Dearest Friend,
There have been so many of you from as long as I can remember. Little girls who in quite an un-childlike way focused on how much they weighted, or teenagers who seemed to think that dieting was the center of their world. Ladies who see what nobody else sees and think what nobody else thinks. Girls, teenagers or adults with great potential whose life went down into the rabbit hole that is weight obsession.
I want to share some of those stories from over the years. They are young, and they are old. They are shy and they are extroverted. They represent all education levels and the varying ethnic makeups. They are quite simply all of us. One of those I knew, was even a dude. Here are two such stories.
Since you are all curious, let’s start with the dude. I met Bryce* in my first year of high school. He was the friend of a friend named Josh*. Bryce and Josh knew each other a while. Josh looked out for Bryce especially since Bryce’s dad had passed away. Nobody else seemed to realize how out of control Bryce felt since his father’s sudden death except Josh.
Why was that? Especially since his mother was an administrative assistant to a prominent psychiatrist in the area. Hadn’t anything rubbed off on Faith* because of working at the psychiatric hospital? That part of the story never made any sense to me at all. At any rate, he was not mentally well or able to fit into High School society. High School is cruel to those who are different and Bryce was shunned and bullied there. His oldest brother Tom* seemed to sense this and tried to channel Bryce’s attention to long distance running which was Tom’s passion.
Bryce took to this like a fish to water, or should I say a runner to the road. He could now quite literally run away from his problems more effectively. He started to distinguish himself in running circles. He got into the culture of running, and the energy that he poured into running exhausted him until thoughts of his father’s death subsided.
That’s what he thought anyway. One day he confided in me the truth of his father’s passing. He told me that his father quite literally dropped dead while on an alcoholic bender in the Bowery, NYC. The Bowery was once the legendary destination for people in Bryce’s fathers predicament. Alcoholics who were down on their luck or seeking anonymity in their actions.
His friend Josh, had also lost his father at a young age. This created a bond between the two of them. However, Josh would not exactly score high on any emotional I.Q. test. So, even if he wanted to help him it wasn’t as if he knew how to handle it. It was the same thing with everyone in Bryce’s life. The only two things that relieved his pain was running and dieting. Running and dieting.
Then there was Shawn*. Shawn seemed to think that you can’t be too rich or too thin. Everything she did in her life revolved around pursuing these two dreams. The thing that amazes me is how many people in a church or family will ignore the obvious signs of anorexia nervosa. Shawn’s second husband did and so did everyone at that graduation party that I went to. Shawn came walking in with a modest but above the knee dress. In was June a few years back, and it was hot and the layers of clothing were finally coming off.
When Shawn arrived at my table at this hotel party, my jaw must have dropped at least a few inches. Why? Because, when Shawn took off her jacket, I saw that she had not one ounce of fat on her emaciated body. She was all skin and bones. I was in shock. Shawn looked anorexic. I looked around to see if any one else registered a hint of surprise or concern and I saw none. Not from her husband Jim*, or some brothers and sisters in Christ seated at the table. Am I like that kid in the story who says, the emperor has no clothes?
Well, yes I am. You already know that if you have been reading my blog. So, not long after this, I was confronting Shawn about her eating and recommending a Christian therapist in the area. That moment came when I was running a bible study at her home. Each week, she would cook gourmet quality goodies for our ladies group but, I watched and she never ate anything. Or, there was the time that she invited my husband and myself to have dinner with her and her husband. She made a huge and delicious Italian meal.
What an accomplished cook she was! However, I noticed that she did the classic, shove a little food around the plate and not eat anything, move. When she stepped out of the room for a minute, the men and I decided to refill our plates. I did the privileges and I couldn’t resist a little test. As I was going around the table with some more lasagna, I put a small piece on Shawn’s plate. When Shawn came back into the room she reacted just the way I expected her too.
It took both Bryce and Shawn time to come to terms with what was really eating them, and it wasn’t food. Since both of them were Christians naturally the spiritual truths of their situation would be revealed. For Bryce, it meant not just being a “churched kid” but choosing to have a relationship with Jesus and asking God for the help that his family were unable to give him.
For Shawn, her vision of what a wife and mother should be and the meaning of life had to come in line with the biblical truths that she was now beginning to learn. Her identity and values were formed way before she became a believer. Truth be told she wanted to be a Christian because she wanted to marry Jim. Had she made a sincere conversion or was she just going along with it to please Jim? All these things came to the forefront as Shawn went into treatment for anorexia.
So, my dear anorexic friends, my heart aches for you. I love you just the way you are. I see your inner beauty and intelligence. But, I know that you are hurting and need healing. I would like to come beside you as you delve into the causes of this life threatening behavior. Don’t shut people out who love you. We know that with God all things are possible. I hope that you can start to see how God is your protector when the whole world lets you down. That he loves you and will neither leave you nor forsake you as you face these difficult things. Love you.
* the names are changed to protect identity.
NEXT WEEK: Christian Housewife Election Scorecard 2020 & how the elections remind me of Halloween.
No comments:
Post a Comment