Love Gone Wrong

"Once I ran to you, now I'll run from you. 

  This tainted love you've given 

   I give you all a boy could give you, 

   take my tears and that's not nearly all."  -"Tainted Love"

The group "Soft Cell" had a hit in 1981 with the song, "Tainted Love."  Tainted Love" was the best-selling single in the UK for 1981.  In the United States, the song reached number eight during 1982 and spent a then record-breaking forty-three weeks on the Hot 100 List.  The writer of this song clearly touched upon some inconvenient truths about the love gone bad in all our lives.  It was a little slice of the truth and people couldn't get enough of it.  This week I heard stories that could clearly be described as tainted love and I struggled to understand how and why these love stories ended up going so badly.

Wildflowers on a Walk in France

                                                            

Shannon* is a beautiful woman who is in the midst of a nasty divorce. According to Shannon,* her soon to be ex-husband "wants to destroy" her.  Far from being an amicable split, he will leave no stone unturned as he tries to cut himself a better financial deal.  He has tried to prove that she is an unfit mother through fabricating stories that he knows are not true.  He wants sole custody of their son even though that is not in his child's best interest.  If that isn't bad enough, he immediately took up with a woman ten years younger than Shannon and is already living with her.

Lena's* a talented architect and has had an amazing career.  Throughout her life she has had a series of relationships with men who were in some way or other not emotionally available to her.  One was married, one ended up liking men better and one was married and an alcoholic!

Olga* had attempted suicide two times over a man, but when Lev* met her all he could see was how he was going to save her.  She ended up getting pregnant with another man's child while still married 

to Lev.

Bust at Villa Melzi in Italy

 "Get away
  From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
  The love we share
  Seems to go nowhere
  And I've lost my light
  For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night."  -"Tainted Love"

The above stories may shock you.  The things that we see happen in our parents marriage or our own 

marriages can dishearten us.  What went wrong in their love stories?  Is there hope for your
struggling relationship?  The Bible contains an amazing amount of stories of love gone wrong.  It 

also describes consequences, solutions and healing.  One in particular that we can learn a lot from is
the story of King David and Bathsheba contained in the Book of Second Samuel.

Bust from Villa Melzi, Italy 

King David was gifted and blessed.  He lost sight of that, and his relationship with God.  He strayed 

from his values, and veered toward his own case of tainted love.  If that could happen to a man "after 

God's own heart" such as King David, is it any surprise that each and every one of us has had our own disastrous love life chapter?  

The story of David and Bathsheba can be found in 2 Samuel 11:2-20, 26, 27.  It is as shocking as the
above tales of love gone wrong and indeed contains many elements of those stories except worse because in ended up in murder!  Here is that story.

2 And it came to pass in an eveningtide, that David arose from off his bed, and walked upon the roof of the king's house: and from the roof he saw a woman washing herself; and the woman was very beautiful to look upon.

3 And David sent and enquired after the woman. And one said, Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?

4 And David sent messengers, and took her; and she came in unto him, and he lay with her; for she was purified from her uncleanness: and she returned unto her house.

5 And the woman conceived, and sent and told David, and said, I am with child.

6 And David sent to Joab, saying, Send me Uriah the Hittite. And Joab sent Uriah to David.

7 And when Uriah was come unto him, David demanded of him how Joab did, and how the people did, and how the war prospered.
  8 And David said to Uriah, Go down to thy house, and wash thy feet. And Uriah departed out of the king's house, and there followed him a mess of meat from the king.

9 But Uriah slept at the door of the king's house with all the servants of his lord, and went not down to his house.

10 And when they had told David, saying, Uriah went not down unto his house, David said unto Uriah, Camest thou not from thy journey? Why then didst thou not go down unto thine house?

11 And Uriah said unto David, The ark, and Israel, and Judah, abide in tents; and my lord Joab, and the servants of my lord, are encamped in the open fields; shall I then go into mine house, to eat and to drink, and to lie with my wife? As thou livest, and as thy soul liveth, I will not do this thing.

12 And David said to Uriah, Tarry here to day also, and tomorrow I will let thee depart. So Uriah abode in Jerusalem that day, and the morrow.

13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

14 And it came to pass in the morning, that David wrote a letter to Joab, and sent it by the hand of Uriah.

15 And he wrote in the letter, saying, Set ye Uriah in the forefront of the hottest battle, and retire ye 
from him, that he may be smitten, and die.

16 And it came to pass, when Joab observed the city, that he assigned Uriah unto a place where he 
knew that valiant men were.

17 And the men of the city went out, and fought with Joab: and there fell some of the people of the servants of David; and Uriah the Hittite died also.

18 Then Joab sent and told David all the things concerning the war;

19 And charged the messenger, saying, When thou hast made an end of telling the matters of the war unto the king,

20 And if so be that the king's wrath arise, and he say unto thee, Wherefore approached ye so nigh unto the city when ye did fight? knew ye not that they would shoot from the wall?

26 And when the wife of Uriah heard that Uriah her husband was dead, she mourned for her husband.

27 And when the mourning was past, David sent and fetched her to his house, and she became his 
wife, and bare him a son. But the thing that David had done displeased the Lord.

Villa Melzi in Italy

David had displeased the Lord, as do we when we fail to follow Godly relational standards.  When we fail to love as God loves, when we fail in fairness, when we covet that which is not ours, it always ends in sorrow, cruelty, adultery and the death of goodness.  Uriah payed with his life because of the sins of others.  How unfair is that!  When we are wronged, as my friends Shannon* and Lev* were, it feels like a death.  It is a death.  A death of trust and innocence.  A breaking of a covenant bond that is so sacred that some people are broken-hearted and never love again.

David lusted after Bathsheba.  The lust he felt trumped all that he knew was right.  Bathsheba was a married woman.  "Thou shalt not commit adultery."  That is perfectly clear.  Knowing that David was in a position of authority as King also leads one to conjecture if perhaps there was undue persuasion on his part.  Also a no-no.  After Bathsheba gets pregnant, David's first reaction is to try to pass it off as Uriah's baby! Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.  

Please do not be deceived, this story is a template for the course of every affair.  Take my friend Lena* for example.  The man she was involved with, who was both married and an alcoholic, did not end happy for her.  She pursued this relationship for many years.  He never left his wife and in fact split time between the two women.  When he got ill, he went back to his wife and children who took care of him. He choose to turn away from this illicit affair and back to God and his family.

Brochure in the Back of A Taxi, Bermuda

King David also came to a place of brokenness and true repentance before it was too late.  He went to God with a humble and contrite heart and was made clean again.  That is what God has for each and every one of us as we navigate the obstacle course of our life.  We will make mistakes.  No matter what you have done He can cleanse and restore you.  He can heal you from past hurts and keep you from becoming jaded and untrusting.  However, while God forgives us, He does not take away the consequences of our actions.  In David's case, there was much suffering and even the death of a child.  Don't go down the tainted love path.  Instead, follow God, obey His commandments and pray for true 

happiness.

*the names and some details may have been changed to protect the innocent.  I hope that you enjoyed    the photos that I took on this page.

Voting Your Faith

                                             Candidates Goldwater 1964 & Willkie 1940


It is my experience in Westchester County, New York, that many Christians do not vote.  Some Christians feel marginalized and distrustful of local politicians.  This blog post is for you!  I came from a family who was engaged in the political process.  I always remember lively debates on life's questions at the dinner table.  Those discussions included the political ramifications of various moral issues.  My family held a variety of opinions and amid them, I felt free to think through ideas and issues and develop my own opinions.  My parents both taught me that it was a right and a privilege to vote.

For the most part, I have memories of teachers educating without prejudice.  Teachers who taught principles of science, economics and history and then stood back to allow students to draw their own
conclusions.  When a homework assignment required an analysis, my classmates and I knew that it did not matter what your political leanings were but, how well you presented your case.

I remember before a presidential election, in elementary school, that one teacher encouraged us to get up and make a presentation for our candidate.  So it was in the midst of learning to make an effective presentation that we were openly discussing our political leanings.  It is interesting to note that no one was insulted nor afraid of expressing their ideas.

   Democratic Candidates over the years

             
Perhaps because of my freedoms or because of my innate nature I have been politically active throughout most of my life.  By the time I was in high school, I was happily going door to door to get signatures for local candidates running for Office.  The reactions to me bringing politics to people's
front doors ran a gamut of  possibilities : 1. People knew who they were voting for and did not wish
to sign my petition.  2. Some people used the opportunity to ask questions about issues. 3. Or, people signed my petition.

College stands out as a time of political awakening and activism in one's life and perhaps more so for me.  There were buses to Washington D.C., town meetings to attend and volunteer work to do.  I continued this into my adulthood in Westchester County, NY.  I wish I could rap about it :  School Board, Trustee, County Exec.  Phone banks, social media and stabs in the back.  Fund raising, vote shaving, where is that check?  Both parties compromising, and promises not kept.  Volunteer burn out, low voter turnout.  Name calling, forestalling, issues addressed.

A lot has changed in New York politics over the years.  For the most part, Westchester now has one political party, which is the Democratic Party.  Elections in some villages need not be held, because
there is only one candidate, a liberal democrat.  Other candidates who dare come forward are shouted down and insulted.  The teachers and professors here require allegience to liberal principles from Kindergarten to University.  Students will be penalized if they do not espouse those views.  Further, it would be inconceivable that any other view could be held, let alone intelligently defended!

 The ultimate determinant in the struggle now going on for the world will not be bombs and rockets but a test of wills and ideas-a trial of spiritual resolve : the values we hold, the beliefs we cherish and the ideals to which we are dedicated.

Ronald Reagan

Yes, I have seen both fairness and corruption in the world of politics in all the major and minor parties I have associated with in New York State.  No party however, has the moral high ground.  What a bitter pill for a young idealist to swallow!  What is one to do when one's idealism is destroyed and the truth comes rushing in? The Bible has a thing or two to say about institutions, religious
prejudice and corruption and we should learn to view the world of politics through God's lens.  The 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln had this to say about the importance of the Bible, " In regard to this Great Book, I have but to say, it is the best gift God has given to man.  All the good the Savior gave to the world was communicated through this Book.  But for it we could not know right from wrong.  All things most desirable for man's welfare, here and hereafter, are to be found portrayed in it." ( Sept. 7, 1864 )

The Apostle Paul utilized the benefits of his Roman citizenship to his advantage amid his life as an evangelist.  As we go about our lives and consider how to serve God, let us not forget the advantages that voting can have to advance the precepts of our faith.  If you agree with the above quote by Abraham Lincoln, than consider how important it is to vote with the wisdom that God has imparted to you and how it may help people.  The Second Letter of Paul the Apostle to Timothy, Chapter 3
verses 16-17 (NKJV) says, " All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work."  The Bible equippes us to correct the wrongs not only in our life, but in the countries that we live in.  It thoroughly equippes us to have the wisdom to vote correctly.  Pray, and vote for the candidate who best represents biblical principles.

Valentine's Day Reflections

                                                   Scraps of Fabric =  Homemade Hearts 

One of the deepest desires of the heart is to love and to be loved.  In our earliest childhoods we all have memories of an all abiding deep love for a parent or parent figure who was central to us.  We depended on them for food, clothing and shelter.  They were our protector.  They were the person or person(s) who taught us right from wrong and hugged us when we were hurt, frightened or insecure.

In our childish way, our parents or grandparents, seemed like superheroes to us.  If I just ran behind my mother's shirt it was as if I was hidden by an invisible cloak and safe from all danger.  How many of you would miss your mother so much that you would not even wish to go to summer camp or a sleepover?  Some of you went your whole childhoods just longing for more time and fun experiences with your parents.  Fishing, swimming, or simply one-on-one quality time with your parent was the
biggest desire of your heart.

As we grow we begin to see that maybe dad never had any time for us, and mother was not the most affectionate person in the world.  Or worse, dad hits mom and mom drinks too much.  What about my grandparents have custody of me because my dad is a drug dealer and mom is schizophrenic!  At the very least we must come to terms with the truth that the panoply of adults in our life were not perfect. They failed to protect, and to love just when we needed it most.

Origami from Vintage Magazine

The childhoods that we had, including what we were taught about God have a big influence upon the
direction and choices that we make in our love life.  To make the most of our love life, we need to
assess what we learned about relationships in our home and what God desires relationships to be.

Deuteronomy 5:9-10 (ESV) says, "I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of 
the fathers on the children, and on the third and the fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing lovingkindness to thousands [of generations, see 7:9], to those who love Me and keep My commandments."   

The above passage from Deuteronomy describes the consequences of our actions as having far-reaching implications for future generations.  It is critically important that we realize how much our 
words and actions effect our children, grandchildren, and foster children.  We role model through our behavior every moment of the day.  So, if your mother and father screamed and yelled or gave each other the silent treatment every time they had a disagreement, then you learned incorrect conflict 
resolution.  What if your parents were always one step away from bankruptcy, how might that affect the way you approach finances in your own marriage? What if your boyfriend or girlfriend  came from a family of alcoholics?  

So often, we don't ask ourselves the right questions when we are dating.  Instead relying on our feelings, we sometimes run right back and recreate our own dysfunctional childhood family!   Romans 7:15 (NIV) states "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."  The Apostle Paul quite effectively describes our attempts and failures to change.  We tell ourselves I am going to have a better marriage than my parents did and find ourselves married to the same type of moocher that our grandfather, father and brother 
were.  

This origami heart can be slipped over a lollipop.  

Where was God through your whole dating process? Did you just call on Him when your relationship started to fail?  If so, it is time to make some changes in your life.  You need to begin to pray to find the relationship that God wants you to be in.  If you are married, it is time to change habits that you have so that your behavior is more closely aligned with Biblical principles of virtue.  One of the themes in the Bible is love.  The Bible explains what love is, what actions constitute real love, and it  

gets you in touch with the source of that love, which is God.  God desires to be the center of your  

family.  In Ecclesiastes, God is described as a third cord in the rope of your marriage.  There is an expression that, "two heads are better than one." Well, a cord made of three strands is stronger than a cord made of two, especially if one of those cords is God.  Nothing can harm your relationship if both of you keep God in your midst.   Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 shows that “Two are better than one, because they have a good 

return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”  Resolve to make God the center of your life and your relationships will get better.

Putting God first is the beginning of a positive new direction.  God is holy and good.  His plans for you are even better than the plans that you have for yourself.  You have tried it on your own, how well has that worked out for you?  How well is it working for those around you?  Practically everyone that I know is divorced or bitter about some break-up. Why not give God a chance?  God knows what we need and in Psalm 37:4 (KJV) it says, "  Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."   Make a determination to study the Bible today because unless our hearts are changed by God, we will continue to make some of the same mistakes that our families made.  We will continue to pick " bad boys" or choose people who use and abuse us.  I wish you a very Happy Valentine's Day.  A day of growth and change.

                                               Look what a friend gave me!

WHEN WERE YOU BORN?

 

Detail of a ceiling at Grand Central Station in NYC depicting the Zodiac

                      

It has been on my mind for quite some time to talk about horoscopes.  Many people follow astrology or their daily horoscopes.  Just in the past two months, it has started to bother me because so many people have asked me, "when is your birthday?"  Just in case you are wondering, it is not so that they may purchase a gift for me. No, it was to ascertain who I am based on what sign of the zodiac that I am.  

Let me relate some of those encounters and conversations.  

1. I was at a concert talking to a woman who teaches in a local reformed Jewish Temple's kindergarten program here in Westchester New York.  As we had a robust debate, she casually asked me, " when were you born?"  After I related my birthday, she concluded that we debated like the animal zodiac symbols that supposedly represented us.  Wow, I knew she went to a reform synagogue, but how reformed are they? So reformed that they have reformed the Word of God?

Deuteronomy 4:19 (NIV)- “And when you look up to the sky 
and see the sun, the moon and the stars—all the heavenly 
array—do not be enticed into bowing down to them and worshiping things the LORD your God has apportioned to all the nations under heaven. 

2. I really seemed to connect to this woman Cheryl ( not her name ) that I met at a party which I attended in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn.  We enjoyed talking about crafts, we laughed at the same jokes and my husband even thought that we looked a little bit alike!  Don't you know midway through the party, she asked me,"when was I born?" People at the party marveled how similar we were and when they found out our birthdays were a few days apart there was definitely some oohs and aahs. Business people, chefs, two NYC school teachers didn't believe in God but were willing to believe that a configuration of stars were responsibility for who and what we are.  Ready to be lead of the stars rather than God himself ✝. 

Isaiah 47:13-14 (CEV)
You have worn yourself out, asking for advice from those
who study the stars and tell the future month after month. Go ask them how to be saved from what will happen. People who trust the stars are as helpless as straw in a flaming fire. No one can even keep warm, sitting by a fire that feeds only on straw.

Detail of a ceiling in Grand Central Station in NYC depicting Pegasus

3. A man who I attend Church with has been a baptized Christian for several years but has only recently realized that his speech and some possessions that he has in his home may not be pleasing to God. The Bible instructs us to not neglect fellowship with other Christians because time spent together encourages us to be our very best.  I think that is what occurred when Brother Ron ( not his real name ) and I spent some time together.  After several get togethers I realized that Brother Ron often assessed people with a little help from zodiac signs.  

I don't even think he realized he was doing this.  Habits both good and bad become second nature to us.  So ingrained are these behaviors that unless we make it a priority to change them, they will remain.  I had prayed about this and now the time had finally come when I knew that I must speak up and challenge him.  It seems Ron had been a New Age believer before he came to know Jesus as his Lord and Savior and had numerous books at home on the topic.  

Deuteronomy 17:2-3 ( CEV)
The Lord your God is giving you towns to live in. But later, a man or a woman in your town may start worshiping other gods, or even the sun, moon, or stars. I have warned you not to worship other gods, because whoever worships them is disobeying the Lord and breaking the agreement he made with you. 

Many people think that the daily perusal of a horoscope is innocent fun, probably members in good standing at your Church or Synagogue believe this.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  In the Holy Scriptures, God explains the reason why he created the stars, the moon and the planets and it is not to direct our lives.  One of the themes in the Bible, is to beware of idolatry and following other gods.  We are, according to the Ten Commandments to, " have no other God before Him." Exodus 20:3.

We desire to understand and find a purpose and direction for our lives.  We need to know how to interact with one another and where we will go when we die.  How do we fit in with the universe?  Astrology and Christianity have very different ways of answering the questions of life.  The stars are inanimate created objects.   What about us?  "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them" - Genesis 1:27 KJV.  What about the stars?  "Thou madest him a little lower than the angels; thou crownedst him with glory and honour, and didst set him over the works of thy hands" - Hebrew 2:7 KJV.  Did you catch that?  The stars are the works or creation of God and we have been set above them.  Meaning do not look to the stars for guidance.  We are lower than the Angels, who are messengers of God and finally God is at the top of all creation.  Our God who always was and always will be.  A living God who loved us so much that He sent us salvation through His Son.  Let us entrust Him with the questions of our life and not the stars.

It is so important that we get this straight lest we misled others.  Christians and Jews have a responsibility to hold onto and teach the truth which God has entrusted to us.  1 Timothy 4:1 ( KJV) - "Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils."  As this verse from first Timothy shows, the stakes are high.  Please pray and study the Bible.  God bless you.

The Winter of our Discontent?

                                                             Westchester Blizzard


The view in Westchester, New York was rather bleak on January 23rd as Winter Storm Jonas barreled through our county.  Our first snowfall of the season was a doozy, dropping eighteen inches of snow.  The aftermath of a large storm requires days of work to clear roadways, driveways, pathways and to keep these places free of ice.

All of the above is to be expected in January in New York.  However, does that make it any easier?  The answer from what I gather is, no.  For days before the storm, I hear people complaining at supermarkets or any social setting where people gather.  I always resist the urge to follow negative
talk concerning the weather.  People complain about the cold, the work required to clean up snow and generally seem very grouchy.  It doesn't seem like a very God-centric way of looking at things, right?

Evergreen branches look lovely adorned with snow.

Over the years, I have tried to have a good attitude when I go out and shovel only to go outside and hear neighbors tell me how they "can't wait until spring" and "how much" they "hate winter."  My
response is usually to try and say something to uplift them.  It is hard to have a positive attitude when people are constantly speaking negative words in your life yet we must all remember that God promises to give us, " a peace that surpasses all understanding."

That statement is so fraught with meaning.  It would indicate that even faced with eighteen inches of snow and a car completely blocked after the snow plough went down my block that I should have a, "peace that surpasses" the reality of that situation.  It does not mean that God is taking away the hours of shoveling necessary to extricate my car nor that everyone will suddenly develop a good attitude.  What it does mean is that if I keep God foremost in my mind that I will deal with the situation in a relaxed and peaceful way.



       When God gives you ice, make ice lanterns!

So what happened this time to get me to go completely crazy?  Why was I so completely off my    Godly walk?  Don't we all love those times when we are following God closely and nothing can
shake us?  I do.  But what can we learn from those times that we don't?  The Bible reminds us that, "all have sinned, and fallen short of the glory of God" - Romans 3:23.  This confirms what we                       already know, which is that we all make mistakes.  We fail!  God is holy and we are not.
This verse gives us fair warning that we can not help but fall short of the beauty and goodness of our God.

So what happens in life that causes us to fail?  Think of preparing for a snowstorm and it is easy to see how life wears you down.  A few days before the storm, I assessed what shopping needed to be done. While I was stocked for snow removal items, I did need to get to the post office and stock up on a few more food items.  The parking lots and shopping was crazy.  Suddenly no one knows how to drive.  People are double parked blocking other cars.  They are crossing double yellow lines and going down one way lanes in the wrong direction.  There are three shopping carts left and mine is sticky.

The winter landscape

Add to this the constant alarmist weather reports and we go from a normal weather event to a hyped up snowmaggedon.  Our society currently encourages excess.  It makes everything into a reality show full of tantrums, slapping, driving drunk and cruelty.  If we had a Christian reality show imagine the storylines depicted ?  Would they look different?  Unfortunately, I discovered that for me on that snowy  weekend that I looked no different than that world depicted on reality T.V.  I failed in patience and loving my neighbor.  But, the other part of the episode in our Christian reality show depicts us praying and asking God to forgive us and resolving to do better the next time.  That is the difference.

But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.  

- 1 Peter 5:10.

Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and 

reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 

I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 

-Philippians 3:13-14. 

                                          Flims, Switzerland

                              Davos, Switzerland

CZEŚĆ TO MY READERS IN POLAND!

To all my readers who prefer another language besides English, I have now added a translation gadget. It is located on the upper right hand corner of my blog.  Unfortunately, it appears that you can not access it while using a mobile phone.  Please use it on a larger device such as an iPad, laptop or desktop.

Gossip, Gossip, Gossip!

*Please be advised that there is some mature content in this post.  The names have been changed to protect people's privacy.

The topic this week is gossip.  What is it?  The definition of gossip points to irresponsible and irreverent speech about someone's life or hurtful talk which is carried on behind someone's back. Gossip is everywhere!  It is present in all our institutions such as: school, church, family and workplace.  There are reality shows about it, as well as magazine and internet sites dedicated to all the latest celebrity scandals.  Gossip is a billion dollar business.  But what effect does it have on those targeted?

Today I would like to focus on the damage that it can have in a school setting.  School is suppose to be a place that first and foremost provides each of it's students with a safe setting in which to develop academically and emotionally.  However, when cliques form, very often the outsider is targeted and victimized by gossip.

School settings are not the optimum place to teach responsible speech.  The home and church setting are where it should be taught with the schools playing the role of reinforcing the message.  We can not simply hope and pray 

that a school and all its' teachers will reflect godly values 

because the Bible places that responsibility on a parent and Church. We will be accountable to God for what we teach.  Our speech everyday to children and those around us teach others what we think is okay and what is not.

Here are some stories from Westchester, New York which have caused me to reflect and pray about destructive gossip and for the people it affects.

Many Catholic parents send their elementary school children 

to C.C.D. classes once a week after school to learn the tenets 

of their religion.  Attendance was taken one day and when a young lady Dakota did not respond to the roll call, the teacher inquired if anyone had seen her that day.  A popular boy on the football team responded that "Dakota was probably absent due to a hangover!"  The boy was a class clown and some of the boys from his football team looked up to him.  The irony of a boy shouting out such a hurtful thing
in a religious education class was not lost on the teacher.  Dakota was an overweight, awkward girl who found comfort and meaning in her study of scriptures.  She was also someone who was the brunt of jokes even when not present.

Amanda was a cheerleader in high school.  She was part of a popular group of girls who walked down the halls in matching clothes everyday.  They would call each other each night and plan their look for the next day.  Amanda didn't have as much money as the other girls but could easily guilt
trip her divorced parents into buying her the accessories and designer duds necessary.  As they walked down the hall, 

these girls literally pushed students out of the way as they ruled through intimidation.  

Amanda was good at this.  She was the loudest and meanest of the group.  However, she also wasn't as pretty or skinny as the other girls and she was a little too loud.  The other girls started to grow tired of her overbearing nature and began to 

gossip about her when she wasn't around.  Amanda noticed the subtle changes in the way she was treated.  She noticed they would stop talking when she walked into class and even though she redoubled her efforts to please them, it only got worse.  The girls started to ridicule her on social media and Amanda had a total break with reality.  She took to social media herself with a crazy rant and a threat to "slit their 

throats."  When the teens saw this, they informed their
parents who alerted the police.  

Jake had forced his girlfriend La-trice to "sext" him a picture of her breasts. They had been dating for a few months and La-trice wanted so much to please him but she knew that she should say no.  He constantly tried to talk her into having sex and because she came from a Christian home she knew that this was not God's will and she resisted.  Fearful that she 

would loose him because they were not having sex, she
thought this might help her hold on to him.

Since La-trice was a freshman, she did not realize that Jake's popularity in his three years of high school emanated from the naked photos he would cajole girls into making and the lying, malicious gossip that he spread about these innocent girls.  La-trice's church and family were unable to help her
because they didn't know and were too embarrassed to discuss these topics.

Finally, Juan had no idea why everyone was laughing at him and throwing nasty comments at him when he returned to school after a bad case of the flu.  He was still physically wiped out because this case of the flu had some serious complications.  He was more worried about catching up on his classwork and being prepared for upcoming tests.  Yet he
couldn't help thinking, "what does everyone know that I don't?"  It would take him weeks to figure out that there was 

a rumor that someone got suspended for carrying a knife to 

school and Juan's classmates just concluded that it had to 

be Juan because of his long absence.  

The Bible has much to say about gossip.  In these days 

where the power of social media has far reaching effects, and the cost of gossip is very high, it is essential that we examine and study what God says about this topic.  Proverbs 18:21 states that, " Death and life are in the power of the tongue." This is a very strong statement and we should not 

minimize it.  If your  doctor told you that he or she had a life and death matter to talk to you about, I am pretty sure that 

you would pay attention.  God is telling us just that.  The news is that we all have a lethal weapon in our mouth! 

We use our mouths to kill people as surely as if we used a gun.  I hope that this is a wake up call for all those who think that there is nothing wrong with a little gossip.  The words we say about others  : what we think they look like, lies we 

tell about them hurt so deeply that we can make people sick, even suicidal.  We are responsible to God for what we say and do.

Leviticus, a Book of the Law, which God gave as a code of conduct, states it very plainly : "You shall not go about as a tale-bearer among your people; nor shall you take a stand against your neighbor : I am the Lord." Leviticus 19:16.  Gossip is such an important topic to God.  Notice the style of language in this verse.  It is written in the style of one of the Ten Commandments, isn't it? 

What can we do?

1.Refuse to be a part of it.  Proverbs 26:20 says : "Where there is no wood, the fire goes out ; and where there is no tale-bearer strife ceases."  We often fan the flames of the gossip in our schools.  By laughing at bad jokes or telling someone the latest gossip, we are part of what keeps a 

malicious story going.  But check out the last part of that verse which explains that getting rid of gossip in our schools will get rid of one of the sources of conflict that exist there.  Shouldn't we give that a try? 

2. Examine your friendships : Sometimes redirecting a conversation away from gossip onto something positive solves the problem.  Other times we can use the conflict resolution advise of Matthew 18:15 which directs us to take our friend aside and explain the problem that we are having with that person's gossip.  Should our friends show a consistent pattern of gossip and a resistance to change we need to lift them up in prayer and find ourselves some new friends because, "Bad company corrupts good behavior." 1 Corinthians 15:13.

3. Getting to the root of the problem :

Gossip is a behavior which begins in our hearts.  Jesus stated this in Matthew 15:18: " For those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and defile a man."  If we catch ourselves speaking or going along with gossip then we must take some time to examine our hearts.  Is gossip the habit in our home? Do we hate someone because they are dating someone that we like? Do we feel going along with gossip helps us to fit in with classmates?  While these are some reasons that we may have slipped into gossip, none of these reasons makes it right.  

4. Pray and resolve to change : Ask God to forgive you for the things that you have said which weren't right.  Also pray that God will help you develop a new attitude.  Here are some scriptures to live by :

John 15:12 - "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." 

Ephesians 4:29-32-"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

Luke 6:31-"And as you wish that others would do to you,do so to them."

Electronic Madness : questions we need to ask

Electronic devices have taken hold of our world and have it in a chokehold, and we have no one to blame but ourselves.  Here is a list of places that I have seen a big screen television : doctor's waiting rooms, restaurants, delis, airport lounges, and in the lobby of a library.  That last one makes less sense than all the others.  

This past week I returned a DVD to White Plains Library for a friend and I was shocked to see CNN news playing in the library lobby.  Have the libraries just become a place to borrow DVD's and given up their founding role to promote literacy?  I would rather have had a choice of newspapers or news magazines promoted.  What excuses have we made for it?

Is it the babysitter of choice for your children? Will it keep them occupied and quiet while you drive or make dinner? Is it "de rigeur" that your teen watch a certain program in his or her circle of friends? What about sitting and mindlessly watching a show to unwind from the stress of your day?  Could you maybe talk to someone and share your feelings instead?  Don't know how?  Maybe you have better relationships on social media than in real life.

When was the last time that you sat down at a restaurant and somebody didn't check their phones or take stupid pictures of everything?  A friend described how everyone at a recent family barbecue were more engaged in their phones than one another.  Is this quality time?

If this discussion is making you vaguely uncomfortable you or your children may be addicted to your devices.  Some of my personal experiences make me very concerned.  Children who are toddlers should be engaged in mastering the mechanics of their new found mobility and exploring the REAL world around them through sight, sound, and touch.  They should have a person naming objects and stimulating speech.  

What I see instead is toddlers staring blankly at screens,laying on parents laps or in carriages in perfect contentment.  This in contrast to the true nature of toddlers which are best described by the term, "terrible two's."  Between tantrums and pushing the adult envelopes in every way possible, toddlerhood is a time of great intellectual, physical, and emotional growth.  Many parents believe that their children will be technologically and educationally enriched by their exploration of computer technology and will pay any price, whether they can afford it or not, to make it happen.

I have heard of more than a few teenagers in Westchester County being diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome.  And, I see so many teenagers absorbed in their phones or shut off to conversation with earplugs that it has become the norm.  All of the above referenced behavior points to an out-of-balance media obsession.  Yet the Bible tells us in Philippians 4:5- "Let your moderation be known unto all men."  It is not so much that technology hasn't blessed us in many ways but that we must be moderate in it's uses.  

If your teenager is too busy gaming to help shovel the snow or go shopping for grandma something is wrong.  Are we so wrapped up in our headphones listening to music that we fail to see someone in need?  As Christians we aim to be " in the world but not of it."  Our lives reflect the technological age in which we live but our use of it reflects our relationship with God.  Looking at my above photos shows you some of my strategies for keeping  balance.  One of my televisions has a "W.W.J.D." sign in front of it.  "W.W.J.D." stands for What Would Jesus Do.  My computer sits next to a cross reminding me that I am running this race for God, and a sign pronouncing that Jesus has called me out of darkness!  Learning and using technology can help us advance the Kingdom of God here on earth but if we reflect the world that won't happen.  

Beneath the Surface-Part 2

                                                                     

In "Beneath the Surface-Part 1," I discuss demons and drug addiction.  In Part 2, I will discuss the confluence of sin with drug addiction and begin a discussion of how to spiritually help someone who is struggling with addiction.

SIN AND ADDICTION

1. Beginnings

Not every addict has demonic overtones to their addiction but all have a spiritual condition of sin.  The Bible from beginning to end has much to say about intoxication.  When I was in High School, I actively studied all religions and even explored atheism.  Yet, from time to time, I would be drawn to the Bible.  During those times I felt drawn to the Book of Proverbs.  Little did I know then, that Proverbs has always been a study tool for young Jewish boys approaching Bar Mitzvah.  No wonder I was drawn to that Book.  It seemed to explore all the issues that I was trying to make sense of as a teenager.  One of those issues was drinking and drugs.

The first time I was offered drugs, was when I was 13 years old, I said no.  I had no idea what a big issue drugs was about to become as I entered High School. In High School, it seemed like practically everybody was doing drugs or drinking alcohol.  Saying no to drugs seemed to make one a permanent member of the uncool underclass.  During those perplexing days, sitting down with the Bible, was so refreshing and everything it said in Proverbs made sense to me.  I wanted to live my life the way it spoke of, and stay away from the madness I saw around me.  Some of my favorite scripture verses from Proverbs were :

"Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging : and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise."
Proverbs 20:1.

"Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat." Proverbs 23:20 (NIV).

"Who hath woe?  Who hath sorrow?  Who hath contentions?  Who hath babbling?  Who hath wounds without cause?  Who has redness of eyes?"  Proverbs 23:29.

"In the end, it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper."  Proverbs 23:32.

These four quotes alone blew my mind.  Here in a nutshell was everything I was noticing at school.  I saw fights breaking out, and kids who lead problem-free lives suddenly beset on all sides.  Kids who were full of promise suddenly turned into babbling idiots who had nothing to contribute.  I was not quite ready to tell my parents everything that was going on in school but I now thank God that His Word kept me on the straight and narrow as far as drugs were concerned.  In the end, I saw that drugs and alcohol were poison to all those that I knew who partook of it. How true the Word of God is!

 
2. Adam and Eve

Nothing ever changes.  Every story that I have ever heard about the beginnings of an addiction start
out just like the story of Adam and Eve.  First off, in today's world everyone has heard over an over
from parents, teachers and pastors about staying away from drugs.  There is absolutely no one who can say that they were not forewarned, and so it was with Adam and Eve.  You can eat of all the other trees, just stay away from THAT TREE!  Why don't we listen?

The answers can be gleaned from a close perusal of the Story of Adam and Eve.  The forbidden fruit appeals to a rebellious spirit within us wishing to have parity or even superiority to our parents or
God.  So, actually, a decision to take drugs is identical to that decision whereby sin first entered into the world.  The Bible tells us that rebellion and sin will ultimately lead us away from a relationship with God and everything else that we hold dear.  Adam and Eve lost an amazing closeness with God and were cast out from the Garden of Eden.  There were many consequences that they would suffer as a result of saying yes to sin.

What else can we learn from the story of Adam and Eve which will help us get insight into how addictions begin? First that societies throughout history have depicted drugs and alcohol as mind expanding experiences exactly as Satan depicted things to Eve.  Eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil would expand her horizons so that she would know all the mysteries of the universe.  People throughout history have mistakenly gotten addicted to drugs in a quest to expand their knowledge, creativity or strength.

We are often told that addictions begin in an effort to medicate some condition or numb some pain.  In reality, this life contains painful chapters for each and every one of us and saying yes to any drug, will have the opposite effect of helping us feel better or giving us relief.  It will instead eventually multiply our sorrows in a way that we can not imagine.  What can we do?

3. Solutions in God

We are all sinners.  Do you struggle with shopping too much, lying, forgiveness or lust?  All sin is wrong to a righteous God.  Let us all realize that in a very real way we are no different than a drug addict needing a fix.  When dealing with an addict let us start from a place of love and humility.  Our first step in solutions is letting go of any moral sense of superiority that we may feel over an addict.  We must all work on our problems with sin.  The good news is that Jesus died for all our sins and as we have established, addictions are sin!  So,  addictions are going to have to bite the dust!  Science tells us that in a surprisingly short time that  we can undergo a detoxification from an addictive substance.  Medicine does confirm that there is much more that has to happen in order to be in so-called recovery.  The Bible has been there and done that already.  Read these verses from Matthew 12:43-45 (KJV).
43"When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none. 44Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth [it] empty, swept, and garnished. 45Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last [state] of that man is worse than the first."

The imagery in the above verses show us the realities of battling sin.  After we have victory and 
conquer sin in our life we need to understand that sin will return and invite us to say yes to it again.  
The temptation may even be more powerful.  So, let's say that a son or daughter kicks an 
addiction but a few years down the line they lose a job, get a divorce or their grandfather dies, the craving will return.  We must be ready for it.

Strategies

1. Realize that God is our Salvation and through Jesus Christ we can be victorious.  Never give up hope for those people that you know struggling with addiction. 
2. Pray and ask God for the strength to persevere in the situation.  
3. We have to begin to change our life in a meaningful way.  If you are an addict that includes staying 
away from people and activities that can be a bad influence.  Family members must support this.  Even something as simple as a television show or serving wine at supper  can challenge someone on a bad day. 
4. We must attend Church regularly and develop closer relationships with other 
 Christians in our family and at Church.  Christians who are supportive of these goals. 
5. Get into a Bible Study and begin to claim God's promises.

We must keep it real if we are to stay clean and sober or be a positive influence in an addict's life.  If your Church has never preached on the topic of addictions let them know that you would appreciate it if they did.  Real means that if you are in a dead Church or Bible Study get out.   

Every Monday New Blog Posts!

Notes on my photos : top two were taken from museums in Loire Valley, France followed by a sculpture depicting a risen Jesus Christ from Italy and a stained glass window from a Cathedral in Bermuda.