This winter has been a record breaking cold season for the New York area. A "snow bomb cyclone" just hit the eastern coast of the United States yesterday. Its' name was Winter Storm Grayson. Schools and many businesses were closed as it unfolded. How do you prepare for a storm? When I know a storm is coming, I do a variety of things. I fill up the car with gasoline. I stock up on food, water, and make sure that any outside displays are safely stored away. My husband just re-insulated some pipes in order to keep them from freezing and he made sure that we were stocked up with ice melt. Most importantly, I try to remember to pray before, during and after a storm.
How do you prepare for a storm? If you are like me, you sometimes struggle with the concept of how to best prepare for the storms of this life. When one experiences a health storm, a financial storm or even a family "snow bomb cyclone," what is the best way to handle it? There are times when I worry incessantly, or I get depressed. Other times, I rack my brains trying to figure out what I can do to manage things best. Whenever I feel like that I try and remember that Jesus said, For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me- John 6:38. This verse reminds me to keep God's Will central in my life and actions, as Jesus did, no matter what. This way, even through the trials we experience, we can honor God. I am reminded of a mighty woman of God who played the piano and served in a summer ministry for children in Ocean Grove, New Jersey every summer. The children would arrive for their morning study and she would always emphatically say,"this is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad." She did this with utter joy even as she was dying of scleroderma.
Furthermore, the peace that we are looking for in a crisis will never come from how well we manage things but from how close we stay to God. Although, it is important to act with wisdom in any crisis, that does not mean that we should leave God out of the equation. That is only going to make things worst. So remember when the storms of life hit, the first thing you need to do is pray and ask God to direct you in the situation. Another verse to keep in mind is from the Book of Proverbs, chapter 3, verse 5. It says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Friday, January 5, 2018
Thursday, December 28, 2017
New Year, New You!
As the New Year commences, our minds naturally turn towards thoughts of self-improvement. In most cultures worldwide, the concept of a New Year is associated with new beginnings or a fresh start. In Puerto Rico for example, cleaning one's home is associated with the New Year. Some ceremoniously throw a bucket of water out of their window and unto the street as the midnight hour arrives. These actions dramatically showcase the opportunities inherent in the New Year.
(For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."-Jeremiah 29:11)
Yet, many of us over time, have become jaded or disenfranchised from this concept. Maybe we have tried to start an exercise regime or learn a new language to no avail. Perhaps, this has happened a number of times. If we allow these feelings to persist, we loose an important opportunity to tweek our lives and make some well-needed changes. Open your heart to the possibility of change, that is the first step toward a New Year and a New You!
Where are you physically, emotionally and spiritually at the moment? Perhaps, you should consider this a guide as you resolve to chart a new course in the year ahead. Do you have a dream? Why are you letting time pass? There is no time like the present. Go get a piece of paper. Make three columns at the top of the page, like you did at school. In Column 1, write the word physical, column 2 write emotional and column 3, spiritual. On the other side of the page, write down the words, My Goals For This Year Are.
Without thinking about it too much, write down whatever comes to mind under each category. Allow thoughts that are easy to repress to come forth so that you can, in perfect honesty, access where you are at as you begin this New Year. Have you put on some weight, are there any medical conditions that you need to be mindful of? How are you feeling? As you reflect upon this, and similar questions, you will be able to determine your physical baseline at the beginning of your year's journey.
In Column 2 we think of where we are emotionally. Are you happy? I hope that you are. But, as you begin the New Year, are there emotional issues that you have yet to deal with? These issues might be holding you back. These might include childhood pain, depression, lingering grief or some addiction. Think about patterns in your life which have emerged over this past year. Is there something you would like to change? (So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom-Psalm90:12)
No accessment would be complete without thinking of the spiritual basis by which you run your life. January is a great month to open up your Bible and begin to explore these questions. Do one of those Bible-in-a-Year studies, join a Bible study group or even create a group yourself! (But seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you-Matthew 6:33)
Now, turn over your page and focus on the words : My Goals For This Year are. Be sure to say a prayer and ask God to guide and direct you in the year ahead. Then, begin to write down your goals. No goal is too little or too large. Your goal might be to get out of that wheelchair. It might be to get out of debt or start a business. Write it down along with the first steps that you will take towards pursuing your goal in the month of January. (To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven-Ecclesiastes 3:1)
May God bless you in the New Year!
(For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."-Jeremiah 29:11)
Yet, many of us over time, have become jaded or disenfranchised from this concept. Maybe we have tried to start an exercise regime or learn a new language to no avail. Perhaps, this has happened a number of times. If we allow these feelings to persist, we loose an important opportunity to tweek our lives and make some well-needed changes. Open your heart to the possibility of change, that is the first step toward a New Year and a New You!
Where are you physically, emotionally and spiritually at the moment? Perhaps, you should consider this a guide as you resolve to chart a new course in the year ahead. Do you have a dream? Why are you letting time pass? There is no time like the present. Go get a piece of paper. Make three columns at the top of the page, like you did at school. In Column 1, write the word physical, column 2 write emotional and column 3, spiritual. On the other side of the page, write down the words, My Goals For This Year Are.
Without thinking about it too much, write down whatever comes to mind under each category. Allow thoughts that are easy to repress to come forth so that you can, in perfect honesty, access where you are at as you begin this New Year. Have you put on some weight, are there any medical conditions that you need to be mindful of? How are you feeling? As you reflect upon this, and similar questions, you will be able to determine your physical baseline at the beginning of your year's journey.
In Column 2 we think of where we are emotionally. Are you happy? I hope that you are. But, as you begin the New Year, are there emotional issues that you have yet to deal with? These issues might be holding you back. These might include childhood pain, depression, lingering grief or some addiction. Think about patterns in your life which have emerged over this past year. Is there something you would like to change? (So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom-Psalm90:12)
No accessment would be complete without thinking of the spiritual basis by which you run your life. January is a great month to open up your Bible and begin to explore these questions. Do one of those Bible-in-a-Year studies, join a Bible study group or even create a group yourself! (But seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you-Matthew 6:33)
Now, turn over your page and focus on the words : My Goals For This Year are. Be sure to say a prayer and ask God to guide and direct you in the year ahead. Then, begin to write down your goals. No goal is too little or too large. Your goal might be to get out of that wheelchair. It might be to get out of debt or start a business. Write it down along with the first steps that you will take towards pursuing your goal in the month of January. (To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven-Ecclesiastes 3:1)
May God bless you in the New Year!
Saturday, December 23, 2017
The Joy Of The Season-Part 2
I try not to lose site of Jesus during the Christmas Season. Of course, just like all of you, my celebrations have grown and evolved to include family and cultural traditions that have absolutely nothing to do with the story surrounding Jesus' miraculous conception and birth. It is a struggle to keep Christ central with so many competing seasonal activities and distractions.
Here is a partial list of some of these distractions: Christmas shopping, Christmas Decorating, Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Reindeer, Santa, Ugly Sweater Parties, Seasonal Overtime on the Job, and School Exams just before Christmas. Most of these things are not bad in and of themselves but when put all-together, the result is that of crowding Jesus out of a day which purports to celebrate His birth.
How did my Christmas holiday grow to include a requisite office party where drunk co-workers sing sexually suggestive lyrics at a karaoke bar? How did Christmas become linked with yearly videos depicting women fighting over sales items on Black Friday? Yet, it is for us to choose to make an about-face and head back towards the true meaning of the Christmas celebration.
I make small steps every year to choose to put Jesus back in the manger. It begins with reading the prophesies telling of God's promise to send a Savior. Next, I read and reflect upon the Infancy Narratives in the Bible,i.e. the accounts given by Matthew, Luke and John concerning His birth. This year, here are some of the scriptures that I have focused on.
Scriptures for your Christmas Reflections:
Isaiah 11:1-Then a shoot will spring from the stem of Jesse, and a branch from his roots will bear fruit.
Jeremiah 23:8- Behold, the days are coming, declares the Lord,"When I will raise up for David a righteous Branch; and He will reign as King and act wisely and do justice and righteousness in the land."
Zechariah 3:8- Hear, O Joshua, the high priest, you and your companions who sit before you, for they are a wondrous sign; for behold, I am bringing forth My Servant, the BRANCH.
Zechariah 5:12- Behold the Man whose name is the BRANCH! From His place He shall branch out, and He shall build the temple of the Lord
John 1:1-2- In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.
John 1:14- And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 15:1-I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.
The first four verses above describe shoots, and branches. These are certainly evocative allusions for me as I face a cold northeastern United States winter. Looking out my window I see trees where sap has ceased to flow, and I think of what it means to have life spring from a stem, as described in Isaiah 11:1. It will certainly be quite some time before any of my trees, such as the cherry and pear trees that I have in my garden, will bring forth fruit. And, so it was for the Jewish people awaiting a Messiah.
This year, I have found myself reflecting upon some of perhaps, the less popular bible verses of the season. I am thinking about the Gospel of John and how he refers to the birth of Jesus. The evangelist John does not repeat the earlier gospel accounts of Jesus' birth. The gospels of Matthew and Luke cover all the details that we have come to know as the Christmas Story. The Angel Gabriel's visit to Mary. Her assent to bear the Child destined to be the Savior of the world. We learn of the glad tidings of Jesus' birth delivered by a multitude of angels to the shephards in the field. And, of His humble birth in the manger. All of the adorable Christmas plays that we have seen with Angels with crooked halos or Joseph tripping over his robe are based on these two accounts.
But what does John have to say and why? John opens with a powerful assertion. That is, that Jesus is indeed God! He pulls no punches as he harkens back to connect this child born in a manger to the creation of the world. This can be seen by the language that he uses. Open the first book of the Bible, Genesis 1:1 and it says, "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. John 1:1 opens as you can see (above) with the same first three words,"In the beginning." John then goes on to refer to Jesus as the "Word." Qué rico! How rich it is, to think of Jesus as the Word or divine presence of God. Just like the thought of a ripe and fruitful pear tree makes my mouth water, how much more so to think of God Himself fully present to us, as described in John 1:14 (above). Finally, in our last verse, we again return to an agricultural reference, as Jesus declares, that He is the true vine. This verse again affirms the language of the prophets as they spoke of the coming Messiah.
Scriptures for your Christmas Reflections:
Isaiah 11:1-Then a shoot will spring from the stem of Jesse, and a branch from his roots will bear fruit.
Jeremiah 23:8- Behold, the days are coming, declares the Lord,"When I will raise up for David a righteous Branch; and He will reign as King and act wisely and do justice and righteousness in the land."
Zechariah 3:8- Hear, O Joshua, the high priest, you and your companions who sit before you, for they are a wondrous sign; for behold, I am bringing forth My Servant, the BRANCH.
Zechariah 5:12- Behold the Man whose name is the BRANCH! From His place He shall branch out, and He shall build the temple of the Lord
John 1:1-2- In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.
John 1:14- And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.
John 15:1-I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser.
The first four verses above describe shoots, and branches. These are certainly evocative allusions for me as I face a cold northeastern United States winter. Looking out my window I see trees where sap has ceased to flow, and I think of what it means to have life spring from a stem, as described in Isaiah 11:1. It will certainly be quite some time before any of my trees, such as the cherry and pear trees that I have in my garden, will bring forth fruit. And, so it was for the Jewish people awaiting a Messiah.
This year, I have found myself reflecting upon some of perhaps, the less popular bible verses of the season. I am thinking about the Gospel of John and how he refers to the birth of Jesus. The evangelist John does not repeat the earlier gospel accounts of Jesus' birth. The gospels of Matthew and Luke cover all the details that we have come to know as the Christmas Story. The Angel Gabriel's visit to Mary. Her assent to bear the Child destined to be the Savior of the world. We learn of the glad tidings of Jesus' birth delivered by a multitude of angels to the shephards in the field. And, of His humble birth in the manger. All of the adorable Christmas plays that we have seen with Angels with crooked halos or Joseph tripping over his robe are based on these two accounts.
But what does John have to say and why? John opens with a powerful assertion. That is, that Jesus is indeed God! He pulls no punches as he harkens back to connect this child born in a manger to the creation of the world. This can be seen by the language that he uses. Open the first book of the Bible, Genesis 1:1 and it says, "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. John 1:1 opens as you can see (above) with the same first three words,"In the beginning." John then goes on to refer to Jesus as the "Word." Qué rico! How rich it is, to think of Jesus as the Word or divine presence of God. Just like the thought of a ripe and fruitful pear tree makes my mouth water, how much more so to think of God Himself fully present to us, as described in John 1:14 (above). Finally, in our last verse, we again return to an agricultural reference, as Jesus declares, that He is the true vine. This verse again affirms the language of the prophets as they spoke of the coming Messiah.
The joy of the Christmas season is well expressed in a popular Christmas song that you all know. It says, joy to the world the Lord has come, let earth receive her King. The very essence of the holiday is the simple joy of knowing that the salvation that you have been seeking has arrived. It is up to us to choose to accept the offer. But, unlike the Black Friday deals you missed out on, the offer is always available. May God's presence be manifest in your life and home this season and always. Merry Christmas everyone!
Thursday, December 14, 2017
The Joy Of The Season-Part 1
Tidings of comfort and joy to all my readers. As we approach Christmas and the New Year, I wanted to make sure that you are equipped to make the most of this holiday season. Focusing on the manger message is key. Then the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David, a Savior, who is Christ the Lord."-Luke 2:9-10
What is Christmas? It is the commemoration and celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is the Savior sent by God Almighty to reconcile us to Himself. To create a pathway by which we, in our sinful state, could be washed and made pure. God choose to send His Son into our lives so that we would know that we have a God who has experienced what we have in this life and world. That certainly happened when Jesus was plopped right down in the middle of an impoverished and politically tumultuous environment. "And this will be the sign to you: You will find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."-Luke2:12
The family, Jesus was to be born into, was humbled by the circumstances of their day. Mary was forced, in her last trimester of pregnancy, to travel under very rough conditions in order that their family could be counted in a government census. That census would indeed enable the fulfillment of prophesy (that the Messiah would be born in Bethlehem). But, did that make the trip any easier? Jesus was birthed in an animal stall and put in an animal feeding trough which was used as His bassinet. "But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of you shall come forth to Me the One to be Ruler in Israel, whose goings forth are from of old, from everlasting."-Micah 5:2
Jesus chose to be with the people of that time and place as a sign that He is with you in all the worst circumstances of your life. The pain, the political tumult, the rough conditions. The joy of the season emanates from this message. We would do well to meditate on the nativity stories in the upcoming weeks. This will help us to have a happy and productive Christmas. Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.-Romans 15:13
Throughout the years, I have seen many struggles and challenges during the Christmas season. The struggles usually come from unrealistic expectations of the holiday and veering away from the manger message. There is a lot of additional work entailed in making the holiday magic that we see all around us. This can leave people tired, and frayed nerves often ensue at family gatherings or mall parking lots. How do you cope with tense family gatherings or office parties? Sometimes people dread these events because of the mean things that will be said or the drunkenness that will happen. Do we worry too much about creating the perfect meal, getting the perfect gift or impressing our family? If any of this is you, it is time to put these things in perspective and come up with a plan to better cope with your holiday. These things I have spoken to you that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.-John 16:33
Do you struggle because your family does not help you? If all you and your husband do is fight over the additional chores then do something to make it easier. Sometime this means a compromise. Maybe, as a child, your family had the best lights in the neighborhood. Your husband doesn't care about that, so, reach a compromise. Do a small and easy display. What about taking turns? One year your husband might make you happy by doing a big light display and the following year maybe you can make him happy by just doing the evergreen wreaths and garlands that he enjoys. One year you can have turkey and one year ham. Maybe you can do potluck suppers so that everyone can share the work. Perhaps this can help your family not resent the work they must do. Most of all remember the Christmas baby Jesus who God sent as a gift to us all. Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!-2 Corinthians 9:15
What is Christmas? It is the commemoration and celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is the Savior sent by God Almighty to reconcile us to Himself. To create a pathway by which we, in our sinful state, could be washed and made pure. God choose to send His Son into our lives so that we would know that we have a God who has experienced what we have in this life and world. That certainly happened when Jesus was plopped right down in the middle of an impoverished and politically tumultuous environment. "And this will be the sign to you: You will find the Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger."-Luke2:12
The family, Jesus was to be born into, was humbled by the circumstances of their day. Mary was forced, in her last trimester of pregnancy, to travel under very rough conditions in order that their family could be counted in a government census. That census would indeed enable the fulfillment of prophesy (that the Messiah would be born in Bethlehem). But, did that make the trip any easier? Jesus was birthed in an animal stall and put in an animal feeding trough which was used as His bassinet. "But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of you shall come forth to Me the One to be Ruler in Israel, whose goings forth are from of old, from everlasting."-Micah 5:2
Jesus chose to be with the people of that time and place as a sign that He is with you in all the worst circumstances of your life. The pain, the political tumult, the rough conditions. The joy of the season emanates from this message. We would do well to meditate on the nativity stories in the upcoming weeks. This will help us to have a happy and productive Christmas. Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.-Romans 15:13
Throughout the years, I have seen many struggles and challenges during the Christmas season. The struggles usually come from unrealistic expectations of the holiday and veering away from the manger message. There is a lot of additional work entailed in making the holiday magic that we see all around us. This can leave people tired, and frayed nerves often ensue at family gatherings or mall parking lots. How do you cope with tense family gatherings or office parties? Sometimes people dread these events because of the mean things that will be said or the drunkenness that will happen. Do we worry too much about creating the perfect meal, getting the perfect gift or impressing our family? If any of this is you, it is time to put these things in perspective and come up with a plan to better cope with your holiday. These things I have spoken to you that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.-John 16:33
Do you struggle because your family does not help you? If all you and your husband do is fight over the additional chores then do something to make it easier. Sometime this means a compromise. Maybe, as a child, your family had the best lights in the neighborhood. Your husband doesn't care about that, so, reach a compromise. Do a small and easy display. What about taking turns? One year your husband might make you happy by doing a big light display and the following year maybe you can make him happy by just doing the evergreen wreaths and garlands that he enjoys. One year you can have turkey and one year ham. Maybe you can do potluck suppers so that everyone can share the work. Perhaps this can help your family not resent the work they must do. Most of all remember the Christmas baby Jesus who God sent as a gift to us all. Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!-2 Corinthians 9:15
Sunday, December 3, 2017
Groping! What Is This Hollywood?
The first time that I was groped, I was riding a New York City Subway at rush hour. I was thirteen years old. Barely able to give up my dolls as I began high school, I could scarcely imagine what was happening to me. My first thought was disassociative and fearful. I thought that "this touch must be an accident, because the subway is so crowded." So, I moved the few inches away that were available to me, and the man just moved toward me again. I knew that I had been violated but I did not yet have a word to describe it. I quickly pushed through the crowd and got out of that subway car as quickly as I could. That night my mother comforted me and gave a name to what had just happened to me. She told me it was called "groping."
What an evil world we live in. To think that there are those around us who, like the man on that subway, develop a strategy to prey upon people sexually. They do not have a normal sex life. They have justified in their mind why it is okay to sexually touch a child or teenager that they see, or even someone under their care. They have spent time and put thought into how to make it look innocent. They even shop for the most favorable location, such as crowded trains during rush hour. They are big time sinners. Oh Lord help us.
The world is reeling right now after case upon case of sexual predation is revealed. It seems everyday there are dozens of articles about people in movie, television, politics, and the teaching profession who are accused or have been arrested for some form of sexual crime. It seems so out of control. How did we let it get so bad? How did we fall so far from God's sexual standards for us? The answer begins in our rebellion against God and His statutes. Just like Eve in the Garden Of Eden, we desire parity with God Almighty. We want to create our own standards for what is right and wrong.
But, if history has shown us one thing, it is that when left to our own devices, the standards we develop will be screwed up. What does God do with His authority? He creates. He loves in an everlasting way. He gives perfect justice. He does not abuse His Authority but wields it with righteousness. What do we do? We destroy, and we develop systems of inauthentic love. We have justice for hire and we wield our authority with corruption and selfishness. Understanding this is the beginning of cleaning up the sexual cesspool that characterizes our world at the moment.
The fall from innocence that happened when I was first groped at the tender age of thirteen, lead me to develop tactical moves and defensive positions to stand-up to those who would so cruelly use me. I thought that I was in control and victorious. It had been a very long time since I had to deal with this issue on a personal level, but the time came in the last place that I ever expected such a thing to happen-Church.
Theoretical, I knew that it happens there, but deep in my heart I thought that Church was one of the places that I could truly relax and feel safe. That conclusion came to an abrupt end when one day an usher inappropriately touched me. "Why didn't I scream out or draw people's attention to what ******* was doing? Why didn't I tell him off?" The answer that I have will be the same response that women have always given to answer these questions. ******* was an usher at Church, a position of authority. He was one of the insiders at this Church and many members of his family were involved in Church ministries. They taught Sunday School, ran the church kitchen, cleaned and did maintance. This Church was his petty fiefdom and he felt safe and shameless before his family and God. Thank you God, that You give perfect justice in the fullness of time.
My immediate reaction was not unlike that which I felt all those many years ago. I felt violated and hurt. But with adulthood, I was able to give voice to my deeper thoughts,questions and emotions in a more substantial way. "Why did he do that? Why didn't he know that this was wrong before God? After all, he attends bible study, Sunday Service and goes on religious retreats every year. Why such disconnect between what he learned in a lifetime of church attendance and his actions?" All these thoughts crossed my mind immediately. Also, "does his wife or the rest of his family know? How could they not?" Perhaps, I thought, some of them had been victimized too.
I told my husband and best friend at Church. They all felt the same emotions that I did and inevitable frustration concerning confronting a person in a position of authority. Would I be believed? Would I have to leave the Church? Did this Church lack discernment? As the three of us endeavored to answer the many questions and emotions that emerge when people are victimized in any way, some answers began to emerge. Firstly, through observations at Church. Over time, we determined that****** was one of those expert's at making things look like they are all innocent. For example, under the guise of being the good usher, ******* placed a Church blanket on a young woman then patted her upper thigh in the process. Or there was the several women that he gave inappropriately tight hugs that could be characterized less as a good natured bear hug and more as an attempt to get intimate knowledge of a woman's frame.
Secondly, we began to see the family and church system which allowed his behavior to go unabated for so long. I believe God gave me some insight into this sin and it's ecosystem. After service one Sunday, as many were enjoying fellowship and coffee, we were discussing a scripture passage that one of the men, Corey*, had brought up for discussion. Much to my surprise, *******'s wife came over and joined our table. Surprised, because, in this Church everyone seemed to have their own table sort of like high school. Her husband then quickly and rather awkwardly sprinted over to join our group.
I can't remember the Bible verse up for discussion that day. Corey had recently begun to bring a bible verse every Sunday to Church for us to ponder during coffee hour. But, out of the blue ******* started to discuss the topic of how his childhood Church was very affectionate. Everyone at the table except *******and his wife were surprised by the sudden and strange change of topics. He obviously had something on his mind. Was the guilt killing him? Or, did he have the obsessive need to justify his actions to himself and others?
He claimed that his childhood Church was very affectionate. He reminded us that the Bible tells us to greet each other with a holy kiss and so it was practically compulsory! How arrogant and evil does someone have to be to use God's Holy Word to justify groping!? The table discussion turned toward a discussion of proper boundaries and godly love. The discussion became heated. That's because there was a great big pink elephant in the middle of this room and we all were grappling with it in one way or another. I can't say that we made a dent in *******'s thinking that day. I saw a man in complete denial about the truth. I also saw how a wife can defend her husband out of a misguided sense of what submission to your husband entails. I saw loyalty to sin.
I was very unhappy with myself and the way that I handled the whole situation. I know part of being a godly woman is standing up for what is right and standing against what is wrong. None of us gets it right every time. Only God does. Besides forgiving the groper, I had to forgive myself. I saw nepotism in this Church. I was afraid of confronting a system which I thought would favor the groper. I was reminded that I was not as big or tough as I thought, and how very much that I needed a Savior.
Should a Church be a place where one expects fair treatment? Of course. The Church should follow biblical mandates of conduct and when disputes arise it should be settled accordingly. Groping should not exist in a Church but as long as sin exists, we we have to grapple with these issues. If we could handle these problems better than Hollywood does, imagine what a change Christians could make in our world. We must strive for that. We can not do it apart from God.
I left that Church for that and a variety of reasons. A short time after that, when I was shopping at Sam's Club, I ran into a lady who still attends that Church. She gave me a big hug and told me that she missed me. "Why did you stop coming was it because of.........never mind" she said. "No," I replied,"wait a minute did you have a problem with him too?" "Yes", she said. "I am so sorry, did you tell anyone." I asked. "No and for the same reason you didn't. ******* has made himself indespensible plus, I don't think anyone really cares."
******* -the perpetrator, and *-one star is a changed name.
What an evil world we live in. To think that there are those around us who, like the man on that subway, develop a strategy to prey upon people sexually. They do not have a normal sex life. They have justified in their mind why it is okay to sexually touch a child or teenager that they see, or even someone under their care. They have spent time and put thought into how to make it look innocent. They even shop for the most favorable location, such as crowded trains during rush hour. They are big time sinners. Oh Lord help us.
The world is reeling right now after case upon case of sexual predation is revealed. It seems everyday there are dozens of articles about people in movie, television, politics, and the teaching profession who are accused or have been arrested for some form of sexual crime. It seems so out of control. How did we let it get so bad? How did we fall so far from God's sexual standards for us? The answer begins in our rebellion against God and His statutes. Just like Eve in the Garden Of Eden, we desire parity with God Almighty. We want to create our own standards for what is right and wrong.
But, if history has shown us one thing, it is that when left to our own devices, the standards we develop will be screwed up. What does God do with His authority? He creates. He loves in an everlasting way. He gives perfect justice. He does not abuse His Authority but wields it with righteousness. What do we do? We destroy, and we develop systems of inauthentic love. We have justice for hire and we wield our authority with corruption and selfishness. Understanding this is the beginning of cleaning up the sexual cesspool that characterizes our world at the moment.
The fall from innocence that happened when I was first groped at the tender age of thirteen, lead me to develop tactical moves and defensive positions to stand-up to those who would so cruelly use me. I thought that I was in control and victorious. It had been a very long time since I had to deal with this issue on a personal level, but the time came in the last place that I ever expected such a thing to happen-Church.
Theoretical, I knew that it happens there, but deep in my heart I thought that Church was one of the places that I could truly relax and feel safe. That conclusion came to an abrupt end when one day an usher inappropriately touched me. "Why didn't I scream out or draw people's attention to what ******* was doing? Why didn't I tell him off?" The answer that I have will be the same response that women have always given to answer these questions. ******* was an usher at Church, a position of authority. He was one of the insiders at this Church and many members of his family were involved in Church ministries. They taught Sunday School, ran the church kitchen, cleaned and did maintance. This Church was his petty fiefdom and he felt safe and shameless before his family and God. Thank you God, that You give perfect justice in the fullness of time.
My immediate reaction was not unlike that which I felt all those many years ago. I felt violated and hurt. But with adulthood, I was able to give voice to my deeper thoughts,questions and emotions in a more substantial way. "Why did he do that? Why didn't he know that this was wrong before God? After all, he attends bible study, Sunday Service and goes on religious retreats every year. Why such disconnect between what he learned in a lifetime of church attendance and his actions?" All these thoughts crossed my mind immediately. Also, "does his wife or the rest of his family know? How could they not?" Perhaps, I thought, some of them had been victimized too.
I told my husband and best friend at Church. They all felt the same emotions that I did and inevitable frustration concerning confronting a person in a position of authority. Would I be believed? Would I have to leave the Church? Did this Church lack discernment? As the three of us endeavored to answer the many questions and emotions that emerge when people are victimized in any way, some answers began to emerge. Firstly, through observations at Church. Over time, we determined that****** was one of those expert's at making things look like they are all innocent. For example, under the guise of being the good usher, ******* placed a Church blanket on a young woman then patted her upper thigh in the process. Or there was the several women that he gave inappropriately tight hugs that could be characterized less as a good natured bear hug and more as an attempt to get intimate knowledge of a woman's frame.
Secondly, we began to see the family and church system which allowed his behavior to go unabated for so long. I believe God gave me some insight into this sin and it's ecosystem. After service one Sunday, as many were enjoying fellowship and coffee, we were discussing a scripture passage that one of the men, Corey*, had brought up for discussion. Much to my surprise, *******'s wife came over and joined our table. Surprised, because, in this Church everyone seemed to have their own table sort of like high school. Her husband then quickly and rather awkwardly sprinted over to join our group.
I can't remember the Bible verse up for discussion that day. Corey had recently begun to bring a bible verse every Sunday to Church for us to ponder during coffee hour. But, out of the blue ******* started to discuss the topic of how his childhood Church was very affectionate. Everyone at the table except *******and his wife were surprised by the sudden and strange change of topics. He obviously had something on his mind. Was the guilt killing him? Or, did he have the obsessive need to justify his actions to himself and others?
He claimed that his childhood Church was very affectionate. He reminded us that the Bible tells us to greet each other with a holy kiss and so it was practically compulsory! How arrogant and evil does someone have to be to use God's Holy Word to justify groping!? The table discussion turned toward a discussion of proper boundaries and godly love. The discussion became heated. That's because there was a great big pink elephant in the middle of this room and we all were grappling with it in one way or another. I can't say that we made a dent in *******'s thinking that day. I saw a man in complete denial about the truth. I also saw how a wife can defend her husband out of a misguided sense of what submission to your husband entails. I saw loyalty to sin.
I was very unhappy with myself and the way that I handled the whole situation. I know part of being a godly woman is standing up for what is right and standing against what is wrong. None of us gets it right every time. Only God does. Besides forgiving the groper, I had to forgive myself. I saw nepotism in this Church. I was afraid of confronting a system which I thought would favor the groper. I was reminded that I was not as big or tough as I thought, and how very much that I needed a Savior.
Should a Church be a place where one expects fair treatment? Of course. The Church should follow biblical mandates of conduct and when disputes arise it should be settled accordingly. Groping should not exist in a Church but as long as sin exists, we we have to grapple with these issues. If we could handle these problems better than Hollywood does, imagine what a change Christians could make in our world. We must strive for that. We can not do it apart from God.
I left that Church for that and a variety of reasons. A short time after that, when I was shopping at Sam's Club, I ran into a lady who still attends that Church. She gave me a big hug and told me that she missed me. "Why did you stop coming was it because of.........never mind" she said. "No," I replied,"wait a minute did you have a problem with him too?" "Yes", she said. "I am so sorry, did you tell anyone." I asked. "No and for the same reason you didn't. ******* has made himself indespensible plus, I don't think anyone really cares."
******* -the perpetrator, and *-one star is a changed name.
Saturday, November 25, 2017
The Sociopath In Your Pew
For some, their purpose for attending Church, is not what it would seem. A Church is a place of worship, fellowship and learning. A place of healing where miracles happen in people's lives as they come to know and grow in the knowledge and relationship of God. So, it should come as no surprise that we see people in varying stages of spiritual sickness and wellness in the congregation. I have talked a lot about that in my blog.
The Church is, or should be, a spiritual emergency room, not a phony-baloney holier than thou club. We should be fully equipped to deal with those souls in need of assistance, but often we are not. Instead of truth and a safety net, sometimes people feel stymied and afraid to be less than perfect in the Christian Church. They are afraid of people's judgement, or worse yet rejection and gossip! This is not how it should be. If you have felt this at a church then, that Church has departed from the message of the Bible.
There are churches out there, that are not equipped to help those struggling with lust, covetousness or addictions. Jesus came that we might be set free from sin and ungodliness. The Bible shows us that our changed life is a sign to others of Gods' power to transform the circumstance. So, if we are afraid to discuss the mess that we are in, and how God can change a life, we might as well take the CHURCH SIGN DOWN AND GO HOME. It is important that we as Christians lend a helping hand, and point one another to the Savior and His redemption.
But, as I have said before, there are some who enter through the Church doors who are not what they seem. They have a mindset that often requires a miracle to cure. The condition that they are afflicted with is called sociopathy. Estimates say that about one per cent of women and three per cent of men may suffer from this. On a practical level, that means that churches may assume that out of a hundred men and women in a congregation, that a handful of them may be effected by this problem.
Lies and Manipulation
Jill* was a beautiful 40 year old divorcée who had just moved to Westchester County from Syracuse, New York, to start a new life with her children. When she met Wayne*, it was the perfect storm. Wayne had recently went through a divorce himself and, in the process of searching for meaning in his life, he had come to accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior. As a new believer, he had quite a few things to learn. First of all, there is no such thing as missionary dating. That means that when you meet a person whom you might consider dating, the first thing that you should look for is that they are a fellow Christian. Secondly, he had not yet understood the biblical definition of a good woman. See Proverbs 31.
Although Wayne sincerely wanted to follow the Lord, he was flattered by all the attention Jill was giving him and all of the things she was doing for him. She moved right in with flattery, helpfulness and a whole lot of sexy. She even told him that she wanted to come to Church with him. This made him very happy. But, just because he was a Christian didn't mean that this relationship wasn't the blind leading the blind. This relationship moved very fast and pretty soon, they were married. It was then that Wayne's life took a dramatic turn for the worse.
Jill and Wayne moved into a million dollar home with an indoor swimming pool, and enough bedrooms to house all of their children but, this was not one big happy family. From the onset this marriage failed to thrive and had a myriad of issues. Those issues made Jill reach out to me one Sunday at the Church's coffee hour. She knew that I had done an intensive bible study program on marriage and wondered if I might come over for a cup of coffee and some prayer. I assented and came to visit Jill at her luxurious home. Jill and I sat down to coffee and scones in a drawing room reminiscent of a "Downton Abbey" setting. Jill was distraught and downright nervous as she regaled me with tales of her disasterous marriage.
The problems that she described were extreme. Some red flags went up for me immediately at that first conversation. Was she telling the truth? Was she in an abusive marriage or was this something else? I was unsure what was really going on but, as a Christian I wanted to be helpful in any case. She told me that her husband was a hypocrite, and the opposite of a godly Christian man. He did not want to support his stay at home wife and she had to beg him for money. According to her, he favored his children from his first marriage and was neither loving nor supportive of hers'. This part wasn't so far from the array of issues and feelings normally experienced in a blended family.
However, this was not all, according to Jill. Wayne's children told a child guardian that they did not want to sleep at their dad's home because of Jill. The judge agreed! Jill blamed Wayne's lazy spoiled daughters and their vindictive mother, who wanted to ruin her marriage, for all of these problems. She continued and explained that her husband blamed her for this and, in addition, for a fight that she had with his parents. She characterized his parents as terrible people. She told me that now that she had become a Christian, she wanted to save her marriage because she knows that is pleasing to God! That sounded good I thought.
But, I found out over time that saving a marriage for her meant getting her husband to fork over the dough for her lavish lifestyle and cutting everyone out of Wayne's life except her. At first, she told me that she thought the Church's marriage ministry could help them. I agreed that a great first step was to start their marriage off on the right foot by clarifying godly principles of family life. On my part, I sat down with her and studied bible verses which I thought could be helpful. Sometime later, Wayne and Jill began seeking help for their marriage through the Church.
Pretty soon, the Church Marriage Ministry was cracking under the pressure. It was creating factions on the Church team, something our faith cautions against. The Pastor and his wife even had a fight or two concerning this couple. The Marriage Ministry had never dealt with such deep and intense problems before. Realizing this, the Church recommended that Wayne and Jill see a Christian marriage therapist. For me, it appeared that a pattern was emerging. Wherever Jill went, trouble followed.
It only got worse. Fights at funerals, charges of stalking, anonymous letters and many ruined family activities. Every three months, either Wayne or Jill threatened to divorce one another. This was as dysfunctional as it got. The worst part was the damage that this did to the family, friends and children of this couple. It was making everyone sick. Wayne developed high blood pressure and suffered a mild stroke. I even believe that Jill's son had a resurgence of childhood asthma due to the extreme stress of his family situation.
I began to realize that I had come face to face with a sociopath! Jill had no friends, but she drew people to herself by playing on their sympathy. When they were not useful to her, she unceremoniously dumped them. She played the good wife and sacrificing mother but I saw evidence to the contrary. When Jill's mask would come down, I saw callous indifference to her son's asthma attack's and downright hatred for her husband's children. Evidence emerged of her trying to move money in her husband's financial accounts without his knowledge.
I also noticed that Jill always had to be the center of attention. It was absolutely beyond the pale to see the lengths that she would go to remain central, even creating drama if necessary. When her brother was receiving too much attention at his own engagement party, Jill seemed to pick a fight with him and seemed to purposely say things to embarrass him on his special day. Another time, at a party I threw, the adulation my cello playing friend was receiving seemed to be too much for Jill. So, in the middle of a Bach movement, she started to ask the musician a question. I quickly quieted her down, but honestly, who does that? She even said some very inappropriate things to a few Christian men that day.
Yet, even after all this, I fervently was hoping for a miracle to transform her life. I kept hoping for her to hear, that sermon or, apply that bible verse. She seemed miserable and unable or unwilling to make a change. Many people at Church shunned her. Even her own family had to keep their distance from her when she was at her worst. What is the truth about the "sociopath in your pew?" Are they responsible for what they do or are they just mentally ill? Her brother told me that Jill has never taken responsible for any of the awful things that she has done throughout her life and that she never ever says that she is sorry! How chilling is that? Lack of remorse is one of the characteristics of a sociopath. How can salvation be available to an individual who seems absolutely incapable of repentance? Is she beyond prayer or a miracle? What steps must a church take to treat people humanely and still effectively contain a situation so that it does not jeopardize the proper function of a congregation?
Sociopaths exist in our family, church and place of employment. We must try to follow God in the midst of the challenges they pose. Only with our focus on the Lord can we have patience, hope and love. It is important that we not get caught up in their drama and manipulations. If it seems crazy, it is crazy. Don't doubt your gut instinct. If a person seems unstable we can pray for them, and offer godly advise. But, do not give them personal information that they may use to hurt you or other Church members. Do not give them money thinking that this is Christian charity. Jill asked me for a loan using her engagement ring as collateral. She kept that ring in a vault. So, I asked her to produce the ring, so that I could have it appraised. When I said that, she quickly backed off her request. She was looking for a patsy, not a responsible exchange of money. It is better to confront a sociopath directly. So, maybe not kick them out of church but give them a choice of following godly personal conduct standards and choosing to be part of the Body of Christ. If they are trying to pull a con, chances are knowing that you are on to them, would make them choose to leave. As Christians, let us live in prayer and hope that any person may come to know Jesus and change their ways.
Next Week: Groping, what Is This Hollywood?
* the names and some details are changed.
The Church is, or should be, a spiritual emergency room, not a phony-baloney holier than thou club. We should be fully equipped to deal with those souls in need of assistance, but often we are not. Instead of truth and a safety net, sometimes people feel stymied and afraid to be less than perfect in the Christian Church. They are afraid of people's judgement, or worse yet rejection and gossip! This is not how it should be. If you have felt this at a church then, that Church has departed from the message of the Bible.
There are churches out there, that are not equipped to help those struggling with lust, covetousness or addictions. Jesus came that we might be set free from sin and ungodliness. The Bible shows us that our changed life is a sign to others of Gods' power to transform the circumstance. So, if we are afraid to discuss the mess that we are in, and how God can change a life, we might as well take the CHURCH SIGN DOWN AND GO HOME. It is important that we as Christians lend a helping hand, and point one another to the Savior and His redemption.
But, as I have said before, there are some who enter through the Church doors who are not what they seem. They have a mindset that often requires a miracle to cure. The condition that they are afflicted with is called sociopathy. Estimates say that about one per cent of women and three per cent of men may suffer from this. On a practical level, that means that churches may assume that out of a hundred men and women in a congregation, that a handful of them may be effected by this problem.
Lies and Manipulation
Jill* was a beautiful 40 year old divorcée who had just moved to Westchester County from Syracuse, New York, to start a new life with her children. When she met Wayne*, it was the perfect storm. Wayne had recently went through a divorce himself and, in the process of searching for meaning in his life, he had come to accept Jesus as his Lord and Savior. As a new believer, he had quite a few things to learn. First of all, there is no such thing as missionary dating. That means that when you meet a person whom you might consider dating, the first thing that you should look for is that they are a fellow Christian. Secondly, he had not yet understood the biblical definition of a good woman. See Proverbs 31.
Although Wayne sincerely wanted to follow the Lord, he was flattered by all the attention Jill was giving him and all of the things she was doing for him. She moved right in with flattery, helpfulness and a whole lot of sexy. She even told him that she wanted to come to Church with him. This made him very happy. But, just because he was a Christian didn't mean that this relationship wasn't the blind leading the blind. This relationship moved very fast and pretty soon, they were married. It was then that Wayne's life took a dramatic turn for the worse.
Jill and Wayne moved into a million dollar home with an indoor swimming pool, and enough bedrooms to house all of their children but, this was not one big happy family. From the onset this marriage failed to thrive and had a myriad of issues. Those issues made Jill reach out to me one Sunday at the Church's coffee hour. She knew that I had done an intensive bible study program on marriage and wondered if I might come over for a cup of coffee and some prayer. I assented and came to visit Jill at her luxurious home. Jill and I sat down to coffee and scones in a drawing room reminiscent of a "Downton Abbey" setting. Jill was distraught and downright nervous as she regaled me with tales of her disasterous marriage.
The problems that she described were extreme. Some red flags went up for me immediately at that first conversation. Was she telling the truth? Was she in an abusive marriage or was this something else? I was unsure what was really going on but, as a Christian I wanted to be helpful in any case. She told me that her husband was a hypocrite, and the opposite of a godly Christian man. He did not want to support his stay at home wife and she had to beg him for money. According to her, he favored his children from his first marriage and was neither loving nor supportive of hers'. This part wasn't so far from the array of issues and feelings normally experienced in a blended family.
However, this was not all, according to Jill. Wayne's children told a child guardian that they did not want to sleep at their dad's home because of Jill. The judge agreed! Jill blamed Wayne's lazy spoiled daughters and their vindictive mother, who wanted to ruin her marriage, for all of these problems. She continued and explained that her husband blamed her for this and, in addition, for a fight that she had with his parents. She characterized his parents as terrible people. She told me that now that she had become a Christian, she wanted to save her marriage because she knows that is pleasing to God! That sounded good I thought.
But, I found out over time that saving a marriage for her meant getting her husband to fork over the dough for her lavish lifestyle and cutting everyone out of Wayne's life except her. At first, she told me that she thought the Church's marriage ministry could help them. I agreed that a great first step was to start their marriage off on the right foot by clarifying godly principles of family life. On my part, I sat down with her and studied bible verses which I thought could be helpful. Sometime later, Wayne and Jill began seeking help for their marriage through the Church.
Pretty soon, the Church Marriage Ministry was cracking under the pressure. It was creating factions on the Church team, something our faith cautions against. The Pastor and his wife even had a fight or two concerning this couple. The Marriage Ministry had never dealt with such deep and intense problems before. Realizing this, the Church recommended that Wayne and Jill see a Christian marriage therapist. For me, it appeared that a pattern was emerging. Wherever Jill went, trouble followed.
It only got worse. Fights at funerals, charges of stalking, anonymous letters and many ruined family activities. Every three months, either Wayne or Jill threatened to divorce one another. This was as dysfunctional as it got. The worst part was the damage that this did to the family, friends and children of this couple. It was making everyone sick. Wayne developed high blood pressure and suffered a mild stroke. I even believe that Jill's son had a resurgence of childhood asthma due to the extreme stress of his family situation.
I began to realize that I had come face to face with a sociopath! Jill had no friends, but she drew people to herself by playing on their sympathy. When they were not useful to her, she unceremoniously dumped them. She played the good wife and sacrificing mother but I saw evidence to the contrary. When Jill's mask would come down, I saw callous indifference to her son's asthma attack's and downright hatred for her husband's children. Evidence emerged of her trying to move money in her husband's financial accounts without his knowledge.
I also noticed that Jill always had to be the center of attention. It was absolutely beyond the pale to see the lengths that she would go to remain central, even creating drama if necessary. When her brother was receiving too much attention at his own engagement party, Jill seemed to pick a fight with him and seemed to purposely say things to embarrass him on his special day. Another time, at a party I threw, the adulation my cello playing friend was receiving seemed to be too much for Jill. So, in the middle of a Bach movement, she started to ask the musician a question. I quickly quieted her down, but honestly, who does that? She even said some very inappropriate things to a few Christian men that day.
Yet, even after all this, I fervently was hoping for a miracle to transform her life. I kept hoping for her to hear, that sermon or, apply that bible verse. She seemed miserable and unable or unwilling to make a change. Many people at Church shunned her. Even her own family had to keep their distance from her when she was at her worst. What is the truth about the "sociopath in your pew?" Are they responsible for what they do or are they just mentally ill? Her brother told me that Jill has never taken responsible for any of the awful things that she has done throughout her life and that she never ever says that she is sorry! How chilling is that? Lack of remorse is one of the characteristics of a sociopath. How can salvation be available to an individual who seems absolutely incapable of repentance? Is she beyond prayer or a miracle? What steps must a church take to treat people humanely and still effectively contain a situation so that it does not jeopardize the proper function of a congregation?
Sociopaths exist in our family, church and place of employment. We must try to follow God in the midst of the challenges they pose. Only with our focus on the Lord can we have patience, hope and love. It is important that we not get caught up in their drama and manipulations. If it seems crazy, it is crazy. Don't doubt your gut instinct. If a person seems unstable we can pray for them, and offer godly advise. But, do not give them personal information that they may use to hurt you or other Church members. Do not give them money thinking that this is Christian charity. Jill asked me for a loan using her engagement ring as collateral. She kept that ring in a vault. So, I asked her to produce the ring, so that I could have it appraised. When I said that, she quickly backed off her request. She was looking for a patsy, not a responsible exchange of money. It is better to confront a sociopath directly. So, maybe not kick them out of church but give them a choice of following godly personal conduct standards and choosing to be part of the Body of Christ. If they are trying to pull a con, chances are knowing that you are on to them, would make them choose to leave. As Christians, let us live in prayer and hope that any person may come to know Jesus and change their ways.
Next Week: Groping, what Is This Hollywood?
* the names and some details are changed.
Friday, November 17, 2017
All Under One Roof
There are times when it is a good idea for you to move in with your family. It may not be what you want but it's a good idea. Maybe you are unable to work because of a health problem. Perhaps the business that you started failed and left you in a financial hole. Can't get a job after graduation? These might all be reasons to consider moving in with family. There are many more reasons that it might be feasible. But, often people view moving in with their family as a negative. They fear loss of privacy and independence. They are afraid of old sibling rivalries or family discord popping up. This post will cover some of the positives.
DIVORCE
Tony's* life hit the skids after his divorce. The money spent on legal bills hit him hard, not to mention the cost of renting a new place. The rents have gone way up here in Westchester County since he and his wife first rented a place seventeen years ago. Since she got to remain in their apartment as part of the divorce agreement, that meant Tony would have to find a new place. This was proving much more difficult than Tony originally thought.
Tony grew up in a large Italian family in a middle class section of Yonkers, New York. He had lost touch with many of those family members and friends after his marriage to Maria*. Maria had preferred the more refined company of friends in their ********** community. She looked down upon their treks to the old neighborhood. But, since Tony and Maria's marital problems began, those friends in the new neighborhood hadn't wanted anything to do with Tony. His downward financial spiral seemed to diminish their affection for him. However, there was someone who had been praying for him all along. Someone who had tried to keep in touch with Tony despite being ignored by him over the years. That was his Uncle Al. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgives you-Colossians 3:13.
Tony had fond childhood memories of pasta e fagiole and canolis over at Uncle Al and Aunt Fran's house. Uncle Al and Aunt Fran always took him to see Yankees games and to the beach in the summer. When Aunt Fran died, Tony couldn't handle his Uncle's grief. His depression at the death of his beloved wife just seemed to get worse and worse until he could barely leave the house. Then something happened. A local merchant made a condolscense call and dropped off a basket of food and shared his faith in Jesus Christ.
Uncle Al gradually started to heal from his grief as he embraced his new-found faith in Jesus. As glad as Tony was to see his Uncle happy again, he wasn't so sure how he felt about this new Uncle Al. The old jokes that Uncle Al and Tony shared didn't seem to fly with Uncle Al anymore, and why was Uncle Al always at Church or studying the Bible? Yet, at this critical junction in his life, he didn't have many options. So, when Uncle Al called him up and invited him over for coffee and cannolis, Tony was inclined to accept.
UNPLANNED PREGNANCY
In Aphrodite's* case, it seemed that her mother's advise against moving in with Dante*, her high school sweetheart, was right. So, how was she going to find the courage to tell her mother that Dante was now incarcerated on a drug dealing charge, she is pregnant with his child, and doesn't have a job or a place to live? That is where she was at when I first met Aphrodite. She was afraid and alone and in need of some courage. She walked in the door of a bible study that I was attending one evening looking like a little, lost, sheep. My son, keep your father's command and do not forsake your mother's teaching-Proverbs 6:20.
She came straight to the point and shared her story with anyone who was willing to listen. She was desperate and in need of help and all she could think of was to come to a Church. What a great instinct she had that night. We talked through her problems and shared some biblical insight. We role-played the conversation she might have with her mother as she explained her situation. She joined our bible study that night.
SOLUTIONS
In both of the above cases reconnecting with family was a meaningful step on the road to recovery. Both Aphrodite and Tony moved back home with family. It was a great way to save money and work through family issues that had never been resolved. Uncle Al needed help around the house and Tony was able to assist him. Tony realized who really loved him and how snobby he had once been. He has even gone to church a few times and reconnected with some old friends. We love because He first loved us-1 John 4:19.
Aphrodite had to learn to be humble. She has apologized to her mother for her past rebellion. Having been out there trying to make it on her own has given Aphrodite a new-found respect for all her mother was able to accomplish. Moving home has allowed Aphrodite the opportunity to be able to go back to school. Her mother takes care of her grandson while she is in class. Aphrodite has continued to attend bible study. She still struggles with trying to understand God's plan for marriage. So we, though many are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another-Romans12:5
DIVORCE
Tony's* life hit the skids after his divorce. The money spent on legal bills hit him hard, not to mention the cost of renting a new place. The rents have gone way up here in Westchester County since he and his wife first rented a place seventeen years ago. Since she got to remain in their apartment as part of the divorce agreement, that meant Tony would have to find a new place. This was proving much more difficult than Tony originally thought.
Tony grew up in a large Italian family in a middle class section of Yonkers, New York. He had lost touch with many of those family members and friends after his marriage to Maria*. Maria had preferred the more refined company of friends in their ********** community. She looked down upon their treks to the old neighborhood. But, since Tony and Maria's marital problems began, those friends in the new neighborhood hadn't wanted anything to do with Tony. His downward financial spiral seemed to diminish their affection for him. However, there was someone who had been praying for him all along. Someone who had tried to keep in touch with Tony despite being ignored by him over the years. That was his Uncle Al. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgives you-Colossians 3:13.
Tony had fond childhood memories of pasta e fagiole and canolis over at Uncle Al and Aunt Fran's house. Uncle Al and Aunt Fran always took him to see Yankees games and to the beach in the summer. When Aunt Fran died, Tony couldn't handle his Uncle's grief. His depression at the death of his beloved wife just seemed to get worse and worse until he could barely leave the house. Then something happened. A local merchant made a condolscense call and dropped off a basket of food and shared his faith in Jesus Christ.
Uncle Al gradually started to heal from his grief as he embraced his new-found faith in Jesus. As glad as Tony was to see his Uncle happy again, he wasn't so sure how he felt about this new Uncle Al. The old jokes that Uncle Al and Tony shared didn't seem to fly with Uncle Al anymore, and why was Uncle Al always at Church or studying the Bible? Yet, at this critical junction in his life, he didn't have many options. So, when Uncle Al called him up and invited him over for coffee and cannolis, Tony was inclined to accept.
UNPLANNED PREGNANCY
In Aphrodite's* case, it seemed that her mother's advise against moving in with Dante*, her high school sweetheart, was right. So, how was she going to find the courage to tell her mother that Dante was now incarcerated on a drug dealing charge, she is pregnant with his child, and doesn't have a job or a place to live? That is where she was at when I first met Aphrodite. She was afraid and alone and in need of some courage. She walked in the door of a bible study that I was attending one evening looking like a little, lost, sheep. My son, keep your father's command and do not forsake your mother's teaching-Proverbs 6:20.
She came straight to the point and shared her story with anyone who was willing to listen. She was desperate and in need of help and all she could think of was to come to a Church. What a great instinct she had that night. We talked through her problems and shared some biblical insight. We role-played the conversation she might have with her mother as she explained her situation. She joined our bible study that night.
SOLUTIONS
In both of the above cases reconnecting with family was a meaningful step on the road to recovery. Both Aphrodite and Tony moved back home with family. It was a great way to save money and work through family issues that had never been resolved. Uncle Al needed help around the house and Tony was able to assist him. Tony realized who really loved him and how snobby he had once been. He has even gone to church a few times and reconnected with some old friends. We love because He first loved us-1 John 4:19.
Aphrodite had to learn to be humble. She has apologized to her mother for her past rebellion. Having been out there trying to make it on her own has given Aphrodite a new-found respect for all her mother was able to accomplish. Moving home has allowed Aphrodite the opportunity to be able to go back to school. Her mother takes care of her grandson while she is in class. Aphrodite has continued to attend bible study. She still struggles with trying to understand God's plan for marriage. So we, though many are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another-Romans12:5
Friday, November 3, 2017
Idols In Your Home
One of the Ten Commandments admonishes us not to make "graven images." Indeed, there is a theme in the Bible connecting idols to the worship of false gods. But do you know what that means in your life? I remember reading my First Children's Bible which alerted me to the fact that : one should not make or have graven images. As I looked around the bourgeois living room of my childhood, I got to wondering if God prohibited my mother's little collection of statutes in that room. The mini statue of Le Penseur (The Thinker) by Rodin procured in a museum which inspired me to think deeply, was that a graven image? What about her statue's of birds from around the world? Or, even my mothers kitschy collection of peasant children reminding one of pastoral European times of old?
In my child's mind, this commandment confused me for quite some time. Did the Bible prohibit me from taking that High School sculptor class? What about the viewing of the Egyptian collection of gods at the Metropolitan Museum? All these questions percolated in my mind and, as time went by, and life unfolded, I slowly started to see what an idol really was. I started to be aware of the many things which I might be tempted to do which would lead me away from God, and idols were a part of that.
I started to realize that it was not my mother's statue of a humming bird which would be an afront to God but putting things ahead of God. Not giving Him (God) the place in my life that He deserved was the affront to God! Of course, it is a little more complicated than that. After all, the Bible wouldn't have so many verses concerning idolatry if it were a simple matter. Let's look at a few of those verses and see what we can learn. The first goes back to God's giving of the Law. In Exodus 20:3-5a it says : you shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself a carved image-any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them.
My first thought is that the giving of the commandments is essentially God addressing our human condition and trying to improve it. If we weren't idol-makers than we wouldn't need this commandment. John Calvin, the Reformation Theologian said it well,"the human heart so to speak, is a perpetual forge of idols." Thinking of this John Calvin quote brings to mind the story of how God's chosen people (the Jews) fashioned a golden calf to worship when Moses was busy conducting godly business. Was it the lack of leadership at that moment that caused the people to sin? Or was it, that as Calvin stated, a perpetual temptation that we must face?
The second verse that I would like to look at is a few chapters from this last quote. In Exodus 25:18 we see God giving specifications for the construction of the Ark of the Testimony. God says, "And you shall make two cherubim of gold; of hammered work you shall make them at the two ends of the mercy seat." A cursory look at this verse might lead one to think that God contradicts Himself. Didn't God just tell us in Exodus 20 not to make images of things in heaven above? The message here clearly is not the carved image but the investment of power and authority over my life which I might give things.
Think that you don't have to worry because you don't make any graven images that you bow down to worship? Think again. I used to read from the book of Judges and think how foolish the Israelites were as they went through cycles of sin and repentance. Until it dawned on me that I did the same thing. Isn't it dawning on you too? As I thought about writing this post, I spoke to people and asked them what have been some of the idols in their life? Here are some of their answers:
1. My relationship (woman, man, child)
2. Sports
3. Entertainment (movies,T.V. or music)
4. Partying
5. Buddha
6. My Career
7. My car
8. Sex
9. Drugs
10. Politics
11.My i-phone and electronics
12.Crystals and stones
Just as the ancient Hebrew nation melted down their golden jewelry and something was fashioned by it, if we put all the things that you value together what would it all add up to? A golden calf of sorts perhaps? The topic of idolatry is important and can impact your relationship with God. In Ezekiel 36:25 God says, Then will I sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. Idols are something that separate us from God and we have to be cleansed from them.
Further, in the last verse of The First Epistle of John we are explicitedly warned to guard against idols. Little children, keep yourselves from idols. This Apostle who is described, as "the one whom Jesus loved," had a special closeness to our Lord and is certainly in a position to guide and direct us in such matters. In Colossians 3:5 we learn, that it is necessary to " put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication,uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."
Ask yourself what things in the above list you may be devoting your life to in an inordinate way. The Bible tells us to "seek ye first the kingdom of heaven." When we put God first, everything else kind of falls into place. We have more holy relationships. We understand what money is and what it is not. We don't live for and through television, movies or music. We enjoy times of good clean fun. (And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him - Colossians 3:17)
In my child's mind, this commandment confused me for quite some time. Did the Bible prohibit me from taking that High School sculptor class? What about the viewing of the Egyptian collection of gods at the Metropolitan Museum? All these questions percolated in my mind and, as time went by, and life unfolded, I slowly started to see what an idol really was. I started to be aware of the many things which I might be tempted to do which would lead me away from God, and idols were a part of that.
I started to realize that it was not my mother's statue of a humming bird which would be an afront to God but putting things ahead of God. Not giving Him (God) the place in my life that He deserved was the affront to God! Of course, it is a little more complicated than that. After all, the Bible wouldn't have so many verses concerning idolatry if it were a simple matter. Let's look at a few of those verses and see what we can learn. The first goes back to God's giving of the Law. In Exodus 20:3-5a it says : you shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself a carved image-any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them.
My first thought is that the giving of the commandments is essentially God addressing our human condition and trying to improve it. If we weren't idol-makers than we wouldn't need this commandment. John Calvin, the Reformation Theologian said it well,"the human heart so to speak, is a perpetual forge of idols." Thinking of this John Calvin quote brings to mind the story of how God's chosen people (the Jews) fashioned a golden calf to worship when Moses was busy conducting godly business. Was it the lack of leadership at that moment that caused the people to sin? Or was it, that as Calvin stated, a perpetual temptation that we must face?
The second verse that I would like to look at is a few chapters from this last quote. In Exodus 25:18 we see God giving specifications for the construction of the Ark of the Testimony. God says, "And you shall make two cherubim of gold; of hammered work you shall make them at the two ends of the mercy seat." A cursory look at this verse might lead one to think that God contradicts Himself. Didn't God just tell us in Exodus 20 not to make images of things in heaven above? The message here clearly is not the carved image but the investment of power and authority over my life which I might give things.
Think that you don't have to worry because you don't make any graven images that you bow down to worship? Think again. I used to read from the book of Judges and think how foolish the Israelites were as they went through cycles of sin and repentance. Until it dawned on me that I did the same thing. Isn't it dawning on you too? As I thought about writing this post, I spoke to people and asked them what have been some of the idols in their life? Here are some of their answers:
1. My relationship (woman, man, child)
2. Sports
3. Entertainment (movies,T.V. or music)
4. Partying
5. Buddha
6. My Career
7. My car
8. Sex
9. Drugs
10. Politics
11.My i-phone and electronics
12.Crystals and stones
Just as the ancient Hebrew nation melted down their golden jewelry and something was fashioned by it, if we put all the things that you value together what would it all add up to? A golden calf of sorts perhaps? The topic of idolatry is important and can impact your relationship with God. In Ezekiel 36:25 God says, Then will I sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. Idols are something that separate us from God and we have to be cleansed from them.
Further, in the last verse of The First Epistle of John we are explicitedly warned to guard against idols. Little children, keep yourselves from idols. This Apostle who is described, as "the one whom Jesus loved," had a special closeness to our Lord and is certainly in a position to guide and direct us in such matters. In Colossians 3:5 we learn, that it is necessary to " put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication,uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."
Ask yourself what things in the above list you may be devoting your life to in an inordinate way. The Bible tells us to "seek ye first the kingdom of heaven." When we put God first, everything else kind of falls into place. We have more holy relationships. We understand what money is and what it is not. We don't live for and through television, movies or music. We enjoy times of good clean fun. (And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him - Colossians 3:17)
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
The Divide
A huge divide that exists in the world today concerns the conservative versus the liberal philosophy. I use the word philosophy loosely to describe the underpinnings of our life and society. Those underpinnings can be seen in the way we educate our children, the way we run our economy, government and interact with the world. On a personal level, our own philosophy is reflected in our attire, friendships, love life and the way our communities operate. This divide is damaging the Church in its' mission. I see this in Europe as well as in the area that I reside,Westchester County, New York and increasingly around the world.
The battle for the heart, mind and soul has been going on ever since Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden. This battle is waged in the classroom, in the ballot box and in the home. Countries have gone to war over this. Increasingly, it takes place in the Church, where Pastors choose to lead their Church where God never intended.Take the Pastor of a Scarsdale Church that I recently visited. Every issue that currently divides the Church was on display there. To begin with, the Pastor had a woman preacher sub for him during his recent vacation. Women's ordination has divided the Christian world. "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you"-Genesis 3:11. God created harmony and a chain of command but we created the battle of the sexes.
That woman went on to call for civil disobedience against the United States Government, letting the congregation know that they are under no compunction to follow a government that is unjust. All the prayers said that day were engineered to teach the congregation to walk in lock-step to goals consistent with her world view. Not, I may add, giving any biblical evidence for her convictions, or very weak ones. "At that time many will fall away and will betray one another and hate one another"-Matthew 24:10.
Or, take Pastor Steve* in Switzerland. Two weeks ago, he used the authority given him as Associate Pastor to throw some cheap shots at the President of the United States. He went on to question God's wisdom for battles that He directed the Israelites to wage in Old Testament times. He then proceeded on a sort of apology tour for God. I could not take communion from this man's hands, I could not. This Pastor was attempting to make the Bible, which is God's Word to us, pleasing to people who would not sit in a Church unless they be given a new revised version of Christianity.
The revision that I heard that day made: Christians the chosen people, instead of the grafted on relation of the Jew. The land of Israel the joint homeland of the Palestian and Jew, which contradicts God's written plan. Further, this Pastor was possessed of an arrogant and superior attitude toward the whole Bible creating the image of one adversarial to its' message. "Many false prophets will arise and will mislead many"-Matthew24:11.
As I write this I am in Jerusalem. Nowhere is the battle for hearts and minds and the battle between good and evil stronger than over here! You have to be blind and deaf not to see and hear it on the streets everyday. Men with placards and arguments for why the city of Jerusalem should be the undivided capitol of the Jewish people. Taxi drivers more than vocal both for and against the state of Israel. That's before you even get to your hotel. It is in your face, all the time. What I have seen in the United States and Europe first started in Israel. It is the only place that God himself chose to establish a people and a place for a specific purpose. The battle begins here, and as the Book of Revelation tells us, will end here also.
As I travel, I see that the battle lines are drawn and it's good versus evil in the twelfth round. Most boxing matches don't go all twelve rounds but this fight seems to have gone as far as any fight can go. As the fight to follow God or follow that serpent in the Garden continues it looks like Satan is winning. I see people all over the world busy pursuing meaningless pleasures : shopping, sexually sinning, watching evil movies, misleading television or wasting their time inordinately involved in stupid social media.
I hear people try to convince me that women, student, black, poor or disabled people should get more, more, more. Yet, never do I hear those same people show any concern for the other outside of him or herself. "Then Peter began to speak: I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism, but accepts from every nation the one who fears Him and does what is right"-Acts 10:34-35. I see women abusive toward their husbands. People using their so-called status as an excuse to loot, rage and get away with bad behavior. "Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord"-Hebrews 12:14. I actually counted the number of parents who had healthy interchange with their children and the statistics are dismal. Instead, I see children and parent alike staring at their devices. Elderly of all colors lonely and discarded. None of this is godly.
People espouse so many kooky philosophies. It seems they will believe almost anything, except the God of the Bible. I know they are looking for a transformative experience. But, they are looking in all the wrong places. They look for it in education but only "the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding"- Proverbs 2:6. They believe that traveling the world and living in different cultures will give them what they are looking for. In Europe, people told me what is working for them : yoga, zen reiki, lagom or ikigai. When I tell them Jesus is the center of my life, they know nothing about him except what the hate-filled Professor or media outlet have told them to think. They know nothing of the gospel. Over the years, I have seen all of these various philosophies overrun book store shelves promising the reader balance, happiness, health and perspective. Yet, each fad falls out of favor and then people are searching for the next big thing. "Nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies, which promote speculations rather than the stewardship from God that is by faith"-1Timothy 1:4.
Eventually, this gets exhausting and you are left with nothing. Please understand that only God can satisfy that hunger that you may feel. Only He can give the correct answers to the questions that you may have. He teaches us to love and serve. He teaches us everlasting principles that will take us (as He took Abram) on a journey. When we decide to follow Jesus Christ, that decision changes and challenges our whole life. It will get us to where we need to be. God lets us decide, but there are consequences to our decisions.The Amplified Bible, Romans 1:28 says: And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God or consider Him worth knowing (as their Creator), God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do things which are improper and repulsive"
Do you like the things that you see going on around you? Haven't things gotten way out of hand? If you agree, read the Bible which explains the alternative that God offers each and every one of us. "Finally, brothers rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you"-2 Corinthians 13:11.
*the names are changed or given as a star for identity protection.
The battle for the heart, mind and soul has been going on ever since Adam and Eve were in the Garden of Eden. This battle is waged in the classroom, in the ballot box and in the home. Countries have gone to war over this. Increasingly, it takes place in the Church, where Pastors choose to lead their Church where God never intended.Take the Pastor of a Scarsdale Church that I recently visited. Every issue that currently divides the Church was on display there. To begin with, the Pastor had a woman preacher sub for him during his recent vacation. Women's ordination has divided the Christian world. "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you"-Genesis 3:11. God created harmony and a chain of command but we created the battle of the sexes.
That woman went on to call for civil disobedience against the United States Government, letting the congregation know that they are under no compunction to follow a government that is unjust. All the prayers said that day were engineered to teach the congregation to walk in lock-step to goals consistent with her world view. Not, I may add, giving any biblical evidence for her convictions, or very weak ones. "At that time many will fall away and will betray one another and hate one another"-Matthew 24:10.
Or, take Pastor Steve* in Switzerland. Two weeks ago, he used the authority given him as Associate Pastor to throw some cheap shots at the President of the United States. He went on to question God's wisdom for battles that He directed the Israelites to wage in Old Testament times. He then proceeded on a sort of apology tour for God. I could not take communion from this man's hands, I could not. This Pastor was attempting to make the Bible, which is God's Word to us, pleasing to people who would not sit in a Church unless they be given a new revised version of Christianity.
The revision that I heard that day made: Christians the chosen people, instead of the grafted on relation of the Jew. The land of Israel the joint homeland of the Palestian and Jew, which contradicts God's written plan. Further, this Pastor was possessed of an arrogant and superior attitude toward the whole Bible creating the image of one adversarial to its' message. "Many false prophets will arise and will mislead many"-Matthew24:11.
As I write this I am in Jerusalem. Nowhere is the battle for hearts and minds and the battle between good and evil stronger than over here! You have to be blind and deaf not to see and hear it on the streets everyday. Men with placards and arguments for why the city of Jerusalem should be the undivided capitol of the Jewish people. Taxi drivers more than vocal both for and against the state of Israel. That's before you even get to your hotel. It is in your face, all the time. What I have seen in the United States and Europe first started in Israel. It is the only place that God himself chose to establish a people and a place for a specific purpose. The battle begins here, and as the Book of Revelation tells us, will end here also.
As I travel, I see that the battle lines are drawn and it's good versus evil in the twelfth round. Most boxing matches don't go all twelve rounds but this fight seems to have gone as far as any fight can go. As the fight to follow God or follow that serpent in the Garden continues it looks like Satan is winning. I see people all over the world busy pursuing meaningless pleasures : shopping, sexually sinning, watching evil movies, misleading television or wasting their time inordinately involved in stupid social media.
I hear people try to convince me that women, student, black, poor or disabled people should get more, more, more. Yet, never do I hear those same people show any concern for the other outside of him or herself. "Then Peter began to speak: I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism, but accepts from every nation the one who fears Him and does what is right"-Acts 10:34-35. I see women abusive toward their husbands. People using their so-called status as an excuse to loot, rage and get away with bad behavior. "Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord"-Hebrews 12:14. I actually counted the number of parents who had healthy interchange with their children and the statistics are dismal. Instead, I see children and parent alike staring at their devices. Elderly of all colors lonely and discarded. None of this is godly.
People espouse so many kooky philosophies. It seems they will believe almost anything, except the God of the Bible. I know they are looking for a transformative experience. But, they are looking in all the wrong places. They look for it in education but only "the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding"- Proverbs 2:6. They believe that traveling the world and living in different cultures will give them what they are looking for. In Europe, people told me what is working for them : yoga, zen reiki, lagom or ikigai. When I tell them Jesus is the center of my life, they know nothing about him except what the hate-filled Professor or media outlet have told them to think. They know nothing of the gospel. Over the years, I have seen all of these various philosophies overrun book store shelves promising the reader balance, happiness, health and perspective. Yet, each fad falls out of favor and then people are searching for the next big thing. "Nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies, which promote speculations rather than the stewardship from God that is by faith"-1Timothy 1:4.
Eventually, this gets exhausting and you are left with nothing. Please understand that only God can satisfy that hunger that you may feel. Only He can give the correct answers to the questions that you may have. He teaches us to love and serve. He teaches us everlasting principles that will take us (as He took Abram) on a journey. When we decide to follow Jesus Christ, that decision changes and challenges our whole life. It will get us to where we need to be. God lets us decide, but there are consequences to our decisions.The Amplified Bible, Romans 1:28 says: And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God or consider Him worth knowing (as their Creator), God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do things which are improper and repulsive"
Do you like the things that you see going on around you? Haven't things gotten way out of hand? If you agree, read the Bible which explains the alternative that God offers each and every one of us. "Finally, brothers rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you"-2 Corinthians 13:11.
*the names are changed or given as a star for identity protection.
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
From Russia With Love
Real love and affection exists in the ******* family. They have been through so much together and have emerged victorious. They have made a fortune and live in Westchester County New York. Yet, they have their scars.They emigrated from Russia when it was still not easy to do that. Their family had suffered so much before they managed to leave. The financial hardships and religious persecutions combined with their status as poor people from provinces far away from Moscow and St. Petersburg, left generations of their family with no opportunities for advancement. Sometimes, they barely managed to eek out a living. Over the years, the family had been resourceful, even clever trying to make ends meet. Bartering with neighbors and forging alliances that could ensure meat and bread for their table. They had that same resourcefulness working for them when they came to the United States.
By the time that I met the ******* family Yeva* seemed to be the head of the family. Her husband Kirill*seemed to be just going through the motions. He seemed emotionally shut down and distant. It did not help that he was not able to pick up English as quickly as his wife did. His inability to speak the English language made him feel isolated in the greater society. Luckily, Kirill spoke the universal language of the computer code. He was able to get a job in IT when he arrived in the States. The job was far beneath Kirill's capability and did not pay much. However, due to his inadequacy in mastering the English language he was unable to move ahead.
Yeva, did a little better. She too was naturally gifted in computer programming and was able to work in the IT field. Both Kirill and Yeva attended colleges of little reputation in Russia, but due to the drive of their collective families, they learned much more. Yeva's grandfather was a whiz with numbers. He made it his job to drill her in basic arithmetic functions when she was quite young. When he saw that she was talented, he continued to instruct her. Yeva's grandfather was self-taught. As a young child he found a mathematics textbook left on a train. He hid this book from his parents who would have surely made him give it to the train conductor or to the police. Yeva told me her grandfather was a laborer who worked long hours every day of his life until his hands curled up with advanced arthritis. Proverbs 22:6- Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Yeva had a dream for her children Maksim,* Artem* and Alina* and just like her grandfather, she began drilling her children at a very young age in mathematics and in addition, programming. Yeva had a passion for this like nothing else in her life. She drilled them like their life depended on it! Pretty soon, it payed off. All three of her children were focused and ready to enter college and enter the world of programming. Her youngest, Alina, entered college at sixteen. Those years were not easy for Kirill and Yeva. They spent every cent that they made ensuring that their children moved ahead. This frequently left them in financial deficit. It also put their relationship as husband and wife on the back burner for a long, long time. Psalm 127:3- Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watchers over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat.
Although their family had once been so religious in the former Soviet Union that the authorities sought to put a damper on it, now, the family is spiritually lost. Years of Soviet oppression had succeeded in changing them to Christians just going through the motions of ritual. As Kirill failed to thrive in the U.S. Yeva seemed to become the head of the family. Often, disrespecting her husband's opinions or input. She seemed in a permanent state of adrenal overdrive even after her children were on a successful path. It seemed she could not let go of parenting even after her children were grown and successful in their fields. She seeks to micro-manage everything in her children's life as she consults with them daily, despite her husband's objections. 1 Peter 3:1- Wives respect your husband
Fear has gripped her life. She is very mistrustful of people and situations. Yeva can not believe that everything her family has achieved is real. I believe the trauma of her younger years has left her feeling as if some one is going to come and take everything away. She acts as if she needs to be vigilant, lest some bad fate might befall her adult children. She alone is their savior. Phil 4:6-7- Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your petitions to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and minds through Christ Jesus.
When does love and a vision for the future turn into controlling and overbearing melodrama? The answer is when we stop trusting God. When we place God on a shelf somewhere and think of His Word the Bible as less than the spiritual guidance that it is. There are lots of reasons why we do this. Yeva and Kirill lived in a country which for many years was on a mission to destroy their people's faith in God. Indeed, to deny Gods existence! Everything was stacked against Yeva and Kirill and now they are confused. Go to God with your bad experiences and pray to Him, ask Him what it all means. He will not disappoint! I know, because I've been there. I have hope for the ******* family, because God has promised us that if we seek Him, we will find Him. They are just a prayer away from regaining all that they have lost. James 1:5- If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives all generously without finding fault.
*******-the names have been changed.
By the time that I met the ******* family Yeva* seemed to be the head of the family. Her husband Kirill*seemed to be just going through the motions. He seemed emotionally shut down and distant. It did not help that he was not able to pick up English as quickly as his wife did. His inability to speak the English language made him feel isolated in the greater society. Luckily, Kirill spoke the universal language of the computer code. He was able to get a job in IT when he arrived in the States. The job was far beneath Kirill's capability and did not pay much. However, due to his inadequacy in mastering the English language he was unable to move ahead.
Yeva, did a little better. She too was naturally gifted in computer programming and was able to work in the IT field. Both Kirill and Yeva attended colleges of little reputation in Russia, but due to the drive of their collective families, they learned much more. Yeva's grandfather was a whiz with numbers. He made it his job to drill her in basic arithmetic functions when she was quite young. When he saw that she was talented, he continued to instruct her. Yeva's grandfather was self-taught. As a young child he found a mathematics textbook left on a train. He hid this book from his parents who would have surely made him give it to the train conductor or to the police. Yeva told me her grandfather was a laborer who worked long hours every day of his life until his hands curled up with advanced arthritis. Proverbs 22:6- Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Yeva had a dream for her children Maksim,* Artem* and Alina* and just like her grandfather, she began drilling her children at a very young age in mathematics and in addition, programming. Yeva had a passion for this like nothing else in her life. She drilled them like their life depended on it! Pretty soon, it payed off. All three of her children were focused and ready to enter college and enter the world of programming. Her youngest, Alina, entered college at sixteen. Those years were not easy for Kirill and Yeva. They spent every cent that they made ensuring that their children moved ahead. This frequently left them in financial deficit. It also put their relationship as husband and wife on the back burner for a long, long time. Psalm 127:3- Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watchers over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat.
Although their family had once been so religious in the former Soviet Union that the authorities sought to put a damper on it, now, the family is spiritually lost. Years of Soviet oppression had succeeded in changing them to Christians just going through the motions of ritual. As Kirill failed to thrive in the U.S. Yeva seemed to become the head of the family. Often, disrespecting her husband's opinions or input. She seemed in a permanent state of adrenal overdrive even after her children were on a successful path. It seemed she could not let go of parenting even after her children were grown and successful in their fields. She seeks to micro-manage everything in her children's life as she consults with them daily, despite her husband's objections. 1 Peter 3:1- Wives respect your husband
Fear has gripped her life. She is very mistrustful of people and situations. Yeva can not believe that everything her family has achieved is real. I believe the trauma of her younger years has left her feeling as if some one is going to come and take everything away. She acts as if she needs to be vigilant, lest some bad fate might befall her adult children. She alone is their savior. Phil 4:6-7- Do not be anxious about anything, but in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving present your petitions to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and minds through Christ Jesus.
When does love and a vision for the future turn into controlling and overbearing melodrama? The answer is when we stop trusting God. When we place God on a shelf somewhere and think of His Word the Bible as less than the spiritual guidance that it is. There are lots of reasons why we do this. Yeva and Kirill lived in a country which for many years was on a mission to destroy their people's faith in God. Indeed, to deny Gods existence! Everything was stacked against Yeva and Kirill and now they are confused. Go to God with your bad experiences and pray to Him, ask Him what it all means. He will not disappoint! I know, because I've been there. I have hope for the ******* family, because God has promised us that if we seek Him, we will find Him. They are just a prayer away from regaining all that they have lost. James 1:5- If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives all generously without finding fault.
*******-the names have been changed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)