his wife went ballistic and consulted a lawyer who immediately filled paperwork to stop Robert from dispersing any marital funds. She also moved to establish a separation agreement. She had finally had enough and was not going to see herself or her children shorted to benefit his mistress. I hope I got that right because my French is not that good.
It was at this moment that I harkened back to my first visit to Belgium. The first time that Robert shared the details of his personal life became the first time that I shared the biblical stance on the sanctity of marriage with him. The thing that I instantly liked was his honesty and respect. Athough he chose not to follow Jesus he shared that his parents and grandparents did. Oh, blessed family who creates the Christian home. It leaves an indelible mark upon all those who enter it.
He stated that he did not share my views but, that he had respect for them. Now, that he faces the consequences of his actions, it was a good time to plant another seed of biblical perspective. I told Robert that his life reminded me a lot of the biblical story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel. He was open to this line of conversation. He asked me to tell him that story.
It began, I said, a lot like your story. Jacob had one woman in mind and then another came into the picture. It complicated things. He had a responsibility to both because in the Old Testament we see that sexual knowledge brings with it a union, a marriage. There can be different terms based on if the woman was your servant, first or second wife. All the same they are all de facto marriages.
Haven’t we been missing that in these days of sexual promiscuity? There is love, plus financial and emotional responsibility and accountability to God for our actions. At this point Robert got emotional. Apparently I had hit a cord. He said, yes, yes, that is how I feel about them. I love them both and I am accountable and responsible in both those relationships.
But, what do I do because my wife does not see it that way? I answered Leah and Rachel had some problems about that too. At this point I asked him if I could read the story and he agreed. The story starts in Genesis chapter 29 and goes on several more chapters. As I read him the story to my surprise he told me over and over how all of it’s elements rang true in his life. The ups and downs, the jealousies and rivalry for his attention. He told me he knew what he must do. I only hope that this is to accept the invitation of salvation and clarity that only a relationship with Jesus Christ can bring him.
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